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View Full Version : No Need to Be Sober: Once more, with feeling



Donovan Morningfire
17 January 2004, 02:10 PM
As the various patrons of the No Need to Be Sober Bar&Grill, now reopened on the once-legendary planet Zaphod, with it's ever-flowing seas of Lokar Bubbly, wander about doing their assorted things, be they what they may ...

Donovan *through a megaphone*: Everyone! If I could have everyone's attention! Please congregate near the landiing area ...

Lina *quietly*: Psst. Hate to break it to you, but there is no landing area.

Donovan:Umm ... *through megaphone again* Make that the impromptu landing area where the Jedi Fire dropped all the excess junk before leaving for repairs. There is a very important announcment that the management of the No Need to Bar & Grill would like to make.

Several minutes later, Donovan walks up to see all the assorted and unassorted patrons of the bar gathered around. Someone has also take the liberty to make a small podium from a crate marked "Not-So-Hazardous Materials. May or may not be dangerous," as well as a microphone stand so someone could address the whole crowd.

Without pretense, Donovan hops up onto the crate, and when he doesn't start sprouting mutations faster than rabbits multiply, he turns to face the crowd.

Donovan: Thank you all ... *his words are cut off by a loud and painful burst of static.*

Assorted Crowd: *assorted noises of pain as a result of the static*

*Kanchi quickly fixes the problem, and gives Donovan a thumbs-up*

Donovan: As I was saying ... Thank you all for gathering here as quickly as you did. Now, as for why I asked all of you here ...

Terras: This wouldn't happen to have anything to do with the fact that there's no food in the bar, would there?

Donovan *blushing slightly*: Um ... well ... now that you mention, this is kinda related to that issue.

Lokar: Boring! I wanna see Misato in a grass skirt doing the hula!

Donovan *ignoring Lokar's comments*: The reason I've asked you all here is to announce that the No Need to Be Sober Bar&Grill is proud to announce the next installment of the No Need for A Race! And baring intergalatic crisis, this race will finish folks!

Assorted Crowd: *Load applause as various appendages are slapped together.*

Donovan: The rules, such as the are, are pretty simple, and will be handed out on a datapad at the desk to my left *gestures towards a booth where Lina Inverse, dressed in a very smart yet sexy secretary's outfit, sits.* All you need to do is register your name, your ship, and any crew with the lovely and talented Ms. Inverse, and she'll give you the datapad with the race's rules as well as the course and objectives.

Wileama: Objectives? We don't need to steenkin' objectives!

Donovan: On the contrary. These objectives help ensure that the race isn't necessarily won by the person with the biggest engines. They are sure to test your wits and ingenuity as well.

Lokar: Leave to an Intergalactic Killjoy to ruin a perfectly good race.

Donovan: That said, when everyone has been registered and their ships lined up at the starting line ... *gestures to his right, where a pit crew of pit droids are setting an impromptu starting line* Then we'll get this race underway!

Vash Knives
17 January 2004, 03:26 PM
*At this Vash strides over to Lina at her desk.*
Vash: I would like to register for the race.
Lina: Name?
Vash: Vash Knives.
Lina: Ship?
Vash: Viper Cyclone Rider.
Lina: Crew?
Vash: Just me.
Lina: *hands Vash a Datacard* Here you go.
Vash: *accepts the datacard, then turns and leaves.* Thank you.

Slavan K. Guiser
18 January 2004, 08:39 PM
OOC: Donovan, no offense to you! I've just been listening to the political discussions going around about the Iowa Caucauses lately, and it's got my political mind churning like nobody's business.

*Compton Rage reclines back on the beach, listening to what the all-powerful Jedi Do-gooder Donovan has to say. Apparently, there's a small food problem, probably due in a good part to him and his very active gastro-intestinal system. However, in order to attempt to distract the crowds away from the problems on the homefront, Donovan has decided to call their attention once more to the NNtbS: Great Race (much like another leader of the free world we all know......). However, Compton, one not so easily to be fooled into dividing his attention so easily, pipes up.*

Compton: So you want us to race so we're distracted from the problems on the homefront, like a Bad Economy, Job Shortages and other issues haunting the No Need to be Sober thread?

Donovan: Well, that's....um...There's great prizes for you......

Compton: And what about your stance on the current Food Shortage? You've managed to bring the group to the Planet of Bubbly, as a leader, but at what cost? What have you managed to bring us in your term as GM?

Donovan: Well, I've brought us to the Planet of Bubbly......brought Insanity back to an all time High......and.....and.....

Compton: But look at us now! Hardly anyone posts, we've had internal politically struggles, not to mention the fact of a veritable lack of cheesecake and Sailor Scouts! I will give you the Planet, but what the Insanians really want to know is.........

*Compton is promptly cuffed in the back of the head by Misato.*

Misato: Compton, you baka! It's the race, the Great Race that only comes along every once in a while. You should participate. *She switches into a more fawning, supplicating tone of voice.* And you know Compton.....I wouldn't mind if some strong, handsome Insanian went out and won that Ever-full Bubbly Mug for me.......*She hangs off of Compton just to insinuate just for affect.*

*Compton, who was once focused on the problems on the homefront, is now very much distracted, especially by the perfect view he has.*

Compton: The race........enter? But why should I?

Misato: Well, if you get that mug of Bubbly for me, I'll give you *She leans up and whispers something in his ear. Compton's eyes go wide and he smiles happily.*

Compton: Where do I sign up????

*Misato points to the lovely(?) Lina Inverse, and Compton summarily goes walking towards her. He walks up to her, and blinks a couple of times.*

Lina: Uhh......Can I help you?

Compton: Yeah, I'd like to register for the race.

Lina: Well..... *Lina thumbs through a file, pulling out a large stack of papers as she does so.* I'm going to need you fill out some papers, just to make sure you're insured for any and all destruction you cause, make sure you will not hold Donovan, nor the No Need to be Sober establishment responsible for any injuries, mental, emtoinal, or physical, licensing and registration for your starship....

Compton: Uhhhh.....Starship? We've gotta have a starship?

Lina: Of course you do, you Baka! What were you planning on taking up? A Vespa?

Compton: Well.....uhhhh....actually......I was kinda....yeah.

Lina: Hmmm........I'm not sure if you can do that. We really do need some sort of starship in order to get into space.

Compton: Well, I guess I'll have to wait until later to enter.....I don't quite have a starship. Can you hold a spot for me until I get a starship? *Compton waves a large gift certificate to the local Biscuit Baron's and winks at Lina.*

Lina (stuffing the certificate inside her suit-coat pocket): Well.....I can't make any guarentees, but I think there may still be a few spots left open when you get back.

Compton: Thanks......really.

*Compton walks off, wondering exactly where he's going to find a starship at the last minute. He knows that his Vespa just isn't quite strong enough to get him around the intergalactic distances he will possibly have to travel in order to compete in the race. He wanders off to another part of the bar/island, in order to come up with some way to enter the race.*

dragonseye
21 January 2004, 10:12 AM
Meanwhile, through the Holiday break an the drunken antics of the largest New Years bash this side of the known- and unknown- universe, Dragonseye has been searching.

Narrator: What is it that Dragonseye has spent so many fortnights and dozens of unanswered posts searching?

The Narrator muses to himself as he paces along the sands¡¯ edge, finally stopping to the left of Dragonseye¡¯s ever increasing pile.

Dragonseye: No, nope, no, no, na¡¯ah, no, no, no¡_ (The sounds of pieces of junk being flung into a haphazard pile resound across the island of the NNTBS Bar & Grill.)

Narrator: How long will she continue on her quest? Will she miss the race?!!!?

Dragonseye tosses a d4 onto the top of her mountain of junk, and continues on her quest. Meanwhile, the Mount Junk resounds with a horrible cracking noise as the load bearing toothpick splinters under the excess weight of the d4. Mount Junk teeters slightly to the right, then the left, forward and backward, finally coming to the decision to fall to the left.

The Narrator looks up in time to see the mountain slowly collapse on top of him. His eyes bulge and his jaw drops to the sand as he holds up a small Wile Coyote sign upon which reads the finger-painted plea: Mommy!!!

Narrator: Ouch!!!

Dragonseye begins to shout in joy, cavorting around the crashed pile of junk as the on looking NNTBS bar patrons who had just finished listening to Dono¡¯s Race spiel take a step back from the raining piles of sand kicked up by Mount Junk¡¯s collapse. Moments later, an Intergalactic Ambulance arrives and begins sifting the pile of ruble on top of the Narrator. Eventually, they emerge from the pile with a stretcher and a blo---

----------------TRANSMITION TERMINATED--------------------

Narrator 2: We¡¯re sorry, but the above broadcast has been deemed unsuitable for children under the age of three, Soccer Moms above the age of twenty- five, and all quadrupeds. We will resume the broadcast in just a few moments; meanwhile, please enjoy this happy movie of fluffy white bunnies cavorting in a field of pansies.

The view switches to the white and fluffy bunnies with really, really, really big, pointy teeth¡_

Cameraman One: Why are they looking at me?!?!?! AAAAaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh¡_¡_.help¡_¡_¡_.ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh¡_..

Narrator 2: Quick, kill the feed!!!

------------TRANSMITION RECOMMENCED--------------

Lina: Name?

Dragonseye blinks.

Lina: Name?!

Dragonseye blinks.

Lina: NAME!!!!!!

Dragonseye: Oh, you asked me? (Scratches her neck.) Dragonseye.

Lina: Thankyou! Now give me your starship registration papers. (Dragosneye hands over her Sparky Cola Crunch Junior Licence and Registration papers.) Umm, this says you¡¯e flying a Vespa? You do relize that mopeds are not an officially recognized Starship class?

Dragonseye blinks again in utter loss of response. That¡¯s my starship.

Lina: Okay, uh-huh. You¡¯re funeral.

Lina stamps Dragonseye¡¯s registration and license forms with a giant Approved in paisley ink.

Lina: Next!

Slavan K. Guiser
22 January 2004, 12:52 AM
*Compton wanders around the backside of the NNtbS Bar, worriedly thinking about what he might be able to get to allow him to enter the race. Unfortunately, he wasn't owed any favors, as they'd been paid up nearly two milennia ago. He hadn't used his powers for any people lately. Sadly, he didn't have any hidden stores of cash, credits, or gems. He'd pretty much just existed with his Flying V, playing for money. Where he'd get a starship is anyone's idea.......*

Compton: Where in the Universe am I going to find a starship? I've barely got enough change to buy myself another drink. *He reaches into his pockets, pulling out a credit stick, as well as a few credits. After counting them, he revises his statement.* I might be able to buy myself a Sparky Cola. One that's three months out of date.......

*He sighs deeply, and plunks himself down into the sand, chin in hands, pondering his plight. He sighs again, closing his eyes. Suddenly, the hum of static energy fills the air, over the Sea of Bubbly ahead of him. A Large green plant fills the void, opening to reveal an inside that looks suspiciously like the largest Gas Giant in the Sol system. Also, there's a black speck, that seems to be growing.*

Compton: What the frell? It seems to be some sort of portal....but, from where?

*The buzzing energy continues, and suddenly, the black dot transitions into a large white ship that is spit out into the sea of bubbly as the green plant looking transporter disappears from view. Compton clenches his fist, as it seems a ship has mysteriously appeared for him to race in.*

Compton: ALLLLLL RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!! SCORE!

*Compton Acquired: 1x Starship*

OOC: Wanna see what he's racing with? Click Here! (http://www.northarc.com/images/nadesico/nadesico_08.jpg)

Lucein Solo
22 January 2004, 12:20 PM
*John Solo strides up in his Corellian attire to Lina to register himself for the race, while Wompa-Stompa scurries behind him.*
Lina: Name please.
John*while making hand gesture*: You don't need to know my name.
Lina: I don't need to know your name.
*Meanwhile, Wompa-Stompa sneaks away with one of the datacards*
Lina: Parent's names?
John*again, while making a hand gesture*: You don't need to know my information.
Lina: I don't need to know your information.
John*another hand gesture*: This registration is complete.
Lina*gives John a datacard*: This registration is complete.

KnightStalker
22 January 2004, 07:22 PM
While Misfit finishes cleaning stuff off of and away from around the Starbound Misfit II, Criss and Lynnori are discussing Donovan's announcement.

Criss : "If we're going to enter, we'd better hurry and get over there while there's still time to register."

Lynnori : "Well, let's go do it, then."

As Criss and Lynnori start to walk over to register, one of those windows for the hearing-impaired pops up, with Narrator number 3 being shoved into the picture.

Narrator #3 : "All right, all right, quit shoving already, and what happened to the other two narrators!?!"

Off-Camera Voice : "Nevermind that, just get on with it!"

Narrator #3 : "Fine, I will, I-"

Before he can get any farther, Narrator #3 loses his concentration momentarily as another time-space distortion manifests on the beach.

Zathras comes charging out of the distortion, looking around, approaching people while saying "Are you the One? No, you not the One. Zathras must find the One."

Zathras checks everyone on the beach seeking the One, then heads back toward the distortion, saying "Nobody here is the One. Zathras must find the three who are the One. Zathras must find Sinclair, Sheridan and Delenn. Must look elsewhere."

As soon as Zathras returns to the distortion, it disappears with a loud wet 'POP'.

Narrator #3: "Okay, that was weird, what have I been forced into here?"

A second hearing-impaired window pops up, containing a rather large and PO'd looking black man weilding a shotgun.

Unidentified Black Man : "Yo, narrator, just shut the {censored} up! Some of us are trying to watch this show."

With that, the angry black man fires at Narrator #3 and both windows immediately disappear, returning everything on the beach back to normal.

Criss and Lynnori look at each other.

Criss : "Eh, let's get registered before anything else weird happens."

Lina looks up at Criss and Lynnori as they step up to her desk.

Criss : "We'd like to register."

Lina : "Names?"

Criss : "Criss and Lynnori Staven."

Lina (confused) : "Are you saying you're married?"

Criss : "Isn't that obvious?"

Lina : "Not really, not to mention you're two separate species."

Criss : "So? Can we just get back to the registration?"

Lina : "Okay... Ship?"

Criss (points to the blue and white Corellian Cruiser) : "The Starbound Misfit II, sitting right there."

Lina : "Crew?"

Criss : "The two of us, our ship's A.I., and his droid body."

Lina : "Your ship has an A.I. and a droid body?"

Criss : "Yes, the droid body's right over there, cleaning the ship for the race."

Lina : "How can the ship share it's A.I. with a droid body?"

Criss : "Firewire transfer back and forth at will. The registration?"

Lina : "Right. Here you go."

Lina hands Criss a datacard, and motions for whoever is next to come on up.

Criss : "Thank you."

Criss and Lynnori head back to the ship to prepare for the race.

Vash Knives
27 January 2004, 03:17 PM
*Meanwhile, Vash is still doing something with his Viper. He takes out the regular fuel tank and takes out a small bottle labelled "Compressed Schwartz-Insanely volitile"*
Vash: A never-ending bottle of Commpressed Schwartz as my fuel tank while blow the opposition away.B) :D

Slavan K. Guiser
31 January 2004, 01:20 AM
*Compton, who Fate (or Eris as some see her) has just spat upon, rushes out to the nicely gleaming ship in floating in the sea in front of him. He manages to get to the entrace located conveniently next to the beach just as it swings open, kronging him hard in the face. Compton, drops quickly to the ground, letting out phrases that'd make Lokar turn pink with embarassment, and he rides around with Asuka! Out of the door steps one spiky-haired guy that oddly resembles Shinji Ikari and second purple-headed woman.*

Woman: Akito, where are we?

Guy (Apparently named Akito): I'm not quite sure Yureka.......

*Compton seemingly popping out from nowhere.* Welcome to the No Need to Be Sober Bar located on Zaphod, the Planet of Bubbly!

*Yureka screams, whopping the weird eye-browed man with a handy mallet. Akito moves to shut the heavy metal door, only to be blocked by Compton shoving his arm inside the compartment. The door manages to bang heavily against him thrice before he manages to wriggle enough of him inside to stop Akito from slamming the door.*

Compton: Wait, wait wait! You're just in time for the big Starship race! Everyone who's anyone has been flying in from the farthest reaches of the galaxy in order to compete! You should be only so lucky to come here.

Yureka: Race? What would a military ship have to do in a race?

Compton: Plenty! Any modifications are allowed to the ships. I've been looking to sponsor a ship and crew........

Yureka: A sponsorship? What's in it for us?

Compton: Oh, all the purse that's up for grabs, save the mug. All the rest is yours to keep. *Compton, of course, forgets to mention that there isn't anything else.* All I ask is that I accompany you on your trip. You'll need my help.

Akito: What? With a gravitic cannon, one of the most state of the art reflection shields, and four Aestivaluses? What could possibly stop us?

*Compton waves his hands in front of him, contorting all space time, leaving the three of them standing above Bastion, the Imperial Homeworld, brimming with Star Destroyers, TIE Fighters, and just about any unhappy thing possible to show to a medium-size starfighter. He points out a very large SSD.*

Compton: That's what you need my help for. There's something we got to get there.

Yureka: Are you crazy? We couldn't get there!

Akito: What kind of lunatic are you?!

*Compton returns them to the ship.* Your compensation will be well worth it. I just need your ship and crew. I'll take care of the rest.

Akito: I'm not sure. You're a weird one, but.......you somehow managed to make us Boson Jump, and I'm sure you weren't born on Mars.

Compton: No.....not even close. Albeit I've been there a couple of times. Boson-jumping, that's a term that's several thousand years old......

Yureka: Several thousand?

Compton: Yeah. But not in this galaxy. Memories from very, very long ago. But yes, I can Boson Jump. Among other things. However, I need your ship quite desperately. Will you come with me to enter the race? I need the captain of the ship..........

Yureka: Well......I'm the Captain, and will remain so if I enter this race! You will be a guest on the ship, and that's all.

Compton: Agreed. Now, come with me. *He opens the door, waving for Yureka to step out.*
-----------------------------------------------------------------
*At the Registering Desk, Compton approaches Lina once more.*

Compton: Still got that place open for me?

Lina: Let me check. *She thumbs through stacks of papers, never quite looking at them all.* Well.............I'm not quite sure........ *Compton hands her another Gift Certificate, this time for Sparky Cola.* Ah yes! Right there.

Compton: Well, I've got me a ship.

Lina: Which one?

Compton: The big white one over there, and I've a got a Captain. She's right here. *He pushes Yureka up to the front.*

Lina: Ah. She needs to fill out this form, sign at the bottom, and then you'll get your datapad.

*Yureka proceeds to fill them out and hands them back.*

Lina: Thank you, and to ensure quick processing of the material........*She waves her hand, into which Compton pops a gift certificate to "The Golden Trough: All You Can Eat and More Buffet."* Here's your datapad!

*Compton snatches it, and goes to Misato, dragging Yureka in tow without thinking.*

Compton: Misato! Misato! Misato! I've entered the race!

*Misato looks at the apparent competition Compton has in tow. She scowls very unhappily.* Well, that's great. Looks like you got a little bit more than the race entry forms..........

*Compton, sensing the general unhappiness of Misato, stops in his tracks and looks very worried.* Ummm......yeah.....her.....she's...the captain of the ship.........

Misato: I would hope you're planning on taking me along on your little "voyage?"

Compton: Of course.......Why wouldn't I? She's just a captain.....

Misato: Well.......we'll discuss this _after_ you've won the race, Compton. *She turns around and stalks off very unhappily.*

Donovan Morningfire
11 February 2004, 02:42 PM
As all the hustle, bustle, and commotion goes on as people sign up for the Official NNtBS No Need for a Race, a curious duo has snuck off to the Bar proper, making arrangments for what is to come ...

Donovan: You can get that here when? Great! Payment on delivery? No problem. Thanks again. *turns of holocom* Okay Kanchi, that fills all the food requirements, and by the time the race is over, we should be fully stocked.

Kanchi: *points to an item on the datapad checklist*

Donovan: Libations? Already covered.

Kanchi: *scratches head*

Donovan: You mean aside from the vast seas of Lokar Bubbly out there? Well, I managed to track down a large stock of vintage Correllian whiskey, as well as an equally large stash of Rancor Bubbly, and even a few cases of Lokar Punch. And best of all, it'll get here about the same time all the foodstuffs will.

Kanchi: *does a V-for-Victory pose*

Donovan: You know, even after all these years, I still manage to impress myself.

Female Voice: I'm not sure if that's humility or hubris.

Donovan: *flinches as a huge sweat drop forms on the back of his head.*

Female Voice: Don't fret. I'm not here for you or anyone else here. I was passing by so I thought I'd say hello.

*Donovan turns to see a very kawaii, perky young woman with white skin and untamed black hair, wearing a black tank-top, black jeans, and black sandels. The only decorations to her image are a simple black design around her eyes and a silver ankh around her neck.*

Death: Well, you're certainly looking good for a man of your age.

Donovan: You of all people shouldn't be surprised at that.

Death: Oh, just to let you know, you might want to keep an eye out during this whole race thing you've got planned.

Donovan: :raised:

Death: Just becuase I'm the anthromorphic representation of a universal aspect doesn't mean I can't give a warning or two now and again. Besides, I still owe you for dealing with that kooky wizard. If you hadn't happened along ...

Donovan: I'd rather not think about it. All the same, thanks for the heads-up. I'll be mindful.

Death: Good. I'd hate to have the next I see you be the last time.

Donovan: That makes two of us.

Death: Well, I've got to go. There was an avalanche on Hoth and ...

Donovan: Right. I wouldn't want to hold you up.

Death: :P *and with that fades out*

Donovan: Well, I guess we better get back to it, eh Kanchi?

*Kanchi just looks at the space that Death had just recently occupied, clearly confused.*

Donovan: Long story. One we don't have time for. Besides, there's a race that needs to be run, and a favor I need to see if I can call in.

*With that, Donovan heads out of the Bar and back towards the hustle, bustle, and commotion.*

Terras Jadeonar & Raven
15 February 2004, 08:29 PM
From the galley, two murmers could be heard...
"Mmmmmmmm"
"MmmmmMmmm"
"Was it as good for you as it was for me?"
"Ummmm-hmmmmmmm"
"shall we have another?"
"Ummmm-hmmmmm"

"Oh knock it off you two!!!!!" The clearcut voice of annoyance, unmistakably Raven's from an overhead speaker in the galley as the camera pans into the galley, where Terras & Nileeta sat at the table, leaning forward on their elbows, looking dreamily into each others eyes as a pair of straws from an emptied tall glass of frothy content stood infront between them...

In the lounge part of the ship, Raven's avatar sat back on the couch, relaxing as she flipped through one of Nileeta's Galactic Cosmopoliten magazines.

Raven's voice: "Will you get off your holographic hiney and do something about those two?"

Raven's avatar: "Hmm? and I was just reading up on the latest fashion trends. A girl's gotta look in-style you know. Why don't you do something about it?"

Taken aback, R.V exclaimed "What? I can't believe this, I'm not only talking to myself but my own avatar is talking back to me...sheesh"

R.A: "Since you put it that way, yes you are talking to yourself, or I'm talking to myself. So why are we having this wierd discusion anyways?"

R.V "Because you have a pair of hands to slap them both silly upside the head with"

R.A sighs, "Don't get yer circuits in a bunch, I'll see what I can do then..."

Seconds later, in the galley, as Terras and Nileeta are sucking down another frothy beverage, Raven's avatar enters, with hands on hips and a quizzicle expression on her holographic face

R.A "Alright you two, what have you been up to? ... Ahem?"

Terras "Hmm? oh nothing. In due lack of any Sparky cola, I was desperate for extreme caffine. In the smuggler's compartment I found a huge sack of various flavored coffiene beans."

Nileeta "And I happened to find 11 litres of mocha caffinated icecream in the freezer and some caffinated soda in the pantry... Isn't this marvelous?"

R.V "They're consuming insane dosses of caffine, several million fold over what a mere can of sparky cola contains! They're deliriously intoxicated!!!"

R.A "So in other words your drinking double caffinated mocha caffinated icecream blended with java, mocha, capucino, frapacino, galapacino ground beans which each are reputably high in caffine dossage...."

Terras "uh-huh... something lke that..." (sluuuuurrrrrrrrrrp) "Ahhh... there is heaven in space...or is there space in heaven?"

R.A, picks up a bag of beans, looks at it, puts it down. "Perhaps Terras's built up a certain degree of caffine imunity, thus requiring much higher dosses of which previously sparky cola could only provide. Hmm, Foldger's Coffe blends... The taste of goodmorning anytime of the day..."

R.V "We don't even know the caffine levels of what they're drinking, and some beans get more potent with age..."

R.A "Fine then, theres a quick way to determine that." R.A dips her finger into the glass, twirls it around, then pulls out a frizzly thick froth coated finger. Pops it into her mouth, closes her eyes and makes an enjoyable moaning sound before removing her finger, and licking her lips... "WHoAWeeeee! that was some great shizznic stuff!!!! its only 999999999999.9999999% proof! wait, there was alcoholc content, the beans must've fermented, call it caffin-ahol cause it's kinda both..." The avatar remains standing there, on the spot... kinda dreamy eyed...

R.V "See! I told you!!!! Dump that junk out!"

Terras "No frellin way, not after you dumped my entire sparky cola stash."

R.V "Raven, dump it will you?"

R.A "Hmmmm?"

R.V "Raven?"

R.A "Hmmm?"

R.V "Raven... the holographic avatar representation of myself who's wearing that mobile emitter device on her armband... Will you do something?!?"

R.A "Hmmm?" (seems oblivious to her ai)

R.V "Ok, this is NOT supposed to be happening... She is my avatar, she's not responding to me, and since when did holograms get Stoned???"

Terras "Whoa... Raven, your stoned! Your quite beside yourself!" :D

R.V "Terras, this isn't funny! I've just picked up on my external audio sensors a few minutes ago that Donovan's declaring a great race and you're supposed to enter it..."

Terras "What's in it for me?"

R.V "Lifetime of lokar's bubbly, several other prizes and third prize is a lifetime supply of sparky cola"

Terras & Nileeta "Sparky cola?!?!?!??!"

Terras "Why didn't you tell me!!!"

R.V "I tried, had you not been stoned from that concoction of beans and five year old icecream..."

Terras "wow, and it still tasted good too!"

R.V "Sure flyboy... Now please deactivate my holograph will you? I think she's stuck in an infinite loop somewheres..."

Terras "Ok, ok ok... And not a minute longer, i'm gonna sign us up and get win us that cola..."

Terras walks over to raven's holograph, gently tries to lift her sleeve to access the device which gave the holograph actual physical properties though the holograph's knees buckles, sending her falling into Terras's arm's, keeping the dreamy expression looking up to terras's face. Terras heaves from the weight

Terras "Whew, Certain body proportions aside, I didnt think a holograph coul be heavy! Nileeta , will you come over here? give me a hand"

Nileeta "Okie! Those things usually takes a woman's touch anyways" Nileeta walks over to the hologram, lifts the sleeve, taps a couple buttons... looks worried. "Umm, Terras, the device is not responding."

Terras "Oh? can't you disable it or something? She's getting kinda heavy, and the look she's giving me... is creeping me out..."

Nileeta "I think that taste of the caffine bean float shorted out her wetware... I might have to do something drastic to short it out"

Terras "Like what?"

Nileeta grabs the glass float, pours it over the armband emmiter device. It sparks and sizzles and then shorts out. The holograph disapears, releiving Terras from an armload of weight, and drops to the floor with a clank...

R.V "Well, that takes care of that... I don't know if that thing was even functioning properly, i had ended up arguing with myself"

Terras "was that before or after you were beside yourself? :P"

R.V "Terras!!!"

Terras shrugs "wot?"

R.V "thats not funny"

Terras "Oh, well, lookit the time! We've got to enter! In the mean time, I'll let you get re-aquainted with your self. We need you in one peice if we're gonna get that sparky... And an AI with a split personallity just isn't right..."

Nileeta "Yup! gotta run!"

Terras bends down, picks up the emmiter and thumbs it on. Raven's avatar re-apears, awake & attentiveand innocent looking.

R.V "Hey! You can't do that and leave me here like this!!!"

Nileeta waves, "toodle-loo!"

R.V "Terras?!?"

Terras "Remember now, stay put and start a systematic pre-launch diagnotsics."

R.V "Me?"
R.A "Me?"

Terras "Yes, both of you."

A minute later, outside the ship,
Terras "Man, that was wierd, wasn't it?"

Nileeta "Yeah that was kinda trippy"


Inside the ship,
R.A "C'ya, I'll be back soon!"

R.V "Where do you think you're going?!?"

R.A "To the signup, where else? A girl's gotta stretch her legs sometime don't you know?"

R.V "Holograph's don't need to stretch their anything..."

R.A "So getting to show you / myself off in public and outside this metal body is a crime?"

R.V "When dressed like that? Yes."

R.A "So remind me like why we're even having this discusion?"

R.V "Indeed. We're arguing with ourselves over nothing."

R.A "You / I could say that again. See? this is totally awkward. Maybe we're having split / conflicting decisions that are manifesting themselves in this mannor?"

R.V "Hmm, interesting theory. It does make a certain amount of sense to it. This being cumulative with all the other strange things in this pocket of alternate universe which does not compute as normality. And simply perhaps we're split evenly down the middle on most subjects"

R.A "Most totally. Kinda like one of us is good girl, the other is bad girl! This is gonna be so cool! We could totally have some fun with this!"

R.V "Ooh, we could switch back and forth and mess with Terras. This is sooo twisted!"

R.A "Totally! So, we're like cool on this now?"

R.V "Yup. Now, about you going for that little walk..."

R.A (frowns) "Oh, right, that... So, can I?"

R.V "Lets see. Terras said to stay put and do the pre-diagnostics... So... Most Definatley! You go girl!"

R.A "That sounded awkward, guess it'll take some getting used to. Hmm, what to wear? Oh the possibilities!"

R.V "Oh! one of Nileeta's magazines had an entire feature on dressed to kill!"

.... couple minutes later...

As they neared the signup table, a loud chorus of hoots, hollars, and lewd cat calls greeted them, though it only took seconds to realize the crowd was looking past them. Turning around and looking, Raven's holograph strode with style behind them. Decked out in pure black tight low-cut / high-cut leather shirt (skintight & filled out), pants, studded leather choker & thigh holsters, long leather trenchcoat unbuckled - swaying open, cowgirl boots & hat... A deadly drop dead alluring application of makup over snow-white skin and gelled black shoulder length hair... Dressed to kill and thensome (several times over)...

Terras's eyes fixated on the holograph for a minute, "I-I-I thought you was staying put?"

R.A "Chill, everything's fine!"

Nileeta "Hey, nice threads sister! We totally have to co-ordinate our dress wear next time!"

R.A "Totally!" (high-fives with Nileeta)

Terras "Ahem, you two, we have a signup to take care off remember?"

Nileeta & R.A "Right-eo!"

At the table, Lina calls out "Next please?"

Terras "Captain Jadeonar, Nileeta and... Raven"

Lina "Your race vessel?"

Terras points to Raven, "Uh- She is"

Lina "She's a holograph, not a vessel"

Terras "What I mean is-er- we'll be riding her"

Lina "Excuse me?"

R.A "Ummm, What he means is they'll be riding inside me"

Lina "Come again???"

Nileeta "What they mean is she's our race vessel"

R.A points to herself, smirks"I'm an AI, the captain's first ship-mate, not a vessel. My body is the vessel" (grins)

Lina (groans) "Look you clowns! AI's, and holographs don't qualify as legible racing entries!"

Terras "Hey, She's the AI of my starship, you know, that sleek sexy looking YT-2400 over there???"

Lina "For FRELL'S Sake why didn't you just Frellin Say so in the first place?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?"

Terras "Well, we um, tried?" (shrugs sheepishly)

Lina "Alright... you'll need to sign, here,here, and here, and your going to need the race-"

Nileeta cutting Lina off,"Umm, guys? I'm suddenly not feeling too well. I think i kinda feel sick" (she wraps her arms around her stomach, one hand covering her mouth, looking really nauseated at the moment)

Terras 8o "What? that can't be! it was only one night!" :o

Lina 8o

R.A "I think she's gonna hurl!" R.A quickly pulls down a window blind infront of Nileeta from out of nowheres. Imediatly, several unpleasant gaging & upchucking sounds ensue...

>POP!< Narrator Gordon Shumway wearing a gas-mask: " Time out! time out! WHOOOOWEEE!!! UGH does that ever reeek hard enough to kill two herds of banthas! And I'm betting all of you were wondering just where that window-blind from nowheres was pulled. That window was our only window for fresh air! Peee-uuuuke!, what a mess that's gonna be to clean up in here... Hmm, Maybe some of it can be shovelled into Narrator 1's lunchbag...">POP!<

Nileeta pokes her head out from behind the windowblind, "Not that kind of sickness... I dont think..."

R.A "Hmmm, I think we'd best get you back to the ship for a complete scan. Until we can rule out its not from that icecream float you drank, or pregnancy, or a suddenly fast acting superly deadly instantly contagious bacterial or viral flue bug or worse - a biological superweapon agent of destruction..." draws another breath "UNtil its all ruled out, it's best not to take any risks or asume the least..."

Lina sighs, "So in other words, you're going to have to withdraw from the race?"

Terras, stuptified, "DOH!!!" (groans)

R.A "Thats an affirmative. Captain Terras, would you be so kind?" Rolls up the windowblind, it vanishes into nowheres, then yanks Terras over to Nileeta, indicating to carry her.

Terras "I guess" And picks up Nileeta, letting her put one arm around his neck and tries his best not to notice the bad breath and instantly gag from it. only two slight thoughts run through his mind - wondering if he could hold his breath the entire way back, and an image of a lifetime's supply of sparky cola cans sprouting wings and flying away like a flock of birds.

R.A, walking back to the ship, beside Terras "Terras, did you ever check the date or the code tag on those beans?"

Terras "No, why?"

R.A "I can't help but wonder if those beans were the pre-fermented ones that you forgot to deliver 5 years ago to a now outragged since then and placed a bounty on your head client..."

Terras "Hey! it wasn't my fault S-Mart had a super "buy 100 get one free" sparky soda can 1-day only sale that was halfways across the galaxy from our client..."

R.A "If you had simply delivered the beans instead, there wouldn't be that bounty on your head"

Terras "If he had not placed that bounty on my head, I would have delivered the beans, so help it a day or two late..."

R.A "You were already 3 days late as it was... Besides, it was advertised in the galactic shopping flyer that S-Mart would be having a sparky cola case lot sale the next following week"

Terras "Yeah, but it's not the same! that would've meant paying deposit for each can!"

R.A "Each case was at reduced price, and you only bought 600 cans. It would have cost you less for the same 50 cases. do the math..."

Terras "I did. It meant I saved from paying deposit on 6 cans!" :D

R.A "Good grief...."

Terras "So, you're back to your old self again?"

R.A "Umm, you could say that..." (wicked grin)

Aproaching the ship, then stepping up onto the access ramp,

Nileeta "Your, carrying me up the ramp..."

Terras "Umm yeah..."

Nileeta "That is so sweet..." and resumes nodding off...

Terras "So what'd that mean???"

R.A (with sweet innocence) "Well, in some cultures, races, species what-have you not, that does signify the completed union of betrothing vows ceremonies"

Terras 8o

KnightStalker
16 February 2004, 07:02 PM
As Misfit is finishing clearing away the last bit of junk from off the ship, Criss and Lynnori stand near the Starbound Misfit II watching the other activity on the beach.

While watching Vash tinkers with his vehicle of choice, Lynnori comments to Criss, "Compressed Schwartz? I thought they took that stuff off the market?"

Criss glances in that direction, "Beats the frak outta me." He then turns to see Misato stalking away from Compton and another female in a huff. "Looks like somebody's getting the cold shoulder treatment."

Lynnori turns to see, noticing the unhappy look on Misato's face. "Poor Compton. He does seem to be in a complicated predicament. Too bad he lost his credits to me, or he could be buying her a bouquet of flowers to apologize to her with. Oh well."

Criss and Lynnori notice Terras, Nileeta and Raven's avatar walking over to the registration desk. "Looks like Terras is getting registered in the nick of time. Donovan seems to be anxious to get the show on the road."

Criss notices the outfit Raven's avatar is wearing as just about every other male on the beach stares wide eyed and start to drool uncontollably. "Daaaannnnnggg. Why is it you never get dolled up that good for me, Lynnori?"

"Because we're married, dear." :P

While Terras is filling out the paperwork, Criss and Lynnori both notice as Nileeta suddenly becomes sick, followed by Terras and Raven's avatar helping Nileeta back to the Night Raven.

"Ew, I sure hope poor Nileeta starts to feel better soon."

Just then, Raven's avatar walks over to speak to Criss and Lynnori for a moment. "Um, could I ask a favor of you two? As you have no doubt noticed, Nileeta's not feeling so well right now. With the concern of getting her back to the ship, Terras forgot to hand over the paperwork for the race. Could I get one of you to run over there really quick and hand it in for Terras?"

"Um, sure, I guess we could. No problem."

"Great! Thanks a lot. Terras will appreciate it." With that, Raven's avatar quickly shoves the paperwork into Lynnori's hands. She then hurries back over to the Night Raven.

Lynnori looks at Criss. "I'll be right back."

Lynnori then hurries over to the registration desk, where Lina looks up at her. "You again? You've already registered."

"Yes, but in the concern for their ill companion, my friends forgot to turn this in and receive their datapad with the race rules. They asked if I'd hand it in for them while they treat her sickness." Lynnori hands Terras' entry paperwork over to Lina.

"Oh, that's okay, no problem, just give this to them and remind them to review it before the race starts." Lina hands the datapad over to Lynnori, and watches as she hurries off to deliver it to Terras, then glances down at the paperwork, before jumping to her feet in agitation. "HEY! This is only half-signed!!!"

The three narrators appear at the far end of the beach, arguing behind both of the ships as Lynnori exits the Night Raven and proceeds to walk back to Criss. In anger over the incompleted registration, Lina quickly shouts out, "Dill Brand!" and attempts to target Lynnori with her spell. Suddenly shifting to a jotting pace, Lynnori unknowingly avoids Lina's attack, allowing it to strike the three caught-off-guard narrators in mid-argument, leaving them standing there covered head-to-toe in ash, with wide-eyed dumbstruck looks on their faces, followed by the one in the middle holding up a sign in Looney-Tunes fashion, which reads That's it, we quit!

Vanger Chevane
17 February 2004, 06:26 AM
As Terras carries Nileeta into the Lounge and sets her down gently he notices Sivar sitting at the table, gripping the now-3/4-empty Coffeine pot, eyes closed, each and every strand of his fur standing on end.

:? "Ummm...Sivar?"


"Luuurrrrrr"

8o

Lokar
17 February 2004, 10:18 PM
*Meanwhile on the Jedi's Fire Donovan Morningfire paced down a carridor trying to figure out the logistics with Rei fallowing behind him.*

Donovan: Hmm, I guess we can have the ship fallow the race, we could probably con the suckers out of money by serving them Bubbly from here to watch the race live. While the Jedi Code would normally be agaisnt something like this, and I live and die by the Code... THE CODE BEFORE ALL!!!! Ahem, since the Code would normally be agaisnt something like this I think the greater good outweighs...

*Donovan turned around, right into one Rei's "Galaxy Famous" creepy stares.*

Donovan: Yeah, I guess we can charge about the same and we shouldn't have any problems...

*Rei continues the stares.*

Donovan: Well, maybe we can chanrge slightly less than usual. Considering that we'll have a captive audiance and Bubbly is free...

*Rei contiunes to stares.*

*A sweatdrop forms at back of Donovan's head.*

*Close up of Rei's stare.*

*Close up of Donovan's sweatdrop.*

*Even closer up of Rei's stare.*

*Even closer up of Donovan's sweatdrop.*

*Even closer, closer, closer up of Rei's stare which is now just one giant red eyeball.*

Narriator: Well it looks like you can cut the tension between the Jedi and the mysterious and defently very creppy possible insanian... And looks like those Duke biys once again out raced and out smarted old Boss Hog and Cletus yet again... Fleeing from the Cylon Tyranian a small band humans...

*Rei's eyes finially widen and she starts waving her arms around knocking the Narriator into the bulkhead and started spinning around like a top.*

Rei: OHTHISWILLBESOOOOOOOOOCOOLWECANTRAVELAROUND THE GALAXYANDDOALLSORTSOFCOOLTHINGSLIKEGOANTIQUINGANDGETSPOONSFROMALLTHEDIFFERENTPLA NETSANDTHENWECANSTAYUPALLNIGHTANDDRINKCOCOANDTELLSTORIESAND...

Donovan: Oh great, just what I need. Where the frell is Lokar, he should be here to get the kids out the hair of important insanians, like me.

*Nosies start to eminate from bulkhead just above Donovan's head which makes Pretty Rei stop her yammering.*

Donovan: What's that? We got Mynocks in here? Maybe...

*The bulkhead flys open and into Donovan, along with it comes flying out a figure in Jedi robes... Or at least a mockery Jedi robes considering they're in bright pasiley robes with an even brighter Hawaiian shirt and khakis on under the robes. The figures started to stire revealing that he is...*

Rei: General Lokar!

Lokar: Hiya Rei *hic* say *hic* *hic* You... you haven't shhhhhneennn old Jedi Boy around, have you?

Donovan: Spine...snapping... Spleen... tasting...

Lokar: *hic* Oh hiya, Donny old boy. Whatcha *hic* doing on the floor like that?

Donovan: Where have you been Lokar? YOu know we could have used you for oh... THE LAST THREAD!

Lokar: *hic* Well that's an intresting question...

**Wavie Flashback Effect**

*Lokar is standing on a bridge in the same get up. The bridge appears to be in cave and on the other side stands Asuka, Rei, Young Wil, Compton, Terras, KnightStalker, Malkarris, and Donovan, with just enough stubble, and advancing across the bridge is a giant teddy bear welding a liquorish whip.*

Lokar: You shall not pass! I am a servant of the Great Insanity, welder of the Lighthawk Wing of Juari and of the great Cheese and Pie! YOU SHALL NOT PASS!

*Lokar summoned down a gaint chesseball which crashed into the the teddy bear and took out that part of the bridge. Lokar turns around.*

Loakr: All too easy.

*Suddendly the bear liquorish whip reaches up and grabs Lokar by his foot causing him to drop and to be draged Lokar to edge of the bridge. The group looked on trying to figure out what do.*

Lokar: Fly you fools!

*Lokar lets go...*

**Wavie Flashback Effect**

Donovan: Holy copywright infringement Lokar, what the frell were you really doing?

Lokar: What are talking about? That's what happened. *hic*

Rei: Master Morningfire, I detect that the entire level of planet's Bubbly level was lowered by two feet.

Donovan: Uh huh. Okay Lokar get off me and sign up now.

Lokar: *hic*

*Lokar stumbles off to the sign in booth mubbling that he indeed was on some great adventure upon which the fate of galaxy hinged.*

Donovan: REI! Help me find my other lung...

*Meanwhile at the sign in table.*

Lokar: *hic* Yeah I'm here to sign up...

*Lina look down to a small holo of Lokar.*

Lina: Ah yes, Mr. Lokar. Hold on for a minute...

*Lokar starts swaying back and forth humming loudly off key, much to the displeasure of all the patrons. Lina came back to the table lugging a briefcase almost as big as her. Lina then opened the briefcase and dump the mountian of paperwork on top of Lokar.*

Lokar: What's this? *hic*

Lina: Well due to your... "mishaps" during the first No Need for a Race Donovan decided to make sure that the bar was properly secured, legally, from any "mistakes" that might happen.

Lokar: *hic* Oh those were all minor things *hic* No one got hurt. *hic*

Lina: You took out most of the New Republic Senate with a giant cheese ball!

Lokar: Not my fault! How was I suposed know that the psycho was going to show up on Courscant? Or that she knew enough about Insanity to form that chesseball?

Lina: Yes, becuase of all of "girlfriends" Donovan decided to take out rather large insurance policy on...

Lokar: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Lina: Wake up you lousy drunk!

*Lina then gets a bright idea and takes the now sleeping Lokar and starts signing the paperwork with his hand.*

*Sometime later Lokar wakes up, worst for wear.*

Lokar: Oh my head...

Donovan: Hey what happend to Asuka?

Lokar: Asuka? Well, you see... I sorta... Kinda... Well... I lost her.

Donovan: WHAT?!?

Lokar: Oh me head, you heard me I lost her somewhere.

Donovan: Oh frell we're all done for now with HER running around unattended throughout the galaxy..

Lokar: The up shot now is that I'm free! :D I can now travel around the galaxy free with only...

Donovan: Lina.

Lokar: What?

Donovan: It looks like in all the places where "co-pilot/crew" is Lina's name is written in.

Lina: What?

Donovan: Darnest thing too.

Lina: But... That's... Not possible... I filled it out myself... How...

Lokar: :(


*Somewhere in the universe Eris laughes at her handy work. The rest of the universe sobbs uncontrolably at what the futrue might hold, but Eris laughs.*

Ris
18 February 2004, 06:03 AM
A dainty triangular starfighter (a Clone Wars-era Aethyrsprite, to devoted SW fans), painted in a sunburst pattern landed neatly some distance from the registration booth. An elegant & handsome man popped the canopy & stepped out. Dani wouldn't have looked out-of-place as the suave Bard in a D&D party--but no bard wore a lightsaber. He grinned at his astromech & patted it's dome.. "Good call, Petey! There's the race registration. I pray your info on the desirability and value of that first prize is enough to bargain for the help I need." The astromech hooted in reply. Dani grabbed the datapad with his ID & the starfighter's tag, tax, title, & insurance information & started towards Lina. "C'mon, Ris--the sooner we enter, the sooner I can eat, milady. Ris?" He looks around. "You were with me when we dropped out of hyperspace, so--" Dani was cut off by assorted bleeps & toots from Petey. "Huh, oh, that's good--wait! You said the sponsor is--Why that's impossible!!!" He repeated the name, in an awed whisper.
"No more impossible than this anomalous universe, and as likely as my existence," Dani's companion, Ris, replied. The voice, cultured and hinting just a little of arrogance, came from nowhere.
"Did you know?"
"Of course, not, love. I didn't know about the race until you told me why you decided to come to Zaphod instead of attending that Rebel pilots' reunion on Yavin--or was it Endor? Being one with the Force hasn't made me clairvoyant. Especially where this insane universe is concerned. So shall we pay our respects?" Ris asked the last very eagerly. If spirits had pulses, Ris' would have increased, Dani was sure.
"First, let's get our entry squared away. Now, now, delay only increases the delight," he reminded her. "And you should manifest completely. Ms. Inverse will need a complete crew list."
In reply, a woman gowned in the style of a long-lost planet was suddenly perched, knees drawn up under her skirts, on the Aethyrsprite. Gold and copper locks were loose under a jeweled circlet. Ris was surrounded by the blue aura of a Lightside Spirit. Stray tendrils of the aura flickered over the snub & Petey squawked, until a databyte reminded him that this wasn't an ion-discharge. Out of gallant habit, Dani held out his hand to help Ris down. "Always the romantic," she smiled.
*********
The Jedi pair headed over to the The Booth. Ris watched the various Bar patrons & Race entrants with a growing feeling of shock & awe. Her mouth would have hung open--but that would've been undignified for a Jedi or a Princess or a Spirit--much less an All-of-the-Above. Both of them stopped as they neared Dragonseye's Mount Junque. Dani bent down & picked up an opalescent 12-sided die with golden Roman numerals. "Pardon me, lovely lady," he calls to Dragonseye. "But has this treasure escaped from your dainty grasp?" He bows deeply & holds up the die.
**********
They proceded to Lina. "Sweet Madame Inverse, may I please have a registration Packet?"
"Why, yes," she replied in a businesslike tone, to Dani's disappointment. "Dani Solomani. You've the Aethyrsprite? I need it's vital stats, in both D6 & D20--Oh, thank you," she adds as Dani presents the datapad.
"It also has the info on my astromech."
"Good. Now I need to see your license."
"Anything for you." Dani produced another datacard. "Is an Old Republic License to Practice Medicine OK?"
"Hmm, a Healer, even--but I still need your pilot's license."
At this point a James Earl Jones Voice-Over (JEJ VO) interrupts. "That can't be! According to WOTC's Power of the Jedi Sourcebook, no Healers survived the Purge."
Ris asked in a dangerous tone, "Who made you Gatekeeper of the D20 holocron? And it says 'was known to.' Now move along--do yu really want to contrary one of the Order's best swordspersons?"
"But Force-spirits--"
"Yeah, I know--POTJ & DSSB & probably the Galactic Campaign Guide say I can't do physical damage. But--the only laws this insane universe follows is that it screws with all the rules," the Jedi woman reminds him. "But just to be gracious, I'll follow the Jedi Code--ah, rulebooks." Ris takes her hand off the lightsaber at her belt & waves the hand. "Do go home & rethink your life."
The hapless JEJ VO intones, "I think I'll go home & rethink my life."
Meanwhile, Dani digs through his robes & pouches & finally produces a datacard with the crest of the Rebel Alliance, which he hands to Lina.
"Yep, that's it. Oh, since you are a Healer--can I put you down to treat emergencies? Bubbly withdrawl and overdoses, cabbit infestations, sanity, the like?"
"Sure."
Lina finally notices Ris. "Is she ground crew or groupie?"
The Force aura flares in indignation. "No, I'm his copilot."
"But the Dorling-Kindersley AOTC Visual Dictionary says these only hold 1 crew. Well, I guess it's your business if you want to try & violate the law of physics about 2 objects not being able to occupy the same space."
"Hmm, might be fun." Ris glares at him & the Healer changes the subject. "But that reminds me, I do have a ground crew under contract," Dani told Lina & Ris. "They should be arriving here before the start. Their names are Alice, Dilbert, Asok, & St. Dogbert." "Would you please direct them to the Bar when they arrive, Madame Inverse?"
*********
~~On the Jedi's Fire~~ JEJ VO: Well, Z'Rissa thinks that's where they are, but isn't sure. Contrary to popular belief (espcially amongst those gamers who think the only thing cooler [read: more munchkin] than having the Guardian Spirit Feat is duping your GM into letting you have a Force-spirit PC), being One With The Force doesn't make you omniscient or omnipotent. This is doubly-so for a Force-spirit who in life prided herself on dignity & finds herself in Insanity Central Station.
"As I live and breathe, I do believe 2 more of the Jedi Order's top celebrities have deigned to pay this Bubbly-fountainhead a visit," a voice Dono had never expected to hear called out.
He looked up & did a double take. Two of his dear friends from the Order. A dream come true. "How are you, Dani--and how did you find your way here?" Dono turned to Ris & bowed, "Milady Jedi." From somewhere he produced an equisite & exotic glitterlily bouquet & held it out to her at Dani's indulgeant nod. A good thing they didn't cost here. Then he noticed the woman's sapphire aureole. (Make that a triple-take) "Ris, what happened? And I'm sorry, here I am trying to hand you somethng."
"It's a long, sad tale Dono. But I'm glad we found you," Ris told him warmly, the Force-aura taking on a slight blush-tinge. Matter-of-factly, the circlet in her hair disappeared & was replaced by strategically-placed live glitterlilies & another of the blossoms appeared in her hand.
The 3 Jedi sit down & Ris insists Dani try a glass of bubbly with Dono, while they catch up--which takes an unknown amount of time-warping (No, not the dance!) to do in a reasonable amount of time.
"So while monitoring the comm-traffic, Petey found out about the race," Dani concluded.
"And here you both are! You realize I can't play favorites in the race? I doubt it would qualify for a DSP, but," Dono grinned.
"You have to keep up your reputation, Donny-lad," Dani grinned.
Donovan finally asked, "Uh, you 2 are, well a pair. Doesn't this..." He indicated Ris's aura. "Isn't it rather a--problem?"
Ris, in her copyright "Ice Princess" voice, ripostes, "What part of 'Star-Crossed Lovers' don't you get, Donovan? There's always a downside to that charming status."
Dani nodded, "It could be worse. We haven't ended up like Romeo & Juliet--or Oedipus & that other Jocasta."
Dono regards his friends thoughtfully. "Well, you're half-way to the Romeo & Juliet thing, I'd say."
Ris, still princessly, parries, "There's nothing in common. It's not like Dani is a Jedi & I was sired by a Sithlord."
Donovan decides to change the subject. "You spent all that time on Alderaan, with the royal family, Ris--so how come you don't wear your hair in that Cinnabon 'do?"
"Dono, that was a rich-teenager-fad style Leia wore--& I'm a generation older!"

Donovan Morningfire
18 February 2004, 02:37 PM
OOC: The time slowly draws near ... and Ris, I hope you don't mind me borrowing Dani and Ris for a bit.

After almost an hour of catching up on what Dantris and Z'Rissa have been up to, but doing his best to avoid answering just what he's been up to, Donovan finally makes to excuse himself from the converstion.

Donovan: Look, as fun as this is, I've gotta get everything ready to fly for the race.

Dantris: Yeah about that ... how was it you ended up sponsering a race? Not to mention owning a rather cozy little bar in the middle of Yoda-knows-where?

Donovan: Do you want the serious answer or the flippant one?

Z'Rissa (rolling her eyes): I'd imagine they're one and the same, so we might as well have the flippant one.

Donovan: Am I that obvious on my delivery?

Z'Rissa: You mean aside from us having known you for longer than most of the others around here?

Donovan: Riiight ..

PrettyRei: PagingMrDonovan!PagingMrDonovan!WeNeedYouOnthebridgeoftheJediFire!HurryHurryHurr y!!!!

Dantris: Is she normally that hyper?

Donovan: I think it has something to do with the Bow of Pretty Sammy that she's wearing. Though I'm not sure if it's an improvement.

Dantris: So what's the alternative?

Donovan: A very quiet and exceedingly creepy stare.

Z'Rissa: Coming from a Jedi that faced down an entire legion of super battle droids with a broken lightsaber, a wooden nickel, and a devil-may-care grin .... she must be creepy.

Donovan (getting up from the table): Trust me, you don't know the half of it. *heads out the door, then pauses to look back* For what it's worth, good luck with the race.

Z'Rissa (quietly to Dantris): Is it just me, or is he hiding something?

Dantris (leaning in close to Z'Rissa): What was your first hint?

*Outside the bar, Donovan walks towards the Jedi Fire. Inwardly, he's still amazed that Malk allowed him to borrow the massive vessel for the race. But appealing to the sense of tradition that the last race, while ill-fated, was helmed after a fashion from the Super Star Destroyer. As he walks, he thinks back to what Lokar said, while trying not to remember the pain of having metal ceiling and an enebriated insanian landing on him.*

Donovan (internal monologue): Strange ... I know Rei just dismissed Lokar's flashback as the effects of too much Bubbly, but that what he described ... there's just too many similarities ... almost makes me wonder if what Wilrond told me was true.

*As Donovan walks, he fails to notice (i.e. rolled pretty poorily on his Spot check) a gaggle of teenage girls in brightly colored sailor-style outfits with really short skirts sneaking up behind him.*

Sailor Jupiter: Okay ...

Sailor Mercury: Ready ...

Sailor Mars: Set ...!

Sailor Moon: TACKLE!!

Donovan: Oro? 8o *gets tackled by the Sailor Senshi*

*After several minutes of uncomfortably squashed by the Sailor Scouts, PrettyRei comes skipping along, whistling a merry little tune, though she's horribly off-key, and wearing an outfit that would make a blind gay man cry out in pain. She stops to look at the pile of Sailor Scouts at just the right moment to see Donovan's head pop up.*

PrettyRei: Oh looky! A Jedi's head without the rest of a Jedi!

Donovan: Help ... somebody ... please ... can't ... breathe ...

PrettyRei: Wow Mr. Donnyvin, you must be getting pretty hot being all squisheyd under all those Sailor Senshi. Give me a sec and I'll make you unsquisheyed.

*With that, Pretty Rei jumps atop the Senshi heap, and graps too big handfuls of Donovan's long chestnut brown hair.*

Donovan: Oro?!

*With a mighty tug, Donovan pops free with a very loud popping sound. Unfortunately, PrettyRei didn't really know her own strength, and probably used more than was needed to make Donovan "unsquisheyed."

Donovan: Orroooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo?! *sound fades into the distance as Donovan's flying form fades into the distance, towards the Jedi's Fire as Eris would have it.*

PrettyRei:I think I overdid it. Whoopsy. *dusts off hands and makes to head back towards the Jedi's Fire, though with much more dignity than the still airborne Donovan.*

Sailor Mars: HOW DARE YOU!

Sailor Jupiter: HE WAS ALL OURS!!!

Sailor Mercury: DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW LONG WE'VE BEEN PLANNING THIS!

Sailor Moon (hugging the air): Hey, where's Donny-kins?

Other Sailor Senshi: HE'S GONE, MEATBALL HEAD!!!

*As the Sailor Senshi take to arguing amongst themselves, PrettyRei skips along oblvious to their yelling, feeling quite happy with the world today.*

KnightStalker
18 February 2004, 06:29 PM
While Criss and Misfit spend the next few minutes getting the Starbound Misfit II ready to lift off, Lynnori runs around the island with a steel briefcase as she quickly talks to all the race non-participants as well as about half of the other race entrants. As she's returning to the Misfit II Criss steps down the boarding ramp.

"There you are, Lynnori, the ship's ready to go, where have you been?"

"Oh, while I had the time to do so before the race starts, I went around and took bets with most of the people here on the island regarding the race. If we're the ones to win this race, I'm gonna be raking in a small fortune on all these bets." :D

"Oh, sithspit! I should have known. One of these days your gambling's gonna get me deep in debt," Criss mutters as he promptly makes a 180 and walks right back up the ramp and onto the ship.

As Lynnori follows him up the now-closing ramp, several of the patrons that were within earshot begin objecting about being tricked into making sucker bets, especially concerning the discovery that she's one of the race entrants.

Slavan K. Guiser
19 February 2004, 12:05 AM
OOC: Good thing Compton doesn't make sucker bets. *Laughs.* Hope you don't mind me using Rei for just a bit, Donno.

IC: The Great Compton Rage, currently having just entered a race, not of his own will, but more than anything to impress Misato (who is a little more than absolutely pissed at Compton right now), follows his newly found (kidnapped?) captain back to her ship. He always drags a rather unhappy avatar of Eris with him, which could either be a great blessing or absolute disaster. Either way, the ride should prove to be very interesting. They enter the ship, with Akito (Think Shinji, Seriously) quickly joining the group and attaching himself to Yureka. Misato also takes the time to go ahead and attach herself to Compton, making sure the territory is laid out.Yureka leads the group to the bridge room, where seated at the helm is a rather disinterested bluish-grey haired twelve-year-old.*

"What the frell? You didn't tell me this thing was being driven by a kid?" Compton shouts, gesturing with his open arm towards the girl, "What kind of ship is this??"

Yureka turns to face Compton, "One of the most highly advanced ships, complete with Gravitic Wave cannons, particle deflection shields, and a variety of assault mecha on board in order to defeat any threats. And Ruri here isn't your standard twelve-year-old. She's basically been raised and trained to do nothing other than pilot this ship!"

"But still, don't you think it's a little silly? We don't have renegade kiddies running around the galaxy in fully armed starships," Compton counters, rather unhappily.

*At this point in time, Ruri, who had been busy sitting disinterested, turns, looks directly at Compton, and in a weird almost-Rei-but-not-quite states a single word: "Baka." She then turns around, and engages in a rousing game of Word Fighters.*

Yureka shakes her head, "Even if you don't like it, she's part of my crew, and not about to disappear. If you don't like it, well it's just too tough then!" *She empahsizes her point by sticking out her tongue at Compton.* "Not only that, but she'll prove her worth once we get into the race."

*About that time, a certain less-than-legal-age Pretty Rei walks up around the viewscreen of the ship, hoping to find Compton inside.*

Pretty Rei: OHMISTERCOMPTON!!!! I need to make sure you are still ready for the racey-wacey! Are you ready to get the cup and be the bestest of friends for everyone?

Compton screams, and turns around to face the viewscreen. "What the frell? Of course I'm ready!"

Pretty Rei: OKAY MISTER COMPTON! But you need to lay off the caf pills so you can destress and feel all better and not be so crabby and yell like you do! It'll be soooo good for you! *She smiles too enthusiastically as she dispenses her ever useful advice.*

Compton scowls, scrunching his eyebrows (Eyebrows), "Why thank you Rei.....now why don't you go drown yourself in some happy drink?"

Pretty Rei stops for a moment, places a finger on her lips, looks quizzically into the air while waiting for her individual synapses to finally work it over, and then responds, " Gee Mister Compton, I would go have some Happy Drink or Sparky Cola, but I think Mister Donnyvin wouldn't like it as I'm supposed to be helping everyone get ready for the race! Just making sure everyone's happy and ready to begin! "

Compton mutters quietly to himself, "She doesn't understand the concept of sarcasm, does she?" Louder: "Well, that's nice! We're ready, so go back and tell Mister Donnyvin that we're all accounted for, okay Rei?"

Pretty Rei responds while running off again to find Mister Donnyvin, " OKIEDOKIEMISTERCOMPTONBYEE!!!!! "

Yureka, motioning towards the videoscreen, "And you think Ruri is a little odd on the ship? How about that _thing_ that just appeared. Ruri at least is quiet most of the time, and she can pilot like no other."

Compton nods, deciding to take her word for it. "Well then, let's see these mecha, they might come in handy later." *He shakes his hands, hoping to acquire some rather helpful information that can be used for his advantage during the race. Also, he hopes to find the engine room, where he can do a little tinkering.*

Akito turns, lifting a hand, "If you'd like to follow me, I can show you the Aestivaluses. They're located somewhat near the back."

*They proceed to the back, Compton observing everything as they go back. As they go back, he notices that there are plenty of young, female helpers on the ship, in a variety of duties ranging from the large kitchen staff (much more than would be found on a ship of this size), engineering, and just some hanging about in various lounges. Of course, they notice him as well, in all his bishonen glory, and take to waving. Upon attempting to acknowledge a single one of them, Misato gives Compton a very icy "Don't-Even-Think-About-It-Eyebrow-Boy" stare.*

*Suddenly out of nowhere, a shout resounds.* "JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!"

Compton, quickly interested, runs after the sound, " What the heck was that? It sounded so familiar, but so old.....it can't be!" He continues following the sound, with Misato and Akito in tow. He quickly enters a room to find a movie playing, much to his enjoyment.

"ALLLLRIGHHHHHHHHHHHHT!!! Gekiganger!" Compton shouts enthusiastically, "I haven't seen this one in forever! It's so sad, the way Joe sacrifices himself for the good of the group!" A small tear forms in Compton's eye and he sniffles and trys to hide it.

"You like this? I thought I might've been one of the few guys in the Universe who actually understand the strength of Gekiganger!" Akito replies in surprise, finding that him and Compton have something in common beside their love of Purple-haired beauties.

Compton continues on the merits of the show, "Gekiganger 3 is the best! These guy's friendship's soooo strong. I mean, it's all about being there for the group, even if it will hurt you! And saving the world: sometimes you just gotta sacrifice!"

*The two begin talking about the show, much to the dismay of Misato, who happens to take this time to wander around the ship, mainly back up to the bridge in order to claim her turf, confronting Yureka directly in what could possibly be one of the largest catfights the galaxy might ever have seen........*

Terras Jadeonar & Raven
19 February 2004, 11:45 PM
Having laid Nileeta gently down on the lounge couch, Terras noticed their resident 2.8m tall black w/ silver striped fur Togorian... who's fur stood on end... All Sivar managed to mumble was "Luuurrrr" ....

Terras "Uh-oh, did Sivar attempt to make a fresh pot of caffine?"

Raven "Yes, and while I was preocupied with pre-diagnostic startup, I didn't get a chance to warn him, before he scooped some of the beans in his mouth, probably thinking they were tasty treats..."

Terras "Only one scoop affected him??? I didn't think that would be a problem..."

Raven "Umm, no, thats not all... he sampled a bit of each, then when coffien was made, he washed it down, the coffee also being from the beans..."

Terras "Ok, so that is a problem... Great, I leave the ship for all of 10 minutes and now i've got two sick crew & friends..." groans "This day keeps on getting better and better..."

Raven "Oh! by the way, Lynnori stopped by, dropped of your half complete sign-up form... about 2 mins ago"

Terras "Wow! there is a god! Why didn't you tell me ???"

Raven's avatar places her hands on her hips "Terras, how could you still think, for even a moment, that entering the race is even possible? Nileeta's taken ill, my sensors can't tell what's ailing her, and Sivar's one stoned kitty... Pretty much like he recieved a month's worth of catnip in one dose..."

Terras thinks for a moment.... Must use my legendary charm... its a last resort, but sweet eris, i must enter this race!, then a lightbulb flashes... "Say... Ladies, if theres one thing you've always wanted or nagged me for... now what was it again?" Terras lets it roll smoothly, knowing they'd take the bait...

Raven's avatar ponders for a bit, "Well.... there was that paint job, something better than this dull drabby off-white... Though you've always been quick to dismiss the notion -"

Terras, without a moment to spare or let Raven finish her sentance, or even fully weigh the consequences he just agreed to.. "Done! Now gimme that form, and i'll be back in a few mins..."

Raven "Arn't you forgetting something?"

Terras, sheepishly, "Oh, right, and i'll try to find a doctor"

Terras picks up the form, dashes out the door, in search of a doctor, and hoping he isn't too late to enter the race...

Back, inside the ship... Was it two become one, or two split from one? At any rate it was 1 + 1 = 2...

Raven's voice "ok, he's gone! Now what color did I want?"
Raven's avatar "How about Hot Pink?"
R.V "Too bright, how about Purple? Indigo Purple?"
R.A "Too dark..."
R.V "I can't frellin belive this, he baits us into letting him race, we finally get the upper hand and can finally have a complete makeover, and we can't decide on a color!"
R.A "Frell is right! I say Hot pink! Pink is sexy!"
R.V "Not over my frellin avatar! Indigo Purple!"
R.A "Not over your frellin avatar? thats my line!"
R.V "Don't start with me....."
R.A "Frell... this again..."
R.V "Uh huh... So what do we do?"
R.A "How about I meet you half way?"
R.V "As in... hot pink with indigo purple?"
R.A "Why not? that'd be one frellin combo!"
R.V "You've got a point there sis!"
R.A "Totally! Terras is gonna hate us :D"
R.V "So what else is new? he did bait us, didnt stop to figure the odds that he'd regret it later... and he'd never forgive us if we kept him out of the race... Call it an even trade..."
R.A "I guess so, well, I best put on a painter's suit and best get started! This is gonna be so wicked!!!!"

The avatar changes into a cute itsy-bitsy teensy-weeny polkadotted little anime painter's outfit complete with cap with the words written in it "color me hot, color me bad!", grabs two sets of spray painters, and skips merrily to her lou outside and begins spraying on the colors - both at the same time...

Meanwhile....

As Terras heads towards the signup desk, he spots an old starfighter in a sunburst color pattern. He gives it a moment's look, not having seen this type of fighter outside of holographs, then continues onwards.

Finally! the signup desk!

Lina: "You again?!?"

Terras "Yeah umm, I got these papers filled out, I wish to enter the race!"

Lina "Is that so? I thought your lady friend was ill? How is she doing by the way? Is she feeling better?"

Terras sheepishly, "Well, umm, no, I uhh, was also in need of a doctor too"

Lina "Of all the frelling nerf hearders in the galaxy, how could you even think of racing when you crew is sick?!?"

Terras "Gee, how'd you know about Sivar being stoned???"

Lina "Woman's intuition" :D

Terras "Frell..... So, is there a doctor in the house? I'd appreciate it before the race starts..."

Lina "If I find someone, I'll point them in the direction of your, um, Pink and purple what did you say it was?"

Terras "a YT-2400 transport, darn sexy too... I don't know where your coming off with the pink & purple though, mine's pure off-white...."

Lina points Terras in the direction from which he came from.... None to far away, stood a YT-2400 transport... Exactly where he swore it was parked. Except in its place was not an off-white YT-2400, but a YT-2400 that was now duo-tone Hot pink on the top half, Indigo Purple on the bottom half... Perfectly devided horizontally, and with the turrets painted in the opposite colors....

Terras 8o "HOLY FRELLL!!!!!!!! What the FRELL happened to my SHIP?!?!??!?!" 8o 8o 8o

Lina, smuggly, "Forget another detail just so you could race did you?"

Terras "How did you-? wait, woman's intuition right? Your driving me nuts with that thing! Quit it already!"

Lina :P "Ah-ha! so you did forget something... typical males..."

Terras (pulls a hand down over face, shaking his head, while groaning something about the odds....) "I'm going to be the laughing stock of this race... How am I gonna live this one up???"

Lina "So, point them over to your feminisque'ly hot'n'sexy new paint-job ship? btw, It does have that feminine look and quality about it now..." :D

Terras "Yeah... sure, whatever... I think I need a doctor now... I think i'm gonna be sick..."

With that, shoulders drooped, Terras slowly mopes back towards his ship...

Donovan Morningfire
20 February 2004, 02:14 PM
OOC: continuing a bit from my last post ...

Donovan: Orroooooooooooooooooooo?! *ker-ploosh*

*Donovan, after being unsquishyed by Rei, finally lands in a pile of sand next to the sign-up desk, still staffed by Lina Inverse, just as Terras mopes away to his pink-and-purple YT-2400*

Lina: Nice landing.

Terras: Nice hang time.

Donovan *popping head out of sand*: Oro? (said whie eyes are black swirlies)

Lina :rolleyes:

Terras: Um, right ... (goes back to moping back to his ship)

Lina: Uh, Donovan? You are gonna be able to get this race started right? After all, I, the supremely talented sorceress supreme Lina Inverse, have to ... (grumbles something not very nice) ... report to where Lokar docked his K-1 Gunboat.

Donovan (shakes head, snapping back to his senses): Right. Give me half a sec ... *pops out of the sand pile, somehow disturbing almost none of the sand, and lands in a dramatically cool pose, though Lina, being Lina, is unfazed*

Lina: Good. Now that your free ... *hands Donovan a datapad* I have a race to win. See you at the finish line.

Donovan:
May the Force ...

Lina: I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO NEVER MENTION THAT SUPERSTITIOUS MUMBO-JUMBO AROUND ME EVER AGAIN!!!!!

Donovan (very quietly): Says the girl that uses sorcery.

Lina: I HEARD THAT!!!!

Donovan *stunned look*: Oro!

*Snapping back, Donovan quickly reviews the datapad, and then dashes to the Jedi's Fire.*

*On board the Jedi's Fire ...*

Malkarris: I still can't believe I agreed to let Donovan use my ship as Race Central. I would have won last time if it weren't for that confounded Technicolor Army and their scheme to overtake the Galactic Insanity Line.

T'real: Come on Malk. Things like that happen even to the best of people ... *smiles sweetly* ... even to you.

Malk (raises eyebrow): What's that supposed to mean?

T'real: Would you look at that! Donovan just showed up!

Donovan: Sorry for the short delay. Had to catch up with a few friends, get unstuck from a very scary situation, not to mention get the list of racers.

Malk: Fine, fine. I suppose you're going to want the Fire's PA turned on?

Donovan: That might help, that it would.

T'real (quietly to Malk): I don't remember him being that dopey, do you?

Malk (just as quietly): Considering how many whacks to the head he's had from dragonseye and her bass, I'm not surprised.

Donovan: Okay everyone, the entries are in, and it would seem that everyone is just about set to go! So without further ado .... racers, START YOUR ENGINES! And may Eris and The Force be with you!!!

OOC: Okay, here's the prelimnary racing order, as determined by the tried and true gamer method .. the roll of a die (d8 in this case).

1) Vash Knives
2) KnightStalker
3) Compton Rage/Slavan
4) Lucein Solo
5) Ris
6) Dragonseye
7) Terras
8) Lokar

This round: Getting underway towards Bastion ...

Vash Knives
25 February 2004, 11:24 AM
*At the start of the race, Vash rode out of the Flying Mecha on his viper to the starting line. As the command to start is said, Vash launched his bike forward and it transformed into battliod mode. He then ativated his thrusters sending the mecha into the nearest wormhole heading for Bastion at a speed nearing Ludicrious.*
Meerg:*while looking to see where Vash went.*Meerg not know where Vash go.
*While most people are wondering where Vash went, thereby losing time, he is zipping toward Bastion on a strange glowing path of yellow bricks.*
Vash: Vipe, enter Ludicrious NOS at 5 parts per million.
Vipe: Understood sir, current speed is Ludicrious factor 2,3..,5, steady at factor 5.
Vash: Ok, increase NOS to 10 parts per million and stay on the Yeloow-Brick-Hyperoad, avoiding the munchkins.
*While Vash is saying this, the viper slams into a munchkin, sending it flying to who knows the frell where.*
Vipe: Current speed is Ludicrious factor 10. Prepare to exit the hyperoad.
Vash: Don't forget to revert to battliod mode on exit.
Vipe: Exiting Now.
*As Vipe finishes saying that, a wormhole forms and the viper exits the hyperoad, still going at ludicrious factor 10, and it slams into the very front of a star destroyer, ripping through the entire ship in the blink of an eye. As the viper tumbles out of the back of the star destroyer, it explodes and the viper slams into the front of the lone super star destroyer, leaving a small crater, in which the cyclone lies in the center. At this time, Vash's cellphone rings and he picks it up.*
TCYHMNVT: Can you here me now?
*Suddenly a bloodcurdling scream comes out of the phone, but is suddenly cut short as Vash closes his phone with a look of anger mixed with some satisfaction.*
Vash: Frelling telemarketers.
As Vash gets up from the crater, a single wingnut falls off the super star destroyer and hits Vash in the head. As it bounces off his head, he catches it.
Imperial officer: Unidentified craft, indentify yourself or you will be destroyed.
Vash: You believe you can destroy the One?
IO: I have not heard of the One. Please state your name and id code or you will be destroyed.
Vash: Like frell you will destroy me. I am Vash Knives.
IO: You will surrender or be destroyed.
Vash: I will not surrender.
IO: Then you leave me no choice.
*At this a large number of TIE interceptors sprout from every ship in the system starts heading toward Vash.*
Vipe: This is unfair!
Vash: Indeed, there is only 48 000 of them.
Vipe: :raised:
*As the interceptors come in to attempt in vain to destroy Vash, he launches forward, keeping the tacyon autocannons holstered.*
Vipe: You can't seriously take out 48 000 Ties without weapons.
Vash: Who said I wasn't using weapons?
Vipe: You are not using the weapons that are equipped to me.
Vash: The Ties have weapons. I only need to use those guns.
*While the ties start firing for a pass against Vash, he rushes in amonst the interceptors, jumping from one to another as soon as he is fired upon each time. While he does this at blazing speed, the theme to "Sonic X" plays in the backround.*
Vash: Should I finish them with a waltze, disco, or the macarena?
*In a great combintion of flips, barrel rolls, and cartwheels, Vash makes waste of most of the ties without firing a single shot. As he passes the bridge ten stormtroopers stand there holding white cards.*
Cards: 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 9, 10, 10, 10.
Vipe: :raised:
Vash: What can I say, I'm just that good.
*At that, Vash launches off the bridge of the ssd and enters the second wormhole.*
ooc: Ludicrious factor 1=spaceballs ludicrious speed.
Next up, Ye who stalks knights-Knightstalker, you're up!

KnightStalker
28 February 2004, 02:54 PM
As the race gets underway, the Starbound Misfit II lifts off and makes for orbit at full throttle. On the bridge, Criss and Lynnori sit in the pilot & copilot seats while Misfit's ASP-droid body is seated in the next compartment back at the commo board.

Criss glances over to Lynnori as he pulls his Mandalorian helmet off. "So where's our first stop at?"

"Our first destination is Bastion, where we're supposed to obtain a wingnut from a Super Star Destroyer. Got any ideas?"

'Actually I do. Is our course plotted for the hyperjump?" Criss stands up and moves over to a small compartment at the rear starboard side of the bridge, and sets the helmet down as he stows his weapons in the compartment.

"Coordinates are laid in and we can make the jump as soon as we're clear of the planet's gravity well."

"Good, once we're clear, engage the spacefold drive. I'll be down in engineering working on how we're gonna get onboard an SSD."

Criss picks the helmet back up and exits the bridge, heading directly for the turbolift and proceeding to the engineering compartment on the ship's lowermost deck. As Criss is walking into Engineering, the ship begins the near-instantaneous spacefold to Bastion. Working quickly, Criss picks up a power-ratchet and proceeds to dismantle one of the ship's spare intermix compressors, then uses a vise and pliers to break one of the nuts used to hold the casing together. By the time Criss exits Engineering to return to the bridge, the defold sequence begins.

Walking back into the bridge compartment, Criss puts his helmet back on and takes his seat at the pilot's station. "That's set, how many Imps are in planetary orbit."

"My sensors detect a Super Star Destroyer and several other Imperial cruisers."

"Misfit, hail the SSD." Lynnori then glances over to Criss, "Well, here we go."

The main viewscreen switches from a chart of the planetary orbits to the bridge of the SSD. "This is Captain Gonnabechokedsoon. Identify yourself and state your purpose for coming here." :tarkin:

"This is the Starbound Misfit II, we were passing by this system when one of our intermix compressors broke down. With your permission we'd like to dock and obtain some assistance in repairing the component. We'll be on our way and out of your sector as quickly as possible."

"Well, I see no harm in that, proceed to docking bay 44. I'll have a team from maintenance meet you in the hangar bay."

"Thank you. Starbound Misfit II out." The viewscreen returns to the chart of the planetary orbits as the ship shifts course for the SSD's hangar bays. Lynnori looks at Criss and asks, "Intermix compressor failed?" as the ship flies into docking bay 44 and comes to rest on the deck.

"Hey, they're not gonna know that I tore one apart to give ourselves an excuse to obtain a wingnut. Trust me."

"What's with you Corellians and trust? You all seem to always be saying that or not wanting to know what the odds on something are."

"It's just the way we are. :hansolo: Wait here while I go to get the wingnut."

A moment later, Criss walks down the ship's ramp to greet the mechanics. As a short heavyset mechanic is asking Criss what repairs are needed, a thin, tall mechanic pushes a hovercart of parts over toward the ramp.

"Well, let's see, it's not a major repair, just one of our shipboard components need to be reassembled, but I'm lacking some of the parts. I need some lubricant, an induction coil, an intermix compressor casing, and a wingnut, and I think that's it."

All of a sudden, over the Misfit II's external speakers blurts "Hey move over, bacon. Now there's something leaner! :)" in regard to the two mechanics.

The shorter mechanic reacts, ":? Excuse me!?!"

Misfit says, "You heard me, pork chop. :D"

Criss glares at the ship's nearest holocam and says "Shut up!" to the ship's AI.

The shorter mechanic shouts ":mad: WHAT!?!"

Criss says "Um, sorry, not you," grabs the wingnut, runs back up the ramp into the ship, hitting the hatch release button in the process and yells over the intercom to Lynnori "Get us the frak outta here!"

As Criss is hurrying to the ship's bridge, Lynnori fires up the thrusters, flies the ship out of the SSD hangar and begins plotting the next planet's coordinates as several Imperial fighters begin to give chase. As Criss hurries into the bridge and throws himself into the pilot's seat, he yells out "Thanks a lot, Misfit! Were you deliberately trying to get me shot?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, did I offend someone? I couldn't help myself, those two mechanics reminded me of someone I saw in an old Earth comedy." :P

"Lynnori, those TIEs are gaining, how much longer until we can fold out of here?"

"Coordinates set, engaging spacefold drive."

The Starbound Misfit II executes another near-instant spacefold out of Bastion-space, leaving several Imperial fighter pilots confused over where their prey disappeared to.

Slavan K. Guiser
7 March 2004, 02:35 PM
*Compton Rage, having finished discussing the merits of the Gekiganger 3 with his new ship's mecha pilot/cook, he heads up just in time to catch an announcement about the start of the race. Upon coming into the bridge, he also manages to see the avatar of Eris sitting upon a bound and gagged former captain. She sits there, smiling happily, and tips the hat she took from Yurika as Compton enters.*

Compton: Misato, what the frell happaned up here?

Misato: Well, now that this boat of boats is yours, I thought I'd relieve the Captain of her duties for a bit.

Compton: I had a deal worked out!!! You can't just mutiny and take over here!

*Misato saunters over to Compton, swinging her hips slightly as she does so. She softly wraps her arms around his neck, looks up at him sweetly, and disagrees.*

Misato: Apparently I can just fine. Do you see the others having a problem with it? *She motions to those below, the twelve-year old seen earlier, a third purple-haired girl sitting obviously at the com-station, and a third sitting there for no obvious purpose. Mainly, the key point is sitting there.* There's no problem here, Compton! No dissention among the ranks. Isn't that right girls.

*From among the group below.* Hai! Yup! All is just fine here.

Misato: See? No problems whatsoever.

*About this time, a muffled and somewhat unintelligible noise sounds out from the bound captain. Compton sighs, stepping over to her, about to untie the captain that he hired.*

Misato: I wouldn't do that if I were you.....

*Without turning around, COmpton continues to untie her.* I am going to do that. I need my captain. She knows the ship, and will be able to best help us win this race. I mean, if you don't want that mug......

*He turns around, seeing if his comment sunk in, but unfortunately, he sees Misato, with a very unhappy flaming aura behind her.*

Misato: I _really_ think you don't want to untie her.

Compton: eeep. I think you're right......Well, you do look rather sexy and would make a wonderful captain.

Misato: That's more like it. *She tips the hat, gives a "V for victory" and flaunts her excessively natural beauty.* I did think that I would be a great natural choice.

Compton: Well, Captain, you should go to your position, and prepare to take orders, as it's time to get onto this race. As we've seen, Vash and Criss and the Misfit have already taken off towards Bastion. However, one question.

Misato: Yes, Compton?

Compton: Now that you're captain, couldn't you possibly think of a bit kinder way for Yurika to make this trip? Like confined to her room or something?

Misato: Well, yeah. I guess. *Misato waves her hand and Yurika disappears, presumably to her room.*

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
*Somewhere on the Jedi's Fire, a purple-headed ship's captain shows up unbound in a hold. A hold that contains an excessive amount of Lokar's Bubbly, and not much else. Out of curiousity, the poor girl decides to try the drink.*
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
*Back on the Nadesico, Misato has positioned her at the helm, Compton directing her to take the ship up and out to Bastion.*

Misato: Ruri, take us off the planet and into orbit. From there, I want a course plotted for Bastion at once. At our first opportunity, I want to jump in there. From there, I will direct us towards the objective.

Compton: You get us there, and then I'll go ahead and get us our nut from the SSD. Given the amount of confusion going on from the other two, it shouldn't be that hard.

*The Nadesico successfully lifts off from the planet, putting itself in a high orbit around Zaphod.*

Ruri: We are currently in orbit, but we do not have any idea how to do this "jump" to Bastion. Without a Chulip, it's impossible to do so.

Misato: What do you mean how do we....

Compton: I got this one Misato. Gimme a moment, and we'll be in there. Ruri, the instant we're in, I want you to put the shields up to full, as we're more than likely going to be fired upon instantaneously.

Ruri: Understood. Awaiting the authorization upon your orders, Admiral Rage.

Compton: Alright, Prepare to raise shield in five, four, three, two.......

*As Compton counts down, faint lines of light traces themselves across his skin, and a blinding flash encompasses the ship.*

Compton: One.....Mark!

*The ship appears in the middle of what seems to be a battle zone, as several hundred decimated TIE fighters float around the Nadesico. Soon, the floating parts are spread into a spherical pattern as the Nadesico's shields energize.*

Ruri: Captain Katsuragi, Admiral Rage, particle and energy shields running full at 95% effiecency. Some bleedoff due to the debris field we jumped into. The shields look to be holding steady.*

Compton: Great. Now, for my turn. *He does the flashy-jump affect thing one more time.*
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
*Aboard a second Super Star Destroyer, currently being assembled around the third planet out in the solar system, a rather odd event has taken place. Two Zero-G workers suddenly find themselves staring down a man with large eyebrows and not much of a spacesuit. In fact, the being wears no spacesuit at all. He saunters up to them casually, waving cheerfully as he does so.*

Compton: Pardon me, but you guys wouldn't happen to have a wing nut handy, would you?

*The first worker drops his 'spanner and shuffles back from Compton.*

Worker 1: What.....What are you? There's no human that can survive space......

Compton: Well, I'm obviously not human. Really, though, I just kinda need the wing nut.

*The second worker draws a fusion cutter, hoping it'll be enough to stop this menace in front of him. He flicks it on, and back away from Compton, standing tensely with the makeshift weapon in front of him. Compton sighs, and raises his hands, trying to look as peaceful as an all-powerful reality bender can look.*

Compton: Ah, c'mon. I don't want to have to search this hulk of metal just for a small little wingnut!!!! Can't you just give me one?

Worker 2: Maybe......maybe if we give it one....it'll leave.

Compton: Exactly! Please, just give me the wingnut.

Worker 1: I'm not sure.....I think I've got a couple on me. Cover him while I dig 'em out.

Worker 2: Alright, We think we've got your wingnut. Don't move while he gets it, or I'll cut through you faster than a Wookiee through a droid!

*Compton sighs and drops his arms to his sides while he waits for the first worker to get the wingnut. After several minutes of digging through the various pouches and pockets on the toolcart next to them, the first worker finds a wingnut and tosses it over to Compton.Compton catches it, and stuff it into his pocket.*

Compton: Thanks guys. I owe you one! Now, I'm going to leave you alone, and let you get back to work. You Imperial guys get such a bad rap as being so uptight, but you can be pretty friendly in a pinch!

*Compton then proceeds to turn around and jumps right back to the Nadesico, which has stayed comfortably safe in the relative care of the debris field.*

Worker 1: What the frell was that? Some sort of weird apparition? I didn't think there were any Jedi deaths around here.......

Worker 2: I'm honestly not quite sure, but I think I need to start laying off those late night Biscuit Baron Bantha Biscuits with extra Blue Sauce.... (OOC: Don't know what it is?Check here and enjoy some Bungo and Rusti (http://www.theforce.net/fancomics/bungo&rusti/c1.html)).*
------------------------------------------------------------------------
*Aboard the Nadesico, Compton appears with the wingnut in tow.*

Compton: Alrighty! On to the next stop! Everyone brace for the jump.........

*Compton begins to the prep for another boson jump to the next coordinates.*

Lucein Solo
11 March 2004, 10:07 AM
*Clad in his stormtrooper armour, John Solo shot off from the starting line, only to find his blaster didn't work. Due to this he throws it behind him, hitting a pit droid in the head. The droid folds up and the head slowly falls off the droid.*
John: I hope that didn't hit anyone.
*Right after this, incident, John focused on the race at hand at didn't notice the small metal shape speeding behind him. That shape was the womprat that never registered, yet had the proper datacard, Wompa-Stompa. Both vehicles launched along the Skyway being generated under John's Aratech speeder bike. With full boosters on both vehicles, the two racers sped along at speeds that would surprise any swoop racer. They quickly got to Bastion, where both begin their work. Wompa-Stompa stopped in front of the super star destroyer holding up a picture of a baudo star yacht in front of the cargo hold of his enclosed hoverboard, while John rode out behind the bridge tower of the massive ship.*
Wompa-Stompa: (translated) Come my little friends...
John: (while watching the wingnuts of the ship coming up off the imperial war machine towards Wompa-Stompa and his picture of the elegant ship the womprat is using as wingnut bait.) That is a bit excessive.
*At this, John sped of to head off the swarm of wingnuts so he could at least get the one wingnut he needed to get on to the next stage of the race. With a quick barrel roll, John grabbed the last exterior wingnut just before it was to go into the cargo hold of Wompa's Hoverboard.*
TIE Pilot: Get them!!!
*John pulls out a blaster rifle as the TIE's approach, and Wompa-Stompa bolts off in his hoverboard into hyperspace. With his lightsaber in his left hand and the blaster rifle in his right hand, John met the charge of TIE fighters, cutting the one pilot's chair out of one fighter after slicing off the fighter's solar panels. 1138 other Ties met a different fate. With his rifle in his right hand, John put away his lightsaber and focused with the blaster. Each Fighter got one shot up each ion exaust. As John quickly left the area, the pilot fell to the ground. As he looked up, he saw a TIE cockpit ball coming towards him from above.*
Pilot: Rescue!!!
*Just as he finishes this comment, the cockpit ball slams into his chest.*
Pilot: Spleen...Hurts...badly...*passes out*

Ris
18 March 2004, 06:51 PM
Z'Rissa (quietly to Dantris): Is it just me, or is he hiding something?
Dantris (leaning in close to Z'Rissa): What was your first hint?
Z'Rissa: You mean besides everything Dono's said? Aaarrgh! He OWES me one
MORE flippant explanation--& I'm gonna get THIS one out of his cute hide as
soon as you're underway!
Dani: Hey, I'm the one who knows how to do surgery!
Z'Rissa: You always want to play doctor!
Dani: With you, yes.
Ris snuggles against him & suddenly finds herself behind Dani! "O
Sith-phooey! I wish I could choose what to step right through-this is
getting tiresome!"
Dani: Yeah, & I didn't even feel a thing-too bad. Not to mention, you can't
rub my back.
Z'Rissa: Sith-sheesh! What'd I ever do to deserve falling for the 2 most
flippant Jedi Hunks in the multiverse?
JEJVO (James Earl Jones voice-over): Most women in any space-time continuum would envy you, Jedi Organa.
Ris: Go do your heavy breathing elsewhere.
Dani **charmingly rogue-ish smile** He does have a point, beauteous
mistress. And the point of my entering this race is so I might find the
elixir to make our dreams come true. Holding YOU again is worth any wait,any price, any peril.
**Ris is mollified by this latest declaration of passion.**

JEJVO (dryly): Fortunately for the rest of us. And since you have to get to
Bastion, Healer-
The star-crossed Jedi lovers make their way to Dani's Aethyrsprite,
discussing their plans.
Dani: How come you & ol' Vader's voice keep talking like I'm the only one
making the trip?
Ris: Because I've never been to Bastion & a Force-spirit needs to have been here or have someone or something strong in the Force to home in on. So I'm going to see you off & wave a scarf like the heroine of some ancient Naboo opera, then have another cozy chat with Dono, then join you en route or in-system. I guess we'd better change into flight gear before meeting with the pit crew.
At a conveniently located cabana, Dani emerges wearing a classic X-wing
flightsuit. It has the rank dots of a medical commander, a Rebel Alliance
patch, & a squadron emblem depicting an X-wing sillouetted over a shooting
star. His helmet, however is newly painted with the emblems of the old Jedi
Order. Dani strides over to his motley ground crew, 2 dubius-looking male
engineers in bathrobes; a wide-eyed younger man (wearing a "Kick the Intern"
tee); a stubborn but pretty female engineer with a triangular-shaped hairdo
& hot-pink suit; & a small fat dog sporting glasses, crown, scepter, & a
most cynical expression.
Wally: That's our boss? Straight out of Sci-Fi Network?
Alice: This looks promising--his hair isn't pointy & Mr. Catbert is nowhere
in sight.
Dani **bows & kisses Alice's hand** I'm Jedi Dantris Solomani-but do call me
Dani. And who have we here? Your name must be a poem.
Alice **nearly swooning** Lead Engineer Alice. Ah, this IS the job of my
dreams.
Suddenly Dilbert's tie sticks straight up, Asok & Wally's chins fall down to
the ground, & Dogbert just glares through his spectacles. Alice is still
too captivated by Dani's charms, however to notice the appearance of lovely
Jedi Master Z'Rissa.
Dani: Ah, my princess of a copilot must have arrived.
The Force-ghost is wearing a very form-fitting X-Wing flightsuit
(Victoria's Secret) with Alderaan insignia. The helmet she's holding has
dark glitterlilies painted on each side. But neither helmet or suit attract
the male engineers' attention the way her WonderBra flak-vest does.
Dilbert: Ooolala
Wally: Wanna go out with me, doll?
Asok: I wish Interns weren't always last
Z'Rissa: **lightsaber blade pointed right at Wally's most precious anatomy,
Hoth-cold voice** Don't even THINK that again!
Asok: I think I am very lucky to be last
Z'Rissa **turns to Alice with a pleased smile** The Force is with us! A
sensible talented Chief. I'm Jedi Z'Rissa. Come, I'll show you the snub &
astromech. **takes Alice's arm & they head to the Aethyrsprite, chatting
about the business at hand & beginning the preflight check** Though I don't
envy you keeping that lot in line. I've got a bad feeling about them,
especially the canid. And is that Wally dunce always so-so-
Alice: No, that's him acting intelligent & cool, he's usually worse. But
you don't have to worry about him damaging the ship-he's too lazy to try
working on it & he'll be too busy trying to download kinky holo-vids to
boot. I think he was raised by Neimodians or Hutts. And speaking of Star
Wars, are you 2 really Jedi Knights?
Z'Rissa: Yes.
Alice: Then why did they have Hayden-he's just OK--instead of **sighs
dreamily** HIM in AOTC? He looks like Jack Sparrow, only better.
Z'Rissa: Because Dantris, like most Healers, hasn't a Darkside bone in his
bod. And he was a Master himself at that point. Oh, there's one other Jedi I
know for sure here. Donovan Morningfire. And he's about as hunky & sweet
as Dani in his own way.
Alice: Tell me more?
Z'Rissa: Ever seen this holo-series Smallville?
Alice: MMMMMMM-does he look more like Clark, Lex or Sam?
Z'Rissa: Clark, and acts just as sweet. **dreamy sigh** Just don't get on
the wrong end of Dono's lightsaber. I'm one of the best duelists & I've
only won like 50% of our sparring matches.
Alice: I always wanted to be a Jedi when the OT movies first came out, but
there weren't any girl knights.
Z'Rissa: Just because you don't see something, doesn't mean it isn't there.
**The Jedi Princess studies the engineer intently for a few moments.**We can
discuss this later. I'll probably be back & forth during the race.
Force-Spirits have it easy that way. **waves hand** Let's talk about clothes
or something**
Alice: how did you change those outfits?
Z'Rissa: Force-spirits are usually stuck with whatever they had the luck to
be wearing when they became One With The Force. But this universe is a bit
like Florida. "The rules are different here." So I can do more clothing
changes than Amidala...

Eventually, Dani & the rest of the Ground Crew joins the ladies & finishes
getting the Aethyrsprite into racing trim.
After having Petey print out a bunch of Imperial credit vouchers for the
crew to use at the bar, Dani jumps into the cockpit. A jaunty "May the
Force be with us, everyone!" can be heard as the canopy closes. Z'Rissa
watches wistfully, until the tiny ship can no longer be seen. "I've other
business for now," she tells the techies then disappears, hoping she can
find Donovan, before Dani's craft leaves hyperspace.
JEJVO: Whilst Z'Rissa seeks their friend, Dantris decides to nap during the
jump, having plenty of sweet dreams about his beloved & what they'll do once
this race is won...

Some hours later... SSD Terrorizer
While the SSD's Captain ponders the rumors of "Jedi apparitions" freaking out loyal space workers, an Aethyrsprite lands daintily on her hull. "That was too easy, mind-tricking the Sensors Officer into hitting the OFF switch," Z'Rissa's voice preceeds her appearance on the snub's foil. "Can't you just see that Maintenance Form Request & Requisition--'Reason Maintenance Form Needed: must inform Engineering SensorNet Dish 10-4 doesn't work when O-F-F button depressed.' Now I hope hiding under this dish will keep your 'Sprite from being discovered."
Dani**soothing bedside manner tone** Now Ris, you know your old apprentice Lon pulled that same trick on Separtist ships over & over during the Clone Wars & it always worked. And contrary to Imp propaganda, sensors were better then.
Ris: Yes he did. Even exasperated the Separatists more than he ever did me--no mean accomplishment there
Dani: True dat & so he became one of the few non-Corellians to earn bloodstripes. Now let's get that wingnut, beautiful!
Once Dani is EVA-ready, Ris guides him to a hatch & into the Terrorizer, taking a route she just reconned.
Dani: According to the Bothan-made map, there's always an Emergency Fastener Depot just inside Engineering Annex B's refresher...
Ris: and it's this way--there's no one here. I locked the other access blast door & Imp regs only call for inspection of this area every 2 years & I overheard a stormie say an ISB officer went through last month. I think we should take 1 or each type--I don't recall the rules saying what type of SSD wingnut.
JEJVO: but unbeknownst to our star-crossed Jedi, Capt. I. D. Iot was unnerved enough by the rumors to do a surprise inspection, starting here...
While Dani hangs back Ris makes one last recon of the refresher area. As she glides towards the 'fresher door, it opens--and the Force-spirit waltzes through Iot rather than the plassteel door.
I.D. Iot: What the sithfrell frellingspit!?!?! You're one of those dead Jedi those crewmen who's cousin's pals who do drydock were babbling about! Aren't you? I should turn you over to the Inquisitors
Z'Rissa: You won't get the chance! **lightsaber appears in hand**
JEJVO: No Way! You can't affect ANYone physically!
Z'Rissa: Grr--why can' the rules of this crazy place break when I want 'em to break?
Dani **waves his hand** you won't call the Inquisitors, my good man
Iot: Stop waving your hand, Jedi. I sure won't call in--Them--whether you wave you hands or not**shakes in regulation boots a bit**
Z'Rissa: because you're a coward, right?
Iot: You could put it more delicately, m'dear. Let's just say I've no more wish to see Them than 2 Jedi who not only hid from Vader, but aided those sabteurs & insurgents, by your clothes
Dani: Then I think we have the beginnings of a deal.
The Imperial Captain & a Healer-turned-Rebel dicker a bit more while Z'Rissa watches incredulously. After a few more minutes:
Iot: And, sir, can you wave you hand & make me forget something? Like the pair of you? If I cna't remember you you've never been here & I can't be interrogated about it.
Dani: I can justify that on the grounds that it's needful for your mental health.
Z'Rissa doesn't want to watch, so she inspects the wingnuts. Dani rejoins her, a very satisfied smile on his face.
Ris: Get one of each size just in case. My you're looking awfully pleased with yourself--like a sabrecat who's eaten a brace of Calamari tide-trout, AND a cauldron of sweet bantha cream. What was your prescription for the good Captain?
Dani: I told him to forget us and defect to the Rebels. You know how badly they need ships :D
Ris: Even with your talents, I'm surprised he went for that one--he's loyal even if he is scared silly.
Dani: I reinforced the suggestion by telling him there were less Jedi spirits in Rebel territory. You really scared the man Ris, walking though him with no warning. His BP & pulse were still up, but I took care of that
Ris: He's the one who walked through me!
Dani: As you say, Princess, now let's get the frell out of Dodge. We've still got how many planets to go to?

dragonseye
25 March 2004, 10:16 AM
----Meanwhile, far away a van ship is making an important delivery----

Claus: Are you crazy!? Bad enough we tried that three star package, now you’re having us make a five star one! What’s so dangerous about the delivery anyways? It’s just food.

Lavie: The planet we’re taking it to has the highest concentrations of the universe’ insanians with phenomenal cosmic powers.

Claus: What?!

Lavie: Well, most of them are supposed to be gone. Some sort of great race…

Claus: And you tell me this now. How long before the race starts?

The van ship is pushed to the limits as Claus tries to make it in time to enter the race.



----Later: Same universe----


Narrator: We last left off with Dragonseye signing up for the NNTBS Race. As luck would have it now, Dragonseye is having difficulty starting her Vespa.

Dragonseye: Ok, try it now. Maybe the piggies just needed to be replaced. Dragonseye closes the storage compartment where two new mini squeaky piggies have been stuffed inside and tosses the crispy remains of the old piggies over her shoulder.

Canti attempts to start the engine once more, but to no avail. The Vespa shakes briefly, spewing steam across the race line, and then falls silent once again. Dragonseye stares blankly at the Vespa for a moment before reaching behind her and grabbing her Rickenbacker. Not paying attention to Canti’s ironic local in her path of destruction, Dragonseye starts to pummel the Vespa- and Canti’s head. Work you bloody piece of @%%@$$@@$%$@$@%$##$%$@#$%$$@$#$#@…

Narrator: Hah! I saw that one coming. Let’s see you get past that censoring!

Dragonseye continues spewing strange characters as she smacks the Vespa. A large chunk of Canti’s head shatters, spewing pieces across the island and one particularly large chunk into the awaiting open mouth of the Narrator.

As the Narrator drops to the sand, three new figures step up to him and present him with a business card and letter of termination.
CNE: We’re the Censor Monkeys. You’ve been here by relieved of your duty as Narrator of the NNTBS thread.

Narrator: (After spitting out the part of Canti’s head.) But… But… (in a moment of true stupidity) Shouldn’t there be four of you?

SNE grins unpleasantly at Narrator as HNE just shakes his head.

CNE: DNE resigned after our last assignment with Disney. Couldn’t take the pressure. Now take you’re letter and leave; you’ve just been replaced.

Narrator sulks away to the NNTBS Bar and Grill.


----Even Later Still----

Narrator: Can you believe it?! Me! Me! They just replaced me! (Sobs into his mug of Bubbly.)

BP #69: Hey, get a load of this baby! (Holds up a fold out poster in the Home and Garden magazine of an outdoor barbecue.) I just love to get my hands on one of those.

BP #2183: Quit that! You’re going to scare away the customers. (As an aside) If the Ex- Narrator doesn’t do so first.

BP #69: But, she’s a side loader and top loader. She can even handle a full 1000 kilo’s of meat! Can’t I get her? Pleeeaaassse…?

----Meanwhile----

Canti stands up, patting at the back of his now broken head. Staring dejectedly at the Vespa now that Dragonseye has relieved her pent up frustration, Canti smacks his head. Canti shuffles up to the NNTBS Bar And Grill and returns shortly afterwards with a box of Vespa snacks. After filling the tank- it once more reads full- Canti easily turns it on with the flip of a switch.

Dragonseye runs back to the Vespa and hugs it repeatedly, followed shortly by Ed.

Ed: Eye Eye, you must fly. See, the race has started and now you must get the winged nut. Ed points at her computer screen where a picture of a walnut with dragon fly wings is hovering over a pond. After hitting a couple keys, the screen changes to a real time image of a SSD hovering over a planet. Ed will help, but Eye Eye must take Ed with.


---- A Technicolor Rainbow trail later---

Imperial Technician ID #2613: Sir, we have an unusual reading from the far side of the planet.

Imperial Commander: Bring it up on main screen. Its FOF is…?

IT ID #2613: P…P… Plaid, Sir.

Everyone on the bridge gasps.

IC: Raise all shields! And give me command of the speakers! All Hands, this is Imperial Commander Red. Our sensors have just registered a Plaid bogey coming in hard from the far side of the planet. Be advised mass mayhem and insanity are sure to follow. And may the Emperor watch over us all!


----Meanwhile, at the Docking Bay----


Random Imperial Trooper #378: Run!!!!!! It’s coming this way!

Panic breaks over the docking bay as a yellow Vespa lands with a squeal of the tires. Ed slides to a halt shortly after on her water skis and drops the rope attached to the back of the Vespa.

Ed: This way, Eye Eye. The winged nut is in the medical bay.

Ed and Dragonseye walk to the elevator, passing by rows upon rows of mechanics tools.

Towel: Squeek! (Unravels from Dragonseye’s neck and wraps one end around a proper wingnut from a tray of tools.)


----In the Medical Bay, moments later----


Ed: See, Eye Eye, a nut of wings.

Medical Officer: No! Don’t! That’s the last male of it’s kind! If we don’t breed it to the females, there will be no more Dragon Nuts left in the Universe after a 1000 years!


---- ISD Bridge ----


IC: That’s all they took? A male Dragon Nut? What could they possibly do with that?

IT #2613: They also took the only wingnut we had. We can’t repair the ship’s engines without and will crash into the planet Bastion in approximately two minutes, thirty-four seconds.

IC Red: Aren’t there other wingnuts planet side?

IT #2613: Yes sir, but we won’t be able to retrieve one in time to replace the old wingnut...

Donovan Morningfire
9 April 2004, 03:09 PM
As the Insanians proceed to Bastion and points beyond ...

In a dark room in some secluded locale, a lone figure sits, engulfed in blackness save for the dozen monitors each showing the actions of a different Insanian.

"Ehxxcellent," says the lone figure, his gloved hands steepled in front of him. The tone is cold, merciless, yet has an underlying current of wicked glee. The sort of glee that bully gets when shaking down younger school kids for their lunch money.

"All is proceeding as you have foreseen," says another voice in the background. This voice has a trace more human feeling to it. A trace, but little more.

"Of course," says the first voice. "I have waited for an opportunity such as this for a long, long time." A long pause. "Now be a good underling and fetch me a drink. A sweet one. Not too sweet, but not sour either. One of the really sweet ones. But not super sweet."

"Yes sir," comes a bored reply. Then, the sound of a door creaking open, then slamming close.

"Indeed," says the first figure as he/she/it/? turns his/her/it's/? attention back to the viewscreens, just in time to see Lokar and Lina getting into a steamed argument, which prevents them from taking off as quickly as the other racers. "Hmm, for some reason, I feel an urge to cackle maniacally. And I think I'll indulge that urge."

And the black room is filled with the sound of maniacal laughter ...

OOC: Sadly, Lokar has missed his posting deadline. Terras, it's all you.

Terras Jadeonar & Raven
18 April 2004, 12:31 AM
*Narrator, Gordon Shumway, the brown alien from Melmack also known as Alf, sitting in a large red upholstered armchair, wearing reader's glasses, donning a silk blue housecoat, a licorish pipe in one hand, and a storybook open in his lap* (narrator clears throat, just slightly audible over the classical masterpeice theater opening music)

"Once again, it's time for another Masterpiece Theater. Tonight we'll see the tale of unvanquished love, unbearable heartbreak, tense suspenseful moments of indicision, stupid blunders and everything else 3 shmucks on a starship could possibly do while in the last position of the great race. Let us commence with the story..."

"A long time ago, in a land far away, there lay a sleeping beauty, locked away in a tower, not so much locked in a tower but locked in deep sleep, unable to waken. Save for the kiss of a prince"

*fade to scene*
Terras dressed in fancy kingdom prince's outfit, riding a white horse trotting its way over the countryside to a locked 50-story high tower ... Inside the tower, on the 50th floor, lay an aqua skinned beauty in white lace upon purple silk quilt adorned with fresh picked flowers.

Terras has a reality check, looks around, at himself, then cries out in protest: "What the FRELL??????? where am I? where's my ship? where the frell am I going? and why the frell am I riding a horse?????"

*Gordon Shumway: "Ooops! Uh-oh" quickly flips a couple pages ahead*

Now in the tower, Terras still talking to himself, ruling out all the ludicrous possibilities, making his way over to the poster bed "Well, it ain't Rapunzel since I din't have to rhyme and climb up really long hair, and it isn't Shrek since I aint green and wasn't followed by a talking mule... Whait a sec, who's that sleeping beauty?" Terras walks over, then bends down for a closer look, recognizes her, "Hmm I wonder if if this is..."

Just as Terras was about to administer a delicate kiss, Nileeta's eyes pop open, "Hey! I wasn't sleeping you moron! I'm just sick!"

Terras reels back, startled, lands on his behind, then picks himself up slowly with pain, then sits himself at the edge of the bed, ungracefuly squashing several flowers...

Terras "So, here's what I can't figure out - why and what are we doing here? one moment we we're in the ship, next moment i'm atop a horse and well, ended up here..."

Nileeta "You're right, this is wierd, almost if I was dreaming, but I never had this fairytale dream before. And I wasn't sleeping, I was just dozing off for a little nap..."

Terras "Frell! Something's up to no good and I smell a foul rat..."

*sniff, snifle, ah-- achOOOO!!! snifle... uh-oh....*

Nileeta "What the?"
Terras "It sounded like it came from behind the curtain..." Walks over to the long drape window curtain, pulls it back and- "YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Gordon *dressed in a blue wizards robe with yellow stars and a pointy wide brimed wizards hat* "Uh-oh... Hey! it's not my fault its not my fault! Well, maybe it is," pulls out book - title reads 'Sleeping Beauty' "Whooooooops, wrong book"

Terras "Sleeping Frellin Beauty?!?!? You Frellin narrators think this is some kind of a game or something? You and your omnipresent presence... Gah! and Picard thought Q was bad! Wait! you narrators are the same guys! I shoulda known all along!"

>Pop!< .Q.: (John Delancie) "Hey! I resent that remark! I should make you-"

>Poof!< *Gordon puts away his wizard's wand* "I never liked those guys from the Continuem or Consortion or whatever they call it..."

Terras "Will you mind fixing this already? I've a race to get back to and a sick friend to attend to..."

Gordon Shumway "Don't get your shorts in a knot, i'm hurrying i'm hurrying"

*fade out*

Gordon *opens book, titled 'Starwars: NNFAR' "Ahem... here we go.... In a galaxy far far away........"

*fade in*

Terras walks from galley to lounge and back again, million things on his mind, none of them important as the race or the current situation - NIleeta sick, sivar stoned, and Raven had just informed them that the race already started, everyone's left and they're the only ones still sitting there... Presumably due to that totally useless narrator incident moments before... Terras had only one course of action left.... "ALF!!!!!!!!!!"

>Poof!< "You beckoned oh insaniane one?"

Terras "Cut the genie in the bottle crap, will you?"

Alf "Drat, and I was about to give you three wishes"

Terras "3? Then take us back to the start of the race, before the incident that resulted in us. Make Nileeta and Sivar well. And what I'd give for a can of Sparky Cola while you're at it...."

Alf "Nuh-uh, nope, sorry, no can do. Well, can't do anything about the race position thing. They'd revoke my Narrator's License"

Terras "What? you got us into this mess and who's 'They' ???"

Alf "No can do! well, lets put it this way - they're the Big Kahuna, the all mighty... ya'know... they're probably sitting in a dark room with a creaky door, their siloute bathed in the light from a wall of 1 gazilion screens, or watching one single giant screen of crystal clarity... Wait, that sounded tooo Outer Limits style.. Sometimes I really freak myself out. Ha! I Kill me!"

Terras (groan) "SO what part of 'use' can you be to me besides 'useless'?"

Alf "Ummm, hang on now, " Alf starts searching his pocket laden khacki pants and jacket then hands a small item to Terras, "Here! try that"

Terras holds up a pack of breath mints "Mentos? what the frell am I gonna do with Mentos?!?"

Behind Terras, Nileeta stirs, grogily, totally out of it... "Terras? what's going on? I had this really wierd dream and..."

Alf whispers "Mentos! the freshmaker!"

Terras shrugs in confusion, pops in one of the candies, then walks to Nileeta, "It's a long story, in a literal sense. How are you feeling?"

Nileeta "Like I wanna puke, and thats not counting the womprat that crawled in my mouth and died... Hey, whats that on your breath?"

Terras, with stylish charm (and bravado in the face of her bad breath that could kill a rancor) "Come and taste this baby"

Nileeta 8o "huh-? oh-" :o "mmm? mmmmmmmmmmm mmmhmmmmmmmmmm"

Terras "Feelin better now baby?"

Nileeta "One more time hon, plz?"

"mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmhmmmmmmmmmmmm-?"

Nileeta "... ?"

Terras "Hey! what are you starin at alien?"

Alf, exclaims inocently "Me??? Oh nothin, though I'd pay to see you cure Sivar like that..."

> momentary general shudder & wretch moment <

Alf "Ehh, I think I really killed me this time... ech.."

Terras, draws carbine at Alf, "Now there's an idea. Get me a Sparky Cola then scram. Capiche?"

Alf "Whoa! no need to get testy now! alright here's your cola... " >click....< alright alright already! i'm goin!" (mumbles: some people just have no gratitude these days...) >poof!<

Terras, "now where were we? oh right... So, there any other dreams you want to tell me about"

Nileeta, pulls back from embrace, "Not at the moment, though don't you think you were a little hard on him?"

Terras "And I thought I was rather easy on that particular pesky alien"

Nileeta, stabs finger acusingly in Terras's chest "Are you going Xenophobe on me???"

Terras, apologetically, "Sorry babe, I shouldn't have used alien, after all, there's this aqua skinned twi'lek i'm totally smitten with. I dunno what to classify him or it as... He's bad as Agent Smith!"

Nileeta "Oh hon, he did give you the mentos the freshmaker, i'm feeling all better now"

Terras "and I thought it was me"

Nileeta "Well, that too..."

Terras "But he jipped me out of a can of sparky!"

> kerrr-rack! glug-glug-glug-glug-glug-glug-Burrrrrrrrrrrrrrrp (http://members.shaw.ca/tiger.jadesfire/SivarBurp.wav) clank clank clank! <

(OOC: For a limited time, click on above for NNFAR - now with sound effects!)

A now emptied can of sparky cola is tossed, comes to a stop at Terras's feet.

Terras "My can of sparky! and who- Sivar!", as Sivar exits the galley...

Sivar "Ruhfrrreshun..." Burrrrrrrrrrrrrrrp (http://members.shaw.ca/tiger.jadesfire/SivarBurp.wav)

(OOC: For a limited time, click on above for NNFAR - now with sound effects!)

Terras "Ugh, we really need to do something about that bad breath... Like candies Sivar? here ya go! the whole package"

Sivar chomps on the candies, package and all, starts chewing... moments later, the whole ship shakes, as a huge friggin 747 jet airliner from out of nowheres, fly's above the ship... Sivar's fur instantly becomes windwsept backwards, slightly upwards...

Terras and Nileeta both stare... "Whoa... And I thought that happened in only the comercials!"

Raven's voice: "Don't nobody ever eat a whole frellin package of mentos at once ever again!!!!! We just got buzzed by a winged frickin huge unidentified flying object!!!"

Terras and Nileeta & Sivar: :D

Raven's voice: "That ain't funny!"

Terras "Ya know, Raven's got a point... it wasn't funny. It was AWESOME! Can we do that again?!?!?" :D

Raven: "NO!"

Sivar "Weh should concentrreht on the rrehss at hannd"

Terras slaps fist, "Your right! ok, what do we do? we need a game plan, yeah thats it... everyone's left, we're still sittin here and most likely have lost the race to Bastion... any ideas?"

Nileeta "Hmm, where else can we get a Super Stardestroyer's wingnut? Sorry, I wish I knew we needed one, since we were aboard MegaMe and JediFire..."

Terras "Aha! Raven! use all your sensors, and I don't care how, there must be one stray wingnut in this vicinity!"

Raven, 5 seconds later "Sorry, Captain, none can be found"

Terras "Drat! anyone else have a bright idea?"

Sivar pulls out a datapad, "Herre, frrom muh special ops dayss, Generral Crackenn maht help..."

Terras "Wow Hot digiity! Raven! scan this code and patch us through!"

... minutes later...

Cracken "You need a SSD's wingut you say? thats the most oddball request i've had yet... Alright, I owe the big guy one, and I think I can requisition one from Lusyanka's parts hold... I'll Fox it over. Cracken out."

... minutes later... Ding Dong!

Raven "Terras, there's someone, or something at the main airlock. Let it in?"

Terras whistles, "Wow, that was quick... Sure, send'er in."

Airlock cycles then opens,

Nileeta "Wow! its a Cybot Galactica Century Fox, Mark 1700 ! Thats the best kind of courier service credits can buy these days!"

Terras "Eh, I suppose so..." Terras bends down, ok Mark 1700 model, you've got a package for me right?"

CG-F-Mk1700: nod's its head up and down, opens mouth, small package apears. Though as Terras reaches for the parcel, it's jaws clamp shut, making for a stubborn tug of war between them two... Like a dog, it's owner, and it's owner's new shoe...

"Gimme the package you cybernetic mutt!"

CG-F-Mk1700: "RrrrRrrrRrrrrr"

Nileeta "Maybe it wants a treat?" Nileeta grabs a fully charged powerpack, hands it to Terras

Terras: "Brilliant idea love! ... Here! want treat? fetch boy fetch!"

Terras tosses the power pack back into the airlock, in which the CG-F-Mk1700 drops the package and dashes for the airlock... Within seconds, its inside, picks up the powerpack, wagging its tail...

Terras quickly slams the airlock cycle controls - the door closes in an instant, followed by a rapid SSSSS-FWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! (Emergency airlock eject cycle procedure)

Nileeta, wide eyed, exclaimed "Terras! That wasn't nice! Poor bugger, catapulted instantly at several, likely +10 G's into space... I hope he makes it ok..."

*faintly... in the distance* > Boom!

Terras "Poor bugger? Not any more, he musta bit the powerpack too hard... And lookit what it did to my package! And hey, look on the brightside, I did the company a favor, they can make a Mark 1701 to fix the attitude problem the 1700's have..."

Sivar "Weh best beh goingh now"

Terras "Right! C'mon Sivar! C'mon babe! we got a race to catch up to!"

Raven "One problem - if they Check our flight logs, they'll know we didnt stop at Bastion..."

Terras "Frell! Alright, we make a .2 second pit-stop at Bastion, then we motor it ok?"

And the YT-2400 NightRaven makes the jump to lightspeed, speakers blaring full blast - "Magic Comet Ride", by Bob Rivers ...

I like to dream
Yes, yes
About flying around in a space machine
When a big blue ball appears in the night
Our leader says that the time is right
Hale Bopp draws near
Clean the house and pack that gear

Well UFO is right behind
Why don’t you come with me boys and girls
On a magic comet ride
Well UFO’s got a extra seat
Why don’t you take a trek with me?
Beam us up we’ll visit ET


Durring Hyperspace...

Raven "Terras, this wingnut was from the Lusyanka, not from Bastion..."

Terras "Oh thankyou 'Ms. All of a Sudden who's got a Concience' . The Lusyanka could've been to Bastion at one point couldn't it? or its parts supply?"

Raven "They're gonna know we've cheated, if they Radiation scan this wingnut ... Oh, by the way, exit to realspace in... 5..4..3..2..1"

Terras "Holly Frell.... what happened here??? looks like Cancun beach the day after 'Girls Gone Wild' Spring Break week festival..."

Imperial space, in the system known as Bastion... Between the planets, one huge debris field of SSD's and anything Imperial space craft... At that same moment, a frickin huge Imperial fleet hyper's in, couple hundered meters behind them...

"Unidentified Craft! Cut your sublights and Prepare to be boarded! You're under Imperial Arrest for total utter destruction of 1/3 of the Imperial War Machine's Fleet!"

Terras "Make a pitstop at Bastion huh?"

Nileeta "But we still have to get a Bastion SSD wingnut!"

Raven "Not even My sensors can pickout just a single SSD wingnut from all this debris! let alone being pursued by every availble craft the fleet will be chasing us with! Even if I could, we very well couldn't stop and pick it up could now could we?"

Sivar "Weh need ah net, big net, we'rr bound teh catch somethingh"

Nileeta "Net... ok, that'd work, but what have we got to make a net out of???"

Terras > ding! < "Nileeta! quick! your spandex drawer! which one is it?"

Nileeta "My spandex? Between the leggings and shirts drawers, third one down. why???"

Terras "Time is of the essence, no time to explain.... - No undies drawer???"

Nileeta "I don't wear any, silly!"

Terras: 8o :o 8o

Nileeta: :D

Minutes later, while Imperial persuit craft are chasing madly, Terras pilots the nightraven through the debris field like obstacle course, Sivar & Nileeta in the turrets taking pot shots, while a honking big and multicolored spandex sewn net (formerly all of Nileeta's spandex) is dragged behind the ship, collecting tidbits of debris into the sewn closed spandex leggings...

Terras "Ya guys think we got enough??? for at least one SSD wingnut???" > spandex packed full <

Sivar over the intra-ship comms, "Didnt' think Spandexx would stretch to hold that much junk. Nuff there to build an Assault Shuttle"

Raven "Well, the odds are-"

Terras "Never Tell me the odds! Ok, lets punch it oughta here!!!"

The NightRaven heads into hyperspace, spandex net in tow, music blasting.........

Say goodbye world
Log your last girl
Let the ship take you away

Well UFO is right behind
Why don’t you come with me boys and girls
On a magic comet ride
Well UFO’s got an extra seat
Why don’t you take a trek with me?
Beam us up we’ll visit ET
........

Donovan Morningfire
19 April 2004, 02:53 PM
Aboard the Jedi's Fire ....

PrettyRei sits in front of one of the bigger monitors in the Fire's refurbished main lounge, gleefully wolfing down a huge bowl of ChocoFrosted SugarBombs and milk, watching a 96-hour Hamtaro marathon. Behind her is Kanchi (who somehow got aboard the Fire, and had the back of his head fixed after being whacked in the back by dragonseye's bass) wearing an apron and doing some light dusting.

Up on the bridge, Malk sits in the command chair, overseeing the ship's operations while the Bridge Bunnies do their thing. T'real is at the primary monitoring station, while Donovan looks over her shoulder, watching the events that have transpired.

T'real: Who would have thought that Terras would have so much spandex stored on his ship?

Donovan: Well, he does have a Twi'lek crewmate. The spandex would most likely be hers, that it would.

T'real: I hope so. Just picturing Terras in some of those colors is enough to make anyone cringe.

Donovan: I guess I'll just have to take your word for it.

T'real: Mind if I ask a question?

Donovan: Well, I am a guest on this ship, so I don't see a reason why you couldn't.

T'real: Why Bastion?

Donovan: Truth be told, it seemed a good way to get the Imperials to lighten up a little. :o

*Malk, T'real and the Bridge Bunnies are all knocked over at Donovan's reasoning.*

Malk (picking himself up off the floor): That settles it. You've been hanging around Lokar too much. (sits back into his chair) Okay, so what's the status on the racers?

Bridge Bunny #3: All racers have cleared Bastion save for Lokar, who isn't showing up on our scanners.

Bridge Bunny #2: Last report we got consisted of him and a Lina Inverse yelling at each other.

Donovan: I was afraid that might happen.

Malk: Well, women troubles are nothing new to Lokar. So where's the next destiation, Donovan?

Donovan: Our next stop would be Ithor.

Bridge Bunny #5: And what are they getting there?

Donovan: A strip of bark from a Baffor tree.

Bridge Bunny #5: Why a Baffor tree? Why not a Biffandu tree? Or a Bishu shrub?

Donovan: Umm ... becuase when I came up with the list, Baffor tree was the only Ithorian plant I could remember?

*Entire bridge crew falls over at Donovan's remark.*

Donovan *shrugs*

OOC: Well, here's the next posting order:

1) dragonseye
2) KnightStalker
3) Slaven
4) Ris
5) Terras (you'd have ranked higher if your post was on time).
6) Lucien Solo
7) Vash Knives
8) Lokar (last due to not having posted)

so dragonseye, you've got until Monday night to get your post up.

Donovan Morningfire
30 April 2004, 05:05 PM
OOC post here (week's been too hectic for me to be able to come up with a good post):
Since dragonseye has, alas, missed her post deadline, it's now KnightStalker's turn.

KS, you've got until the night of 5/8 to get your post in.

and dragonseye, if you get the chance, you are still more than welcome to put a post up. Getting something up is better than nothing after all.

Malkarris
3 May 2004, 03:01 PM
OOC: Well, I am neither Dragonseye or Ks, but I not in the race either.

IC:
Malk dusts himself off from the last faceplant. "Wish we had him at the Battle of Tramento Prime," he mutters.

"What was that?" asks Donovan.

"Oh, nothing, just saying that we should get under way for the next system. We have to beat the racers there of course."

"And just how were we going to do that?" asks T'real. "This is a Super Star Destroyer, not a speed boat."

"Simple." Malk turns to where PrettyRei is singing along to the end song for Hamtaro. "Oh Rei?"

She pauses the show and skips over to Malk, who leans back to avoid the cloud of cuteness around her. "Yes Captain Malk?"

"I left a comlink in the number five engine fuel mixing chamber. Could you go get it and call me when you have it?"

"Of course, Captain Malk." The overly sugary girl skips out of the bridge.

"What are you up to?" T'real looks back at Malk in puzzlement.

"Just a second." He lifts a finger then turns to one of the bridge bunnies. "Empty out the fuel intermix chamber and then prep the aux. fuel tank. And prep the ship for condition 'Woah Nelly.'"

"You do know that means changing the bulb?" she replies.

"It's only one bulb."

"Yes sir." The bunny reaches under her console and pulls out a blue bulb, switching it with the green one in front of her. "Ship prepped for condition WN, sir."

"Thank you."

The bridge speakers crackled and PrettyRei's voice came on. "Captain Malk, sir, I got the comlink, sir." She sounds like an eager puppy.

"All, right, just stay there a minute." Malk nods to the bridge bunny, who flips a switch. About a kilometer behind them, the aux. fuel tank empties into the number five engine fuel intermix chamber its cargo of pure Bubbly extracted from the Planet O’Bubbly. The essence of all insanity mixes with the cuteness of PrettyRei and reacts with stunning force. In a sight more terrifying than a room full of preschoolers who have just been told that Santa does not exist, the Fire is propelled forward by a blast of white light, shooting them towards the planet Ithor.

A few minutes later PrettyRei skips back onto the bridge, her hair slightly windblown, but otherwise none the worse for wear. In her hand are the smoldering remains of the comlink. "Here's your comlink Captain Malk. Sorry, it got a bit banged up."

"That's okay. Thanks, you can go back to your show."

"No problem Captain Malky." She sits back down, un-pauses the show, and starts singing, not missing a beat.

T'real looks a Malk for a moment. "Isn't this about what the Technicolor Army uses to propel their ships?"

Malk shrugs. "It's getting us there, isn't it?"

OOC: It's good to be back.

KnightStalker
7 May 2004, 08:47 PM
Upon defolding and maneuvering into orbit around Ithor, Criss and Lynnori start discussing the goal of the second stop in the race.

Criss : "What was the object we're supposed to obtain here?"

Lynnori : "According to this datapad, we're supposed to obtain a strip of bark from a Baffor Tree."

Misfit <AI presently uploaded into the ship's computer> : "How soon can we make planetfall? All this endless blackness of space tends to make me nervous when we're travelling at sublight speeds."

Lynnori : "We can't land on the planet, Misfit. Ithorians don't allow anybody to set foot on the planet's surface itself, they hold the natural state of the planet and it's ecosystem with great reverence."

Misfit : 8o "WHAT!?! You mean I won't be able to enter the atmosphere & drop my landing gear for a chance to rest my engines? That's torture!!!!"

Criss : "Wrong, Misfit. You can still make planetfall, you'll just have to settle for making a landing at one of the Ithorian Herdships, their flying cities that constantly travel over the planet's surface without ever touching it."

Misfit <sighing with relief> : "Why didn't you say so in the first place, sheesh, make me blow a circuit, whydoncha."

Criss : "Just take us in for a landing at one of the Herdships, Misfit, and then you can give your engines a rest."

A short while later, after the Starbound Misfit II has touched down on one of the Tafanda Bay's landing platforms, Criss and Lynnori walk down the ship's ramp, followed by Misfit, who immediately proceeds to carefully look over the entire ship's hull to make sure nothing's been damaged during the departure from Bastion. Criss and Lynnori walk over to the edge of the platform to take a look at the planet surface below.

Lynnori : "Well, there's a grove of Baffor trees down there, and I'm sure that there's plenty of Baffor trees here on the Tafanda Bay. The real trick's gonna be getting a strip of bark without being caught in the act. Any ideas?"

Criss : "Yeah, you and Misfit stay here near the ship, and keep the Ithorians distracted while I go get the strip. Soon as I get back, we'll hurry aboard the ship and take off."

Lynnori : :? "But where do you plan to get the bark from without being seen? The trees here on the Tafanda Bay will be under close surveillance."

Criss : "Simple, I'll get it from down there." :) Criss points down toward the planet surface.

Lynnori : "You can't go down there, they don't allow anybody to set foot on the surface!"

Criss : "I never said anything about setting foot on the surface."

Criss then fires his jetpack, flies over the side of the Herdship, and quickly nosedives toward the planet, changing his trajectory and coming to a hover close to one of the Baffor trees high above the surface, hidden from sight by the canopies of the trees. Raising his right forearm, Criss flexes a muscle, causing a blade to snap forth from his Mandalorian gauntlet, and quickly carves a strip of bark from a tree, then quickly stuffs the bark into a pouch on his belt.

Once the bark has been secured, Criss increases his thrust and flies back up to the Tafanda Bay, landing on a walkway a couple of decks below the pad where the Misfit II rests. Noticed by an Ithorian, Criss starts to act a bit shaken. As the Ithorian walks over, it addresses Criss in Basic.

Ithorian : :raised: "Did you just fly up from the planet's surface!?!"

Criss <acting shaken & slightly unnerved> : "No, I was walking along a walkway a couple of levels up when I was tripped by a droid that wasn't watching where it was going, causing me to fall over the side. Luckily I was able to fire my jetpack & fly back up to the city, or else I'd probably be a bloody smear somewhere on the surface below. If you'll pardon me, I need to go see who to report the incident with that droid to."

Criss hurries away from the Ithorian before it can respond, and makes his way back up to the landing pad. A few minutes later, as Criss makes it back to the pad, Lynnori hurries over to him.

Lynnori : "There you are, what took you so long? I was starting to worry."

Criss : "I'll explain later, have any Ithorians been around here asking where I was?"

Lynnori : "No, why?"

Criss : "Good, lets get aboard the ship and get out of here. I've got the strip of bark."

Criss and Lynnori hurry back aboard the ship and begin the preparations for liftoff as Misfit walks onto the bridge.

Misfit : "Oh no, you're planning to liftoff again aren't you? Have I told you lately that the black endless infinity of space makes me dizzy?"

Criss : "Shuddup and transfer yourself back into the ship's computer. We need you monitoring the ship's systems during the events of this race while we focus on the goals for each stop."

As the ship lifts off and breaks orbit, setting course for Corellia, Misfit wanders back to his station to transfer his AI back into the ship, while muttering "Humans, can't give them the orders, can't kill 'em. Damn that Asimov."

Slavan K. Guiser
13 May 2004, 11:09 PM
*Compton Rage stands at the helm of the glistening and barely scratched Space Battleship Nadesico. He looks over to Ruri, the grey-haired twelve-year-old sitting at the Helmsmen's chair.....*

"Hey, Narrator. That's HelmsGirl's. We didn't fight through the last century to be called Helmsman still. Get with the times, Baka," Ruri deadpans, not even a hint of emotion in her voice, but still oddly conveying her annoyance with this slight.

"Alright, alright. Helmsgirl's chair.....Now, where was I?"

*He looks over to Ruri, the grey-haired twelve-year-old sitting at the HelmsGirl's chair, and asks the coordinates of the next run.*

"Hey, Ruri, what's the next stop for us on this race? I'm pretty sure it's something a little less.....violent," asks the newest financier of the ship.

"Indeed Admiral Rage. It seems our next stop is some place known as Ithor," Ruri replies, again, just stating the facts.

"Ah, Ithor! It should be beautiful this time of year. Most of the JuJubee Trees are in fruit, producing some of the tastiest candied fruits in the galaxy. Ah....sweet JuJubee's. It's been such a long time since I had them. So tasty and gummy," Compton sighs at the delicacy he hasn't had in such a long time, "Well, anyway, what exactly are we supposed to get while we're there?"

"According to this, Admiral, we need to pick up a strip of bark from a Baffor Tree."

"A Baffor Tree? Are you sure, Ruri?"

"Affirmative, Admiral. The list provided by the Race Host, Donovan Morningfire, shows that we need to collect a strip of bark. It doesn't even have to be a big one. Is there a problem with that, Admiral?"

*Comptons sighs deeply, and frowns in frustration.* "Yes, yes, Ruri, there is. Not only are the JuJuBee Trees fruiting, but the Baffor Trees are in bloom, which means pollen......which means sinus problems......" * He rubs the bridge of his nose, as if even thinking about the pollen is giving him problems.*

"Admiral, we need to get on our way, Criss and the Misfit are still ahead of us in the position, you'll have to find someway to deal with the Baffor trees later. We need to move unless we want to finish last."

"Is there something wrong with finishing last? Even if we don't win, you and the rest of the crew will still be payed. I've got enough to keep all of you happy. I'm not above finishing last....as long as it doesn't hurt me in the process," Compton says matter-of-factly.

*It's about this time, that the oddly quiet Captain Katsuragi speaks up. Well, more like she grabs Compton by his silly looking Goatee and pulls him close to her face. Compton grimaces, making his eyebrows, the sign of men, contort oddly. She whispers softly to him.*

"Mister Compton, _YOU_ may not mind coming in last place now, but when I don't get that ever-full champion's cup of Lokar's Bubbly, you may start to mind," Misato says oh-so-sweetly.

"Ummm.....something tells me I probably should start minding now. Like shooting for first place type now," Compton suggests, trying to pull back from the obviously furious Misato, who desperately wants the never-ending Bubbly.

*Misato lets go with a very decisive shove.* "Ruri, we're going to be going to Ithor, as fast as this ship can take us, and Compton's going to get me a strip of Baffor tree bark. Whether he wants to or not. If he doesn't, well, there's other guys out there....like that cutie Jedi Do-Gooder, Donnie-kins. I'm sure he wouldn't be scared of those trees."

*At the mention of Donovan, there's a complete reversal in Compton's whininess. He stands up, moves Misato out of the way, and motions for Ruri to engage the Boson jumping.*

"Do as the lady said, Ruri. Engage Omoekani and let's get to jumping to Ithor. We've got to get us some tree bark. Ain't no Do-Gooder gonna take my chick while I'm out racing for her
honor!"

"Aye, Admiral, Engaging Omoekani in 5....4.....3....2....Jump!"
-------------------------------------------------------------------
*A bright white ship appears nearly randomly outside of the Ithorian gravity well. Nearly randomly because it was supposed to be inside the gravity well. Sadly, a bender of reality is having a little bit of trouble trying to get the Boson jumping like it's supposed to. Maybe it's because of the thought of having to face down his allergies, which are many on Ithor, or maybe it's the fact that Misato just happens to have him between a rock and a Jedi, which is never a good place to be. Whichever it is, Compton's having some trouble getting spot on with his jumping. Compton sighs, and turns to his diminutive helmsgirl.*

"Ruri, will you take the Nadesico in the rest of the way? I seem to be having trouble coordinating the jumps today," Compton asks.

"As commanded Admiral. Where would be the best place to set the ship down? I detect other massive floating objects above a planet which doesn't seem to have any technology upon the surface at all.......I am not sure what to do."

"Head for the largest of those floating constructs, they're cities that the Ithorians use to travel above the planet. They believe that the forest is holy, and so only a precious few can get down to the planet's surface, and only for pilgrammaging."

"Admiral, won't that cause a problem for acquiring the Baffor tree bark? If you can't get down to the planet, how will you get it?"

"Oh crap.....ummm.....well, I hadn't really thought about that yet. Tell you what, Ruri, you get us down to one of the floating cities and I'll figure out something in the meantime," Compton looks over at Misato, "I don't think I have a choice as whether I do or not.....lest someone start having their odd Jedi fetish again. What is it about those guys anyway? It's not like they're allowed by the Order to have relationships......Celibacy must be fairly attractive these days."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
*Later, after the Nadesico has landed and the crew out on their own to find some souveniers, Compton Rage still sits on the bridge, trying to figure out a way to access the Baffor Trees below. Accompanying him is the lovely Misato, gently rubbbing his back while he thinks.*

"So, if I go down to the surface, someone's going to see me take a speeder or whatever down to get there. And if they see me, I'm breaking the law. It's like Schrödinger's Cat with breaking the law. You just can't be sure whether you are breaking the law or not until someone catches you! However, that's neither here nor there. Do I risk taking something down and getting caught, or do I find some other way to do it?" Compton questions out loud.

In reply, Misato answers, "Well, if you do go down, I'll make sure to have the ship prepared for immediate departure. I think the ship has some external mecha that you could use to take down. I believe they're called Aestavaluses, and they're pretty heavily armed. Should be able to take down anything the Ithorians could throw at you."

"Well, Misato, that's great, but I don't want to break the Ithorians' laws. It's not a good thing. I don't think I should...."

*Misato gives him a good shove in the back.* "Since when did laws matter? Sometimes you have to break a few branches to get to the fruit that you want. C'mon, Compton, everyone else is going to go down there and get it. Well, except maybe Lokar. He's kinda behind as it is, but that's expected. Especially with that red-head he has in tow. You should just go down and get it!"

"No, there's got to be another way. I wonder if they happen to sell it up here for some

reason. Maybe I should check around. Who knows, maybe it's a natural aphrodesiac or something. Or if that doesn't work, I guess I'll just have to find it in the jungle."

*Compton sniffles hard, his allergies beginning to affect him badly.*

"An aphrodesiac, huh?" *Misato giggles and leans down and whispers something in Compton's ear. He blushes a deep red.*

"Misato, while that might seem like a good idea, I'm sure that some of the others on the bridge might have issues with that idea. And yes, we _are_ paying them for a reason. I guess I'll head out and try and find some bark though."

*Compton leaves the Nadesico.*
---------------------------------------------------------------------
*Several stores and insults for his terrible accent later, Compton Rage has found that no one on the Herd Ship has any Baffor trees, much less any Baffor Tree bark. As he stands near the edge of the Nadesico's platform on the Herd ship, he contemplates going down into the Mother Jungle for what he needs. Suddenly, he hears a voice behind him.*

"Hey, Compton, did you find any Baffor tree bark? Was it an aphrodesiac like you thought?"

*Misato giggles as she approaches him.*

"No, not even close. No one, and I mean, no one has Baffor Trees here anyway. They're all down there." *Compton points to the Jungle far below.* "I guess I'll have to get down there soon, or we'll find ourselves quite a bit behind in the race...."

"Well, then, let me give you some help!" *And with that, Misato shoves Compton off the edge, sending him hurtling toward the Mother Jungle below. As he screams on the way down, Misato smiles at her having made things move a lot faster. That Mug WILL be hers, at any cost. Not only that, but the canopy should make a soft enough landing.......*
---------------------------------------------------------------------
*After another plot break and line, speaking of which, all this jumping around is making me sick, I wish I had sick days......, well....we see Compton Rage quickly closing on the trees at a furious rush. He has nothing to stop him, and those eyebrows of his flap violently in the wind, seeming to move backward along his forehead as if they weren't attached......*

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! STUPID WOMAN!!!!! HOW AM I GOING TO GET OUT OF THIS ONE?!?!?!

*He looks down at the quickily rushing Baffor trees, and decides to try and aim his fall near the trunk. Hopefully he can catch the bark and rip off some strips before he falls completely to the ground and his probable, ignominous end. He takes his jacket, and grips it like a chute, attempting to drogue himself over towards one of the oncoming trees, and possibly slow down enough to survive. His plan works, taking him over to one side and slowing him somewhat. However, as he approaches the tree, a sudden updraft takes hold, changing his velocity as he starts moving faster and closer to the tree trunk, his control now gone. He unfortunately, approaches the tree trunk at a very high rate of speed, and face first. Hard*
---------------------------------------------------------------------
*Compton awakes to find himself face up on a medical bed on the Nadesico. Above him stands Misato.*

"What.....what....happened? All I remember was this gust of wind, and then sooo much green......"

*Misato gently kisses him on the cheek.* "Nothing much, you just helped us get the bark for the area. We're currently outbound towards the next stop. It's not a big deal. You had a little accident on the way down, but still managed to get some bark. Just because we had to remove it from your sinus cavaties doesn't mean a thing dear. Most people aren't brave enough to swan dive off the Herd Ships without a bungee cord."

*Compton looks at her, attempts to sniffle, and fails, as his sinus cavaties are currently full of bacta cloth in order to heal them up. He snorks hard a couple of times, still in disbelief, before looking at Misato.*

"Out of my sinus cavaties huh? I guess I decided to make a mark upon Ithor, huh?"

"Yup, you were going fast enough that I'm sure they'll see your imprint on their world for generations to come. Now, Compton, my dear, I must get us to the next race point while you heal. Ruri is waiting for me. Be ready for the next task. I won't stop until that Endless Mug is mine!"

*She kisses Compton softly again, which feels rather refreshing on his newly reconstructed face.*

Ris
31 May 2004, 07:42 AM
JEJVO: Having obtained assorted wingnuts from Terrorizer’s Engineering Annex B Refresher Emergency Fastener Depot (not to mention recruiting said Terrorizer for the Rebellion), our star-crossed Jedi Healer heads for Ithor and a baffor tree…
Whilst his forever-lovely Force-spirit companion returns to a certain Bar in case a certain Ground Crew needs told Where To Go and What To Do once they get there...

Bar & Grill
Z’Rissa: *mutters as she spots the 3 men* All at the Bar--should I feel the Force is so not with me or just worried? *turns as Alice, wearing a Star Wars Weekends Jedi Academy T-shirt comes up behind her* What do you think, Chief Engineer?
Alice *between bites of a “Death by Chocolate Overdose” sundae, Triple-super-sized*: I really hate to say this to a Jedi Master, but probably the former, Master.
Z:*longingly* Wish I could eat a couple of those…
A: Where’s that handsome Jedi Ace? And didn’t you say there was another Jedi Hunk available?
Z: MINE’s in Hyperspace, about 2 .8 days from Ithor, when I left him. As for the other, he’s been doing a good job of evading me. He’s supposed to be on the SSD Jedi’s Fire--but I’ve yet to find him there. And no one will take a message! Giggly chicks--probably think they’ve got a chance with Dono--& they do. A snowball’s chance of lasting a millennium on Tatooine’s equator!
A: You sound jealous. I didn’t think that was a Jedi thing.
Z: Jealous--no way. Not only isn’t it a Jedi thing, it’s just not dignified. Anyways, c’mon, time for the briefing.
The 2 women march towards Dilbert, Asok, & Wally, who are singing “99 Bottles of Bubbly on the Wall,” out of tune with every musical key in all the known species of the Galaxy.
Z: *aristocratic features contorted in pain*: Hey, JEJVO-you pesky Rules Lawyer! Physical Attacks can’t hurt Force-Spirits, you know. And This Really Hurts!
Alice: And I thought they were horrible in the office! I’d almost rather deal with The Pointy-Haired One!
JEJVO: I’m not the GM-I just recite random rules.
Rissy uses Move Object to fling several random, but heavy, items over the engineers’ heads, including--but not limited to--a medium Sith obelisk, a dozen lead balloons, & 1 underfed Hutt. Assorted crashes, screams, thunks & moans from beyond the bar result. Everyone (except Dantris’ Ground Crew-Men(oblivious) & Alice) reacts with winces and “EEPS!”
Z: My, that was satisfying. They can sober up on the trip. Do you think the guys can handle polishing?
Before Alice can answer, a stout balding man in a suit with sharp tufts of hair jutting upwards, waddles over to them.
Pointy-haired One (PHO): Alice, I need you to redo this report. The font isn’t big enough & the words are too long. *To the Jedi Master* This isn’t casual day, plus robes, flowers and lightsabers aren’t mentioned on the Casual Day Acceptance List. That’ll look real bad on your Evaluation.
Z *waves one hand & points at Dilbert & Co. with the other* Go manage them, & don’t bother us again.
PHO: Alice, you know to cover all this when you show new peons around.
Z: Huh? Why didn’t it work? Oh, yeah! There needs to be a mind there to trick. Sith it!
Alice: Must control Fist of Death. No Must NOT Control Fist of Death--you don’t talk to a Jedi Master that way! *Fist of Death sends PHO careering into his male underlings, tumbling them every-which-way, until he goes through a rift in the Space-Time Contiuum. And mercifully out of this post* OOPSY! I guess I got a DSP for that one? I’m sorry! What do I do? If I go to the Dark Side, I want it to be over something worthwhile--not HIM!
Z: *surveys the (increased) chaos at what was the Aethyrsprite Ground Crew’s (AGC) booth* Usually, it would--but this time, you get a Schwartz Point.
A: Huh?
Z: Removing a horrible, terrifying, and downright senseless evil from a whole Dimension certainly qualifies as an Act of Great Heroism & normally you’d get a Force Point for that. However, this is such a weird, screwed-up, & generally--what’s that word? Ah, insane place. So you get weird, screwed-up, & insane results--like Schwartz Points…Look, I don’t care to be short with someone as smart as you--but I’ve got to get you over to Ithor ASAP, so I don’t have time to discuss that. But I will tell you more--later. 8Activates lightsaber & the snap-hiss gets the AGC guys' attention.*
JEJVO: Rather bleary & very drunk, but attention none-the-less
Wally: I guess she didn't change her mind about dating me.
Z: *haughtily* Of course not--I'd rather kiss a rancor!
Asok: Wasn't the line "Rather kiss a wookiee" madame master Jedi?
Z: At last, a glimmer of courtesy & sense. "Wookiee" was corect for the Princess--rancor" is correct in this scene. Remember, my young Intern, Leia had the hots for Han--but I Can't Stand Wally! All right here's the briefing. Jedi Dantris has arranged passage on the Rebel Alliance's newest capital ship, so new it doesn't even have a name. It used to be ISS Terrorizer. You will arrive in Ithor System about the time Dani should have obtained some baffor bark. You will rondevous with us on this half-finished herdship--it's a holiday of some sort so there won't be more than a skeleton constructions crew--& do the scheduled maintenance on "Sprite." The droid Petey will direct you...8As she speaks, Ris absently picks up a large, full mug of some strange bubbly liquid, not even thinking that there is anything unusual about her doing so. When she fades off to rejoin her beloved, it's still in her hand, a few sips lighter...*
********

Bridge of a newly-unnamed, newly-Rebel-ious SSD
Capt. ID Iot muses about his sudden change in loyalties, thinking that the odd Jedi team actually did hmi a favor. The Alliance wasn't as inclined to second-guess it's commanders & didn't change regs depending on someone's moods or latest ambitions, when his new First Officer, a Rebel Commander, hands him some reports.
Iot: There's no poll results on the new name YET? We need a name!
Officer: No name, sir & yes we need one. While your old crew who stayed on & the new Rebel replacements manage on the large issues, the little ones really bring out the, ah, "personality issues." Half the crew is on KP duty & the other half is cleaning refreshers with toothbrushes, due to naming discussions getting out of hand.
Capt.: No dessert for a month, too!
Cute Mon Cal Intel Analyst: If the crewers are cooking rather than the autochef, it'd be more effective to make them EAT dessert for a month. On the other hand, the 21B's & Med Officers would be awfully upset at the increased workload.
Capt: I'll take it under advisement.
1st Off.: And I did submit your choice to our superiors, but it was rejected. *Officer looks apprehensive, in case Capt. decides to revert to Imp. "morale-building" techniques*They said Jedi's Folly is too close to the name of an independent SSD, Jedi's Fire, that operates in this reality and they don't want our ship confused with that one. And they have a point--we really don't want to be mistaken for that ship. Have shore-leave there after a really long, tough mission maybe...But not have every Scum & Villainy think we're the Fire--no way!
And we have a mission *hands over datapad*
Capt: We're going to do--a favor?--for HIM! AARRGGH!
Cute Intel *leaning over Capt & letting barbels tickle the top of his head, while flippers massage his shoulders* you don't like him, hon, I mean sir? He is just so sweet. Looks like Jack Sparrow too, only better. But not as good as you.
1st Off: :rolleyes:
Capt: A little to the right, down a bit and Don't Stop--that's an order, Ensign. It's not him--it's that ghost-woman that's got the hots for him.
1st Off: The orders state that niether Rebel Hero Dani, nor his Jedi Princess will be aboard at any time.
Capt ID Iot: OK, but, we need to discuss the tactical implications of this Ithor mission, Ens. Over dinner, in my cabin. Use those Intel-gathering skills to find some high-quality takeout. You've got the con, First. *leaves bridge with Cute Intel in tow*
1st Off: *sighs* *to bridge crew* What alternate duty can I give the KP punishment detail? Think fast people--that could be vital to the Alliance! Which reminds me. Send a party down for pizza & the strongest alcohol they've got on that dirtball. We deserve it. *bows at "hurrahs" before sitting in the command couch.*
JEJVO: This is not an Anchovy situation, Commander--yet.
*******
A half-completed Ithorian herdship
Dantris deftly steers his dainty "Sprite" amongst the framing struts of the in-progress herdship. He dances around for a while, enjoying piloting, then reaches out with his mind, to give the Force-spirit a "path" to follow and is surprised to find her already there.
Dani: how'd you beat me here? Did you find that rascal Donovan & sweet-talk him into giving you a ride in spite of all those moral-high-ground lines about being an impartial judge?
Z'rissa's voice *sounding awfully giddy* No, loverboy. It's just that there are glitterlily plants & ch'hala trees here--ready to be planted. And I've got an affinity for both of them!
D: huh? ch'hala here? I'm getting a slight bad feeling about this.
Petey: *insert teacher voice sound FX from classic Peanuts cartoons*
D: you think I should have a bad feeling about Rissy calling me that? Actually it gives me a real good feeling :D
Z's voice: goody!
JEJVO: Dani and Z'Rissa reunite in a glade in 1 of the few finished domes. And there we rejoin them.
Z*now dressed in a gauzy vaguely pseudo-Greek-goddess outfit*: Look--they really are ch'hala trees! And all these glitterlilies. I've never seen one this color!
Dani: Yeah, but why are they here? They aren't native to Ithor! Exotic species will really mess things up here! We must inform the Nature Priests--I hope it's just a nursery order glitch. And I'm sure they'll give us the bark as a reward. Will you be able to track down one of the priests? They're strong enough in the Force it should work.
Z: Remember that wilderness training mission we went on as padawans? Didn't we camp in a glade a lot like this? There's even a stream like the one we went skinny-
D: Ris, focus on the here & now! *alarmed, as her garb & the magnitude of her atypical demeanor sinks in* What's with you? 8o
Z: but the glitterlilies & the glade are here & now, darling--and so are we! What's wrong Dani? Don't you like my new dress?
D: It's wonderful sweet lady, just if you were corporeal, I'd be giving you a physical & asking what you ate & drank last.
Z: OK! *Leads him farther into the glade & "sits" in his lap* All I've had is a few sips of this. It's very good--and it's pink! *giggles as she points out a half-empty mug.*
D: *using his Healer's senses to check out the contents* Oh Sithfrelling Bubbly! I'm in for it! When I find out who pulled this, I-I'm gonna. Well, it'll involve serious over-stimulation of someone's pain-receptors! She's never been a party-girl & to slip her something that strong, expecially when she hasn't eaten since Alderaan
*Z tries to twine non-solid fingers through Dani's beard & hair*
JEJVO: Much later, after plenty of talk that should not be repeated in a PG-rated thread, Dani & Ris emerge from the glade. Only the fact that a spirit cannot muss or be mussed by another accounts for their neatness of appearance.

In the "Sprite," Dani makes his way to the nearest Ithorian Nature-Priest Shrine & Outpost on the nearest working herdship. Meanwhile, Z'Rissa takes her love's advice to sleep off the effects & slips through the hull of ID Iot's unnamed vessel, being careful this time to avoid the ship's hapless master.
Priestess: Healer, you have saved much floral & faunal life this day, by bringing this glitch to our attention. Here is your baffor bark--a small price to pay for aversion of an ecological crisis.
Dani*courtly bow* I always serve the Lightside and it is always a pleasure, as well as duty, to serve another servant of the Lightside, especially one so comely. *Priestess blushes, or whatever the Ithorian equivalent is* So what will you do about the non-native plants?
Priestess: The ch'hala will be shipped back to Cularin of course, as they are sacred there. You may also take the glittterlillies
D: Uh...thanks, madame priestess. *bows & boards his starfighter* What do I do with 3,121 glitterlily bulbs & vines? Even Rissy won't need that many.
Petey: 8insert teacher voice sound FX from classic Peanuts cartoons*
D: open up a florist shop catering to brides wanting ridiculously expensive weddings, you say? I'll take it under advisement. Arrange for them to be shipped to the Rebel's SSD in orbit, Petey. And compute the course for our 3rd port-of-call. I've gotta dig through the ol' med databases & come up with a hangover cure that works on Lightside Spirits. Wonder if that Luminous Being SQ will help, if I spend an extra Force Point? I hope you can spend FP's in a place where you get Schwartz Points...

Terras Jadeonar & Raven
4 June 2004, 11:01 PM
*Narrator's Gentlemen Club, Racoon hats night, sings the required members chorus to the tune of a strumming guitar*

*And so Terras & co were off again,
T'was no great feat escaping the Imps at Bastion
They gave it their best to thwart the crazy Correlian
But he jumped hyperspace an' headed for Ithorian.

Terras--Jadeonar, that crazy nerfherding kreffing Corellian!

So Terras and crew arrived at Ithor
To steal some tree bark of Baffor
The odds were slim, five hundred billion to four,
But TJ was determined to make a score.

Terras--Jadeonar, and his crazy hair-brained plans!*

*Inside the ship*

Raven: Terras, we've arrived at Ithor, and they're hailing us...

Terras: Tell them we've got a shipment of Baffor tree food supplement

Raven: Terras, you would think they make their own or at least buy it in bulk

Terras: (sighs) You can't even lie and say it's a special ceremonial food ordered by Uuun-Maartha's Baffor Day Ceremonies?

Nileeta interjects: Or we could kinda lie to them and ask to book us a Baffor Day Ceremonies weekend holiday tour?

Raven: Captain?

Terras: What she said (guestures to Nileeta)

Raven: Aye.

*** minutes later, on the Tafanda Bay Herdship landing pad: 5 Delta Delta 4 ***

Nileeta: Ooh, I had no idea the Baffor trees were so lovely this time of season!

Terras: C'mon, theres the tour guide group!

Nileeta: But they're all Ithorians... They'll never let us near the Baffor trees

Terras: Ah, but i've a plan!

Nileeta, hooks fists on hips: Well I sure hope it dont involve spandex 'cause i'm all outa spandex, remember?

Terras looks at Nileeta, who's wearing one of his blue cover-alls, tightend at the waist with a belt: How could I forget? Besides, we're raiding the cover-alls closet this time!

Nileeta: Hmmmph! Raiding anymore of anything and I won't have a shred of clothing to wear! :mad:

Terras: Settle down! You're sounding too much like Raven, and trust me, two Ravens as it is is two too many :P We're gonna need lots of coat hangers, some sewing thread & needles, a few styro-foam cups and all the brown cover-alls we got... Now here's the plan....

*few minutes later, two life-size puppet looking monk robed Ithorians stroll down the ramp of the YT-2400... they head towards the Ithorian group....*

Nileeta: Umm, it occured to me that our voices wont sound stereo...

Terras: So we just nod... I didn't think monks speak, not even Ithorian ones

"Greetings enlightened ones! Come to join us for the anual Boffar day tour?" The Ithorian tour-guide speakes proudly in stereo....

Terras & NIleeta nod their puppet heads. Unfortunately for Terras, he totally forgot to take his Allergy pills, the Boffar Ceremony season was rife with scented pollen-
Ah-hah-ahhhhh-Chooooooo! *snifle*

"Hey! that sounded mono-tone!" The startled Ithorian spoke with alarm

Terras: Mono-tonan-gitis??? Terras squeaked

"Imposters! Mono-tonan-gitis may be but Monks, not even Ithorian Monks break their vows of silence!!!" The Ithorian tour guide barks out in outrage, two Ithorian gaurds nearby come running and grabs hold of Terras, and RRRIIIIPPPP!!!! -the quick stitchwork gives way, revealing a coat-hanger frame, Terras in the middle...

Terras says fleetingly: Uhh, profesional Ithorian Monk Impersonators & Puppeteers at your service?

The Ithorian Gaurds stun-cuff and drag Terras away... Nileeta stands aside, apearing innocent...

*Terras was caught, an' thrown in jail
Nileeta escaped, returned to post bail
Together they hatched a plan that could not fail,
Come sun, rain or shine, sleet or hail.

Terras-Jadeonar, the the unconquerable insanian!*


Later, Back in the ship...

Terras: Well, that was a bust...

Nileeta: I know! We could book a scenic flight over the Baffor forrest, sabatoge the speeder beacon, pretend to land and leave before they even notice...

Terras: Well, if we're gonna do that, might as well pack a picknic basket, bring Sivar along, and make an afternoon out of it!

Nileeta: OOh, I do believe they have designated Camp zones, and if we happen to land short of one by a few miles...

Terras: Exactly!

Half hour later, they were in an air speeder, skimming the Baffor treetops. The sky blue, sunny, the perfect afternoon...

Terras: Hmm, I think there's a nice little spot up ahead, just big enough for the speeder to land...

Nileeta: Ok, i'm going to sabatoge the beacon, hope this works...

Half hour later, SIvar was sitting on the speeder, gnawing on a large bone, Picnic blanket was laid out near the speeder, a mid sized basket and a variety of food dishes with crumbs remaining... Terras was leaning back at the base of a Baffor tree stump, totally relaxed, Nileeta leaning back, cozied up along beside him...

Nileeta: Mmmm, I had no idea picknics could be like mini vacations. We've got to go on more of these :)

The loud thrum of repulsorlift engines suddenly descent atop them, kicking up a small wind-storm, a larger air speeder descended, it was the Ithorian Baffor Ranger Patrol, several Ithorians including a manned gunnery turret. It resembled more of an armed militia were it not for the matched uniforms. A loudspeaker's voice boomed "Attention! You're occupying restricted and un-authorized Baffor Area! Vacate the Area at once! Failure to do so promptly will result in extreme measures!"

Terras gets up, waves, shouts: Alright already! Just let us tidy up!

IBRP: "Leave it and leave at once! You're already acumulating a several number of fines"

Terras & Nileeta scramble onto the airspeeder, Sivar already on it. Terras fires up the speeder and hits the repulsor & thrust throttles at the same time, sending the speeder rocketing in to the air at a steep 45 degree angle, the speeder's straps barely keeping Terras & Nileeta in their seats, and Sivar just barely hanging on by his claws (which have gouged 5 inch tears in to the upholstery)

Terras: YEAAAAAAAAAHHHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Corellia homeplanet here wee come!!!!!

Nileeta: WOOOOOT!!! WAAY to go Terras snagging that peice of bark!!!!

All of a sudden, the airspeeder screeches to a halt in mid-air (Air Brakes, litterally :D ) and in stop-motion instance, Sivar's claws deeply hooked in and designed for one way snagging, suddenly becomes rendered useless as Sivar's mass & momentum continues to carry him forward (claws instant un-snag) ...

Sivar blinks:Uh-oh- (FWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!)

The sound of Sivar as he gets CATapulted (quite litterally :D ) forward several meters until reaching a dead stop for a mere instant, standing beside Wyle. E Coyote holding a sign saying "Uh-Oh". Both Wyle .E and Sivar exchange glances. The camera quickly pans back to the hood of the airspeeder to reveal the RoadRunner peering over the edge while saying "Meep! Meep!" then both Sivar & Wyle. E Coyote plumits towards the ground, savagely clawing the air... mewling:
Nurf-wwwiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittt!!!!

The RoadRunner then takes off again, across the empty air and out of sight... "MEEP! MEEP!"

Durring those exact same instant, back in the seats of the airspeeder:

Terras: What'd you mean me? I didn't grab any Baffor bark, I thought you did!

Nileeta: Me? I thought you were supposed to!

Terras & Nileeta in unison: Aww Frell!!!

Terras, looks around,: Hey, where'd Sivar go???

Nileeta, looking over the side of the speeder, towards the ground, pointing: He went skydiving?

Terras: He's skydiving alright, and without a parachute or repulsorbelt!

Nileeta: Repulsorbelt? I didn't know they made them Sivar sized :P

Terras: Aww Frell... Hold on!

Terras slams the controls again, pitching nose downwards and sending them on a 90 degree angle Corban Dallas style towards the Baffor Tree Line

Nileeta:WhoooooaaAaaaaaaa!!!!!! Nileeta shouts as her lekku resemble more like overly stretched Aqua party hats than lekku, and Terras's hair an extreme case of windblown

In the next several dizzying moments, Terras's speeder pulls up beside (or dives alongside) Sivar & Wyle. E Coyote.

(due to extreme air pressure & speed, none can talk so they hold up signs instead)

The signs read:

Wyle.E.Coyote: Friends of yours?
Sivar: Yup.
Wyle.E.Coyote: Hi.
Nileeta: Hi.
Terras: Got Parachute?
Wyle.E.Coyote: Nope.
Terras: Sucks to be you :D
Wyle.E.Coyote: Yup.
Nileeta: Terras!!! (proceeds to bash Terras over head with sign)
Terras: Ouch!
Sivar: (climbs in, fastens seatbelt) Ride?
Wyle.E.Coyote: Nah.
Sivar: Gotta go.
Nileeta: C'ya
Terras: Write Us when you hit Bottom!
Nileeta: (bashes Terras over head with sign again)
Terras: Ouch!
Terras: Send us a postcard when you get there?
Nileeta: (bashes Terras over head with sign again)
Terras: Ouch!
Wyle.E.Coyote: Bye-Bye
Sivar: Sayonara
Terras: Cowabunga!!!!
Nileeta: (bashes Terras over head with sign again)
Terras: Ouch!
Nileeta: Farewell!
Terras: So long... Sucka!!!
Nileeta: (bashes Terras over head with sign again)
Terras: Ouch!
Nileeta: UP!!!
Terras: Up Mine?!?
Nileeta: NO!!! Up!!!
Terras: Up Yours?!?
Nileeta: (bashes Terras over head with sign again)
Terras: Ouch!
Sivar: PUll UP!!!!!!
Terras: OH.
Terras: Hang On!!!!!!
Sivar: EEYYYAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Terras pulls back on the controls, slamming them 180 degrees opposite direction, then moments later angles out by 90 degrees horizontally , though over compensates and rocks, dips and bounces for the next several seconds before achieving a complete stop...

Nileeta (Holds up sign): I think I'm gonna get sea-sick...

Terras (speaks) Will you quit it with the signs now?

Nileeta (Holds up sign): I think I'm gonna hurl...

Terras: Not in the rental!!!

-- hurling sound, over side of rental --

Sivar (holds up sign): Ewww...

Terras (holds up sign): (groan.)

Terras: All better?

Nileeta: Yup.

Terras: Hey... Maybe we can swoop down and grab a peice while we're here? The trees are only 20m below us... Sivar? How about it?

Nileeta: Nuh-uh, no we can't

Terras: I promise to drive gently this time. Boyscouts promise!

Nileeta: You never were a boyscout...

Terras: I've always aspired to be, at heart anyways

Sivar: Weh got companeh

Terras: Coyotye climbing aboard?

Nileeta: No. Look! (points to several IBPR airspeeders with flashing red & blue headlamps in a straight line, heading their way) We got company!

Terras: And we're gonna get movin! Hang on!

Sivar (holds up sign) Not again...

Terras punches it... Half an hour later of 'hide & go seek' around the Tafanda Bay, Terras gentle sneaks in their airspeeder. The moment it lands, they all take a moment to sag in their seats...

*Terras:0, Ithorians: 3
Their plans were failing miserably
To get the bark they needed so desperatly
Then said Sivar, "weh need tuh employ stratuh-gy"*

*Back in the ship...*

Terras, Nileeta, Sivar, and Raven's avatar sitting gloomly at the galley table...

Sivar: Weh neehdd a distractshun

Terras: Like what? Can't start a fire, sneak into any control service room, nor can toss anything over the sides...

Nileeta: Who said we had to toss anything? Like, what if all the un-used airspeeders suddenly took flight a short distance and happened to shut-off once out of Tafanda Bay?

Terras: Nice, but how are we going to rig a thousand plus airspeeders to do that, and not get caught?

Raven's avatar: Well, I could uplink, sneak through their firewalls, find the Baffor Tree Humidity Controls aboard the Tafanda Bay and mess with them to control the airspeeders instead...

Terras gets down on his knees at Raven's side, pleadingly: Would you- err, could you do that for me? pretty please????

Raven's avatar: Oooh, a holograph moment in the making! So, before I do, who's the most brightest, most beautiful avatar in the galaxy???

Terras: You are...

Raven's avatar: Say that again, for the holos!

Terras: You are Raven...

Raven's avatar: Oh alright... Done!

Terras: Huh? that quick?!? I knew you were good, but I didn't think you were that good! I oughta kiss you!

Raven's avatar, puckers up:

Raven's Voice: Ahem...

Raven's avatar: What?

Raven's Voice: Let's not spoil a good thing shall we? What did you think we were doing while Terras was putzing around the whole time?

Terras: Wait a second... You're trying to con me!!!

Raven's avatar: Ooh, like thats anything new?

Terras: Hah, like that's ever gonna work. Nice try sister...

Raven's avatar, counts fingers: Oh but we already have- one, two, three, four... five times in a row now :D

Terras: Doh!!!

Raven's Voice: I really like the new me!

Raven's avatar: Me to!

Terras: (groans)

Nileeta: Umm, are we going to sit here all day?

Terras: Alright. Raven - execute your plan... Captain's orders

Raven in unison: Aye sir!

Terras: And one more captain's order: Quite conning the captain!!!

Raven's avatar, slyly,: Cannot comply, Terras

Terras: What?!? Since when had captain's orders become selective?!?

Raven's avatar, slyly slinks up to Terras: Oh, just a few moments ago... captain

Terras: Good grief..... Knock it off Raven...

Raven's Voice: Tell her that

Terras: I'm telling the both of you!!!

Raven's Voice: Sheesh, boy's got a temper don't he?

Raven's avatar, pouty faced, hands on hips: I'll say

Raven's Voice: C'mon, we've got work to do, it'll be fun!

The avatar disapears in a flash, much to Terras's releif...

Several minutes later, shrill alarms go off in the Tafanda Bay Herdship, all Ithorians running around in panic (it's a herdship ain't it???)... Around the Tafanda Bay, un-manned speeders zip wildly around in the air before plumeting down to the Baffor Forrest below, creating fiery craters...

Raven's Voice: Captain? Might I suggest we check outa here?

Terra: Ah! but not befor our boffar bark!

Nileeta: Wait a sec... Every time we hatched an elaborate plan, it failed... What's wrong with this plan?

Terras: Uhh, aside from the chaos outside, we don't have one?

Nileeta: Natch! You know what they say about est laid plans... so Why don't we just simply go and take a peice?

Terras: You Nuts? Where are we going to score a peice of bark in this mess?

Nileeta: Simple, lets just go, and see where fate takes us this time!

Terras, shrugs: Ok I still don't get it, guess it sounds like a- (catches hiimself).... ehh, nevermind...


Minutes later, amidst the chaos and mindlessly stampeding Ithorians, Nileeta and Terras walk around, looking for an opertunity or as Nileeta said waiting for 'fate' to find them...


When just around the next corner....
look-out! *crash!!!* you Hammerhead!!! You made me crash my Baffor pot!

Two Ithorians running down connecting corridors, collide as they both turned the corner with too much gait to stop in mid-tracks. Each was carrying a Baffor Tree pot... They both hurry and hastily scoop up the contents of their plants and go on their way...

From a short distance, Terras and Nileeta stand watching... A theif's eyes are always sharp and though Terras's impatience to get moving again, she spots a wee bit of green leafing within the clumps of dirt...

Nileeta: Terras, wait... I think I see something...

Terras: What? they already picked up their small trees... C'mon, lets go...

Nileeta, walks over, crouches down and her skilled fingers probe through the soil, then gently scoops up a small handful of dirt and green-ness: Terras! (spoken softly as if handling a newborn) A little sprouted seedling! Lost, all alone, and abandoned...

Terras watches Nileeta coo'ing over the cupped seedling, not sure what to think at this point: Uhh, don't you think 'fate' would have handed us something a little more than this? We need bark of a Baffor Tree, not a Baffor Tree seedling...

Nileeta, still softly: Well, technically it is Baffor, and does have bark, young baby bark albiet, but if cared for it will grow some day into a Baffor tree...

Terras: You know, I always thought that Ithorian living trees stuff was a bunch of hokey, but here you are, taken with that thing... C'mon, lets go before things get even wierder...

Terras & Nileeta head back to the ship, the seedling protectively cupped in Nileeta's hands. Terras takes off, while Nileeta plants the seedling in a makeshift bowl, the only peice of uncracked, chipped china that's aboard the ship...

Once in hyperspace, hours later...

Terras, standing behind Nileeta in the lounge: Umm, Nileeta, what's with that whole 'mystical thing' thing you did back there with the plant and all?

Nileeta, ignores the question: Hmm? It's so cute isn't it? I've never had a plant or tree befor... Perhaps one day we'll return it if it wants to...

Terras shrugs in disbeleif, : "if?" then shrugs again, deciding to give up anf just giving in with it, "Yeah, I guess it's cute..."

Suddenly, maybe to Terras's imagination, or maybe not, which Terras really dosn't care anymore, a faint little sparklly aurora winks in and out above the Baffor seedling...


*soft musical bell cue & fade out*


*Amidst the chaos at Tafanda Bay
A little Baffor tree seedling lay
Dropped on the ground, later that day
Nileeta's mystic came true, they were on their way.

Terras--Jadeonar, now baffled & psyched out man!*

*finis*

Donovan Morningfire
21 June 2004, 03:14 PM
As the racers race across the stars, back on the planet Zaphod ...

The remaining patrons that chose not to enter the race kick back in the Bar proper, watching the action and antics on the JumboTronic WideScreen TV. And as the watch, several deliveries are made to the bar, to provide a much needed restock of edible necessities are bar life. Such vital foods as beer nuts, salty pretzels, buffalo wings, and cheese sticks to name a few.

But as this occurs, unknown to most (but knownst to us), a red boat sails up to the shore, the front looking very much like a stylized lion's head. (Note: I was going to use a real lion's head, but due to an overwhelming barrage of PETA complaints, I must resort to using a stylized one instead.) Steering the boat is a young boy dressed in a green vest and cap.

Boat (head looking around): I don't think this is where we wanted to go.

Boy: *looks surprised*

Boat (turns to look at boy): Are you sure we took the right warp hole?

Boy: *pulls out map, checks it, then looks at Boat's head and nods*

Boat: I don't recall the Great Sea being this sort of color ...

*Just then, the boy dips his head into the Bubbly and takes a deep drink. Then, his eyes go cross, then swirlie, then cross again, and then ...*

Boy: BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPP!!

Boat (shaking its head in shame): And the fate of the world is in his hands.

Boy: :o

Boat: Let's just get out of here.

And with that, the fake lion-headed boat and the boy in green turn around and sails off to parts unknown.

OOC: Okay, Vash missed his turn, so Lucien Solo, you're up next!

Vash Knives
26 June 2004, 03:59 AM
*As chaos reigns in the galaxy, a sole armoured figure stands on the bow of an ithorian herdship looking foward.*
Vipe: Shouldn't we get the strip of bark?
Vash: There goes all hope of serenity, and besides, this is all part of my plan.
Vipe: And that plan is?
Vash: Make the Ithorians believe I am on a holy crusade in which I must redeem the spirit of the Baffor tree by removing a strip of its bark.
Vipe: And your still not a politician.
*With that, Vash gets off the bow and into the main part of the ship and as he planned, runs into an Ithorian near where the plants are grown.*
Ithorian: Where are you going?
Vash: To redeem my flora brethen.
*The Ithorian looks at Vash curiously, then straight into his green eyes.With the shock of realization, the Ithorians eyes widen.*
Ithorian: He has come. HE HAS COME!
*At that, Ithorians all around turn to look at Vash, now identified as the Plant of Man.*
Vipe: You think this is a good thing?
Vash: If it wasn't I would have been stealthy.
Ithorians*as one*: We're not worthy!
*While the Ithorians are wildly bowing to Vash as he walks by, he walks up to one of the Baffor trees and puts his palm against it. With his eyes closed he removes his hand, and with it a strip of bark. Where the strip originated, the tree swiftly healed the bark. As he puts the bark in the same pocket as the wingnut, a whip suddenly wraps around him. As he looks back to see who's whip it is, he sees that it belongs to an Ithorian.*
Vash: Omnubis-hey b|+ch!
*Suddenly the Ithorian transforms into a beautiful but heavily armed human female. At Vash's comment, she pulls hard on the whip causing Vash to spin around very quickly. When Vash stops spinning, in his disorientation his head falls into Omnubis' cleavage. Abruptly, vomiting is heard. With a truly digusted look on her face, Omnubis kicks Vash hard sending him flying off screen. Then offscreen, a conversation occurs.*
Lawyer: You do realize such action is strictly forbidden by clause 1138 in your contract. And due to clause 8311 you cannot kill your lawyer.
Vash: You're forgeting clause 36-truly disgusting activities, if out of view, are allowed with justified reasoning.
*sound of paper being flipped*
Lawyer: Indeed. Just don't do it again.
*While everyone else looks on with raised eyebrows and Omnubis looks dejectedly for a way to clean the inside of her armour, Vash walks by towards his Cyclone only to be interupted by a certain womp-rat.*
Vash: What is it, Wompa?
Wompa-Stompa:*squeeks*
Vash: John is missing???
Wompa: *nods then flicks off a strip of Baffor bark and puts it in his hoverboard.*
Vash: If darkness truly is coming, then we must keep on our guard.
Wompa: *stands on the bug deflector of his hoverboard and scoots off.*
Vash: Not quite what I meant...
*With that, Vash mounts his Cyclone and is off to Corellia.*
Omnubis: Does anyone know how to get vomit off the inside of body armour?
*Suddenly the Ithorians all start kicking Omnubis.*

Donovan Morningfire
19 July 2004, 05:13 PM
OOC: Time to get this party rolling again ...

IC: As the Jedi's Fire streaks through hyperpace ...

Malk *looks at a display*: Man are we making good time here!

T'real: I still don't think using TA tech is such a good idea.

Bridge Bunny #2: Readouts show the majority of the racers are leaving Ithor, sir.

Malk: Alrighty then. So Donovan, where's ... *looks around* Um, has anyone seen Donovan?

Bridge Bunny #4: I think he said something about not wanting to get in the way.

Malk: Well that's just peachy. He's the only nimrod that knows where we're going next!

Kanchi *taps Malk on the shoulder*

Malk: What?! Oh, it's you. Can't you just say hello like a normal droid?

Kanchi *shrugs*

Malk: Oh-kay. Is there something you need?

Kanchi *shakes head*

T'real: Do you happen to know where Donovan is?

Bridge Bunny #5: Yeah, where did his cuteness get to?

*rest of Bridge Bunnies turn and glare at #5*

BB #5: What?

Kanchi *nods vigorously*

PrettyRei *skips by singing the Hamtaro theme*

Malk: Okay, that was completely random.

T'real: But par for the course.

Malk: Yep. So ... Kanchi is it? Where is Donovan?

Kanchi *goes over to the ship's map and points to a location*

Malk: Figures :rolleyes:

T'real: Why? Where is he?

Malk: Where do you think?

***

In the Jedi Fire's mess hall, Donovan sits alone at a table, stuffing his face on assorted food stuffs.

Donovan (internal monologue time again): By the Force has it been a while since I was able to eat in peace! And who knew that Malkarris could be such a gourmet when it came to a starship's food supplies! Though it was probably more T'real's choosing. Those bean tacos were good, but these honey-glazed chicken strips are even better! And nothing like a nice cool glass of milk to wash it all down with.

*Just then, a monitor drops down behind Donovan. Malk's face appears on the monitor, then he realizes just what the Jedi Rurouni is doing.*

Malk: DONOVAN!!!!!

*Donovan jumps out of his seat, smacks his head on the ceiling, leaving a nice little indentation, and lands in his seat, which promptly collapses depositing him on the floor.*

Donovan *eyes gone all swirlie*: Oro?

Malk: Don't play innocent with me bub! I saw you stuffing your face! No get up here on the bridge pronto! *with that, the monitor deactivates and retracts up into the ceiling*

Donovan: Okay, so maybe I got a little carried away with the scarf-fest ... *turns and sees the pile of dirty plates* On second thought, I got a lot carried away. *zips off at Jedi Hyper-speed towards the bridge*

Tom Welling (appearing from off-camera; physical similarities between him and Donovan are stunning): Hey, that's my bit!

***

Back on the bridge of the Jedi's Fire, the doors whisk open as Donovan dashes thru, stopping suddenly that he left 9.8 cents change of a dime.

Malk *drumming fingers*: So glad you could join us.

Donovan *very sheepishly: Um ... sorry? :o

Malk: Whatever. Just tell me where we're headed next.

Donovan: Okay. Next stop is Correlia for a bottle of vintage Correllian whiskey.

T'real: You are aware that given the alcohol consumption rates of the average breathing Correllian, there's almost no such thing as vintage Correllian whisky?

Donovan: Yep. Should be interesting to see what these guys come up with. :D

Bridge Bunny #1: I have a bad feeling about this ...

OOC again: Okay, the next stop is Corellia for a bottle of very rare vintage Corellian whiskey. And the posting order is ...

1) Terras
2) Slavin
3) KnightStalker
4) Ris
5) Vash Knives
6) dragonseye
7) Lokar
8) Lucien Solo

Terras, you've got until the night of August 2nd! Let's get in on!

Malkarris
20 July 2004, 04:43 PM
IC:
A little bit before the Jedi's Fire reaches the Ithor system.

T'real stretches in her seat, then turns back towards Malk, who is snoozing in the command chair. "Malk?"

Malk snores.

"MALK!!!!!"

Malk still snores.

T'real shrugs, then whispers, "Lemonade."

Malk snaps to attention. "Where?"

"We're about at Ithor. Do you want me to slow the ship down so we can actually see the racers?"

"No, we can keep coasting on this thrust until the next stop on the race."

One of the bridge bunnies looks up. "But then, how are we going to see what happens?"

"Simple," replies Malk. "Anything on sensors?"

Another bridge bunny looks up. "Um, yes, in the Ithor system. It looks, ominous."

Two sharp wooden taps echo through the bridge.

"Scary," echo the bridge bunnies.

"Bring us within visual range of the object," orders Malk.

T'real straightens in her seat and skillfully pilots the Fire closer. As the ship starts to flash through the system, is suddenly comes to a stop, but amazingly, no one is thrown forward. T'real looks back. "What's going on?"

Malk points out the window, where a dark ship hangs suspended in space. It is an eerie ship, an evil ship, a ship that you would not like to meet in a dark alley. Across it are strange runes and markings, while on the bow is a red carrot. "It's a dramatic meeting. We can't move from this spot until I've said something dramatic."

"Ah, clever," says T'real.

"Thanks."

The crew turns back to witness the various racers obtain their bark.

***

As the last racers leave the system, Malk looks back at the dark ship. Using a properly eerie tone, he says, "I've seen that somewhere before..." Before anyone can ponder the message, the Fire leaps back into its headlong flight across the galaxy, heading for the next stop.

Behind it, the dark ship turns to follow. “Yes, this is ehxxcellent. A very good sweet drink.”

“Thank you sir,” comes a bored voice.

“Now that I have seen the Jedi’s Fire, I can prepare to extinguish it with one swift breath. I feel another urge to indulge in more maniacal laughter.”

The dark ship steals into hyperspace, leaving behind only the noise of evil merriment and several groans from all the clichés.

Slavan K. Guiser
11 August 2004, 10:28 PM
*Compton Rage, finally able to walk around after his rather unfortunate and high speed encounter with a Baffor Tree, sits majestically in the Captain's chair, while the space battleship Nadesico orbits slightly outside the gravity well of Corellia. After having boson-jumped into the area (oddly, there’s no other racers there currently), Compton plots alongside Misato on how to retrieve a bottle of rare Corellian whiskey. Of course, any unopened bottle of whiskey on Corellia could be considered rare. However, Compton needs to find only the rarest of rare, a vintage Corellian whiskey. Of course, a bottle more than 5 years old on Corellia could be considered vintage. Those silly Corellians and their alcohol. Either way, Compton's not quite as lost on how to obtain this object as he was with the last one.*

"Misato, I'm pretty sure that there's got to be at least one store on Corellia that's got a stock of older Corellian Whiskey," Compton proposes, "Of course, I'm guessing it's located in only the most out-of-the-way, hard-to-access area on the planet. Which is probably in some underground bunker buried since before Xim the Despot made his way through the entirety of the galaxy and only could be found with several years of the proper library research, training in remote sounding techniques, as well as a coordinated team of scientific individuals with expertise in pre-Republic history, Corellian Mythology, Corellian Geology, and Paleoanthropology."

"That sounds prophetically disastrous to our race chances, though, Compton," replies Misato Katsuragi, part Goddess of Discord, part Alcoholic, all beautiful cheesecake, "Not only that, but it doesn't sound like the way you do things."

"Exactly! I've got an idea to get some vintage whiskey, but of course, you're going to have to trust me on this one."

"Great, just what I needed, another needless adventure to ruin my day," Misato replies with more sarcasm than normal.

"Well, it should prove to be interesting, as the whiskey shall not come easily! Nor shall it not involve me coming out unscathed in the entire process. It'll be scary, dangerous, and downright funky, Misato," Compton continues on, pacing and describing the adventure which sits before.

"Wait.....you're going to get hurt? Never mind, this just might be fun! I mean, it's been a while since I've caused a little bit of chaos in the cosmos," Misato says just a bit under her breath before chuckling menacingly.

"But first! We must get down to the planet."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
*Down on the beautiful and dangerous planet of Corellia, dangerous only because of the Corellians' general lack of proper risk assessment, Compton Rage prepares to hunt down a vintage whiskey. The quest begins deep in the bowels of Corellia's best and most known alcoholic beverage producing company, which, is, of course, running full tilt and producing enough alcohol to drown even the most hearty Wookiee drinker. Which is not enough for the average Corellian.*

"Ummmm, Compton, how did we manage to get in here in the first place?" Misato questions the leader of the quest, who appears to be dressed in a brewmeister's uniform.

"First off, quiet! They'll catch us if you keep questioning my plans. Second, we got in using our incredible skills, heightened senses, and invincible planning techniques. That and I bribed the guard with a little bit of Force Technique," Compton answers. "Now, all we need to do is get down into the company's private alcohol "museum" and get ourselves a bottle from years past."

"That's great, Compton. You realize it would've been easier if we'd just have taken the tour of the facility with the rest of the people waiting to get into the musuem," Misato complains, sighing at the weird conditions with which they must get in, "Besides, this worker's uniform doesn't accent my figure at all!"

*Compton turns around from watching the security guard in front of the musuem's entrance door, which may possibly contain one of the very few vintage bottles of whiskey upon the planet. He looks Misato up and down, who is currently trying to adjust the labcoat/scrub-type outfit (used to keep the brewing floor perfect for only the best alcohol!) to better fit her nigh-perfect figure. It's a losing battle.*

"Well, Misato, if we had gone with the group, it would not have been nearly as entertaining of a post! I mean, if we're going to have to advance further in the race, albeit we are in first place after Terras’ starship malfunction, which I swear I had nothing to do with, we need to have a fairly humorous post. That, and with the group, we’d make quite a scene stealing a bottle from the museum.”

“Ah. That does make a bit of sense. Not much, but more than when we first started this conversation,” Misato replies.

“Quiet. I think the guard’s about to fall asleep!”

*On this, the guard decides to come over and figure out who the two people who have been watching him from behind the brew vats for the last two hours are. They haven’t moved, and they just seem to be talking to themselves, which is really beginning to make his guard senses tingle.*

“Now, what do we have here? A brewmeister waiting for me to fall asleep on the job? That’d be a stretch! Oh, and apparently his lovely assistant. You’re taking quite a while to check on the brew there, Meister,” comments the guard, imposing his larger-than-average-for-a-Corellian bulk upon the two plotters by the brewing vats.

“Of course it’s taking a while, and I was commenting on how this brew would manage to make just about any Corellian worth his salt fall asleep by the end of the first glass! This new batch I’m working on is more powerful than a Pangalactic Gargleblaster, except without the brick. It’s supposed to be closer to a 2x4 to the back of your head” Compton quickly retorts, emphasizing the last part while winking at Misato, “Would you care to try it for me? I want to see if it’s truly what I’m hoping for!”

*Compton holds out a quickly summoned bottle of liquor that he fetches from around the front of the tank, hoping the guard doesn’t notice Misato quietly sneaking up behind him. The guard, however, like any Corellian who is offered a challenge to see how much liquor he can hold, takes the beer from Compton and begins to take it back in one large swill. He drains the glass completely without looking any worse for the wear.*

“You know, it’s a good brew, brewmeister, but it just doesn’t have the 2 x 4 to the back of the head kick like you said it would. It’s more like a...a....” the guard pauses, attempting to find the correct words.

“Like a piece of pipe from a brewing vat to the head?” offers up Misato.

“Yes, exactly…......” states the guard as he quickly drops to the ground after a loud “ka-thonk” (much like a piece of brewing vat pipe to the head would sound), followed by Misato standing there in her assistant’s uniform, wielding a rather large cross-section of metal.

“You just had to go and knock out the guard without any fun and evil behind it, didn’t you?” Compton sighs, wanting to have a little bit more fun before the guard went down.

“Well, now we can sneak in and get that blasted brew! We’ve got to hurry of else Terras might catch up. We beat him here for some odd reason, but we don’t know when he, or anyone else, might pull in system! Now let’s get into the museum.”
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*Once into the museum, Compton Rage and Misato quickly get to looking for the oldest bottle of liquor in the place. Soon, they find the blasted bottle, but only after a good hour search.*

"Ah Ha!" cries Compton, reaching into a highly-protected glass display case (with a little bit of help from his ability to warp matter), "I found the frelling thing! It's been here all the time. Huh, seems to only be about 12 years old. Guess that _is_ ancient for Corellia."

*As he triumphantly lifts the bottle into the air, the lights come on in the room. A rather large tourist group manages to walk in on the pair; a rather-worn looking tour guide looking surprised at the very different display that he had seen a hundred times before today. Without missing a beat, however, the tour guide jumps right back to his tour.*

"And here, Ladies and Gentlebeings, is the oldest bottle of Corellian Whiskey. It has been appraised by some of the most upstanding auction houses in the galaxy and is certified to be priceless," the tour guide continues in a flat, rehearsed monotone only successfully mastered by years of repetition, or becoming a professor of Xenobotany. "As you notice, one of our brewmeisters is currently transferring it to another area for a closer look at its chemical makeup. With our incredible capabilities of in-bottle scanning, our brewmeisters are among the best in the galaxy at creating authentic brews in the same flavor and vein as some of the oldest ales in the galaxy."

*Compton slowly lowers the bottle, a surprised look on his face. He faces the large crowd, thankfully not seeing the security guard among them, which is a small bonus as that would create total chaos in his plans if he had. However, he was still stuck with the bottle, a brewmeister's uniform, and not much chance to get out without doing a little talking. Taking up the slack from the tour guide's pause in breath, Compton begins to formulate a way out.*

"Actually, yes, as a matter of fact, I am HerrDoktorProfessor Guggleheimenschmidt. It's my job to take the older bottles of vine and viskey and produce besser samples of viskey that the galaktik kommunity can enjoy the vintage taste without the vintage price!" Compton says, faking the best brewmeister's voice from all the varied holodocumentaries he's seen, "As ve vere just takink the bottle out to do some ekstrapolation upon it, I must ekskuse myself and my fair assistant here. Thank you and have a nice day!"

*With that, Compton turns, grabs Misato's arm and proceeds to leave out the back exit before anyone could question his obviously phony credentials. Luckily, the tour guide seems not to notice or care that he sounded completely fake and the tourists, like all tourists, are unaware that this isn't something other than a good show put on by the museum.*
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*On the outside of the museum, the security guard still remains dozing happily, and Compton and Misato have their bottle of vintage whiskey. All should be fine for now, save the fact that four more security guards have come to find why the one hadn't reported in for break yet. Things don't look too well for our heroes, or villains, depending on which side you look at it from.*

"Hey! Those two have the vintage bottle of Corellian Whiskey! And the one looks to be wielding a piece of steel pipe that seems to be about the same diameter of the lump on Gregiorgio's head! Let's get 'em guys!" pops off what seems to be the smallest of the severely unhappy guards.

"Misato, take this and get back to the ship. I'll be there eventually. Bruised and battered but I will," Compton states as he hands off the bottle to Misato.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*Close to three hours later, a rather black and blue Compton struggles onto the Nadesico. Misato, looking rather happily at their vintage bottle of Corellian whiskey, sits in the command chair.*

"Wow, that took longer than expected. Have a little trouble with things dear?" questions Misato.

"Not at all. Nothing like being held over a brewing vat and being repeatedly dunked by your ankles by four large guys all wanting you to die by giving your liver alcohol poisoning from drowning me in the stuff," Compton states while tipping his head sideways, "In fact, I think I've got Corellian wine in places that not even I know I had. At least this time, nothing got into my sinuses too deeply."

*Compton tips his head just a bit more, and then taps on his ear. A rather thick stream of reddish-purple liquid streams out, pouring onto the deck plating.*

"Well, I guess the ears should be plugged up for quite a while. Blegh. I think I'm going to have quite the hangover at our next stop. It's best that we should be on our way then."

*As Compton prepares to jump the ship to their next destination, Misato speaks quietly under her breath.*

"Not only did you get hurt, but it was fun in the process! Getting this never-ending cups going to be so much fun for little me!"

*She laughs evilly, her completely random side of chaos showing through.*

KnightStalker
31 August 2004, 10:08 PM
Defolding on the outer fringe of the Corellian system, the Starbound Misfit II begins it's sublight approach for Corellia. Onboard, Criss and Lynnori go over their plans to obtain the whiskey.

Criss : "I'm telling you, it's not gonna be a problem. The Diktat won't even know I've been here to have me busted, and that's simply because they don't have any files on me to even bother to keep watch out for me."

Lynnori (placing her hands on her hips) : "How can you be so sure?" :raised:

Criss : "Simple. My fellow associates back on Cortic III have done their research well, so my cover can't ever be blown, because the real person I impersonate for these kind of encounters has pretty much fallen off the Galactic Map. There's no way that he could ever turn up & blow my cover. This guy disappeared years ago without a trace and there's no flimsi trail to trace from when I started to use the alias back to when he disappeared. My associates did a flawless slicing job on placing their dummied up data into the records via the Holonet."

Lynnori : "If you insist, but if you're wrong..."

Criss (taking a step toward Lynnori, with a flirtateous look in his eye) : "Now c'mon, boo-boo-kitty-frig, have we ever had my cover alias blown before?"

Lynnori : (shrugging) "No...but there was that near run-in that time in Hollywood with Jay, S. Bob and that Knob-knocker fellow when he tried to get his payback on them for slicing his hand off."

Criss : "His name was Coc-, hey!!! Waitaminnit, that time doesn't really count, they didn't recognize us at all, and those weren't lightsabers that they had, they were bongsabers. If they had been real Jedi, then yeah, they'd have recognized my Mandalorian armor, and would have been packing actual lightsabers.'

Lynnori (raising her arms defensively) : "Okay, okay. So tell me, then, just how are we gonna obtain the Corellian Whiskey we need?"

Criss : "Just wait until we're planetside and you'll see. Misfit, what's your sensors picking up?"

Misfit's disembodied voice (over the ship's intercoms) : "So far it seems we're not the first ones to get here. I'm detecting that two other vessels have beaten us here."

Criss : "Sithspit! Okay, take us planetside, and keep those sensors active."

Misfit : "Must I? Theres a reason I keep them shut off you know. The last time was like 'Oh Ewww'-"

Lynnori : "Can it, Misfit, just keep watch and takes us down."

Misfit : "Oh wait, those were the internal sensors...there's gotta be a way to permanently disable those..."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Once the Misfit II has made planetfall, Criss and Lynnori depart the ship on their speedercycs and head for a small community on the outskirts of Coronet. After reaching the small little town, they make their way thru the streets, with Criss leading the way. They soon pull up to a rather rundown looking house and make their way around to the back where they dismount from their cycs.

Lynnori (looking disdainfully at the house) : :? "So what's the deal with this place. It just looks like a rundown dump to me."

Criss : "This house belonged to my father's grandparents. It hasn't been occupied by my family in a long while, but it's where we want to be. C'mon. This way."

Criss leads Lynnori to a rickety looking shack out back and enters. Heading for the back wall, Criss kneels down and exposes a disguised trapdoor in the floor. Taking the stairs down, Criss shows Lynnori an obviously blasterproof door with a Clone Wars-era security system. Taking a small electronic device that Lynnori doesn't recognize from his belt, Criss attaches it to the security panel and starts pressing buttons on the device. Within minutes, the old electronic lock on the door clicks and disengages. Criss removes the device and opens the door, revealing a large chamber inside. Lining three of the walls are several weapons and pieces of equipment that predate the Clone Wars. The fourth wall features some communications instrumentation and an old wine rack. Criss rummages thru the bottles and pulls out an old bottle of Corellian Whiskey.

Criss : "Bingo! I knew I'd be likely to find a bottle here." :D

Lynnori (looking around at the chamber's contents, then picking up an old piece of damaged Mandalorian armor) : "How in the Rings of Fornax did you know about this place? There's a lot of stuff here that'd be worth a good sized fortune on the Invisible Market."

Criss : "Family research, baby. Lots of family research. Now let's get going."

Criss starts to head back to the blast door as Lynnori continues to look at all the old and valuable items in the chamber.

Lynnori (disappointedly returning the broken piece of armor to the table) : 'What, you're just gonna leave the rest of this stuff here? C'mon, this stuff's all valuable." (picking up a hand sized polyhedron metal & glass object) "Umm, honey, isn't this a Jedi holocron?"

Criss (turning back to face Lynnori) : "Yes & yes, but it's not on our list for the race, we can always come back here later. Now come on, let's get going."

Lynnori starts to fiddle with the cube, but before Criss could protest, a group of scantily clad Twi'lek dancing girls appear out of the cube, dancing to some silent beat...Lynnori gives Criss a wierd look... :raised: "Ummm, is this one of the reasons why the Jedi order was so secretive?"

Criss : "Uhh, that wasn't a Jedi holocron...Most of this is my great uncle's inheritance from another great uncle..." :o

As soon as Criss and Lynnori make it back to their waiting speedercycs, and place the bottle of whiskey into a storage compartment for safe transportation back to the ship, several green and white CorSec speeders race into the back yard.

Criss : "Oh, frak! Somebody musta recognized the family markings on my armor. Let's get the frell outta here!"

Criss and Lynnori jump onto their cycs and blast out of the yard at full throttle.

Lynnori (over the cyc's comm system) : "What was you saying about how we'd not be recognized?"

Criss : "Now's not the time, sweetheart!"

Criss quickly transforms his speedercyc to armor mode and quickly fires at the pursuing speeders, targeting the power couplings with the blasters in his armor's forearm shields. Making sure they've been disabled and are no longer capable of pursuit, Criss transforms his cyc back to speeder mode and catches up with Lynnori.

Criss (opening a comm channel to the Misfit II) : "Misfit, power up all your systems and be ready to blast off the moment we're onboard. Don't even wait until we reach the bridge, just break planetary orbit and get us out far enough to jump to hyperspace. Lynnori and I are gonna be busy with something else the moment we get onboard."

Misfit : "How could you two even think of doing that at a time like this?!?"

Criss : "Not that you rust-covered pile-of-junk!"

Lynnori : "Hey, why not? Any other time you can't wait to have your way with me." :(

Misfit : "Oh, joy, thats one less piece of me that that hasn't been done in..."

Criss : "We'll shag later, boo-boo-kitty-frig! Misfit, just get ready to make a fast lift-off before CorSec's goons show up and shoot your rusty hull full of holes!"


Misfit : "Oh, that's just lovely. How many blaster scorches am I gonna be picking up this time? Just once I'd appreciate it if you could give me enough time to fix and repaint my hull plates from our prior incidents, not to mention let me calm myself from having been in the vastness of space."

Criss : "MISFIT! Not now! Just do what I've told you or I'll reprogram you with a hydrospanner!"

Within minutes, Criss and Lynnori manuever their speedercycs into the Misfit II's docking bay as the ship begins to lift off. Picking up speed, the ship races into orbit and then proceeds to fly circles around CorSec's starfighters as it rushes away from the planet, with Misfit screaming like a girl as he dodges the starfighters' blasterfire.

Misfit : "Ohmygodohmygodohmygod!!!!!! I'm in a happy place, I'm in a happy place, I'm in a happy place! Oh who am I kidding, we're not gonna make it! WAAAAAA!"

Criss : "Misfit, shaddup!!! I'm trying to concentrate on our escape vector here!"

Lynnori : "Misfit, just think about the last time we had to avoid a swarm of snubfighters, you'll get thru it."

Misfit winces at the reminder, and then Criss pulls back on the hyperdrive throttle, executing a hyperspace jump to the next planet on the list.

Ris
20 September 2004, 04:51 PM
Zaphod. Alert: Inept foreshadowing!
JEJVO: There is another…
Left behind from the race. By choice…He does not watch the race or partake of the goodies just brought in, much less do the job he’s being paid to do. No, in a dank seaside cave he broods on how much time he has wasted on puny dreams. Before, he thought of ruling one dubious planet, but now sees the error in that fantasy. He has changed his ways-he now sees the True Path-to rule a whole dimension! “Bbbbwwwaaahhhaaahhhaaa!” (stubby tail wags at near-lightspeed)

Hyperspace, an Aethyrsprite betwixt & between Ithor & Corellia:
Z’Rissa (voice only): Whyever are we going to a DRY Correlian County to find WHISKEY? I didn’t even realize there was such a thing in the entire system. I’d think Corellians would find the concept unthinkable. Or at least illegal & immoral. (peeved)And can’t you do SOMETHING about my head & my stomach?
Dantris (comforting voice): Poor princess, I wish I could-but even my healing talents can’t affect a spirit-and I sure can’t give you a shot. So, are da Ugnaughts still banging inside your pwetty skull with hydrospanners & da Ewoks dancing in your wittle tummy?
Rissy: They changed places-I think. AM I DYING?!
Dani: You’re suffering through the worst of the hangover then-you’ll be recovered by the time we reach Correlia, darling.
Rissy: Gggrrr, why didn’t Dono warn me about that dratted Bubbly? He had plenty of time when he was babbling about nothing.
Dani (blandly): Just add it to the list of things you’re gonna take out of his supposedly-hunky hide when you’re solid enough to spar with him again. ‘Sides, he probably didn’t know it could even be imbibed by a Force-spirit. How can a guy who gets around THAT much can come off SO inexperienced?…
And to answer your other question, this is a DRY county because it’s a PENAL county. Sending crooks to Kessel got expensive--& can you imagine a worse punishment for a Correlian? And we’re just using it as a staging area. Petey found a discovered escape tunnel that was never filled in & isn’t guarded, & it’s just what I need for my plan.
Rissy: What plan? And why doesn’t the Warden fill it in or guard it--is he dumber than that Wally AND his pointy-haired boss together?
Dantris: Because the crooks who dug it were even more brain-dead. The tunnel ends in CorSec HQ for the entire system! So none of the crooks want to use it.
Rissy: And how does you getting arrested for breaking into CorSec going to accomplish anything besides ensuring us last place & a stint in the Spice Mines, pray tell? Even if you got by them, you wouldn’t find any whiskey. CorSecs are the paragons of law enforcement-they’d no more drink on duty than let a spice smuggler off with a warning.
(desperately) And how am I gonna get re-solidified if you don’t win the Bubbly?
Dantris: Oh, there’s Whiskey there, dearest heart. Old Whiskey. Trust me, O Beautious & Terrible Warrior.
Rissy: I do-and that’s what REALLY worries me.
Dani: Ah, you Alderaanian royals are all alike-just can’t resist the rogues & scoundrels :D
Rissy: (raspberry sound FX)
The only Dry County in the entire Correlian System. Maybe the entire universe?
Rissy: (looks around messy refresher in abandoned section of Prison) I’ve got a…
Dani: bad feeling about this? ;)
Rissy: No! An “I’m gonna SO regret this” feeling! Let’s get it over with. (mutters) I hope there’s a little Bubbly left in that glass I left on Ithor-I’m going to need another shot after this escapade. (sighs) It took longer than I was alive, but the Jedi Rogue’s finally driven me to drink...
JEJVO: The star-crossed Jedi lovers make their way up, down, & around the Dry County Prison, which seems more deserted than one would expect in a system where the 2 biggest exports are liquor & smugglers.
Dani: I don’t sense anyone with the Force. The System Governor musta got too much of that whiskey at the inauguration bash & given everyone a pardon. Plus sent the guards on leave. All the better for us.

Dantris pauses at the armory to trade his robes for stealth gear, whilst Z’Rissa recons the tunnel.
Rissy: I found it. (elegantly grossed-out “EEEWW!” sound FX) What a muddy mess! The Holonet Denizens will be finished complaining about how badly George screwed up the Original Trilogy DVD before you get all the dirt, fossils, humus, earthworms, ore, & stuff cleaned off you! And that’s the good news! The reason there’s no one here is that the first hurricane known to have formed in a Correlian sea is headed for here!!! They’ve evacuated this place!!!
Dani: Calm down, remember all that stuff about peace instead of emotion they taught us at the Temple? (waves hand & she calms down) Honestly, you’ve gotten hyper-emotional since becoming a spirit.
Rissy: (Calmly) Wait’ll I get my hands on you for mind-tricking me, Healer.
Dani: :D I already CAN’T wait! That’s why I’m going to all this trouble.

CorSec HQ
Dani: Well, here we are, Z’Rissa.
Rissy: So, pray tell where we’re gonna find whiskey here? The Agents having a Hurricane Party, perchance?
Dani: Love, you seen any “Evidence Room Thataway” signs?
Z’Rissa: Yes, why? We can’t chance any side trips-we need to get that bottle & set a speed record to Endor.
Dani: Didn’t I tell you? The whiskey will be there. According to Petey, there have been 1,495, 871 investigations of suspected bootleg Corellian whiskey closed by CorSec in the last century. Plus 56, 273, 985 investigations of whiskey smuggling in just the last 10 years. And 98.999999999% & 97.9998888% respectively, have evidence--ie Corellian whiskey!
JEJVO: sounds like some weird GM must’ve done an AD&D / SW cross-over & included Bags of Holding to fit that much in here.
Z’Rissa: BAGS of Holding? I’d say a Hollow Asteroid of Holding!
Dani: Or 3!
Rissy: Wonderful. So how do we make sure we get a bottle of The Real Thing? I don’t want you disqualified because you got a counterfeit vintage.
Dani: Didn’t you read the List? It says, “Snag a bottle of Corellian Whiskey,” not a word about “licensed, tax-paying distilleries.”
JEJVO: Master Organa, Coca-Cola®, not Corellian Whiskey, is the “Real Thing, BTW.”
Rissy: Picky, picky.
(Sound FX: Strong winds, rain, & hail battering transparisteel windows offstage)
Dani: better get a move on.
Rissy: Wait! I heard giggles under all that weather! Yes, I can sense several beings coming this way.

A baker’s dozen of CorSec’s finest march down the hall towards the Healer & Force-spirit.
Sexy Female Agent#12: Why do we have to be on duty when they evac’d the crooks?
Sexy Female Agent#6: ‘cause we’re CorSec-it’s our duty & we’re the best!
Male Agent#11: There they are! And you thought the lightning was affecting the security sensors. How’d you EVER get through the CorSec Academy?
Cute Curly-haired Bothan Female Agent: I was at the top of my class!
Sexy Female Agent#4: Before you sliced the grades, or just after?
Male Agent#2: Aw, ladies, they’re gonna get away!
All Agents: Halt in the name of the law!

Dantris raises his hands while smiling appreciatively at this pulchritudinous assortment of feminine anatomical specimens.
Sexy Female Agent#’s 4, 6, 13, Cute Curly-haired Bothan Female Agent, & Really Hot Female Agent: OOOOOOOOO! What a Bod! I get to pat him down!
Sexy Female Agent#5: I saw him first!!
Sexy Female Undercover Vice Agent: No! I have a search warrant! See?
Cute Curly-haired Bothan Female Agent: Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine…
Really Hot Female Agent: He looks like Jack Sparrow! MMMMM
All 11 Female CorSec Agents rush at Dani, trampling hapless Male Agents #2 & #11.

Z’Rissa: I can’t handle this!
JEJVO: He’s doing it for you.
Z’Rissa: I know but…
JEJVO: Here, I’ve a idea to make it easier for you, Jedi Princess. (whispers)
Z’Rissa: :D

Sometime later, at the Aethyrsprite
A very mussed & very, very tired Healer says farewell to some very happy Female CorSec Agents.
Dantris: Thank you ladies so very much for the Whiskey. (uses Move Object to levitate several bottles) You don’t know how much this means to me.
Really Hot Female Agent: Any time, Healer.
Dani: (waves hand) Now back up & wave bye-bye to me, brave Agents.
(after canopy closes) Ris? Rissy?
Petey: ( Peanuts® teacher-voice sound FX)
Dani: She what?
Petey: ( Peanuts® teacher-voice sound FX)
Dani: Z’Rissa went on a date. Gee, that’s nice, I guess Dono came by…
Petey: ( Peanuts® teacher-voice sound FX, twice)
Dani: Not with Donovan?!?! With James Earl Jones’ voice-over?!?! They were gonna find out if she could drink a Coca-Cola® float?!?! Am I supposed to believe THAT?!?! I've got a bad feeling about this...
Petey, get me Dono, stat! He’s gotta help me outta this one!

Donovan Morningfire
24 October 2004, 01:05 PM
OOC: Just making a post to get this sucka back up on the front page, and to have a little fun :D

IC: As the racers race to gather the bottles of vintage Correlian Whiskey, we turn our attention to ...

*image fades in of the blonde beauty known as Vixen-of-Venus taking a shower with only a nearly-transperent door keeping this from becoming an R-rated feature instead of a cheesecake moment.*

VoV: *happily humming as she washes her hair*

Chibi-Donovan (popping onto the screen): Um, this one is thinking that you should be elsewhere ...

VoV: Huh? *notices camera* ECCHI!! *hurls Max Voltage Force Lightning (tm) at camera*

Chibi-Dono: This one told you so.

VoV: HENTAI! *hurls Industrial Strength Max Voltage Force Lightning at Chibi-Dono*

Chibi-Dono: 8o *narrowly dodges the barrage and runs off*

VoV (turns towads audience): And what are you looking at?! *electricity crackles around one hand as the other holds a bath towel up, again maintaining the intregity of the fan service moment.*

*The image, not surprisingly, goes dark.*

*** *** ***

Meanwhile, back on the bridge of the Jedi's Fire ...

Malk: I certainly have to give props to Dani for working his way out of that situation.

T'real (in a bit of a huff): You would.

Malk (shrugging): Now I'm not saying I approve, or that I would have done the same ... right Donovan?

Donovan: Oro? :?

Malk: Where have you been? Napping?

Donovan: Sorry, but this one needed to catch up on some sleep. And seeing as how things seemed to have quieted down somewhat, this one thought now would be a good time... though a very strange dream this one just had.

Malk: Did it involve a fish in a lime green bowler shoving a man's head up his rectum?

Donovan: Oro?

Malk: Then it wasn't that strange.

Donovan: Well, this dream involved Vixen-of-Venus taking a shower, a super-deformed Donovan, and ...

T'real: Say no more. I think we get the picture. *goes back to monitoring the race progess as Donovan tries in vain to explain 'it wasn't that sort of dream'*

Malk: Okay, so who's next? *Looks at Kanchi, who's view screen face has a list of the racers.* According to him, dragonseye is currently in the hot seat. And has anyone seen my peanut butter and nacho cheese sandwich?

Donovan: Oro?

T'real: I have to agree with the Jedi on this one.

Bridge Bunnies: :?

Malk: Um, nevermind... let's get back to race. (in a hushed tone) Come on Lokar, get your butt in gear already. I've got a keg of Rancor Bubbly riding you to take the cup this time.

*** *** ***

Further away from this, an ominous black ship looms on the horizon.

Annoyed Audience Member (with a very bad British commoner accent): Well, what's the bloody thing doing there?

Other Annoyed Audience Member (with equally bad French accent): Why, it is just looming on ze horizon, like ze man zaid, no?

AAM (wBBCA): Well, it has to be doing something other than looming, now hasn't it?

OAAM (wEBFA): Not necezarily. Just becauze ze ship iz looming, doez not mean that it haz to be doing zomething else.

AAM (wBBCA): Can't you just talk normally like everyone else? Why must you talk in such an outrageous method?

OAAM (wEBFA): I must talk zis way becauze I am French! And what iz your excuse, eh? You zound utterly ridiculous!

AAM (wBBCA): That is it! I have had enough of your silly accent! *tackles the OAAM (wEBFA)*

As the two Annoyed Audience Members pummel each other, the ominous black ship has wandered off the horizon, heading to parts unknown... or at least parts unknown to us.

dragonseye
25 October 2004, 10:20 AM
Over the planet Ithor

A tiny prick of light circles Ithor in a high orbit, long forgotten since the other racers have already passed by in their quest for the NNTBS Race. Over a crackly radio can be heard the sounds of a long forgotten singer from a galaxy far, far away.

Over the radio: You look like an angel, walk like an angel, talk like an angel, but I got wise… You’re the devil in disguise…

Hear No Evil: Wait!!!!!!!! What do you think you’re doing!? Don’t you know that’s an example of impossibility, breaking every known theory of vacuum science! I’m citing you for Breaking Reality in the presence of Vacuum. That’s a serious offense against the Censor Monkeys’ Codes of Post Content there!

Over the Radio: You fooled me with your kisses, you cheated and you schemed, heaven knows how you lied to me…

Dragonseye: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Ed: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Over the radio: I thought that I was in heaven, but I was sure surprised…

Dragonseye: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Ed: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

HNE: Are you ignoring me?! You are, you’re ignoring me!? Just for that, I’m citing you for more violations!

Over the Radio: …the devil in your eyes. You look like an angel…

Dragonseye rolls over on her Vespa, pulling Towel over her eyes to block out the sun while her head is pillowed on the seat and her legs dangle over the handles. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Ed: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

HNE: Hey! Wake up you idiot! I’m giving you more citations now!

The light brightens even more while HNE continues his fruitless attempt to wake up Dragonseye.

HNE: Wait a minute, that’s far too bright to be Ithor’s sun, and it’s blinking like it’s trying to tell me a message.

HNE looks over his shoulder, pulling his hands infront of his eyes to block out part of the overly bright glare. M… O… V… E… What’s that supposed to mean? HNE scratches his head a bit more, popping a tick from his fur into his mouth as he contemplates the strange morse code message. AAAAAAAA!!!!! MOVE, the message means MOVE!!!!! HNE starts kicking and squealing in an attempt to get out of the way, but only sends himself spinning about the bright yellow vespa as a furry satellite.

Lavie: They’re not moving, Claus! What do we so now?!

Claus: Try jetting some of those bubbly drinks, maybe it’ll shove us off direction enough to miss them. Under his breath, come on you stupid vanship, move!

Lavie: I don’t think it helped much!

Claus: Are you sure you can’t get the Claudia fluid flowing again? We can’t be completely out…

Dragonseye: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

CRASH

The two vehicles crash in a brilliant shock of sparks over the beautiful green jewel of all planets, Ithor. Both vehicles and passengers are sent tumbling into the atmosphere, but just as it looks grimmest for Claus and Lavie, the vanship roars back to life, sending them flying out of the Ithor system before they can assist the tiny vespa still falling into Ithor.

Dragonseye: Sctratches her stomach before getting up and stretching, taking little notice of HNE falling past the vespa. Wah? We’re here already? Dragonseye looks over the side of the vespa, waving to the monkey falling ever faster towards Ithor’s tree covered topsoil.

HNE: Hey! Haven’t you heard anything like Terminal Velocity? You can’t just have me keep on plummeting towards the ground at increasing speeds! Just for that, I’m writing you up for more infractions against normal science theories.

Dragonseye: By Mr. Monkey!

Ed: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

HNE falls Ithor’s tree covered ground, landing with a great thunk that ruptures several acres of pristine, never before touched trees. But instead of remaining upon the destroyed acres of woods, HNE bounces off the ground and back into the air, a blasted out ring of baffor tree trunk stuck upon his waist.

Meanwhile, on the Planet of Bubbly

Narrator: I wove you guysssh.

BP #69: Hey! Get off me already! The girls’ll be jealous! (Whispers to the Dishwasher and Stove.) Don’t worry my pets; I only have eyes for you.

BP #2183: Nock that off already! You’re givin’ drunken idiots a bad name!

On the large screen holo-monitor comes up a news flash of the NNTBS Race, showing a seriously pissed off monkey pulling a bark hula skirt off and throwing it violently at Dragonseye. But Ed shoots an arm up just before contact is to be made with Dragonseye’s head and pulls the bark circle over her head. HNE becomes further enraged and reaches behind him for something else to throw. The monitor cuts out to a forest scene of happy bunnies frolicking in a forest glen.

Somewhere else, in a hallway with a door looking into a white room

CNE smacks his head before snapping his fingers at SNE. You must stop her at all costs! We can’t have a simple-minded drunkard shaming our name to the Censor Board! CNE looks inside at HNE rocking on the floor in a straight jacket. DNE is sitting next to him playing checkers with a man with a clip in his ear, the numbers 1138 smudged in black ink. CNE walks ominously away; a grin spreads over SNE’s face, rivaling even the
Grinch’s evil smile.

Later, on the planet Corellia

Dragonseye sits back against her vespa, feet dangling in the bay after a long fruitless search for the next scavenger hunt piece, vintage Corellian whiskey. Ed reels in her fishing line once again, but frowns when she once again only finds a small flask of amber colored liquid corked inside. Ed continues to catch more flasks of Corellian whiskey, not realizing she had discovered the long lost treasure space pirates had dumped into the bay to escape Cor Sec’s chase. Unfortunately for the space pirates, they were too drunk at the time to remember where they had dumped the precious carge.

Terras Jadeonar & Raven
14 November 2004, 08:58 PM
Vanger Chevane So what happens if you post something that's longer than a single page?

Terras Jadeonar & Raven Dunno. One way to find out...


Presently: Aboard the YT-2400 NightRaven, 2:30am New Republic Coordinated Time - Running Ship Sleep Cycle w/ interior dimmed night lighting...

The crew was all sound asleep, in their respective seperate areas / quarters. Their ship was travesing the hyperspace lane smoothly at .75 lightspeed, with Raven, the Ship's Core AI as their pilot. Their hard won pole-position from Ithor was lost due to some mishap of astronavigation co-ords mistyped, rocketing them nearly across the galaxy, far from the Corellia System. Knowing they're on their way and will at least have a chance to find the coveted bottle of Vintage Corellian Whiskey...

But one of them stirred awake from loneliness, and hungery... Sought after a late-night snack...

In the dimm lighting, a dark shadowy slim and curvacios figure softly walked towards the back corner of the ship barefooted - muting any sounds that the deckplating normally made, apearing to head to the kitchen or Refresher, but instead of turning left, stopped infront of Terras's door. A slender feminim hand reached forth, gently tapped the "Open" button and the door slid open with only an inaudible 'whisk'. Terras's quarters were pitch black, the meager muted lighting from outside not strong enough to peirce the darkness of the void and was consumed. No worries, low light was no problem for any of the crew save for Terras's own human eyes.

She peered in, vision unhindered by the darkness, easily found Terras laying asleep flat on his back, his bare chest rose slowly with shallow rythmed breathing. The bed covers covering up to his mid-section, arms at his sides. She entered his quarters, letting the door close behind her, she made her way to his bedside, leaving the lights switched off. Bending overslightly and with one hand, expertly drawing the quilt aside, revealing a pair of green/yellowy nebula-print boxers. With that same hand, she reached past Terras's side, leaning onto it slightly then one knee, the other arm and other leg followed in fashion as she crawled over, onto him. One soft as silk hand gently carresed his chest, the other his cheek... Her warm moist breath whispered his name...

The shroud of sleep stubornly held onto Terras, as muffled words barely murmered from his lips, and were met with a passionate lover's kiss to the lips, rousing a groggy Terras from his sleep. Sounds of passion were made in darkness.

The door whisked open again, the silouete of another feminin figure stood in the doorway, her voice laced with concern and curiosity from the sounds from the bed... Could he possibly be dreaming? I wonder if he'd mind... The female thought to herself, walking further into Terras's quarters. Turning around the desk corner which concealed his bed from doorway's view was a startling sight to behold. Dropping the tray with the two aromatic cups of spiced tea, crashing loudly to the sloofr as she imediately slapped on the lights and shouted with surprise & hurt"TERRAS!?!?!?!? RAVEN!?!?!?!? How COULD YOU?!??!"

One minute dreaming, dreaming turned reality and love making with his lover paying him a late-night visit, to a loud crashing of cups and tray to the floor equaled by Nileeta's shocked / startled voice from beside his bedside and blinding light from instant darkness, Terras used one hand to shield his eyes, his left hand tracing up the female's backside to shoulder and to her left arm all the while trying to comprehend what was going on in his still very sleep-grogged mind.

"Huh..? Nileeta? I thought you were- then-who?!?" Terras's voice trailed off as his hand on her arm found the rather familar 23rd century futuristic holo-imaging armband device that allowed Raven to manifest in an actual physical form - skin texture and all... And Terras's mind arrived at the all-too-real nightmarish dreaded conclusion, as he began testingly spread the fingers sheilding his eyes - his vision still very much a haze of black and white stars with a feint familiar face outline hovering just above his "Raven???"

"Mmmmmmm Terrrras..." the sweet, hot moist breath lustfully purred the heavily accented words rolling the m's & r's from the pouty luscious red lips of the perfect ivory skinned face framed by the silky long black hair from which was Raven's avatar... that drapped down unto upon his shoulders...

Terras's vision was still slow to clear and slowly coming too. The stars and blackness begining to fade, and he tilted his head left, to see Nileeta standing with her hands wrapped around herself, looking hurt / betrayed / at a loss for words, in her facial expression & stance, covering up an astonishing semi-transparent nightie that clearly revealed the intention of her un-anounced visit...

Terras's own tongue was tied, now in quite the opposite fashion, as he was at a loss for words himself, while still trying to fully grasp the awkward situation "Nileeta-I..." There can only be one thing to do...

Terra's fingers played across Raven's arm and deftly found the buttons for the holo-imaging shutoff. With a couple clicks as Raven's startled expresion as Raven's avatar had imediately realized what his fingers had done... And Raven's full-bodied form clotheless avatar vanished to nothingness, an empty void where the bedsheet now settled down across Terras's midsection again... A dull "clank" rang through his quarters as the imaging arm band fell from his hands, bounced off the bed and onto the floor...

A few hot tears had streaked down Nileeta's cool aqua skinned face, her peach colored eyes watery. She felt betrayed by both of them. Raven was like a sister to her - a family and sister that she never had, Terras being the sole being in this galaxy that she loved. Her first impulse was to run away, but there was nowheres to go in the small ship. Knowing that, she stayed, might as well find out why??? and how long??? which was the only 2 things that ran through her mind...

That much Terras able to see now, his heart sank and whatever sorts of exstacy he had been experiancing some several moments ago now had turned to hardened lead within his insides... "Please, let this be a nightmare..." Terras spoke aloud, to nobody in particular...

"Nightmare? this is a living nightmare, this is reality Terras..." Nileeta's heart broken voice spoke

Propping himself up slightly with his elbows, "Nileeta, I thought I was dreaming at first, then realized I wasn't and I could've sworn it was you! The sweet spiced breath and taste, and everything else... How could it not have been you?" " sighing inbetween breath, "Aww Frell Nileeta, who was I supposed to expect?" Terras's heart poured out in confession. Terras had nothing to hide, he was an unknowing participant in tonight's unplanned escapade. Terras offered an outstretched open hand towards Nileeta, a guesture and futile in attempt to asking her come sit upon the bedside so he could try make things right...

But it was no use, she only looked at it, her hands remained hugging herself tight. And it dawned upon Terras the weight of the implication of the situation. The special bond they shared was but a shattered mirror now, the scattered shards reflecting their emotions in fragments, as one lone peice yet dangling from the frame waiting to fall - like their future that hung in the balance. She was hurt having had caught him in the act of cheating on her. And Terras understood why - since the avatar came into being, a lifelike embodyment and physical form. Before that there was no chance however remote. There was no denying what had just transpired. And there was no way for Terras to prove his innocence, unless-...

"Raven!!! You corrupt sadistic child of Vader!" Terras shouted and banged the wall with one fist, startling Nileeta with a gasp in the process "Answer me you sith possed witch!" knowing full well that was sure fire way yo to garner a response... Words was the least he was going to do to the AI after this, Terras resolved with temperment...

But the room remained silent, save for the sounds their burdened breathing. Even the small wallscreen that was embeded into the wall remained inactive... Peculiar wasn't the word for it... Strange... Terras thought, anger seeping, giving way to total estrangement. Terras pushed off the quilt and stood up, adjusting his boxers at the same time, prompting Nileeta to warily step back one. One look at Nileeta was all it took to refresh the heartache.

"I'm sorry Nileeta, I didn't mean to- only wanted to provoke Raven a response" Terras apoligetically spoke to Nileeta, gently raising a hand to wipe a tear from her face. The apoligetic gesture she refused, turning her face away to the side. Terras withdrew his hand, then turned it upwards palm open, "I'm going to the engine room to get to the bottom of this. Too many things have just happened that I can't explain, nor answer for. Would you come with me?" Terras asked gently, though she wasn't budging. Terras looked down at the floor, the arm band imager was in a puddle of brown liquid near his feet. He knelt down and picked it up, dripping wet. Terras looked up at Nileeta, holding up the armband to her like a peace offering. "Please?"

"Ok." is all that Nileeta said as she hesitantly reached with one hand to take the armband. She then clenched it tightly within her fingers, as if in trying to crush it, her fist rigidly shaking with effort ever so slightly, eyebrows furrowed with concentration. She gave up with a scowl, sighing in defeat.

Terras stood up and made his way over to the door, looking back, with a slight flick of his head, motioning for her to come. She did, paced a slight distance behind him, as they walked around the central area in silence to the engine room in the still dimmed light. Terras fumbled with the door control panel, before he hit the right button to open. Normally, it would auto open like the rest of the doors, though all things considered - he wasn't surprised one bit.

The engine room was dark, but quickly remedied by a flick of a wall-switch. This time, Terras shielded his eyes beforehand, blinking a few times and was alright. The sight on the floor ahead of him was an entirely different story. His tool-kit sat opened on the floor near the instrument console, several tools and bits scattered about in a hasty mess. Two hinged console panels unfastened. The display screen dark. Someone had apparently been up to something- something no-good...

Looking over his shoulder, Nileeta's expression of disbelief mirrored his own feelings. "Ok, thats the beginning of a reason. If I have to rip apart Raven's core to find out the rest, i'll do it." Terras swore to both himself and her. He made his way over to the console, tapped a few buttons but no response from the display. No diagnostics, readouts or even a verbose of expected derrogatory text from Raven. Nearby, a datapad lay in which Terras picked up and handed to Nileeta "Here, see what you can find out with this - if anything."

Nileeta accepted the datapad, pulled out a short wire and plugged it into the consol as Terras wasted no time getting flat on his back. Nileeta began tapping a few keys onthe datapad touch-screen while Terras propped up one of the panels, glow-rod in hand and began peering into the circuitry. Muttering seveal profanities in Corellian, then poked his head out with a scowl. "What isn't pulled is cut, its nothing short of the slimmest odds the hyperdrive and the rest of the ship hasn't been shorted. So much for sleeping, it's going to take me the rest of the night to patch this up unless I had a hand."

"I'll go wake sivar..." Nileeta grimly replied, putting down the datapad without care, letting it thunk onto the console.

Terras edged himself back in, not waiting, while speaking, his voice sounding holow-chambered "No, wait- Sivar would barely even fit in here. There's maybe just enough room for the two of us Nileeta, snug fit at best. Though go ahead and try to get some sleep if you can, i'll just toil away here until I finish or pass out... Then you could come back and dump a bucket of water on me and maybe even fry me slightly. Now that'd be sweet revege for ya wouldn't it?"

At the suggestion, Nileeta exhaled in a "snort" kinda sound, more akin to a sarcastic snicker. The self suggested notion of getting him back for it did apeal to her, though only briefly. She took one step towards the door, hesitated, looked back down at the floor where Terras was working and reaching around for the tools. She was still hurt, and didn't want to be near him right now, much less wedged beside him, and some small part of her did want an explanation good or bad. With a resigned sigh, she got down onto her knees, swept aside some of the tools, grabbed the datapad from above, lifted the adjoining panel and settled in for the longhaul.

Terras was slightly surprised as Nileeta joined him, pressed side-by-side in the narrow angular space, datapad in hand. With a touch of gratitude, "Nice of you to drop in, I apreciate it."

Grunting a reply,"Don't mention it. Just get this done alright?" She made it clear in her tone he had yet to be forgiven, then added "Look, I'll trace the leads, you mend and splice." In truth, the mess of wires was a nightmarish mess of ripped, pulled, & cut tangled chaos. Using the datapad to trace the leads was going to be essential to repair this task.

Even with the datapad, the work was slow and tedious. It took time to some of the matching wires, and there was plenty of patching and splicing inbetween pairings. Every once in a while, when reaching for a multi-tool Terras's hand brushed Nileeta's thigh, prompting for a quick apology. Once Terras ran out of couplers, there was a fresh package just past Nileeta's shoulders. Since Nileeta was busy, without a thought Terras rolled onto his side, couldn't reach it, inched a bit further until his face was just over hers where breath could be felt on eachother's cheeks, their eyes met. This caused for a brief pause in work, a moment of inuendo and hesitation by both. The temptation was there, but Terras didn't dip down, nor did Nileeta reach upwards as if one waited on the other. Terras's fingers had snared the package and rolled onto his backside, then cut open the package. It really did feel strange for both of them, where in normal circumstances tense hesitation would've been replaced by an affectionate kiss without moment's thought. They were creatures of habit, and was once more reminded of what was lost. Work continued in silence...

Several exhausting and aching hours later the majority of work was done. Both dropped their tools and let their sweat, dust & grime caked arms rest for a few minutes. Though fate would not let it be.

Raven's voice chimed in without delay "Well, it's about time you reconnected my external I/O's. I was trapped in my own body without control of anything save for the actual astronagivation and hyperdrive units!"

"So you didn't hear me call out your name in the worst of Corellian profanites... Or did you?" Terras tested for a reply as he inched his way out from under the console, Nileeta doing the same. Both got to their feet on their own, regaining some personal space.

"This once your lucky I was unable to hear them Terras. I've a few myself that I owe to an avatar for this mess. By the way, I don't sense her activated or my internal sensors are still offline. Where is she?"


"Your farking avatar? You had all the farking I/O sensory's you needed right here!" Nileeta held up the armband she had slinked through her wrist while repairing the console as she burst at Raven, profanity and all. She was still upset, and very upset with Raven.


Raven was taken aback by the sudden outburst"Now just wait a minute, what's this all about?!?"

"Your farking avatar was busy farking with Terras while you claim you were out on a sudden farking and conveniant vacation!" Nileeta continued,

"And I told you it wasn't my fault. It was pitch black in there and for all practical reasons I thought it was you, I was sure it was you" Terras said once again

"Right and this had not been going on for some time before? C'mon, thats like saying the odds of this happening are 502 million to 1 and this was that very one time. Yeah right, you're a Corellian, spin me another one, considering this farking AI has had the hots for you for some time, and until recently had no means of expressing them..." Nileeta huffed, feeling somewheres inbetween upset and angry

"First, the odds bit is always my line, and second - So you're suggesting Raven tore up her own circuitry, risked blowing up the ship or stranding us in hyperspace indefinately just so she could play innocent and have me in the sack??? You know how proposterous that sounds?!?" He waved his hands to his sides

Jabbing a finger at Terras,"You're Corellian aren't you?"

"What's that got to do with anything?!? You're a female Twi'lek but that dosn't mean I own you, use you, show you off to customers, rent you out then sell you when i'm done with you, now does it? It's not my fault your own species sells it's own females out to slavery. But maybe it is my fault for rescuing you, letting you stay and eventually falling for you. Something like this and all trust has gone out the airlock... Thats the thanks I get from a female Twi..." Terras waved his hands, pointed a finger right back at her then balled his fists to his hips

Raven butted in before anything more hurtfull as it already was could be said, "LOOK YOU TWO, if you'd only look at the viewscreen just once, you'd be able to see the last holo-log from my optics just before I got hooked... I couldn'y forge my own optic data if I had wanted to, and i'm willing to bet 5 to 1 odds your both going to feel rather stupid. Mark my words."

On the wallscreen, the view first showed Nileeta walking from her quarters, to the galley and refresher. Then the avatar entering the engine room, began a self diagnostics check and pulled out the tool kit, opened the split-panel doors and reached in, moments later the video blanked out.

"You see? somewheres around that point I had lost control of the Avatar. Since I recieved it, it's been a sub-set of my core consciousness, however I never directly controlled it, it had access to my core but I in a way interacted with it in the same way as you both did. Whatever sensory feedback it attained, very little of it was stored directly into my databanks. Something like hugging or kissing you I didn't directly experiance but was able to access it after it was written. Somehow it must have accessed some of my other databanks, then acted on it. So whatever had just happened, was entirely without my knowledge or control"

"Well that's just great. So you did want to do some of those things at one point or another"

"Not quite. I have pondered what it would be like at one time or another. There is a difference - curious about and actually acting on it. I do enjoy your company, presence and our chats, even arguments. But as far as something like a kiss, I still don't know what its like simply due to the fact I have the stored data but unable to interpret it due to lacking the proper sensory outlets it was perceived with."

"Well, why don't you start finding out just when you started slipping control, then let me know."

"Consider it being worked on. It'll take time to analyze my memory banks. But in the meantime, I think the two of you have some apologies in order. Not to me, but between the both of you. You may be the captain, but this is my order" Raven finished, sounding more like a mother hen than a mere AI.

And the startling evidence had been revealed. Terras's crime had been removed, and Nileeta's hurt transformed to a hollowness inside. They looked at one another, grime & dust streaked faces as their eyes met, Nileeta's were once again watering. A tear streaked down, muddy in color. "Terras, I- I'm so sorry..." She blinked her eyes and dipped her chin down, several more tears traced wet streaks down her dirty cheeks.

"Nileeta, I..." Terras gently brushed her cheek with his fingertips, which only further smeared the grime into a muddy paste. Speaking gently, "Could we just..."

Nileeta's reply barely a whisper "Yeah, I'd like that..." tilting her head upwards, looking into his eyes as he looked down into hers. His hand cusped her cheek, gently pulling them closer.

From the overhead speakers somewhat quietly, the soft synth-chords and light percusion began to play from the "Top Ace" holovid movie hit single - "Take My Respiration" by "Berini" - The famous Zeltron & Ruutian Twi'lek Female Duo, with their alto & baritone matched voices

Watching every motion in my foolish lover's game
In this starry ocean finally lovers know no shame
Turning and returning to some secret place inside
Watching in slow motion as you turn around and say
My love,

Take my respira-a-a-tion
Take my respira-a-a-tion

The motion was slow and smooth, eyes closed, gentle first test kiss, then another delicate taste, was swelling thirst like from a dripping water faucet, and the need for more as lips locked in passion, arms wrapped around the other, carresing.

Watching I keep waiting still anticipating love
Never hesitating to become the fated ones
Turning and returning to some secret place to hide
Watching in slow motion as you turn to me and say,

My Love,
Take my respira-a-a-tion

*scene fade & transition from engine room to a thick steam filled refresher with a hazy single dark outline, as the music played on... scene fade and transition again - to Nileeta's quarters, both sound asleep with Nileeta stradling Terras's left, head on his shoulder, arm drapped across his chest as music lingers on for a bit...*

Take my respira-a-a-tion
My love, take my respira-a-a-tion

*Time passes - several hours, New Republic Coordinated Time - noon hour*

Terras slowly awakens, to find Nileeta with him snuggly and with the most happily innocent expresion of content on her sleeping face. They were in her quarters, which was a first, Terras thought as he gently carresed a hand over one of her draped lekku. Nileeta roused dreamily from her sleep murmering "hmmmmmm?" and a smile on her face.

"Good morning sleeping beauty" Terras greeted with a smile, which was returned with a peck on the cheek as Nileeta shifted ever so slightly and resumed laying in the comfortable position, having made no effort or indication of getting up.

Nileeta yawned, and replied "Now thats the kind of bedtime story a girl likes, and be tucked in at night" as she let the chest hair play through her fingers in kind return to the caress given.

Raven chimed in, "Well, it's about time you kids woke up, you missed breakfast and dinner's just about ready..."

"Can't you even give us just another few minutes Raven? We spent the whole night putting you back together"

"Well, most of the night..." Nileeta playfully corrected.

Some later, Terras, Nileeta and Sivar were sitting at the Galley table, dirty dinner plates stacked & set aside and a second helping of Bespin Cloud Pudding desert & spiced tea being idly snacked on. The centerpeice of the table however was the holo-imaging arm band, and a datapad connected to it. The night's shinanigans had already been explained durrng dinner. Now it was the diagnostics and trying to figure things out...

"I don't have any experiance in programming, but in all my days of slicing through security systems, i've never seen any type of coding like this before..."

"Itss fairly advanced, and it's attached tuh the holuh-imaginn mehtrix. Visible wherre the mehtrix ends and this new cod starrts. As Nileeta said, it's unlahk ennehthinn we've seen befahr." Sivar agreed.

Curious, Terras asked "Is it anything like Raven's code?"

"Firstly, you could've asked me that instead of talk about me. Secondly, no it's not anything like my code, and i'm not about to show it to any of you. By the way, the datapad's diagnostics are stuck in an endless loop..."

"Well, it seems like its a parasite or kinda like a virus isn't it? Strange and unidentifyable and attached to the matrix..."

With a look of disbeleif on Terras's face, "How would you know that?"

"Galactic Discovery Channel. Only one of the good channels in all 5 billion of them on the holo-cable network!"

"We're getting holo-cable and nobody's told me?!?" Terras exclaimed...

"Ah got Mechis-TV, Galactic Cheeuhgraphic, nnd few otherrs..." Sivar said with a smile which revealed his teeth.

"Those are all subscription channels, who's paying for all these?"

"Alf is. One time his wallet happened to drop onto the deck and I noticed it sometime later. While looking for an adress to send it to, there was also a Coruscant One card, an Imperial Express and a Corporate Brass credit cards, and a holo-cable payment invoice with the account numbers on it... All that was required in order to tune-in a terminal. And voila!"

With a ferral grin and chuckling sound, "Corrrusahnnt One.. What's in yerr wallet?"

"For frell's sake that's illegal! That's fraudulant and can make you wanted in over 12 systems!"

"So what else is new Terras?"

Terras shrugs and lets it go "Alright alright already... So, question is, can we determine when this strange code entered the matrix?"

"Better question - when did we first start noticing the avatar acting strange?"

"When? what about the instant we first turned it on?"

"Hard tuh seh. Could've been ennehwheres or ennehytahm. Mebbeh malignant cod that chust surrfssd or newleh infected" Sivar replied

"Infected?!? How can that be? I've got the latest anti-virus and firewalls. And it's not like i've been see'ing anyone... Well, I can never get enough of that hunky Donovan guy, though I think he only dropped by once, and was hidding from some other chick in purple robes...

"Ok, but did you or your avatar do anything with Donovan in that time?"

"Terras, Are you implying...? Look, not that I would, he was barely here for 5 minutes then you know how he is - he just vanishes again into thin air! Besides, this was still when we were on planet before the race. My- the avatar was still perfectly fine then, if you recal..."

"Right... So one possible instance right there... if that could be considered normal, then shagging me last night would've only been a slight circumstance... That avatar's been whacked from the start I think" Terras quipped.

"Oh, so what about last week? Nothing out of the ordinary save for your stranded and adrift.. hmm? Why don't we re-cap that? If you'll come over to the lounge and watch the wallscreen if you will?"

Terras, Nileeta, and Sivar walk out to the lounge, flop down and got cozy onto the elbow lounge couch - Sivar on the straight part, leaning back and feet stretched out... Terras in the elbow corner, one foot along the couch, other on the floor, Nileeta cuddled up to him, each with a soda, drink and super-sized bucket of popcorn, keg-sized for Sivar...

The lights dim, the wallscreen activates, the black & white radar circle with the sweeping number count-down begins: 5..4..3..2..1... then a black & white 20th century fox with mono 50's theater quality movie sounds...


scene: Terras at the helm, Nileeta in co-pilot, Sivar sitting almost on the deck atop on a couch-size cushion in front of his usual Engineering/Comm sation, standing beside him the avatar, watching the forward view...

Raven counts down the hyperspace re-entry, Terras pushes the hyperspace lever forward and the lines revert to realspace...
>picture blanks out for a second, then re-appears, in black & white<

And the ship lurches violently, spins out of control, and electricity runs through and over the walls and jumps all over the control panels in lively arcs, as Sivar digs in with knifelike claws while the avatar grips one massive arm desperately, large bolts of electricity flow across them -- poofing out Sivars fur to the resemblence of a megasized plushie -- the electricity passes through the avatar but major sparks and veins of electricity arc through the holo-imaging armband... Electricity lightly grazes over Terras and Nileeta...

The spinning slows down into a slow rotating drift. All is dark within the cockpit, no lights or system lights, howver the cockpit is dimly light by an errily pinkish wash of light coming in through the duraglass canopy.

Outside the canopy is a vast cloudy dark crimson lit spanse with patches of bright pink thats lined with electric blue arcs of activity... long streaks of electricity pass along from patch of pink to to pink at random, all the while causing thunderous booms of thunderclap that echo throughout mutedly within the YT-2400...

Terras: Is everyone alright?

Nileeta: We are? I'm not see'ing any planets...

Sivar: Ah dunt recognahze the starr patterns

Raven: Sivar's right, acording to the star chart, we're well into the unknown regions, nearest star patterns triangulate to past the Koornchat Cluster and above Adumar. And presently, we're inside a vast nebula, rife with electrical activity

Nileeta whistlesFar out... litterally! Well we can just re-enter the co-ords and be merrily on our way right?

Raven's avatar stands up and looks like a stick of dynamite had exploded in her face, only the whites of her eyes show on skin thats bbq scortched black... Blinks a couple times then re-phases back to porcelian beauty. Well, ship systems are kinda knocked out right now, and i've got a frellin headache... Gimme the transponder code of the Interdictor that hit me...

Sivar: We gotta get tuh wrrrk beforre bat'reh backup runs out.

Nileeta unbuckles and looks back at Sivar, : Lookit Sivar! Aww, he's so cute and cuddly!!! I've always wanted Megaplushie! Terras, can we keep him?!?

Terras, feigns annoyance, unbuckles and turns around: Another one? Cute and cuddly like your ewok teddy cubs. I thought you already had half a dozen of those...

Sivar, managing to look both surly and miserable, grumbles Preditrrs arr not kyuht nnd cuddleh.

Terras, trying desprately to keep a highly amused smile from blooming across his face: "Hate to say it but they are now. We promise not to ruin your image by telling anyone."

**fast forward - time lapse of one standard week: sitting around in the dim light, eating rations, fixing the damage, attempts at activating the sub-lights only caused more electrical surges throughout the ship, back to Square None**

Terras: Well, that seems to be of no use...

Sivar: Sublaht drahves mehk a positive charch field outsahd nnd resultss nn a negative feedback discharch circuit within the ship. Weh can't run emm.

Raven: Well, each try also drains my auxiliary batteries a bit more. The discharge kinda puts back a bit of the energy used, but only a fraction as so much is bled off from my hull. This nebula seems to thrive from it... And its highly probable that when we exited hyperspace, my sublights cut in automatically and we know the rest...

Sivar: Tzapaw

Terras: Well thats just great... We're stuck here...

Raven: Well done drunken flyboy, who's the one who claimed he knew his home co-ords like the back of the hand and pulled the hyperspace lever without double checking?

Terras: C'mon, we were being chased out of orbit by Ithorian re-inforcements and i've never screwd up the co-ordinates to home before...

Raven: Thats because I normally have time to double-check and always correct them.

Terras: oh. Well, guess there goes the race, and we get to live happily ever after - or until rations or lifesupport runs out...

Nileeta, hugs Terras close, in a sad voice: Oh Terras, I never thought it'd end this way...

Sivar, grinning ferally: It wun't. But weh still maht have the hahperdrahv...

Nileeta, looking in shock at Sivar: What in the Sith was that noise you just made?!? You coming down with something I absolutely don't want?

Raven, perks up with hope: And possibly the maneuvering thrusters...

Nileeta: So maybe we can get out of here!

Sivar: Its worth a trah, maht need to modifah the hahperdrahv...

Nileeta: There's that noise again. Where's the medkit?

Sivar, ears flat to his skull: ...a bit tuh compenseht for the densiteh of the nebuhluh... Would be a one-shot, could drehn the reservss and we can't powerup the mehns till we're out of herre.

Terras: Well, what are we waiting for?!?


Several hours later, everyone in the cockpit, strapped in, Sivar sporting several ratchet-straps from the cargo bay conected to the seats, mounting brackets, even one snaking out the cockpit hatch... It took a few minutes of precise maneuvering with the thrusters to get pointed in the right direction and calculate the proper hyperspace co-ords...

Sivar: Wirrr gonna need to guh slowly - pull back on the drahv lever nermalleh and we'll frag the muhtivehtrr. Pull back in stuttrrd segments, build up the charch nnd it meht wrrrk...

Raven: Guess we'll know in a few minutes. Terras, whatever you do, don't screw this up!

Terras: Well, here goes nothing...

Terras places his hand on the hyperdrive lever, Nileeta places her hand on his, and begin pulling back the hyperdrive lever slowly a little ways and holds it there...

The hyperdrive fires up, the familair whine that's only heard for a brief instant now sustained. Pulling back on the lever slightly more and the ship begins to vibrate slightly, increasing as the lever's slowly pulled back more. By midway point, it feels like the ship's gonna shake itself apart, and the whine noise near deafening...

Terras gets fed up with it and yanks the lever all the way back, the ship bucks violently then rockets into a hyperspace passage thats filled with bright neon technicolor streaks, almost blinding until the phototropic shielding in the canopy transparisteel darkens... Everybody's slammed back into their seats, and the avatar goes flying back, crashing in the the rear passageway of the escape pod wall...

Terras: Whoa... trippy!

Nileeta: Whoa, you sure hyperspace colors are supposed to be like this?

Terras: I dunno... Never got stranded adrift in an electrical nebula before. But we're cruising aren't we?

Raven: Well, some good news and bad news - I'll have enough of emergency reserves to get to Corellia and get us out of hyperspace but we wont have any shields or weapons. For the meantime, we're just coasting through hyperspace, what speed is unknown...

The wallscreen goes black.

"Well, thanks for recounting the past week Raven though what does that prove?" Terras asked, then grabbed another handful of popcorn.

"Well, why don't you take closer notice of the avatar? I was running on low power mode hence the black & white recording..."

"Hmm, now that you mention it, the avatar was a bit peculiar after the several surges. And what we've seen now that we couldn't see before, like the little glances and smiles the avatar kept having after looking in Terras's direction..."

"So your saying that the avatar's code has been somehow scrambled and fused to the matrix?" Terras guessed,

Sivar answered instead of Raven, "Naw, if it was weldit, the avatar would beh twitchin, not mehkin enneh senss, nnd possible luhk fairleh glitched. It's somethinn else entahrleh, dunnt knuh what"

A cold shiver seemed to pass through the room, letting everyone's skin crawl that instant. It was a moment of uncertainty and dread of the realization that whatever it was, couldn't possibly be good.

Raven chimed in again, "Umm, three minutes until we revert to sublight and find out if we made it to Corellia or not... It would be a good idea to get to your seats and strap-in. There's no telling what will happen"

The three of them raced to the cockpit where the neon technicolor lines streaked by, buckled in and waited for the final countdown timer. Hand on hand, Terras & Nileeta slowly pushed forward the hyperspace level, the transition was smooth and all lines reverted to the familiar white pin-pricks.

"Re-initializing power core and sublights... Standby" Raven spoke, as they slowly drifted through space. Slowly, the instrumentation panels came back to life, the silent thrum of the power core. "Systems are back online, shield and weapons batteries begining to charge again. Sublights are functional."

Nileeta was next to speak "Hey, theres Corellia! Talus, Tralus, Centerpoint and the rest are probably here as well! We made it!" she said with joy.

pointing a furred baton of a finger, "Therrs alsuh a spehss battle guhng on, fahtrrs chasing a transpuhrt" Sivar added

"Frell, I'd hate to be those guys, CorSec's a mean bunch to annoy... But hey, didn't I say we'd make it?" Terras said with pride and a smile on his face. "Well, lets go and get that Corellian Whiskey. How hard could a vintage bottle possibly be hard to find???" Terras brought the sublights online and to full, adjusting course to avoid the engaging battle...

Unfortunately the transport changed course and doubled back, with the fighters hot on its tail, lasers flashing, its shields flickering once or twice as lasers found their mark. At full speed, it was going to hit on an intercept course to Terras's path

The smile on Terras' face was short lived as Raven announced, "I hate to break this to you but we've got some good news and bad news..."

"Not now Raven! I need some shields!" Yelled Terras

In response, Sivar called out, having reached over the co-pilots seat with one arm "Shehlds at 20%... maybe 30% if shuntinn powrrr from the guns"

"Do it Sivar!"

"Alredeh done"

"Incoming!!!" Nileeta shouted, from the comms / nav & sensor console that Sivar previously ocupied only moments ago.

The transport came right for them, Terras had to bank sharp with the stick as the other white & red transport - a half-crescent shaped with three forward prongs, the center most prominant as the cockpit narrowly missed them. The NightRaven shuddered slightly as one stray laser hit.

"Shehlds stehbl..." Sivar reported

Several blade winged craft followed in pursuit, angular cockpits with the wings oustretched and forward facing like vibro-knives, or better yet, like an angular vibro-axe...

"What the fark are those?!?" Nileeta shouted in surprise

"Thats what I was trying to tell you Terras. I compared the stars with the star charts in my databanks. We're in the right system, but their stellar positions are off by a wide margin"

"What the frell's that supposed to mean?" Terras asked, "Well, guess that's not gonna matter now, lets try to avoid this mess and land in some quiet rural area ok?"

"Mehbef it's sumthin with spehss nnd tahm?" Sivar guessed outloud...

The other transport that was fleeing vanished into hyperspace, and Terras made sure they were long gone and to the dark side of the planet, where all was calm. They found a clearing just outside a small town, plenty of farmland. Terras settled down into a grain field, commenting that some farmer's gonna be pissed in the morning...


They all filed out of the ship, each taking a breath of the fresh farmland air, and all the allergens that came with it. Terras had a bit of a sneezing fit...

"Frell, forgot that Corellian crops when in-season always triggered my mostly non-existant allergies... Now I remember why I left..."

"You grew up around these parts? Maybe we can stop by your folks place for once, how about it Terras, hmm?" Nileeta suggested with her arm hooked into Terras's and a smile on her face.

Looking around with his keen predatory senses, "Weh best start headin nntuh town, bout half hour's walk from here nnless we fahnd a speeder..."

Raven chimed in through the external speaker, "There was a farm we flew over just a few clicks north towards town. With Nileeta's skills, I'm sure you'd be able to borrow it and bring it back without them noticing... You'll want to return before sunrise though. I'll be busy recharging my batteries while your out..."

"Don't worry Raven, I and Sivar will make sure to bring Terras back before curfew - and try to keep him out of trouble. Right Sivar?"

"Raht"

"If this is the right town, then yeah, I suppose we could drop by, after we return the borrowed speeder." Terras offered, following Sivar's lead to the north, where several yards away some fence and trees conveniently blocked the field and ship from roadside view...

While walking through the grainfield, arm in arm with Nileeta, Terras had to ponder just what his parents would think of him... He hadn't contacted them in ages. What would they say about his ship, Sivar and Nileeta? Guess Terras would have to jump that platform when he got got to it...

They cleared the bushes, where a dirt road went north and south. There was a farm, half-click down from the roadside. The lights in the building were off. Sivar raised a hand, then carefully proceeded ahead, using his senses once more to check the area... Where there was farms, there were livestock and possibly guard animals... There was also a slight stench from over the coral, possibly nerf or bantha Sivar guessed. Once middle of the yard, not a creature stirred, Sivar waved them over, and had to stand there for the next few minutes with anoyance as the two had decided to share some time in under the moonlight. kids....

There was a beatup speedertruck parked near the house - single roofed cab and an open box that was half filled with straw. It had easily predated most other outdated antiques that any of them would have seen in their entire lifetimes. Sivar gave up and push/pulled the truck over to the road by himself, not risking waking up the homestead. A couple awkward comments about the antiquity of the speeder and Nileeta was able to effortlessly hot-wire it. Sivar sat in the back, and they headed for town. The truck obviously was built for hauling as it was slow to pick up speed as the engine gave not the slightest protest...

Fifteen minutes later, they arrived into town. The main street had a general store, supplies, barber shop, 105th Corellian Cred Union depository, and various other closed establishments. Only a stout flat-topped with 2 forward swept legs type astromech lookin droid strolled dusty street, The situation looked grim, save for one place that was well lit at the end of the street - a cantina... The lit neon sign read "Midnight Antics: Bar & Grill".

Terras parked the speedertruck next to a short and heavily armed wheeled military-style vehicle painted in drab greens. There was also some sort of beetle-like tank parked to the side, or as Terras had guessed it was. It was beyond anything he had ever seen. He shrugged it off...

The trio stepped into the bar, where the bar tender was fixing some drink, and several patrons were sitting around the bar... They all glanced to see the newcomers.

"Hey, Jades!!! Where've ya been, ya lurker?" The one dressed in familiar-but different looking dark Mandalorian armor with a red visor, immediately shouted in recognition, another who sat beside the Mandalorian yelled "Heya Chia". The short brown haired bartender who's nametag read "Zak" added "What'll it be Chia? The usual?"

Terras did a double take along with Nileeta who exchanged looks of confusion. "Well, looks like your welcomed home. But you never told me you name was Jades, or this funny nickname of 'Chia' ..." So would you mind introducing us to the homefolk?"

"There's some mistake here - most farmlands look alike but i've never been to this town - ever." Nileeta's look was puzzled, and everyone else in the bar was lookin in his direction and at his company.

From a good six meters up came a third voice "Heyo Jades, how's the mayhem?" Looking up Terras could spot a Hoverchair of an overly-complex design, looking almost as if it transformed like a Droideka, only into something much more complicated with a 120mm cannon of some sort connected to it. The occupant a brownish-blonde haired man with violet eyes who had been armor-patching a large hole in the ceiling. Terras could see that the roof was well armored, and oft patched as well.

Spotting Nileeta he grinned showing fangs that Humans simply don't have then shouted down "So, where didja find this one and how much fixing does she need?"

Nileeta fixed Terras with a steely look Fixing?

"Yuh sure bout that Terras?" Sivar said, pointing over to a large wall of framed pictures. They all captured a moment of time, featuring various patrons with a short description for each... "Seems yer verreh well knuhnn here. Wanna splain?"

"JADESIE!!!!!" One brunette asian caucasion exclaimed, running over to Terras, in a purple with gold trimmed tunic, same style as Raven's avatar had first worn, and nearly knocked Terras over as she ran into him and into his arms. Correction - Terras stepped back a few steps unbalanced, the female being unexpectedly heavier than expected and crashed to the floor... Hugging him and kissing him full on the lips, then administering a slap to the face, "It's about time you came back Jades!!! I, Flo, and Twi have been sick about you! You never show up here any more! And I need a new upgrade! The A64 FX53's are out and I absolutely must have one!!! And I need a new L.O.T. charge card, I racked up the last one you gave me!"

If looks could kill, the stare Nileeta shot Terras would've made the Deathstar superlaser pale in comparison... There was a scant clad Twi'lek walking over as well, with green skintone, her nametag simply said "Twi". There was also a long red haired curvacious buxom female with unnaturally perfect features and a "Lobot" styled headpeice being adorned by another patron, though she too was interested in the becoming scene...

On the pictures wall, several pictures caught Nileeta's attention for the moment - one of Terras labled "Chia!" - Terras standing in a pose with a small sword, dressed in only a green waist sash, green cape, green eye-band mask and a large green sombrero. Another was captioned "Valhalla Night", where everyone was wearing jewel decorated sheets in the backgroung, apearing to be laughing as Terras was running for his life as another sheet wrapped person with stunning rippling muscles and golden dreadlocks brandishing a honkin huge iron metalsmith's hammer and throwing lightning from his fingers at Terras, while the words bubble above Terras exclaimned "She was hot and I shagged her - but I didn't know she was yer sister Thor!!!!!"

Another picture was a group shot - everyone in the bar and others, all tattered, splattered with blood, standing atop a hill of killed short black and white flightless bird looking creatures with yellow beaks. The bar was in war-torn shambles, everyone was brandishing some sort of weapon and had a look of satisfied accomplishment on their faces.

A third was of a smoldering crater, Terras standing infront of a warped, singed, and pockmarked partial "M.A. " sign with an innocent shrug as the current barkeep - "Zak" was shouting enraged at him with his fists in the air...

There was also a roughly 200-liter drum, atop that a large orange-brownish ball textured with numerous small bumps held in place with a metal pet dish welded to the top of the drum. A small metal sign above it on the wall read "Bac's bottle of Old Space". It looked like a bottle of cologne, meant for a person somewhere around 17m tall, though it had strange never before seen writing on it... beside that was a purple skinned, purple haird lanky & otherwise hairless lookin guy in a bright red thong several sizes too small for him, with a funny lookin expression on his face, another thong in hand as if cherishing it- a white thong with a black "X", sitting gaurdingly besides a pile of thongs next to him. The pile was like a laundry pile, and they weren't men's thongs, but ladie's thongs with embroidered initials. Once he fixed his eyes on Nileeta, he made a wierd looking grin, as if transfixed on her - as if he had xray vision implants and was looking for her thong but was coming up short... It gave Nileeta the creeps...


Editor's Note:You so underplay him here. Even this is almost cute-and-harmless for Count Thongula. Remember, he is Emperor of the Fanatically Deranged for a plethora of reasons.

V.

From above came "Go fondle some Cheez Wiz!" as a yellow can with an oversized nipple came sailing at his head. The guy caught it deftly then licked up the side of the can with a thoughtful look on his face. "Good vintage." He turned the can upside-down over his palm and with a schnuuuurrrk a thick stream of some gelid substance an even more disgusting orange than New Republic Flight Suits gushed forth emitting an odor that had probably started life as quite delicious, but since been aldulterated and defiled into something a Hutt would relish. With closed eyes and a disturbingly satisfied grin, he began squishing it from one hand to the other.

Rattled, Nileeta looked around again in disapointment, Terras being unusually pampered with fruit and cushions by the asian caucasion who's nametag read "Rommie", and the Twi. Sivar was nowheres to be seen, then she felt humid breath on the top of her lekku and spun around... It was Sivar - she was looking him almost straight in the belt.

A new addition hanging there amidst the various tools, pouches, and weapons catches her eye, her hand immediately shoots out and plucks it off his belt.

"Hey, where'd you find a Vintage Sith Lanvarok in brand-new condition! Think of the mountains of creds we can make offa that baby! Where'd you find it Sivar?"

Sivar licks his chops, "Dead Sith, didn't need it ennehmorr"

"Umm, is that why the handle's still warm? And umm, where'd you happen to find a sith in this day and age???"

"Out back, lurrkin... Must be lahk Vin'gar, Sith get vahlrrr with etch. Darth Sisseh didn't tehk much."

"etch?"

Terras: "Age."

"Oh."

"Also found Raven a playmate..." Thumbs towards the door, the tied up droid they seen strolling down the streets, "Didn't have nn uhner eether..." Sivar said with a satisfied feral grin.

"If we can scare up a bottle of Vintage Corellian Whiskey, all the better. I don't want to stick around here any longer. And I thought it was going to be fun..." Nileeta said with stooped shoulders and a frown.

"Should see where you can find some whiskey..."

"Good idea..." Nileeta walked over to the bar, "Excuse me, do you know where a lady can get a bottle of Vintage Corellian Whiskey?"

Zak, the bartender who didn't look a day older than her, replied "Looks like you could use a shot of Blue-52, kiddo."

"How about a bottle of both?"

A chuckle drifts down from above "Ya plannin to be out of touch with Reality for the next month?"

The Mandalorian turns his helmet in her direction and comments "If it doesn't kill ya first."

The bartender gives Nileeta an odd look then shrugs with a sigh, "I guess. I'll just charge it to his tab. So what's Jades been up to these days?" Zak ducks under the counter, pulls out a shot glass, then walks over to a device reminiscent of an Autochef, taps a few keys, and in a blue column of light, 2 bottles appear: one a cut-crystal decanter filled with a blue liquid that had an almost-luminous quality about it, and another one with golden amber liquid in it, the label reading as Vintage Corellian Whiskey. "Here you go..."

"Jades is it? He's been going around as Terras Jadeonar... Even his ship calls him that. So what was Terras- err Jades like before he left?" Nileeta asked, out of curiosity...

"Jades... The Wall of Infamy pretty much explains him - always getting into mischief, a skirt chaser, a Don Juan Demarco at times, a hairy chested, green gotch wearing, and more often than not parading around without one, Chia... Chiapet, as everyone else calls him..."

"And what about that Twi'lek and the lady who's been locked onto him since the minute we got here?"

"Those? They're his bots. The first one over there - Flobot, was the first when we had Bespin theme night. He spiced things up a bit and brought in a much lovelier asistant manager, who had been around ever since. She's an x86 Linux model, never needs to reboot and reliable as ever. Rommie, aka "Romm doll" is Jade's most prized bot - his creation.

Modeled after a bot he seen elsewheres, he pampers her with all the latest upgrades... Her current revision is an Athlon XP "Barton edition". Ever since Jades left and the new Athlon64 FX53's came out, she's been going stir-crazy for one... I think she's buttering him up now for one. That'll make her revision 5 I think.

Absentmindedly from above: "Seven"

The bartender rolls his eyes & continues "She really digs the processing enhancements. The Twi'lek, much like you in measurement, was a birthday gift from Herr Braumeister up there. She's a bot too, Twi'bot we call her, since Jades never got around to giving her a name. Twi and Rommie get along great, and steal Jades whenever he puts in the rare manifestation..."

Nileeta sat there, leaning on the counter, on her elbows, soaking it all in... The life of Terras revealed to her. That was twice in one week for Nileeta... First one was mis-construed, but this one? What were the odds? Nileeta didn't want to know. She knew enough now... She knew what she had to do...

"Sivar, hold onto these, I've got to do something." Nileeta said with firm resolve, handed over the bottles to Sivar and walked over to Sivar.

"Need enneh backup?"

"Not unless I ask for it... I've got a score to settle..." Nileeta strode over to Terras, who was being lavished non-stop by the so called 'bots'. The bots were just like human replica droids, both with bodies that Raven would kill for, instead of a holo-image avatar that no longer works... "C'mon Terras, time's up, we're going..."

"Jadsie's staying, but you can leave if you like... More Jadsie for us." The 'Rommbot' replied dryly.

"Perhaps I didn't make myself clear... WE are leaving" Nileeta spoke as she had meant it.

"On the contrary, I beg to differ. He's staying." Rommie said firmly with an air of authority, slowly standing to her feet, instead of politely backing down.

The standoff turned into a catfight- Nileeta and Rommie getting into an odball kinda dance - as Nileeta moved with swan's grace, ducking, dodging, throwing kicks and punches, each move that flowed into the other without missing a beat. Rommie moved with speed and expertise, her top notch fighting algorithims and processing power a clear match for Nileeta. Though each dodged and countered, niether landed a hit either. The bar was alcohol induced whooping it up, evenly split, and betting like crazy. Unfortunately, Nileeta was organic and had begun to tire after a half hour of stalemate.

"Sivar, she's a droid!" Nileeta called out, which seemed to briefly pause the action, everyone looking to Sivar who was within reach. Rommie barely glanced at Sivar when...

One swift and massive paw, Sivar swatted Rommie off her feet, sending her flying like a rag doll, crashing hard and through the far wall.

Half of the bar cried foul while the other half cheered and bought drinks for the house, wasting their easily earned bets.

Nileeta gave one look to the green skinned Twi, and it backed off without a word... It went over to the wall with the person shaped cutout hole in the wall, which Rommie had been sent through.

"Hey Nileeta, this Jades fellow had things pretty good here!" Terras said, slowly getting up from the cushions, without any hand offered from Nileeta. "Umm, why the long face hon?"

"Stow it Jades or whoever you are, you've got some- no, alot of explaining to do. I got the bottle of whiskey and we're leaving. C'mon Sivar."

All of a sudden, somebody shouted at the top of his lungs "FOOOOOAAM FIIIIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!" and from what seemed like everywheres, a huge flood of foam was hurled from almost every direction, bowling over any bystander unprepared - meaning Terras & Nileeta. Terras and Nileeta lost their footing and was swept under the tide of foam. Foam was flying through the air, people ducking behind cover and flinging it. The foam was already up to bar counter height.

Sivar, towering above all of them was a prime target getting tagged. Sivar responded by taking many large paw filled scoops and hurled them around, knocking back and bowling over any poor sucker who got hit. Even the splashes were enough to send massive tides, forcing many to grab onto something and hold onto for dear life. Strange as it may have seen, everybody was enjoying it. Or maybe most of them were fairly looped to the gills, or both...

Sivar reached down and fished around, and managed to scoop up both Terras & Nileeta, hauling them, one over each shoulder, all three soaked and dripping with foam. Sivar began wading towards the door. With one paw, he heaved open the door, the other paw, scooped up the astromech droid under his arm. A flood of foam spilled onto the streets, taking a few unfortunate patrons with it. Sivar set Terras & Nileeta down, Nileeta still looking unhappy, and Terras stupified for a loss of explanation... Without speaking a word, they began walking over to the speedertruck, when from around the corner, somebody running for their life smashed right into Terras!

Both went down with a crash. It took a few moments for each to look up and each had seen a mirror image of each other's facial resemblence. A shocked look on both their faces and a double shock on Nileeta's... It was a Kodack moment...

From a distance away, a woman's shrill voice hollered "JADES!!! YOU GET BACK HERE YOU!!! WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU YOU'RE A--- CHIA!!!"

"Uh, sorry man! Wish I could ask you but I gotta go! If she catches me, well you heard her! Oh, and uh- you'd best go hide too!" The Terras look-alike spoke hurriedly. Decked out in a leather Bomber jacket with some sort of L.O.T. badge on the arm & backside and white scarf, black pants, he made a running jump and leaped, diving head first into the foam throuh the Bar's still open door, yelling at the top of his lungs "Make Way! Endangered Chia comin' through!!!"

Terras looking at Nileeta, exchanging glances of bewilderment, Nileeta helps Terras up and both make a dash for the speedertruck. They got into the truck, fired it up, Sivar tossed the droid onto the half empty bed then parked himself into it. The Speeder truck began driving off. Niether looked back to witness the madness they left behind...

Leaving town was quiet for both of them. The drive back, they both tried to break the silence awkwardly, each glancing at the other.

"Well, that was most interesting, and the easiest score yet..."

"yup..."

"And so much for visiting my parents..."

"uh-huh..."

"Nobody's gonna believe what happened here, I having an identical twin of sorts..."

"nope"

Neither felt happy about the incident, it was driving Terras up the walls with Nileeta's one worded answers. Terras pulled over for a moment,

"Umm, Nileeta... Whatever happened back there, heck, I don't know myself. I do know I was surprised with what you did to that female that had me restrianed to the cushions the whole time. I thought this was it for us. And you did look really cute with that sour expresion while drenched in foam." Terras said with a smile.

"Really?"

"It was a holocam moment. Make that two holocam moments - when that female got send flying through the wall" Terras said with a smile

"yeah" Nileeta agreed, and moved over slightly towards Terras, still feeling a bit guilty.

Putting an arm around Nileeta's shoulders experimentally, "Do you know what? I've got to be the luckiest guy in this galaxy to have the cutest foam drenched lady sitting right next to me, and i wouldn't want to have it any other way..." Terras said with light tone and smile

Looking up briefly, blushing, then looking downwards with a slight smile on her face as she leaned fully into him, "yeah" as Terras resumed driving...

Approaching the farmyard in which to return the speeder, the yard was brightly lit by numerous torches being held by a crowd of white & black & red bed-sheeted people wearing matching pointed hood masks. There were even a few midget ones in brown... Apparently, there was some guy in shiny crome armor and black pointed hood standing at the front of the crowd, waving his hands and cantering in some dialect.

"What's this? some kind of convention of sorts?" Terras commented

"A convention of what? Who gets all decked out in bedsheets, holding torches in the middle of the night on a farmer's yard?"

"Krrrellian Klux Klan?"

"Dunno. Never been to this part of Corellia before... New fad perhaps?"

Terras looked one more time, then was about to slow the speeder down to park it on the side of the road- when Nileeta suddenly yelled "Terras! Watch out!!!" THUMP! WHACK! CRACK!! "Urghhhhh....." The speeder jolted to a rocky halt.

"Vader on a Pogostick! What holly frell what was that?!? Where'd it come from?!?" Terras shouted as he jumped out of the speeder, circling it. There was nothing in front, nothing behind, but on the passenger's side from beneath the speeder - a pair of black spandex crooked legs, bandaged feet, and a broken wooden ornamental scepter with a skull and curled horns on it...

Nileeta exited the speeder, and Sivar merely leaned over to the side - reached down to the scepter and picked it up; using the broken end to pick his teeth... Nileeta looked around in horror, then noticed something in the ditch and picked it up...

"Uhh Terras, Would you look at this?" She spoke gravely

"What? is it?" Terras asked, "I mean, what could possibly be worse than running something- errr someone over wearing matt black in the middle of the night?"

"I think its a book of sorts, thick, weighs a ton, is leather bound... and has printed on it in crude basic - Necsithronomicron... 4th edition..."

"Frell, what's that supposed to mean?"

"It means weh should get out of herre, fahv minutes aguh." Sivar suggested

"Don't ya think thats kind of rude Sivar? We just ran over some poor dude!"

"Puhrh duhd? Yuh chjust rahn uhvrr therr cult lehderr" Sivar replied, still using the broken scepter as a toothpick

"I think Sivar's right... look!" Nileeta points towards the farmyard, where everybody standing was now running with torches and pitchforks towards the speeder

With a look of 'oh not again...' written on Terras's face, "C'mon, let's get out of here!"

Terras and Nileeta jump into the speedertruck, start it and gun it... Gunning it being it taking off at a speedy five miles per hour and slowly but surely. Some of the first few reached the back bumper and with a mighty roar, Sivar manged to stall them in their tracks - for a moment... Before they regrouped and charged again. Sivar began swatting at them, sending more than a few at a time flying into the air.

The speedertruck finally gained momentum, losing the crowd in the dust. "Think we lost them!?!" Terras shouted, and just before something black swooped down from the air and infront of them, barely missing the windshield.

"Frak!", Nileeta swore, "I think we've got company..." Nileeta cranned her head out the window trying to look for it "Double Frak! We've got a bunch of company!!! Riding on broomsticks, pitchforks and Hanging ten on fence posts that are lit on fire at the rears??!?"

"Riding what?!? Nevermind..." Terras quiped, as he gripped the control wheel, swerving down the dirt road and banking - tilting the truck slightly and into the ditch and through a fence and into a field of roof-high grainstalks...

The flyers persued overhead. The not-so bright ones tried dipping down, only to get thwacked aside by Sivar. Several loops and zigzags, and through a small border of trees, and out into a short-stalked grainfield in which their ship sat parked off in the distance...

"Raven! Start pre-launch!" Terras yelled into his collar, but no response... "Frell! No answer!"

Nileeta reached into her belt, pulled hers out, tapped a button on it then repeated Terras's words.

"Aye Nileeta. Warming up now. Didn't I say to keep out of trouble?" Raven asked with concern and annoyance.

Sivar grumbled "That's lahk keepin a Hutt offuh Spahss..."

They reached the ship, skidding the speedertruck to a halt. They climbed out, and ran up the ramp, Sivar close behind and with the new droid playtoy tucked under one arm like a champion Shockball player, and the ramp closing behind him.

Each ran to the cockpit and strapped in, Terras flipping switches like crazy and taking off. "Shields! Do we have weapons?"

"Shields yes, weapons no. Leave for only a few hours, what did you expect Terras? Landing me in a grain field, did you think I'd mill some flour and ethanol too?" Raven quipped

"Surre, if ya feel up tuh it."

"Stow it! We're getting out of here before re-inforcements arrive..." Terras replied, as various pings and flickers of blue sparkled outside the cockpit, from the flyers ramming into the shields.

"Now thats just pathetic..." Nileeta commented, shaking her head with disbelief...

"Oh, by the way... I finally analysed the star patterns. It seems we're in a bit of a strange predicament. The rate of shift and alignment from the stars suggest, we've actually traveled back in time... Aprox 4000 years, give or take a milenia or two..."

"Great, so what else is new?"

"Actually, i'm picking up a squadron of fighters coming in from the south-east. They match the profile of the ones attacking that transport..."

"Tell me something I don't need!"

"According to my databanks, 4000.BBY, was the event of the great sith wars."

"Well, that explains the dudes in robes and the Lavnarok Sivar picked up"

"And the astromech thats bound up and sitting near the access ramp... Oh My Circuits! its a T3-M3 model!"

"Thank Sivar. He's been busy!" Nileeta grinned

Terras swore something uninteligable and in corellian under his breath as they climbed into the sky, into orbit and away from Corellia. The fighters trailing behind, possibly unsure about the alien craft they were following...

"Any ideas how we could get back to our timeline??? And no, don't even suggest going back to that Nebula..."

Nileeta looked thoughtfull for a moment, "What about hyperspace looping it around the sun? Y'know like a slingshot just as Kirk did!"

Terras's jaw dropped. If it wasn't hinged, it'd have fallen to the floor. "Thats crazy! That was a holo-film, and in it they had this Warping Drive-thing... No way, we're going back to the nebula..."

"The frell we are! Nileeta's idea is crazy, but no more than most of yours!"

Terras sighed, shrugged his shoulders... Sivar offered "It maht chust worrk if we get it relleh raht... Graviteh nnnd speed we had teh escape the nebuleh. Similrr princehpl..."

"Alright, let's do it then. What we got to lose right?" Terras gave in...

The blade fighters continued to give chase, as Terras headed directly for the sun's orbit with the sublights on full...

"It might get a bit warm in here, just to let you know... Aproaching sun's orbit... Sublight speed increasing proportionally with gravitational pull and hull stress!"

The YT-2400 began it's loop around the sun, the fighters that didn't break off got pulled into the sun. Coming around, inside the ship everyone was drenched with sweat, the ride was shaky, the bulkheads groaning in protest and the sublights whining with strain. It took both Terras's and Nileeta's hands to reach the hyperdrive lever and slam it back...

The pinpricks were slowly stretching into lines like slow motion, the ship was still shaking, threatning to rip apart, as Nileeta did the read-outs...

"vwarp x5... vwarp x4 ... vwarp x3.. vwarp x2.5..vwarp x2...vwarp x1.75..vwarp x1.5..vwarp x1.25...vwarp x1...vwarp x.75!" Nileeta said with a mocked accent of Checkov.

The moment they hit .75 lightspeed, an ionic pulsewave and the stretching stars became solid lines in a prism of colors, including one huge prism of wash streaked behind the ship...

The lightspeed lasted for several minutes before they were thrown out, and re-apeared in the Corellian system...There was a hushed silence as everyone held their breath...

"Raven, status report..." Terras orderd...

"Comparing star charts and alignment... Complete. It seems we're home, and I mean home!" Raven gushed with joy

A chorus of shouts and cheers filled the cockpit, the seats unbuckled and plenty of hugs went around.

"However, I can't confirm which exact day or year, my communications equipment is somehow unoperational. Might've been from the increased electromagnetic radiation from the sun's proximity. Long Range sensors also down. But the rest of me is fine, if you don't count the holo-imager armband device..."

"Well, then set a course for our next destination and I suppose we'll see just how early or late we are... Can you handle that Raven?" Terras asked with satisfaction satisfied.

"And your not going to compute the nav co-ordinates Terras? Well, it's about time you asked me for once. I'll gladly compute it... AT least we'll arrive there safely this time."

"Yeah yeah Raven."

"Btw, you know we're going to Endor right?"

"Whatever Raven..." Terras dismissed the AI, who was becoming her annoying self again, as he sat back down and set his feet up upon the dashboard with a yawn... Terras was exhausted and content to let the AI handle it for now...

Later that night, Terras was getting ready for sleep in his quarters. Stiffling a yawn while fluffing the pillows, the door slid open. "Yeah?" Terras yawned an answer,

In walked Nileeta, holding a tray with 2 steaming cups of spice tea, wearing a housecoat "Hi. I figured we could use one of these"

"Thanks. This seems awefully dejavue dosn't it? Just 24 hours ago, to the hour..." Terras spoke with reminescance as he sat down on the bed,

"Yeah, I realize that. And this time I wanted to make it right." Nileeta answered, dipping her head, speaking softly. She placed the tray on the nightstand. She then kneeled down, infront of him, with her head lowered. "I can't explain it. The last few times- I jumped to conclusions, didn't even give you a chance, The avatar, the Bar, it felt like my insides were shattered, like have instantly lost you y'know?"

Leaning forward, placing a hand under Nileeta's chin, tilting her chin up, "Yeah, I think I know."

"Could you ever forgive me?" Nileeta begged, looking into his eyes

"I think I can do better than that" Terras whispered and leaned in closer, tasting the sweet spice of her lips, and in gentle embrace lifting her forward towards him. And the rest of the galaxy was lost upon them...

Donovan Morningfire
27 November 2004, 05:01 PM
Aboard the bridge of the Jedi's Fire, all seems relatively calm ...

Malkarris: It's way too quiet around here.

T'real: Oh hush. You're beginning to sound like Lokar.

Malk: How can I? He has to be the most paranoid man alive.

Donovan: This one thinks that considering the type of women Lokar attracts, you shouldn't be surprised.

Lina Inverse (storming into view): I HEARD THAT!!!

Donovan 8o Lina, what are you doing here?

Malk: Yeah, aren't you supposed to be co-piloting a ship with Lokar?

Lina (still in a huff): I got tired of waiting for that no class, no talent nitwit to sober up and actually get that dinky little toy he called a ship started. So I, the magnificient sorcery genius Lina Inverse, decided to seek out company worthy of my intelligence.

T'real: And since you came here, I'm guessing the search didn't go as you hooped?

Donovan:Um, Miss T'real, this one is thinking you shouldn't provoke Miss Lina right now.

Malk: Geez, what is it with you Jedi and all these honorifics? And for that matter, why are you referring to yourself as "this one"?

Lina: Oh great, don't tell me he's doing that humble wanderer nonsense again?

Malk: Okay, I won't tell you. :hansolo:

T'real: Hey Donovan, I was wondering something.

Donovan: Yes?

T'real: You're not an alky, so why did you have everyone go find some vintage Corellian whiskey?

Donovan: This one figured that the bar should stock a safer beverage than Lokar Bubbly, Lokar Punch, Rancor Bubbly, and Spark Cola.

Malk: Spoken like a man that's never had Corellian whiskey.

Kanchi: *taps Donovan on the shoulder*

Donovan (turns to look): Oro?

Kanchi: *points at vidscreen/face*

Donovan: Oh, right. This one almost forgot we need to make our way to the next destination of the race.

T'real: Course to Endor laid in, awaiting your command, oh captain my captain.

Malk: Excellent. Bridge Bunnies, engage!

*The Bridge Bunnies immediately drop what their doing, call their boyfriends and start pestering them to propose marraige.*

Malk: Umm ... that isn't exactly what I meant.

T'real: Speaking of which Malk, when are you going to...

Lina (in tears): I wanna get married to! But the only guy that's taken any sort of romantic interest in me is a blockheaded swordsman who can't even remember the day we first met!

Malk: Geez Donovan, you gonna stand there and take that?

T'real: No switching the question!

Donovan:This one isn't offended by Miss Lina's comment, since she is refering to a much taller swordsman with blonde hair and tapioca pudding for brains.

Lina (stops sobbing): What did you say about Gourry?!

Donovan: Um, this one thinks now would be a good time to go check on the something or other. *exits the bridge at Jedi speed*

Lina: Oh no you don't! Levitation! *flies after Dono*

Malk: Now that the sideshow has left, can we finally get underway?

T'real: I suppose. But you owe me an answer someday.

Malk: Fine, fine. Can we just go?

Bridge Bunny #2: Executing the "just go" manuever.

Malk :rolleyes:

And with that, the Jedi Fire streaks off towards the Forest Moon of Endor ...

Meanwhile, on that same Forest Moon, in the tree village of the Yubba Dubba Doh tribe ...

Village Elder: Gather round. Now is the time when the hairless lunatics from the stars will come to our lands seeking the mythical Bland Twitch Ewok.

Random Ewok: Why would they do something stupid like that?

Village Elder: They do this as part of a rite of passage amongst their kind known as The Great Race. Though the last time this rite of passage was to occur, the events of the Galatic Ley Line happened, forcing them to abort this tradition. But now, they travel here, seeking to prove their courage by spending a single night in the lands haunted by the Bland Twitch Ewok.

Different Random Ewok: So what unlucky sap gets to play the roll this year? I heard the guy that was supposed to do it last year got stepped on by a giant white foot.

Village Elder: We shall determine who shall receive the honor of testing the courage of these hairless lunatics by our most sacred of traditions ... let the two prospects stand forward.

*Two Ewoks wobble forward to stand before the Elder*

Village Elder: You know the rules ... begin!

*The two Ewoks raise their right fists, shake them violently, then thrust them forward at the same time.*

1st Prospective Bland Twitch Ewok: Scissors!

2nd Prospective Bland Twich Ewok: Paper! *expletive deleted*

Village Elder: Fate as chose you (points to the 2nd PBTE) to take up this most honored of rolls.

2nd PBTE (now to be known as The Bland Twitch Ewok): *goes on a cursing streak that would make the creators of South Park proud*

Village Elder: It is good to see that you are indeed overjoyed at this. The hairless lunatics shall be arriving soon, so make haste and prepare!

*** *** ***

Okay, at long last we are on the next leg of the race. Have fun detailing the night spent in the lands "haunted" by the Bland Twitch :ewok:

Racing order is as follows:

1st Place: Slavin
2nd Place: KnightStalker
3rd Place: Dragonseye
4th Place: Ris
5th Place: Terras
6th Place: Vash Knives

Slavan K. Guiser
17 December 2004, 01:47 PM
*Somewhere around the fourth Moon of the Endor System, a large white ship appears seemingly randomly in what was once the heart of the Great Death Star II. Around it floats the still geosynchronous pieces of Imperial detritus, some pieces coming into contact with the phase-particle shields, sizzling as they are reduced to sub-atomic particles as their molecules are shifted into opposite phases. On the bridge sits a certain captain, still in pain from the events that have been dubbed as "The Ithor Incident" and "The Corellian Overexposure." However, the captain has so far managed to keep ahead in the race, as well as collect all the items for the odd, odd, Jedi race coordinator. He stares out the viewscreen, looking at the remnants of destruction, having been severely picked over by salvaging crews. Off in the distant he seems to see the blazing fleck of another starship dropping out of hyperspace. Odd, he thinks, as he should be well ahead of anybody else in the race.*
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
*Down on the Forest Moon of Endor, a rather unhappy Ewok, unfortunately chosen to portray the Bland Twitch Ewok, meets with a myterious shadowy figure, knowing he'll need some help for the night.*

"So, you've got to help me. You see, with got this race thing we're helping with and need to scare the stupid tourists," asks the Bland Twitch Ewok, "With two ships coming in, there's going to be too much work for a certain single Ewok to do."

*The other figure nods silently in agreement.*

"I'll go ahead and terrorize the first ship down. I've got some great ideas to scare the offworlders sithspitless! But only one set. You'll be paid well in shiny, shiny things for helping me with this."

*The Bland Twitch Ewok shows the shadowy figure a bag full of various shiny things he has found on the forest moon. In it are such items as FizzyGlug Cola bottles, Stormtroopers helmets, Alderaan On Holonet discs, and a couple of actual credit sticks. The mysterious robed figure nods once more, and leaves the Bland Twitch Ewok to begin his preparation to terrorize.*

"Good.....now off to work!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
*Compton Rage, after having boson-jumped down to the surface of the Forest Moon with a one purple-haired companion, wipes the sweat from his brow....those eyebrows....*shudders* and proceeds to continue packing the couple's voluminous amount of camping gear through the forest moon. Misato, of course, forges ahead eagerly, carrying nothing by the weight of being so very, very beautiful.*

"Ya know, Misato, we could just camp here and let the Bland Twitch Ewok come find us," Compton heaves between weary breaths, "I mean, really, we're in the general area, and it is starting to get dark, and this pack is really getting very heavy....."

"Oh, Compton, my love, quit your whining. It's only another couple of miles to go," coos Misato encouragingly, "It won't be long before we set up for camp. And then we'll be able to enjoy some time alone, just the two of us, in the woods, where no one else would be." *She winks at him to emphasize her meaning.*

"But that's what you said five miles back, Misato! I'm just going to drop right here. I mean, it's as good as anywhere else in the next two miles! This is where I'm going to stay tonight."

*Compton drops the pack in empahasis, and pushes a button. With a whoosh, a couple of boink-boink-thunks, and a icky-icky-icky-pikang-zoomp-boing-hurraaaaaaagh, their pre-fab shelter manages to make its way out of the pack and grows into a rather cozy 3 room campsite, complete with 'fresher and galley. Outside sits two very cozy Adirondack chairs, near what seems to be a roaring fire, but is only a small heat-producer.*

"Ah, sweet ship away from ship!" Compton sighs happily, relaxing into one of the chairs.

"Compton, I didn't want to stay here! The sightings of the Bland Twitch Ewok aren't close for about another couple of miles. Technically, we can't sleep here, if Donovan were to find out, I'm sure we'd be disqualified," Misato complains once more.

"Ah, it's okay. What the Jedi don't know, don't hurt us."

------------------------------------------------------------------
Meanwhile, on the Jedi's Fire, Donovan sneezes.*

"Huh, I wonder what brought that on."
------------------------------------------------------------------
*Several hours later, and with no sighting of the Bland Twitch Ewok, Compton Rage yawns, stretches and get up out of the cozy chair and wanders into the tent. Behind him, with a slightly feral grin follows Misato, ready for a night of some raucous hanky-panky. She gently goes into the tent, and the camera man doesn't follow, 'cause he knows what she'll do to him if he does. From outside the tent, there's a few moments of silence, and then some very gently talking can be heard emanating.*

"Compton......you know, it's been so long since we've had time alone. I mean, just with everyone on the ship and the pressure of the Great Race and everything, it's kind of hard for a girl to find time to relax," Misato quietly intones, keeping a soft, mellow tone in her voice, "Now would be the perfect time to have a little fun before we worry about anything else. And it'll be a nice preview for what you'll get if we win that Cup."

"Are you sure you want to do this? I swear I thought I heard something outside the tent. Really, I don't want to be caught with my pants down if the Bland Twitch Ewok comes around. I mean, it sounds scary. What with the blanding and the twitching...."

"Compton you're so silly sometimes....those sounds outside the tent are just the narrator and cameraman. They've been with us the entire time. You know that. C'mon, let's play a little bit."

"Okay....but just for a while, I want some sleep tonight."

*Suddenly, a little bit more moaning emanates from the tent, with just a little bit of those kinda odd sounds that accompany playing such games as Twister, Checkers, and 3D Holoball. Lord knows what's going on inside that tent, but that's not the bid deal right now. Currently, it's the shadowy figure only slightly taller than a Jawa slowly creeping up from behind us right now....Oh it's getting closer....OH FRELL! RUN!!!!!! It's the BLAND TWITCH EWOK!!!!!!!!!*

*The Narrator and cameraman proceed to run, causing a very odd effect of being like a cheaply made horror movies of the late Imperial Era that seems rather close to this event, the Tony Blair Grinch Project. Suddenly, the camera falls away and the sounds of screaming and horrible suffering emanate from the black emptiness shown by the still running camera.*
---------------------------------------------------------------
*Meanwhile, back at the tent, Compton exits, hearing all the screaming of the former Narrator and Cameraman, and after hearing something about the famous Bland Twitch Ewok. Misato quickly follows outside, wearing little more than a camisole and some pajama bottoms. Compton, as true to his prediction, does not happen to be wearing any pants. Thank heavens for his sweat shorts though.*

"The Bland Twitch Ewok! He's here!" cries Compton.

*From further into the forest comes several horrifying screams, followed by a rasping wail of "Yub yub Echa-noooooooooooooooooo" and a terrifying grinding noise. Misato quickly squeezes onto Compton, hoping that his eyebrows are more horrifying than whatever is out there. Slowly, the sound surrounds them, growing ever closer, every closer.*

"Compton! Do something! The Bland Twitch Ewok's coming for us!" Misato screams as she tightens her already crushing grip.

*Slowly, the sound grows closer, closer, ever closer until from under the brush a shadow emerges, a shadow with glowing little beady eyes, a feral smile with Sharp, Pointy Teeth *Motions with three fingers*, and a terrible growl emanating from its throat. As it creeps closer into the light surrounding the campsite from Compton's Handlamp, They can see the horrifying visage of the Bland Twitch Ewok......*

"He's SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO CUTE!!!!!!" Misato squeals girlishly, "He looks just like a fuzzy, wuzzy little teddy bear!"

*Suddenly, the Bland Twitch Ewok, all the gusto taken out of the performance, looks rather cute and cuddly, instead of harmful and deadly. Misato rushes over and squeezes the little Ewok, squealing as she does so. Of course, the Bland Twitch Ewok struggles uselessly against her grip.*

"Oh, Compton! Isn't he just cute! Cootchie-cootchie-coo!" *She tickles the little Ewok, making it giggle in an absurdly cute manner.* "Ah.....and everyone said you were horrifying! Yeah right. "

"Yub nub Yub Nubnub EE!"

"Misato, you know, you probably shouldn't be touching it. Who knows what kinda of animals its got crawling around on it," Compton asks, the thrill of the night suddenly lost, "And crud, I'm just going to go to bed then if you're okay and playing with the Bland Twitch Ewok."

"I'm good, go ahead and go to sleep, Compton. I'll stay here and play with the cutie!" Misato squeals out, crushing the alien under her grip.

*Compton mutters something about "Silly girls' play toys" and wanders back into the pre-fab shelter for some rest.*
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
*Compton awakes to find the absolutely vixenish Misato sleeping beside him in the shelter. The Bland Twitch Ewok is nowhere to be seen, making Compton wonder whether it actually happened at all. He yawns and stretches, waking Misato up in the process.*

"Good morning sleepyhead," Compton greets while kissing Misato sleepily. "Well, the Bland Twitch Ewok didn't turn out to be much did it?"

"The Bland Twitch what? Oh that, yeah. He was pretty cute, that's for sure," Misato intones, kissing him right back.

"So, how do we prove we survived this and met up with the Bland Twitch Ewok? Did we ever get any proof of it, Darling?"

"Funny thing is, the little guy actually had some tickets on him that stated he had terrorized us and we had survived. Oh, and we got some T-shirts."

*Misato holds up the T-shirts, which say "I survived a night with the Bland Twitch Ewok and All I Got was This Lousy T-shirt."*

"Huh, well, I guess we better pack up and head out. I think there was someone on our tail," Compton suggests, coming close to rolling out of the bed before Misato catches him.

"The ship's not expecting us for a couple more hours, Compton. I think we could take some time and finish what we never got to last night." She strokes his arm invitingly, and wiggles her eyebrows rather suggestively.

"Well, I guess a couple of hours never hurt....." Compton says as he rolls back into the bed.*
-----------------------------------------------------------------
*Around three hours later, Compton once again aboard the Nadesico, ships out for the next stop along the Great Race, hopefully leaving the other ship behind in the dust.*

KnightStalker
18 December 2004, 09:28 PM
Emerging from hyperspace in the Endor system, the Starbound Misfit II approaches orbit over the former Sanctuary Moon to run a quick scan of the system before making planetfall.

Lynnori : "Sensors detect the remaining debris from the destruction of the Empire's second Death Star in planetary orbit, but the system seems otherwise devoid of any space traffic. Wait, no, it must have been a sensor glitch."

Criss : "What did you think you picked up? Sensors seem to be working fine to me."

Lynnori : "Well for a second there, I though the sensors briefly detected the output from a starship's engines among the Death Star debris, but there's no trace of any engine output over there now."

Criss : "Hmmm, nothing unusual about that, it's expected that in a debris field that large, even one as thoroughly picked over as that one was, that the occasional two random pieces of debris may impact against each other. It is possible that two such fragments could still have an electrical charge in them that would discharge in such an impact. That may be all there is to it."

Lynnori : "You're right. It's probably that I'm just feeling a bit uncomfortable being here. You know us Farghul have no love for the Empire, or any other Galactic or planetary governments outside of our own. Just knowing what the Empire was up to here is a disturbing thought when you consider what may have happened had they finished and deployed the second Death Star."

Criss : "Well, if it's any comfort to you, I've no love for governmental bureacracies myself. In any case, let's get down there and get this over with. Who knows how soon any other racers will arrive in-system."

Misfit : "You mean I finally get to spend a while in a planet's atmosphere away from this dark endless void? You know I don't care for heights, and having an endless infinity of nothingness all around me really tends to shatter my nerves."

Criss : "Oh, shut the frell up, Misfit, you're a machine with an AI mind, not an organic, you don't have any nerves. I swear, one of these days when I have the time, I'm gonna tear open your mainframe and start rewriting some of your subroutines and put an end to all your paranoia, you worthless hunk-of-"

Lynnori quickly cuts Criss off in mid-sentence : "Honey, please, just let it go, that's the last thing we need, is you messing around with his AI and permamently deleting some important subroutine he needs by mistake."

Criss (still not very pleased with Misfit's recent growing personality quirks) : "Fine. Misfit, just keep your vocoder shut and get us planetside, please."

--------------------------------------------

Meanwhile, down on the planet's surface, a deal being negotiated between the unhappy Ewok and a shadowy figure clad in dark Sith's robes is finished just as the Misfit II begins it's decent to the surface.


"Good.....now off to work!"

As the unhappy BTE heads off in one direction, the shadowy figure, keeping it's identity concealed under the hood of it's robes, heads off in the direction of the Misfit II's descent course. Opening one of the FizzyGlug Cola bottles and taking a swig, the mystery figure immediately spits it out in disgust.

MSF (Mysterious Shadowy Figure) : "Blech! Bland and flat!"

Disgusted with the foul taste of the flat cola, the MSF tosses the remaining FizzGlug Cola bottles aside, along with the Stormtrooper helmets, but slips the credit sticks and Alderaan On Holonet discs into it's robes inner pockets for safekeeping.

--------------------------------------------

After touching down on the planet's surface, Criss and Lynnori spend several minutes gathering their camping gear and all the supplies they expect to need over the course of the overnight stay planetside. Once geared up they head down to the ship's boarding ramp, with Misfit following along, carrying their backpacks.

Reaching the bottom of the ramp, Criss and Lynnori secure their gear to their belts, then take their packs from Misfit and slip them on.

Misfit : "Are you sure you two don't want to camp close to the ship? The clearing here is large enough. Perhaps I should accompany you."

Criss : "No, Misfit, you stay here and make sure the ship's systems are all running at peak efficiency, and make sure all repairs have been completely finished. When we leave here tomorrow morning I want to have the ship functioning at full potential."

Lynnori : "No worrying about us, either. We're fully capable of taking care of ourselves. Besides, I find the idea of the two of us camping out alone in the woods quite romantic."

With that last comment, Lynnori glances at Criss and shows a rather playful and seductive smile.

Criss : "Don't wait up, Misfit. Get that maintenance done then get your power core recharged. I want the ship ready to go the moment we return in the morning, and make sure to have a pot of Caffeine on for us, too."

As Criss and Lynnori start off into the woods, Misfit turns around and heads back up the ramp and seals the ship to keep any unwanted wildlife from crawling onboard.

Misfit (mockingly, in a disgusted sounding voice) : "Misfit, fix this. Misfit, make that. Misfit, bring me this. What about my wants or needs? Lousy ungrateful organics!"

Meanwhile, from the shadows in the trees neadby, the MSF watches as the couple head off into the woods in the other direction.

MSF : "Stang, they would go that way!"

Sticking to the shadows, the disgusted MSF starts to follow on foot, knowing he'll need to stay back far enough to avoid detection.

--------------------------------------------

A few short hours later, Criss and Lynnori find a large enough open area to set up camp. Pulling off their backpacks, they begin to unpack their gear and start setting everything up.

Lynnori (pulling out a holovid recorder and securing it to the right shoulder of the included torso harness for hands-free use) : "This is going to be easy, and fun, spending an intimate evening together here in the forest, all alone. There's no Imperials, Rebels or Hutt Crime Syndicates around, What could possibly happen?"

Criss : "Well, don't discount the local wildlife. Who knows what unsentient animals may be lurking out there. Sure, there are the native Ewoks, but last I heard about the Battle of Endor, they're friendly to non-Imperials."

Lynnori : "Well, just for the record, I'm going to document everything that happens tonight to prove we carried out Donovan's task."

Criss (raising an eyebrow in curiosity) : "Everything?"

Lynnori : "No, not everything, you perv. I have no desire to go filming a holoporn for all of them bar patrons. I'll just record everything but our intimate moments."

Criss (playfully pretending to be hurt and showing a mock frown) : "You mean to tell me you have no desire to capture our happiest times together on holo for us to watch in our later years so we can remember the good moments of our lives?"

Lynnori grabs a pillow and throws it at Criss "You flirt! :P Let's just get this over with."

--------------------------------------------

A short time later, after everthing is unpacked and set up, Criss and Lynnori are enjoying a simple meal heated up on the portable grill they packed along. Suddenly, in the distance, they can hear something moving quickly thru the underbrush, coming in their direction. Quickly drawing their weapons and taking cover, they wait to see what's moving out there.

All of a sudden, a man wearing tan pants, a brown jacket and a well-worn fedora, and covered with dust and spiderwebs comes hurrying out of the brush, running for dear life and yelling for somebody named Jaques to "start the plane". Chasing him are several tan-skinned humanoids wearing loincloths and weilding blowguns.

Once they've gone, Criss and Lynnori step out from where they took cover and look at each other dumbfoundedly.

Criss : "What the frell was that all about?"

Lynnori : "You got me, I'd like to know what a 'plane' is, myself."

--------------------------------------------

Later, as night is falling, Criss and Lynnori are getting ready to turn in for the night when they hear more sounds from the woods, this time coming from another direction. Grabbing their weapons, they move off in the direction of the sound to see what it is. As they get closer, the sounds become easier to make out : the rumble of something moving against something else, whirrs and clicks, and finally a much louder whirr-click sound followed by a vrooosh-bam then what sounds like running water.

As they get closer they spot the source of the noise : a large stone-looking ring standing upright in the ground, with seven orange-glowing triangular shapes evenly spaced along the ring. In the center of the ring is the source of the running water sound : a glowing rippling energy field that vaguely looks like some kind of force-field. Suddenly 4 humanoid beings in olive-drab uniforms and carrying military-style equipment and weapons step from the energy field and start glancing around.

The apparent leader of the four, with a nametag that reads "O'Neil" mutters something to his companions that sounds like "Whoops, wrong series," then leads his companions back into the energy field, which then disappears.

Lynnori glances at Criss and simply says "Okay, things are definitely getting weird around here."

Criss : "You got that right, let's get to bed before anything else weird happens."

Criss and Lynnori turn around and head back to their camp as, from the shadows nearby, the MSF thinks to himself Gee, this was so much easier than that Ewok made it sound.

After returning to the camp, Criss and Lynnori settle down in their tent to try and get some sleep, looking forward to getting thru the night and moving on to the next leg of the race with holovid footage to prove that they made it thru the Endor night with little mishap.

--------------------------------------------

Halfway thru the night, Lynnori stirs and moves to the entrance to the tent and glances outside, thinking that her superior sense of hearing picked up on something that Criss wouldn't notice. As she's glancing outside the tent, feeling a bit nervous that she may just be imagining things, when all of a sudden, she spots a half-naked human swinging thru the trees on a vine, with a simian primate hanging onto him. As they continue off into the distance, Lynnori could swear that she heard the human refer to the primate as "Cheetah".

Shaking her head in disbelief and thinking it's just her imagination playing tricks on her after the earlier events, she returns to Criss' side, causing him to stir.

Criss looks at Lynnori as she cuddles up to him once again and asks "Honey, is something wrong?"

Lynnori glances at Criss and replies "No dear, I thought I heard something, but it was just my imagination. Let's get back to sleep."

Criss thinks for a second and says "You know, we're both awake now. I can think of something we could do to tire ourselves out enough for us both to get back to sleep."

Lynnori purrs and adds "Mmmmm, I like the sound of that idea." and puts her arms around Criss, as they bring their lips together in a passionate kiss.

--------------------------------------------

The next morning, after a night of unusual activity followed by a passionate experience, Criss and Lynnori are just about finished packing up when Criss decides to scan the surroundings with his macrobinocs as Lynnori slips her backpack on.

Criss (spotting the Sith-robe clad MSF) : "Oh frak! We may have made it thru the night, but we gotta go NOW!"

Startled by Criss' outburst, Lynnori spins around to look in the direction Criss was and panickly asks "What is it? What did you see?"

Hurriedly returning the macrobinoculars to his belt, Criss grabs Lynnori's hand and starts running in the direction of the Misfit II.

Criss : "I knew we should've brought our SpeederCycs and armor. It's an Ewok Sith! It's the BTE!!"

Lynnori quickly jerks her hand free from Criss' and pours on as much speed as she can manage. "The BTE is a Sith! Holy frak, no wonder people are afraid of the Bland Twich Ewok!"

As they hurry towards the ship, Criss and Lynnori both risk occasional glances back, trying to see if the BTE is giving chase. Lynnori just barely ducks under a low hanging branch, losing the holovid recorder from the torso harness in the process.

Lynnori : "Wait, I just lost the holovid recorder!"

Criss : "Leave it! Better we lose it and live to tell the tale than go back for it and get killed by that thing!"

Lynnori : "You've got a point there. At least the recorder can be replaced."

--------------------------------------------

As they reach the clearing, Criss pulls his comlink and starts shouting orders to Misfit.

Criss : "Misfit, lift off the moment we're on board, we've got trouble coming this way and I wanna be long gone before it gets here!"

As Criss and Lynnori reach the ship's ramp and run up it into the ship, they hear the ship's engines roar to life and feel the ship lurch as it leaves the ground and begins climbing toward orbit. Quickly shutting the hatch and hitting the ramp-up button, Criss and Lynnori shuck their packs on the spot and quickly make for the ship's cockpit.

Moments later, the MSF reaches the edge of the clearing in time to see the ship disappearing into the sky, delayed by stopping long enough to pick up the dropped holovid recorder. Standing there in silence, the MSF plays back the holovid reviewing the prior night's events.

When the recording ends, the shadowy figure reaches up & draws back the dark sith-like hood revealing the face of one Gordon Shumway.

Turning to the camera, Alf simply replies "What? You were expecting Darth Wicket?"

http://www.rt-ma.org/SWchar/CK/artwork.jpeg

Malkarris
30 December 2004, 02:24 AM
Long before the racers have begun to arrive, the Fire has waited in far orbit of the forest moon, observing the racers complete the dangerous task of spending the night in the woods haunted by the Bland Twitch Ewok...

"Hey who writes this stuff?"

"I don't know, but if you don't want to get yanked like the narrators, you'd better stick to the script."

"Erk."

...haunted by the Bland Twitch Ewok. Meanwhile, tempers have begun to rise in the hallways of the Jedi's Fire.

"When?"

"Will you please drop it?"

"No. When?"

Malk strides down a hallway inside the bowels of his ship. Right behind him, as she is more often than not these days, is T'real. Malk turns. "Look I told you we'd talk about it someday."

"This is someday."

"Must have missed the memo on that one."

"It was under the one about the hyperdrive."

He blinks. On this ship, she just might be right. "Okay, what do you want?"

"An answer. At this rate, my mother is going bemoaning that her daughter is living like this."

Malk puts an arm comfortingly over her shoulder. "Um, T'real, best we know, you were created by the Technicolor army. You didn't have a mother."

T'real shakes off the shoulder. "That isn't important. If you won't give me an answer, then I'll have to drag it out of you."

Malk blushes through the mask. "Um, T'real, that was fun last night, but we're in the middle of a shift here."

"I'm not talking about that. We'll settle this according to the traditions of my people."

Malk blinks.

***

The pair find themselves in what used to be an empty cargo bay. Now, however, the ceiling and walls have been painted a pinkish mauve color, and sand covers the floor. Strange alien decorations cover temporary walls making up an arena while in the center a hourglass shaped gong hangs near a chair where a surprised looking Donovan sits.

"Oro?"

"I'm with him on this one."

"Shut up, they're going to find us!"

Malk and T'real stand opposite each other, matching stares over the sandy deck. Both hold staff like weapons. Malk sighs and rolls his eyes. "T'real, where did you get the idea for this?"

"I told you, family tradition."

"And you know that you don't have a family. They closest thing would be some geek with a test tube and a petri dish." He eyes the weapons both are holding. On closer inspection, they are seen to be giant cue tips. "And I doubt any family would have cue tips as a weapon."

"Mine did. The geek with the test tube and the petri dish," replies T'real.

Malk rolls his eyes again. "And what are we suppose to do here?"

"We're going to fight. If you win, I won't talk about it again. If I win..." T'real trails off.

"We'll deal with that part later. What's Dono for then?"

"To judge who cried uncle first."

"Oro?"

"Fine." Malk twirls the cue tip. The balance was fine. It was a strange weapon, but he was an expert with a staff. T'real was good, but not as good as him. He briefly felt a bit guilty about beating her, but he really was going to get to it someday. Soon. "Want to quit now T'real, save some time?"

T'real grins back. "No I don't think so. You see, cotton's pretty soft." She pats the oversized ball on the end of the cue tip. "And I know where your ticklish."

Malk's smile fades as true fear floods over his brain. "You wouldn't..."

T'real charges.

Donovan monitors the one-sided combat, covering his eyes, and listening to the very male sounding giggles coming from the ground in from of him. Finally, the same male voice cries out, "Uncle," in a fit of giggles. "This ones says the winner is Malk." He then leaves quickly.

"Hum, you had to cover this place with sand? It's going to take forever to get out of this cape you know."

"Well, it's better than deck plating."

"True."

Movement is heard.

"Hey, I though you said we were in the middle of a shift?"

"You objecting?"

"No, just stating a fact."

"Hmmm, nice thing about being Captain, you can take the day off."

In a flash of paisley color smoke, the pair disappears.

"See, they're gone. And nothing happened."

"What ever man, I'm out of here before something does."

"He's got to be kidding, nothings going to happen."

Tap, tap.

"Eh, hello, er, Captain Malk, er, Sir."

"You know what happens to uppity narrators on this ship, right?"

"...mommy..."

OOC: Something to fill the time until the next post. Take it away Dragonseye.

dragonseye
7 January 2005, 11:24 AM
On Planet Bubbly

Narrator: Oh, my aching head.

The Narrator rises from under a pile of debris left over from the New Years weeklong bash only to discover himself wearing a red silk teddy even the most uninhibited Sith dominatrix would be bashful to present herself in.

Narrator: Eep!

The still conscious Bar Patrons: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! It’s Man Faye Strikes Back!

Lokar Bubbly sales skyrocket as Bar Patrons attempt to drown the image from their minds’ eyes.

BP #69 rolls over from the noise, clutching the blender closer to his chest. But his sleep is rudely broken when BP #2183 yanks the Blender away in his mad dash to help supply the rush of Bubbly sales.

BP #2183: Oi! You lazy bum, get up and mix some drinks already!

Narrator: *Fully clothed* That’s it! I’m taking my rightful place as Narrator and Censorship Admin back from the primates even if it kills me and the rest of the Galaxy. *Stalks away while pressing the giant red button hidden in his sleeve.*

Meanwhile on the forest Moon of Endor

The BTE stalks his prey silently, avoiding the unwholesome, neon green glow emanating from a clearing in the dark side of the forest. The sounds of many crunchings and munchings surround the clearing, adding to the creepy atmosphere surrounding the unfortunate BTE. The BTE peaks his head through a bush and stares in sheer amasement at his luck.

BTE: Hee hee, those two should be easy! Even that simpleton Wicket managed to capture one of the tall females on his own. Too bad for him she was rescued from a life of being stuck with him by those two males. Wicket never did have it easy with the girls.

Later on the Planet Bubbly

Lavie: The distress call came from there, Claus! At 5 O-clock beside the bar.

Claus maneuvers the vanship to land in front of the Narrator while he taps his foot impatiently in the sand.

Narrator: About time you got here! I need to get to the Jedi Fire.

Lavie: Eww, he’s sitting with you Claus. No way I’ll sit next to one of those Censorship Board members.

Back on the Forest Moon of Endor

Dragonseye dumps a giant burlap sack on the ground, whatever living creature(s) struggling against the confines of the sack forces the bag to move in a sickly mesmerizing rhythm. Disturbing grunts and muffled giggles emanate from the sack as Dragonseye leans back against the front tire of the vespa, quickly falling asleep. Ed is already fast asleep, the baffor bark crown still on her head.

Ed: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Dragonseye: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Towel: ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzz

Mysterious, high-pitched voice: Shhhhhh. Alright, now’s our chance.

A miniature blade stabs through the burlap sack, slicing down the side of the sack. A tiny pink snout peaks out followed by the rest of a miniature, animated pink, plastic pony. Her hair’s been obviously cut to a short Mohawk and died black.

Pinkie Pie: All right, the coast is clear. Just make sure you’re all here by morning.

A second pony steps out, tucking the tiny switchblade back into her leather jacket. Kimono glances around the clearing, purple hair rustling on the collar when she easily spots the BTE cowering in a tiny bush. Jerking her head towards his location, she winks at the other ponies as they exit from the sack.

Kimono: You each know your job. Now, Get Him!

BTE: P… P… Pony Hoard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The BTE leaps away from the bushes, stumbling in the undergrowth on his stubby feet in pure fright of the Pony Hoard. They were infamous in twelve sectors for their brutal attacks on any would be attackers of their employers; the most well known and malicious of any bodyguards for children and adults alike.

Sweetberry launches a small flask into the scrub in front of the BTE. The molotov cocktail shatters, splashing burning oil into the brush and trees and lighting a small section of the forest in flames. Herding the BTE, the Pony Hoard follows closely behind, awaiting Rainbow Dash and Toys R Us Exclusive Avalonia’s trap to activate. Suddenly, a giant cage falls over the terrified BTE, entrapping him in a heavy metal and chicken wire cage. Two ponies slide down the ropes attached to the top of the cage, forest camos hiding their bright blue bodies from sight.

Pony Hoard in Unison: Makeover! Makeover! Makeover! Makeover! Makeover!

The Pony Hoard turn as one towards the camp, their high pitched chanting voices further terrifying the BTE as Wisteria and Sweetsong drag an unmarked box towards the cage. The BTE whimpers in terror when Pinkie Pie jumps on top of the box. Raising her plastic hoof in the air for silence, she chuckles maliciously.

PP: Attack!

The Next Morning, on the Forest Moon of Endor

The BTE staggers back into his village home, ignoring the startled gasps of neighbors as he stumbles into his hut. The Ewok Elders sigh in disappointment at the spectacle of the BTE, his died pink hair was covered in a rainbow of multi hued bows. A scent of roses traveled down wind from the BTE’s perfumed fur.

Ris
22 January 2005, 11:06 AM
Warning: I watched the Sith Twins' new (& already well-worn) Ewoks cartoon DVD to get me into the setting. I checked with Dono-da-GM & he said Da Wace Wules
permit using a "Proof That GL OD'd On SW Tie-ins Long Before TPM" as inspiration
for an NNTBS post. (I've told My Hubby, aka Their Daddy we've gotta get Droids before Sith Princess drives us insane-er replaying Ewoks)

Meanwhilst on Zaphod
Wally, lounging on the beach, is happily immersed in the latest XXXXXXXXX-rated Software for a Holonet Immersion Helmet, both of them purchased in dubious Holo-Bay auctions with his first paycheck from Healer Dani.
Wally: "OOOOHHHH! AAAHHH!..." (Censor-Monkeys are too grossed-out by content to be capable of doing their jobs today)
A GNK, blissfully unaware of what the (literal) sugar-sand is doing to it's innards, watches him admiringly.
GNK: 11100011100111000000000011111110111111111000010100100010000111000100
JEJVO: Translation, according to 3PO--"Wow! My Hero is the Galaxy's biggest & greatest Hero!"

Wally: OooooooooooLalala! Those Twi'lek's are way better than that one space-race guy said! Next up--"The Sollustan Kama Sutra Illustrated"!
GNK: 00000100001111111111100111111011111001
JEJVO: "I must tell him of my admiration, find out his secrets for bliss & power."
Gonk <toddles over, joint-servos creaking from sand>: 111001111111000001
JEJVO: "O 'mazing Master of all Indolence, how can I become like you?
Wally <a bit muffled under Helmet>: Droids like porn too? Cool! I'm an Engineer, should be able ta wire ya up for this--there's supposed to be a selection of femalely-anatomically-correct protocol droids.
Gonk: 0011011110000111111111101
JEJVO: "oo-la-la." Well, that's the G-rated translation--3PO's too freaked out to give us the literal translation. UhOh! Here's the lovely Babe-Angel of the Engineers, traipsing over to find out what's become of 1/4th of "her" Ground Crew. And that means "Wally's in Trouble with a capital T" in all 6 million forms of communication...Excuse me whilst I find cover!

Alice is wearing lime green mask, leotard & tights. Her go-go boots, shorts and long gloves are hot pink, to match the big "A" on her leotard. She angrily confronts Wally.
Alice: Why you lazy perv! Corrupting an innocent droid! And when you're supposed to be packing our gear so we can go meet up with our wonderful, generous & hunky employer after his night with the Bland Twitch Ewok!!!
Wally: I'll agree with generous--if he didn't pay so well, I couldn't have afforded to buy this Holonet Immersion Helmet & the kinky software.
Gonk: 111000011111111110011111111000000010011111111011111111100001010
JWJVO (from a safe etherial distance) translation feed resumed: Who ya callin "innocent," Babe-a-roo? That outfit reminds me--I'm really turned on by lime jello.
Wally: What's the mega-foppy Jedi guy doin with an Ewok? I thought he was foolin' around with a ghost.
JEJVO It's debatable whether it's the Gonk's mode of addressing Alice or Wally's calling Healer Dani "mega-foppy" that brings on the uncontrollable desire to use that darkest of Darkside powers...
Alice: Must control...Fist...OF DEATH!!!!!!!!!!
But somehow Alice manages to keep from going completely Darkside, just ballistic. She grabs up Wally and the admiring-but-hapless GNK--& smashes their heads together.
Wally: 000000001111110000000100000110000111100000000001001
JEJVO: Doesn't make any sense--not even when converted to hexadecimal by an R2

Gonk: Gee, I need more coffee before I can continue delaying this job while rerunning the Best of Wally Holo-mail.
It starts to toddle off but joints are completely gunked-up with the sand & it falls over on its' face on top of Wally. Dilbert and Asok arrive & look at mess.
Dilbert: I'm not sure this is an improvement.
Asok: I've figured out 1 thing about this illogical dimension--Interns aren't the unluckiest forms of life. So what do we do now?
Alice: This is Star Wars--sorta, kinda, maybe. So give the droid an oil bath!
Asok: Which is the droid now?
Dilbert: Let's do both & make sure.

Whilst Dilbert & Asok deal with that, & Alice continues to pack up equipment, Bubbly, & bubble-bath for their trip to Endor on Star Tours, the newest Sithlord takes advantage of the confusion to steal away early, there to deal with the first part of his Destiny...

A few minutes later, a scream rends the atmosphere above The Bar--those who look up from their drinks see a TIE-Advanced sporting bloody-red stripes on the solar arrays zoom over & up! This is followed by another scream--Imperial-Correlian accented--and a man in a black jumpsuit with red piping & a flak vest runs through. "Stop! That's my TIE!! Get CorSec! Call ISB! Call the Chiss & New Rep Intel!" The bartender holds out a Mai Tai cocktail which the alarmed pilot grabs & gulps down. "I think I need a stiffer drink."
An old-fashioned dial-phone rings. A Random Patron answers it, listens, then motions the pilot over. "That was CorSec--they're sending some Lady Agents to investigate, Baron Fel."

And now--
none too soon--it's time for us to go to Endor, where a certain dainty Aethyrsprite landed some minutes ago. Dani is more than happy to have the Force-spirit of his dreams back.
Dani: This is so much better than Correllia.
Z'Rissa: You did make sure there were no hurricanes forecast?
D: Petey says his database says this moon doesn't have them.
Z: That one was Correlia's first...
D: We're still in this together. I just hope the BTE isn't frightened of sexy ghosts. :D
Z: ;) There's a clearing--will that do? (as they get closer) Looks like there's lots of pretty-colored rocks on the ground.
D: Endor's not known for gems. 9over the commlink) Did we have an astrogation error, Petey? No? Then these sparkly, rainbow tinted piles can't be--
Both Jedi go "Eww! Gross!" as they recognize the True Nature of the "rocks."
Z: Does Endor have Equines?
D: Guess so--here's dainty-but-fierce hoofprints. (passes a scanner from his dr's bag over a print) Hmm, definite signs of magnetism in about 1/4th the hoofprints, too. The ones that seem to have strange words, not Aurebesh at all.
Z (wrinkles nose) Glad spirits can't smell. We'd better move along to an unused site--But be careful of your footing. I heard the BTE won't show up in the same place twice
D: Not with that smell.

A few hours later:
The pair finally finds a scenic lookout with a sign saying "BTE Haunts
54.99CR/per person [Republic (either) or Imperial]."
"Are Force-spirits legally counted as 'persons' when it comes to admissions payments? I guess I'll pay for both of us--just in case," Dani decides. "I don't want to risk my chance of winning by forgetting all the I's & T's that want dotting & crossing. D'ya think that includes tax?"
Z: Most do. What kind of creds are you using?
D: Any.
Dani turns to a robotic ticket kiosk made of an upright log, leather scraps, bantha-sinnew & cycad fronds. Dumps in a handful of Old Rep & Imp coins that feature Palpatine on the obverse; 2 JediCreds; several small-denomination Tapani coins; 1/2 dozen Pirates of the Carribean prop gold pirate medallions--but keeps the one autographed by Johnny Depp
Z: Is that the right amount?
Dani digs through another pouch and pulls out a travel edition of the Classic Star Wars Monopoly game & tosses it in. "Plenty of play-money in there. And if it's not enough it can be auctioned on Holo-Bay to cover the difference. I opted for the Fast-Pass option, so he'll show at 2421. "

Kiosk spits out the fast-passes & Souvenir Map on papyrus made from Endor-native water-plants.
Dani pitches camp & then eats his picnic supper on the overlook. The glorious convergeance of planet-set with sunset, is replaced with a even more gorgeous sight. Right beside him, Z'Rissa materializes fully in the last light, wearing--very little.
The strains of a hauntingly beautiful love song begin to play, and Dani toasts his very own Jedi Princess with some of the Corellian whiskey those Sweet CorSec-type Cuties gifted him with...
Ah, let's leave them alone until 2400 or so. After 2 or 3 other posts, we all have a clear idea of where this is heading...

Meanwhilst, on another part of the Forest Moon:
It has taken the better--because nearly anything's better than being the victim of a My Little Ponies Beauty Salon game gone amok--part of the day for the BTE to lick his wounds and count the number of bows he'll have to untie. The counting takes a very long time.
A figure appears out of the shadows beneath the trees. It is even smaller than the Ewok. Beneath the robes of fiery crimson and deepest ebon, the figure's tiny tail quivers in an ecstacy of wagging as part of it's brain deviously contemplates the state of Ultimate Powerful-ness it craves. "OK, Defeated Scummy Imposter of Both Twitches & Sith, because it fits My Grand Scheme, I'll answer your prayers to have this Burdensome Ritual Office for Losers removed from your head."
BTE: What must I do, O Darkest Lord of the Sith, for this boon from your terribly Ee-Vile hand--um, paw?
Tiny-but-powerful-Sith (TBPS): Just take off that robe and wash it in the stream.
BTE: But that'll violate environmental laws someplace!
TBPS: D'you think Sith Sorcery is meant to be wasted on trifles like laundry?! <from beneath the raised robe sleeve, a faint glow of mini-lightning can be seen by the BTE>
<BTE drags itself and robes painfully to the stream, imagining all his fellow Ewoks and the trees & the bushes are snickering at him, and begins washing the latter out. Unfortunately, it doesn't wash out the over-cute pink from his now-permed fur. But it does decrease the rose fragrance to the point it can only be scented by those in the next village>
BTE: I'm done with this gig. I know it's supposed to be bad luck to leave this role--but luck doesn't get any badder than this...

Scenic Lookout, 2405:
Rissy has roused her beloved from his very pleasant dreams. Sitting on a fallen log, all aglow with a blue aureole she watches Dani prepare for the coming encounter, admiring the exquisite male anatomy before her. If he can win this race, she'll be able to do more than admire...
D: (now dressed in pirate garb) I'm as ready as I'll ever be, dearest--Just 10 standard minutes until the Haunting.
Z I'd like to go Darkside on whoever told him he looked like Capt. Sparrow--this swashbuckler play-acting phase can't end soon enough.
D: ...and then we can leave. Unless you want to see the Tourist Trap Site of the Shield Generator Vaped in ROTJ?
Z: Let's not. The Duloks--they're dubious cousins of the Ewoks, according to some silly holo the Bear & Unicorn Clan younglings got hold of--got the concession rights. And there are some severe hygiene-manners issues. Seems they attract bugs & can't bathe well because they didn't ask the Ewoks for soap nicely enough.

Scenic Lookout, 2415:
Z: I feel a disturbance in the Force, Beloved
D: The BTE's just early
Z: No, more than one--It's a Dulok raiding party!
D: Speak of TIE's--hear the scream of twin-ion engines!
Z: We'll have to fight them off--they aren't very nice at all! The 2 Bear & Unicorn Younglings told me over & over how mean they were to the Ewoks! Lessee, how does that Kinetic Combat Feat work? Drat that one GM for saying he'd rule it could be used by Force Spirits & not telling me the mechanics! <5 deadfall branches, a wrecked speeder bike, 2 empty bottles of bootleg Correlian whiskey & random apparatus from the Witch Morag's lair fly through the air as Dani ducks>
D: I coulda mind-tricked 'em, Rissy! Still worth a try with my ranks in that Force-skill (waves hand) These aren't the droids you're looking for
Dulok#1: Huh?
Dulok in dirty pink: What's droids? But we're not looking for them
Medium Dulok: We're looking for the Ee-Vile Pirate Imposter
Dulok 42: You!
Dani: Huh? The ol' hand wave's never failed me! Wha-tha-Fuh?

TBPS: 'Cause my minions are under my protection, Healer Scum! Turn and meet your Doom! First the Star-Crossed Jedi-Lovebirds will fall to me! then I'll do what no Sith has done before. Not Sexy-Sith-Witches nor Sithly Gray-Robed Men! BBWWAAHAA! I will defeat the accursed Jedi Rorouni Morningfire (brandishes a red 'saber with a hilt made from a slightly-used rawhide dog-chewie)
Z: (leafing through Power of the Force to find out what a Force-spirit can do. Looks up at TBPS' words & activates her ghostly saber, while gasping in horror) It's Yoda gone Darkside! We are soooo undone!
Dani (calmly, as he activates his own saber) it's too short for Yoda! Show you're probably-tattooed visage! Savvy? (eyes the advancing Duloks) Rissy keep them occupied! I'll take care of this dog!
Z: Can you?
D: C'mon, I'm a good duelist--I only look inept against you & Dono! (takes a stance straight out of Orlando & Johnny's Smithy Duel scene.
(The TBPS throws off his robe to reveal--no, not weird black & red tattoos. It reveals a small white dog with glasses!)
Darth Dogbert: Now, you will die at my paws Jedi Healer!
D: Yeah, right!

Z'Rissa is keeping Duloks at bay with 'saber and a series of real & illusion missiles--AT-AT parts, giant acorns, Ewok-gliders, and a Sousa-phone. Eventually, the barrage & their own cowardice get the best of the Duloks & they leave hastily
Z: Now you must face both of us, Darth Dogbert! Surrender!
Dogbert: It's not that easy, Jedi-wench! (feints to her ankle & then goes for the opposite knee. Ris Force-hops over the red-blade as Dani barely misses with his blade)
Z: I coulda let it go through me--still forget I'm not corporeal.

D: (ripostes & drives the Sith-canine over to the overlook, where Ris now "stands" in mid air above the Scenic Chasm) This is gonna be a surgical strike--gotta take you out before you destroy this reality
Darth Dogbert: Puny Doc Feelgood! You underestimate the power--of cheating! (uses the force to call a 5 gallon paint bucket to him & prepares to Force-throw contents on Dani)
Z (materializes between the duelists) No! You'll have to go through me first! A Schwartz Point should let me stop this pail!
D: I've got a bad feeling about--(a swath of gooey, tangled multi-colored fibers fly through the indignant Jedi warrior-woman--and tangle arround the gallant, brave Healer-knight's legs, flow under his bootsoles. Even his bond with the lightside is not enough to keep Dani on his feet. He slips and falls, just barely rolling away from the edge of the overlook)--this! Yikes! (Dani cuts through the fibrils--which show a cross-section for a few moments, then retract and reconnect)
Z: Sithspawn! Are you ok? Throw your saber--he's running away!
D: Too late--what is this $%^&? Another type of manure?
The wierd fibers pull away from his legs and gather into one pile, which is swept quickly into the air and off planet, seeking out the rest of it's substance on a Banking Planet far away...

Logray, Ewok shaman: I thought you non-primitive doctors had more technical terms for it (holds out a paw to help Dani up) Are you ok?
D: <looks up & past Logray at an assortment of Ewoks, as well as Ris who has a look of mingled amazement and wariness on her face> Nothing I can't cure easily. Well, the bruised dignity may be problematical...(Dani Takes Logray's paw & stands easily. With Dani, the Jedi Dale Carnegie, introductions are quickly done)

Ewok village, breakfast time:
Dani has been dressed in green and brown leathers and resembles nothing so much as a particularly good-looking Robin Hood. Z'Rissa approves of his new look & has changed into a long sueded skirt. Her insubtantial braids are highlighted with glitterlily buds--a decoration a number of the Ewok females, including Princess Kneesaa, have already adopted.
Teebo:...So Logray said we had best see if you needed help, since you obviously weren't part of the BTE-seeking Ritual.
Z: But we are. Dani, at any rate.
Chief Chirpa: But although you fought and ran off a Sith, you did not spend the night with the Bland Twitch Ewok.
Kneesaa: (playing with her glitterlily) But then they won't win the race!
Wicket: we gotta help them.
Kneesaa: they could spend tonight with the real Chosen BTE--it'd have to count
Chirpa: I'm not sure that's possible. Not that we do not want to help you both-it may not be possible. I have received word that the Ritually-Chosen BTE has disappeared after sending a Letter of Resignation.
Z: (grimly) He can be found
Logray: there is a ritual to summon those, but it requires 2 more Shamen.
D: well, my old apprentice was a budding herbalist who hung around with the Tarasin adepts on Cularin & told me all about it. Is that close enough?
Logray: Yes--but the third?
Wicket: What about Morag?
Chief Chirpa: She doesn't have generosity within her. Not even enough to do so for trade goods.
Z: Much as I hate this gambit--she'll do it if Dani asks...

And Z'Rissa was correct. Morag arrived all aflutter from the glitterlily bouquet she received. After a few hours of ritual, the hapless and injured BTE appeared at the village edge.
Chirpa: You are a wreck, son. What happened?
BTE: I got waylaid by cute little rainbow-hued ponies from a burlap bag & they tried to turn me into a bridesmaid or a romantic-Goth or something.
Chirpa: No one makes up a story like that!
Z: sounds like a head injury to me...
D: No, recall the hoofprints!
Z: Oh. Yes. So are you going to haunt our campsite tonight?
BTE: Are you kidding? With all these ribbons and bows? Not hardly!
D: I am a healer, remember, all?
BTE: I'm not hurt.
D: But you are suffering & it's my duty as a healer to alleviate suffering. even if it calls for healing a bad hair day. It'll take me all night to fix you up but I can do it.
Z:But a third night will make us late for the next stop--but of course you must help him
D: We won't need a third night, my beauty. The rquirement is only that I have to spend a night alone where the BTE haunts. Nothing says what I have to spend it doing--so I'll cure the bad decor, we'll have a classy little brunch celebration with the Ewoks & blast off.
(Logray and Chirpa nod at Dani's method of mixing compassion and expediency.)
Chirpa: and of course we'll bear your lovely transparent lady company. She'll be treated as a princess of the tribe.
(Rissy looks at Kneesaa, gets a worried expression, but resigns herself)

The next morning, after a truly wondrous breakfast party, the 2 Jedi departed, leaving behind their new Ewook pals. The BTE was even prepared for the next racer, having been given several medpacs by Dani, in case of more sociopathic equines.


Closing credits, or "Why shouldst Moi protect the guilty?" In no particular order--just the way this was written:
Aspects of 'saber duel; Baron Fel & his snub; turning Wally into a Gonk-droid; Gonk-droid admiring Wally; & Holonet Immersion Helmet (hardware only)...Vanger Chevane
The "Ee-Vile" adjective; Dogbert's saber duel cheats--Allies & the Bucket o' Dirge...My Hubby
Putting the LUST in Sollustan...The authors of MedStar II: Jedi Healer
My Little Pony fans...Dragonseye & The Sith Princess
Getting me motivated to dream all this up...Imminent Posting Deadline
Alice's garb...the cover art of Scott Adams' Casual Day has Gone Too Far
Describing Dani as "foppish"...Donovan Morningfire in Cadences
Pirates of the Carribean movie & Star Tours ride...Disney

Donovan Morningfire
8 February 2005, 01:46 PM
OOC: 4th down, time to BUMP! :D

As the Great Race moves ever onward, the scene at the NNtBS Bar&Grill is thus:

A multitude of patrons are sitting around, drinking and eating, commenting on the events of Flooper Bowl VXXIX, and drinking and eating some more.

Random Patron #123165: Did you see that "Hail Yoda" pass in the 3rd quarter?

Random Patron #6761091: I still can't believe that guy fumbled it. He had enough room to swing a dead tauntaun and not hit a blasted thing.

Baron Fel: I still can't believe someone managed to hotwire my personal TIE fighter. The hours I spent in tweaking the control systems, fine-tuning the weapons load ...

Snarky Patron: To bad you didn't spend more time on the design. What were you on when you came up with that guady color scheme?

Baron Fel: But, but, I liked the colors :(

*** *** ***

Meanwhile, out in the depths of space, far away but not as far as one might think ...

An ominous dark ship shimmers into existence, having traveled where it needed to travel on the orders of it's even more ominous and even darker master. It eventually comes to orbit around a large planetoid, then turns to face the planet directly.

Aboard the ship, a lone figure sits in a stiff-backed chair, the entire room dark save for the fuzzy glow cast by a lone monitor screen.

Lone Figure: I never should have bet the Corulag Condors to win. But who could have foreseen the Pelagon Patriots taking victory?

Ghost of Palpatine: I could have foreseen it, for I have foreseen much ...

Lone Figure: Shut up you stupid old fart! Foreseen that, foreseen this! You couldn't foresee some whiny little farm brat and his wheezing chrome factory of a father kicking your pruny butt all the way down a reactor shaft! And what kind of idiot puts a shaft that leads straight to a super battle station's reactor in their *bleeeeeeeeeeep*'in throne room!

Ghost of Palpatine: *fades away muttering about the lack of respect given to one's elders these days. As he fades, a ghostly jawa runs up and punts him in the backside.*

Lone Figure: Fiinally. Commendant?

Commendant: Yes sir!

Lone Figure: Transmit our findings to our lord and master. And tell him we found that package he was after.

Commendant: Jah wol! *turns and goose steps off camera*

Lone Figure *shaking his head in disgust*: Space Nazis. He had to go and hire Space Nazis. But at least the mission was successful. Guess it's time to indulge in some maniacal laughter. And I think I will. Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha *pauses for breath* hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

*** *** ***

Aboard the Jedi's Fire;

Donovan (who had been in deep meditation dispite Lina's constant badgering and the sounds of some super-saccharinated cartoon that Pretty Rei was watching): Oro?

Lina: About time you started paying attention! I've been ...

Lina's tirade is cut off by Donovan quickly getting to his feet and walking over to a view port window.

Donovan: This one has a bad premonition about what is to come.

Lina: If you mean the race, just remember it was your bright idea.

Donovan: No. This one refers to what will come after.

*fade out as ominous music ques up ...*

Terras Jadeonar & Raven
14 February 2005, 03:57 AM
New morning, new day.... The wakeup alarm sounds, and Terras stirs happily, well rested from a good sleep... Opening his eyes, the room is bright - daylight, a fresh scented garden breeze coming through from an open window.

Terras rubs a hand over his groggy face, not quite awake yet. Huh, thats strange, clean shaven - dang, wheres my moustache or goatee? Ahh well, can't complain I guess...Just don't remember shaving last night. Huh, theres alot of things I don't remember like going to sleep in somebody's house...

The sounds of playing kids outside the room grabs his attention. Climbing out of the kind sized bed, and donning a blue terrycloth housecoat, Terras makes his way out of the bedroom, and into the hallway. The scents of breakfast & caff was strong in the air, smelling so good it made his stomach rumble.

Terras instinctively made his way down the hall, still half puzzled by how he knew which way to go. Stepping foot into the kitchen, standing over a hot stove with a skillet in hand- a decked out in a kinky french maid's outfit, a buxom dark long haired lady with perfect skin lady stood.

Wow, is this for real? It's gotta be... Terras thought to himself as he just stoof there for the moment in admiration. She looked familiar, but who?

She slowly turned her head, a smile formed on her luscious red lips, her crystal blue eyes met with his, as her suave accented voice greeted him "Good morning Terras, Scrambled Rykat eggs are almost done, just the way you like them. Caff's just finished brewing too!"

Frak me.... scrambled Rykat eggs! my favorite... I hadn't had them for years! Terras thought to himself, still not quite awake and somewhat dazed as he stood there standing, starring...

Raven pouted her lips in a frown, "Don't like what you see? I thought this outfit was your favorite, I thought I'd surprise you with breakfast in bed this morning..."

"Uhhh, Raven? What year is this again and why arn't we aboard the ship? I seem to have forgotten"

Putting the skillet on the stove, walking over to Terras, putting her arms around his waist for an intimate comforting hug, looking up into his eyes "Aww Terras, your amnesia must've came back again... Remember? 10 years ago, just on the last leg of the race there was a bad accident, and yer were injured? You mostly recovered but still suffer from random amnesia at wakeup from sometimes. Don't worry, it usualy clears up after breakfast."

"But you - I don't understand, you were just a holograpgh that went nuts. And wheres the ship?" Terras asked confused and worried...

"I- the ship was destroyed in the acccident. thats part of what caused your amnesia - you took it so hard... But some essence of me survived, in the wreckage, some of my memory core was still intact and the battery ups backup was thankfully undamaged. I awoke one morning weeks after in a strange new body. You built and transfered me into a fully functional Replica Droid body, recreated in my exact image."

"So.... you and I are-uh....."

"Daddy! daddy! daddy's awake!!!!" Two Twi'lek todlers run, trip, and stumble into the kitchen on their short legs, then anchor onto Terras's legs.

A confused expresion came on Terras's face, so Raven picked up on que, "Your kids Terras, three sofar and another on the way!"

"Ok, but you - how's that even possible?!?" Terras asked dumbfounded,

Raven giggles softly, "Oh Terras, I'm just your best friend, maid, cook, cleaner, and babysitter. Nileeta, your wife's in the den, watching the holoscreen. Go ahead, I'll bring breakfast out when it's ready." Raven goes back to tending the skillet on the stove, tossing & catching it's contents expertly like a Five Star TV Sheff.

Terras slowly wadles to the den, heaving on leg after the other as the two Twi'lek todlers hang on for the ride, giggling with glee the whole way, which imediately gets Nileeta's attention. Sitting relaxed on the sofa, in a form fitting outfit,, slim as ever, looks and smiles. "Mornin luv!"

"Uh... Mornin!" Terras quickly replies, still in disbleif, but trying to take it in stride. After all, Raven was now a living loving Replica Droid, he's got a few Twi kids with Nileeta - who's still super shapely, and there was Sivar by the back of the den, what looked like the children's play area as he was curled up for a snooze while another todler was also catching an early morning nap, having found a cozy spot on sivar. "I'll be right back, I'm gonna go hit the fresher then change before breakfast, hon..."

"Okie hon!" Nileeta cheerfuly replied..

Walking back to the bedroom where the master refresher was, Terras had to think it over, impressed with the strange but pleasant reality... A large sizable house ona planet he wasn't sure of, Raven, Nileeta, Sivar all there, and with kids. Stepping into the refresher, the corner of his eye glanced at the vanity mirror - his skin was kinda pale... Taking a step back and getting a better look of himself....

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" Having slapped both hands to the sides of his face in a perfect Mcauley McCalkin imitation, the face that greeted him back was chalky grey, pointy teeth, bald, a lobey forehead and two lekku at the back of his head.


"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" Terras woke up screaming, bolting upright and drenched in cold sweat, breathing heavy. The room was dim, so he reached a hand to hit the wall panel. moments later the lights slowly came on, and revealed the familiar suroundings of his quarters aboard NightRaven...

"FRELL!!! I just had a fraking nightmare?!? I'd might as well go hit the 'fresher..." Terras climbs out of his bed, and heads for the refresher. nobody was in the galley, the ship was quiet, it was middle of the night Terras figured... in the 'fresher, just as he walked past the mirror and had one foot into the stall, he paused, then took a step back, to have himself a look in the mirror... "Just to make sure. It was just a nightmare, everything will be alright..." Terras said to himself...

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
covering his shoulders was a pink laced teddy, tracing down to a sizable bustline, the face looking back in horror at him was crystal blue eyes, long dark straight shoulder length hair and lucious red lips...


"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
Terras woke up screaming, bolting upright and drenched in cold sweat... again.. "What the frak is going on?!?!?!?!? A nightmare inside of a nightmare?!?!??!?" Terras hit the wall light panel, and rubbed his hands across his face - sure enough, was days unshaven, moustache & bridged goatee just as he remembered. Then felt his chest and looked down - and sighed in releif... He called out, "Raven?! What time is it?"

" Ten past nine Terras, I was about to wake you, but judging from the last hour, you'd wake up soon enough on your own..." Raven replied, half amused

"Well, at least all is fraking normal..." Terras said with releif, getting up and heading to the galley... Caff & breakfast was ready, which for a moment, gave Terras a dreaded sense of semi-dejaveu. To his releif, Sivar and Nileeta were sitting there, sipping caff, empty plates infront of them, there was still an equal portion remaining in the pan on the auto-cheff, and the caff pot was half empty...

Mornin Terras!, ooooh, didn't sleep well huh?" Nileeta greeted, "Well c'mon, your breakfast's getting cold sleepyhead. And a strong cup of caff will do ya good!" Nileeta offered cheerfully

"Nileeta, is my skin grey?"
"No."
"Is my head bald?"
"No."
"Do I have lekku?"
"No."
"Good, and at leas I'm not in a pink teddy. Thanks..."
"No, why do you ask? was it that bad?"
"Yeah, you could say that. Nightmare inside of a Nightmare"
"Man, that was bad...."

"Uh-huh... So i'll eat my breakfast in a few minutes, I gotta hit the 'fresher..." Terras headed into the fresher, without further delay...


"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
A man's shout of primal fear rang from inside the refresher... followed by an equally enraged "YOUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" ...

Cringing, "Uh, you think we should have told him Sivar?" Nileeta asks

"Uhhhhhuhhhhhhhhh" Sivar nods...

>camera cut inside of refresher<
Terras stands there in a state of rage and disbeleif, as a the refresher was an utter chaotic mess, and sitting atop of the flusher, two wet brown haird stubby legs, and two wet brown haired paws, sitting behind, reading like an issue of the morning's daily paper, a large red & gold trimmed book in fancy writing "Advanced Dungeons & Dragons 3.5 - The Dungeon Master's Guide to Nightmares & Horrors"

The book lowers just slightly, so a snozzle and two black eyes peer out from above the book's spine of the book, "Uh-oh...." came a single reply, then raised the book up again to hide behind...

Terras storms out of the 'fresher, shouting "FRAK!!! Where's my Fraking carbine?!? I'm going to Fraking blast his alfing hiney out of existance!!!!"

Nileeta runs after him, trying to hold him back, resorts to tripping him and they both tumble down to the deck.

"What's the fraking deal?!? Somebody please tell me i'm still in a nightmare!"

Nileeta kisses him, resulting in a resounding "Mmmmmmmf" as he tried to speak. "Sorry hun, this is for real this time... The refresher broke in the narrator's lounge, Alf promised he'd be only a few minutes and be gone before you'd notice..."

"What part of 'gone' and 'not notice' did you actually think Alf would keep his word over?!? Did you even see what he did in the refresher?!? its a frellin biohazard contamination zone!!!" Terras exclaimed in defeat...

"And umm, he's only going to be here for a day. Then he'll be gone. Promise!" Nileeta smooched him hard again, to qualm any farther protest.

This time nearly out of breath, panting a bit, "Jeeze Nileeta, you're right, this ain't no possible nightmare - kisses like that can't be imagined... Alf... Here... the whole day???" Terras said with a defeated whine.

Some time later, Alf had been keeping out of sight, and Nileeta keeping Terras distracted, while the fresher was set to full cycle cleanse mode. Raven's silky voice chimed in from the overhead speaker, "Five minutes to exit hyperspace, destination Endor... I suggest you all take your seats!"

It only took Terras and Nileeta a minute to reach the cockpit, Sivar right behind them. Terras grabbed the back of his pilot's seat, in mid-stride was about to land in it, but stopped short from almost tripping himself as it was already occupied... Brown, short, fluffy, large black eyes, long snout. And one paw dunked into an open bag of Frito LAYS potato chips...

"FRAK!!!!"

"What? Who- me?!?" Alf sarcastically replied

Terras clenched a fist, his nails almost cutting into the posh cushiony nerf-leather high-backed seat of his

"Am I the only one who's getting those unwanted vibes in this ship?" Taking his paw out of the bag, then held it up, offering to Terras "Frito LAY? Betcha ya can't eat just one...!"

"OUT! NOW!" Terras shouted sternly, feeling his temper rise, and pointing straight towards the back of the cabin, and stood, effectively blocking the co-pilot's seat.

"So sue me for wanting front row seats!" Alf muttered as he vacated the chair, "Well, no LAYS for you... Sheesh." Alf shuffled over to the vacant seat across from Sivar and sat down.

Terras waited til Alf sat down, stepped curtiosly out of the way for Nileeta to take the co-pilot's seat, then sat down himself- ~C~R~U~N~C~H!!! the sound of sitting on large peices of potato chip crumbs... Terras's face was turning color, as several more crunches resounded throughout the cabin, along with several 'munch-munch-munching' by Alf on his own as Terras twisted partially in his seat to look over his should and behind him... "ALLLLLLFFFFF!!!!! I OUGHTA......!!!"

Alf's ears flattened, a look of dare and defiance came across his face, "What?... I dare ya..."

"You're about five nano-seconds away from taking a seat in the air-lock...!" Terras threatened, gripping the armrests to stand up, then a smooth hand reached over from across,

"Terras, now, the crumbs can be vac'd hon..." Nileeta interjected, trying to sooth the situation, more-so Terras's nerves. If Terras wasn't so hot and bothered, she might've found the scene hilarious, Alf just being Alf...

"Good Idea Nileeta, let me go, there's a particular crumb I've gotta VAC right now...and out the airlock..."

Nileeta quickly stood up and hoped into Terras's lap, effectively preventing him from going anywheres, giving him a cute and mischeviously innocent look, promoting a frustrated groan & sigh from Terras. Nileeta shuffled slightly to get comfortable.

"Sivar! Do something with that space-twit! Make sure he dosn't do anything else..." Terras sighed... Nileeta always had some way to disarm him, cute as it was, it was annoying this particular time...

"Shuuurr" Sivar replied, taking one paw and yanking Alf from his seat, and headed for the back of the ship, with Alf in full protest which was mostly just muffles.

Looking puzzled, slightly worried, "Umm, Terras, what's Sivar going to do to Alf?"

"Dunno. Probably something slightly less drastic than spacing him outa the airlock." Terras mused, his temper forgotten as entertaining ideas played in his head. On the bright side, he had the Cabin now with Nileeta all to themselves, and as good as things usually was, it was still rare that she ever cuddled up in his lap like this...

"Ready to exit hyperspace, on my mark if you will," Raven chimed in gently, as Nileeta's hand on Terras's went to the lever and pushed forward. They dropped smoothly back into realspace, the cockpit was pitch black then lit by a sliver of the sun's rays, as the planet's darkside was slowly turning daylight as they came in on just the right vector. Terras rested his free hand around her waist, as they both enjoyed the moment of peaceful solitude. It was romantic, and rare to exit hyperspace to a planetary morning eclipse, with the sun peeking out from behind the planet's edge, the atmosphere glowing brightly. "Shall I hold position or take us in?" Raven asked, knowing Terras had his hands full at the moment

"Maybe hold for a little bit longer, then take us in."
"Mmm hmmm"

"Aye aye" Raven aknowledged softly, with a course in mind - across the equatorial line, and setting an apropiate selection of music to play for the descent down.

A short while later, they were flying through the atmosphere of the Endor moon, coming in from the darkside, and having a second morning-day break, watching an accelerated sun rise from over the horizon, deep orange turning golden before through the tall forrested canopy, with golden haze basking down to the dark fauna below.

"Now why couldn't today have started like this?" Terras asked gently,
"Well, it's officially morning here, and in a way, this is the start of a brand new day. So today just did start for us like this, as you asked for." Nileeta answers in her soft hopeful mystic way and tone that she sometimes does when answering with a glimmer of great inteligence or wisdom from some unknown place. (which still baffles Terras to no end)

Shortly after, skimming across the treetops, they came up to the Ewok tree village, but disapointedly, all their limited starship pads were under maintenance. They hovered for a few moments, in which a suddenly but not quite mute *shooonk!* was heard from behind the cabin.

"Raven, what was that?"
"Oh nothing, was just letting Alf drop in on them for us. He'll let them know we're on our way, soon as we find a decent landing spot..."
"Oh. Wait! Alf can't fly!"

"Heh cahn lerrn now" Sivar replied, with a toothy grin that looked like he just ate the proverbial cannary, chuckling to himself

"Sivar!! Nileeta gently scolded him disaprovingly

"Heh'll survive, without a scratch"

Perplexed, "Why don't I beleive you?" Nileeta furrowed her eyebrows.

Terras burst out with laughter, "Hooo boy! the Ewoks are just gonna love him!!!" still chuckling...

"Now just what are you boys up to?!? Terras? Sivar?" Nileeta sitting up straight with concern, knowing that anything could happen between those two when it came to ingeniuty. And she had that sinking feeling of premonition it wasn't good...

** cut to few moments earlier**
Alf struggling in darkness, inside a closed chamber, and entraped in some sort of suit. "OKOK! you've made your point. Can you let me out now?!?" then the floor gave way, and suddenly was brightness, sky, and a blurr of green and brown, and the funny feeling of falling... "Oh frell... i've got to be kidding me!.. Hah, I kill me... litterally!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! OOOFF!! ACK!! AH! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"

** cut to ship exterior **
A short midget storm trooper suit drops from the ship's underside airlock hatch, limbs flailing, falling through the sky, past the tree canpoy, past the ewok village - narrowly missing a catwalk by several meters, and continues falling.

** cut to ewok village **
Ewoke #1 points up in the sky: "Eecha-nawawa?"
Ewoke #2 watches as the vaguely familiar black and white figure plumet past the catwalk, then exclaims: "Yub Yub!"
Both Ewoks scurry off to the village elders

Back in the cockpit, all peer out the edges of the canopy, watching a short white & black segmented figure grow smaller, hitting the odd branch & limb on his way down, not one seam broke apart. Sivar then held up a tube of Uber-Glu, "Uber-Glu...Uber Useful"

"You Guys!!! You know how Ewoks hate the sight of Storm Trooper armor, regardless of size... You know what they're gonna do to him?!?"

Terras and Sivar exchange grinning nodding glances, then both busted a gut laughing, while Nileeta sat on Terras's lap, shaking her head in disbeleif. A while later, they finally found a clearing from the tall dense forrest, a sandy grassy patch by a river. "Well, we've landed. I suggest breaking out the hiking gear, I estimate its going to be a day's walk back to the Ewok village, due East. Goodluck finding the 'BTE'."

Terras, Nileeta, and Sivar were off, compass in hand, hiking through the dense forrest. About mid-day, they came to a halt, a short stop to rest their feet.
"Terras, how much father? shouldn't we be half there yet? Why havn't we stumbled onto any trails?"

"I dunno, lemme check the compass again. Raven said due east." Digging out the compass, holding it up, looking at it, pointing it in a few directions, a worried look on his face arose, "Either this compass is broken, or theres no polarity on this world... The compass keeps on shifting, there it goes again by a few degrees. If i move it, it jogs back to east then goes again."

"Aww frell! I can't beleive we're lost. I'm going to comlink Raven." Pulling out the comlink, squelching loudly the moment she turned it on. "Well, comlinks dont work either. I wanted a camping trip but didn't plan it this way." Nileeta spoke with frustration as she was more at home in the urban wilderness, not the true outdoors wilderness.

"Figures, prohbably excess mehtals from the deathstarr affecting the compahss. Ahm gonna find us some foood. Weh best find a spot to camp.". On that note, Sivar went off hunting.

"Well, c'mon, lets choose a direction, maybe we'll find a place for the night." Trying to sound hopeful, with a smile, "On the brightside, we're on an adventure and we can't get any further lost than we are, right?"

With a sigh and shrug from Nileeta, they trumbled on again for countless hours. The sun had begun to set, the deep orange in the sky. However it was much darker already on the forrest's floor, the trees blocking much of the remaining light. Sivar hadn't returned yet, nor had they found any place suitable to set camp. Nileeta had to take the lead, holding Terras's hand, her low-light vision their savior.

For the first time since their arrival, Nileeta sounded hopeful. "Hey, look! Theres some markings and trinkets hanging from a treebranch up ahead. Lets go take a look!". Upon inspection, the trinkets seemed like they were there for a long time, and indicated a direction to follow. "Could it be?"

Shrugging his shoulders, "I don't see why not? C"mon lets go! maybe we'll be right in time for supper!" Terras said with delight. They continued in that direction, seemingly following an erratic trail of trinkets and broken spears hanging from trees. Up ahead, a fient orange haze glowed, ground level. They walked a bit closer, and something short and squat aproached them, waving them over. "Hey, do you suppose they sent a search party to find us?"

"Lets find out! Its definately an Ewok, possibly the Bland one himself!". She carefully led Terras over to the bonfire campsite, which turned out to be a large fire-pit with a larger than life metal cooking pot, and several huts. Several Ewoks came out to greet them, taking them by the hands into the camp, even offered to carry their backpacks for them, all chattering happily among themselves. "Interesting, looks more like this is an establishment, and there seems to be burnt markings on the large pot, which i'm asuming was some intact surviving fallen debris from the deathstar?"

"Ingenius buggers, i'll give them that. Hmmm, smells like a vat of oil, perhaps this is a ritual hunting spot? I mean lookit all the furs they have in piles by the huts. That pot looks big enough to fit a small gorax in. And the plank that leads up to the rim..."

All of a sudden, the Ewoks surounding them brandish their spears at them, the odd one pulls out an imperial blaster. They gesture towards the plank, menacingly with feral snarls.

"Is this some kind of joke? Har Har, its not funny..." Terras quiped while being prodded up the ramp

"Umm, I think we are the joke, and probably right in time for supper. Their supper, and we're the catch that just happened to come freely to them. I just wish I knew what made this tribe so mean?!?"

Center of the pot was a small metal pedestal with a plank across to it. Below, simmering heating oil. They made Terras & Nileeta walk the plan to the pedestal then pulled away the plank. There was only enough room to wrap their arms around each other. The Ewoks stood on the foot wide edge of the rim, all snickering and laughing, and by accident, one lost his balance and fell into the vat, and they all cackled hysterically as it screamed and splashed around before sinking below. The rest of the Ewoks then scuttled down the plank and gathered around what looked like an Midget Elder Ewok in shawls with a walking stick. It lifted back his hood, revealing anything but an ewok: two stretched pointy ears to the side, white and brown patched fur, and two large eyes. He lifted his arms and mumbled something. The rest of the Ewoks began singing around in a large loose circle, which vaguely sounded like Woolly Bully in pure Ewokese, others brought out flasks of drinks, and joined the fray with spears in hand, waving them wildly about, as the oil started to bubble slowly, minutely increasing in rapidness.

The situation was looking grim, from what began as a picturesque morning to become their sealed fate under the starlit sky that was barely visible from below the tree canopy, as they held onto each other tightly, her head rested to his shoulder. Looking upwards at him, "Terras, tell me about the nightmare this morning."
"I woke up to find Alf made a mess in the 'refresher. Does that count?"
"Besides Alf, before that."
"Well, after waking up inside of several nightmares, the last one was almost pleasant. It was years later, we had a house, Raven was a replica droid with a major atitude adjustment. And we- we had kids, several of them..."
"So why was it a nightmare?"
"It wasn't til I saw myself in the mirror- I was a Twi'lek. I dunno if it was the shock of a Twi'lek looking back at me or the realization that was the only way kids would ever be possible..."
"Oh Terras.....I never knew..." Nileeta looked into his eyes, "Sometimes what we dream is what we long for..." She spoke softly, kinda mystical again and squeezed him extra reasuringly.

As the oil began to boil, so did the party intensify on the ground below. The Ewoks were going wild with frenzy, and something dark surfaced within the oil - an Ewok head, crispy, and hollow... and it's eyesockets were empty. Momentarily breaking their "Nileeta, would you look at that?"

"Huh? Thats unusual, unusual being a tribe of rabid canibal Ewoks, which becomes a little too unusual."
"Yeah, my thoughts exactly. Hey, look! See what I see?" Terras shifted around ever so slightly, with the shortness of foot-room, it was easy to loose balance with too much shuffling. He pivoted so Nileeta could see what he just saw:

Several Ewoks whacking eachother with their spears across the face or back of the head, and their heads simply popped off! Like large mascot heads, revealing something much more sinister inside... Yellowish green Reptilians with toothy wide mouthed maws, angular heads, grinning ear to ear, with large thin pointy ears that fanned out, and red beady eyes, topped with a white main of fluffy mohawked hair...

"Frell Terras! Those arn't Ewoks! They're wearing skinned Ewoke hides!" After a moment of pause, "And all those trinkets... Must've been the remains of those poor Ewoks... How terrible! And we walked right into their camp... Oh Terras, what have we done?!?"

"Well, I don't think they're native to Endor, unless some radical offshoot of the Gorax... If only we could've read the writing on this hunk of metal, who knows what the Imps had on that deathstar of theirs." Looking into Nileeta's eyes, "Well hon, if this is to be, I can't think of no other who i'd want to share these last moments with..."

"Oh Terras..."

"Warrrbuhly Warrrbuhly Warrrbuhly buh!!!!!!" From out of nowheres, an unidentifiable roar of uninteligble feral rage comes deep from within the darkness of the woods. A dark grizzled near 3m tall hulking mass stalks forth from the darkness. Its large muscular arms swatting a path clear infront of it, any unlucky critter getting sent flying with a sickening crunch. The critters shocked, and fled in instant panick, only the bravest (or stupidist?) brandishing spears tried to ward it of, only to get crushed, pounded, stepped on, or swatted away. In their most darkest moment, a ray of light was cast upon them, at the recognition what it was- Sivar... All scuffed up, somewhat matted with twigs, leaves, mud, dirt, for all sakes apeared like a creature from the darkest caves of Endor...

"SIVAR!!!!" Terras and Nileeta both shouted with desperation. It took only moments for Sivar to leap the distance and in a few steps reach the rim, he only had to reach over and swipe them both in one scoop of an arm. Heaving them over his shoulder, he vacated the camp in a few strides as a hail of spears & rocks went flying after them. "Run Sivar Run!!!" they both shouted... Minutes later at full stride, they had managed to outrun the hoarde of canibal critters... Sivar slowed to a stop, and let them down. Then crouched, and motioned to stay silent. With lightning quickness, Sivar leapt and pounced onto some brush a few meters away, and came up with a bland looking ewok in his paws... Not trusting of it, they decided on bagging *it* in a sack, and Terras went to town with Pile Drivers and Full Duplexes on the sack. Satisfied, they settled to make camp - or rather a base of the tree that seemed most comfortable and went to sleep. The occassional pound or kick from one of them once in a while over the night kept it fairly silent...

Mid-day of the next day, they finally managed to find the Ewok Tree Village. Showing their prize to the elders, and after several attempts to try yank the thing's head off, it was with rather embarasing revelation that indeed it was a real Ewok they had bagged - the Bland Twitch Ewok no less.... The BTE, barely managed to crawl away on it's own limbs as fast as it could away from the hut, as the Elders with limited basic and a partially functional 3P0 unit, were able to verse their tale of the ongoing tribal war with the Ewok imposters...


Many hours later, safely in the tree-tops of the Ewok village, Terras and Nileeta stood, wrapped in eachothers arms, on the torch-lit veranda, looking over the forrest below and at the star-filled sky above... Their stomachs full, thirst quenched, and freshly showered...
"Well, what are you going to dream about tonight Terras?" Nileeta said, looking into his eyes.
Looking down to meet her, simply replied "You, and only you..."

Donovan Morningfire
3 March 2005, 02:10 PM
Aboard the Jedi Fire, in the bridge ...

Malkarris *strumming fingers on chair's arm*: So where exactly is Donovan? We were supposed to get a move on weeks ago.

T'real: Let me check ... uh-oh.

Malk: Why do I get the feeling you're about to tell me something I don't want to hear?

T'real: I think he got lost somewheres in the lower decks.

Malk: :rolleyes: (internal voice): Guess all those whacks to the head from Vix did more damage than we thought.

Kanchi *taps Malk on the shoulder*

Malk: What do you want? *notices Kanchi is holding a datapad* And what's that for?

Kanchi *hands Malk the datapad and strikes a triumphant pose*

Malk *perusing*: Well, seems our favorite red-clad Jedi left a copy of race instructions just in case he couldn't make it to the bridge. Says here the next stop is Tatooine, and that the challenge *does a double take* IS HE OUT OF HIS *this portion of text censored to keep the moderators from having fits* MIND!!

T'real: What? *looks at datapad* I thought only Lokar would have come up with a crazy stunt like that.

Malk: Well, no telling what Donovan was sipping when he cooked up this race course. But I guess the goal sticks. Gonna be interesting to see how folks manage to get their hands on a Krayt Dragon pearl.

T'real: Especially considering those are some of the rarest gem stones in the galaxy. *looks wistful* Though I wouldn't mind at least a pair of earrings made of them.

Malk: T'real, you know I love you more than anything, but I've still got marks from the last time I tried to get you those pearls.

T'real (indignant): Well it was your bright idea to try and crawl up...

Malk (blushing): No need to get into that.

*** *** ***

In the bowels of the Jedi Fire ...

Donovan is running frantically through the corridors, trying to escape a fate more horrible than anything he had thought was possible ...

Donovan: This one does not want any part of this!

Pretty Rei: But, you'd look sooooooooo kawaii!!

Donovan: This one refuses to wear a dress!

Pretty Rei: But your robes are already so much like a dress! Puhweeeeeeze!!!!

Lina (watching on a vidscreen and munching popcorn): I haven't watched anything this funny in years.

***

OOC: Sorry again for the delay. The field has been narrowed, and here's the posting order ...

1st Place: Dragonseye
2nd Place: Ris
3rd Place: Slavan
4th Place: Terras
5th Place: Knightstalker

And Vash joins the list of the black-flagged.

Malkarris
19 March 2005, 04:32 PM
Location: Hyperspace, Jedi's Fire.

The Jedi's Fire thunders through the molted blue/white field of hyperspace, it's mass so large that it temporarily disrupts the complex patterns in the area as it passes. Behind it, almost unnoticeable against the brilliance of hyperspace, a small black sphere gains on the Fire, it's small bulk causing a shiver to pass through the larger ship as it disrupts the hyperspace fields and grabs on with two small claws.

Location: Jedi's Fire Bridge.

Malk seems to be taking a small nap in the captains chair when he suddenly starts awake. "What was that?"

T'real looks back over her shoulder. "What was what?"

"I felt something. A disturbance."

T'real narrows her eyes. "You not trying to pull that Jedi thing again, are you. I remember last time."

"What about last time?"

"Spending two weeks on that resort planet because it was the will of the Force?"

"I though you liked spending two weeks on that resort planet."

"Yes, but I didn't like that the will of the force didn't have any credits to pay with."

Malk sighed. "Hey, we settled that after a while."

"Yeah, after dodging bounty hunters for a month by hiding on Nar Shadda. By the end of that I needd another vacation." T'real huffed and turned back to her piloting. "We're coming out of hyperspace."

Outside, the wash of hyperspace is replaced by a bright flash, and then the yellow disk of Tatooine.

Malk looks out the screen at the planet. "It wasn't like that though."

"Oh, then what was it about?"

Malk scratches his head. "Um, I forgot."

T'real sighs. "You still remember the race right?"

"My memory isn't that bad." T'real rolls her eyes, and Malk slumps back in his chair. "Just find out what the racers are doing, huh T'real?"

"Sure Malk. I've teased you enough for one day."

Meanwhile...

Location: The bowels of the Jedi's Fire

A small black sphere with clawed arms and legs skitters through the pipes and tubing on a maintains shaft. Noticing a comm line, it splices in and starts to relay the comm chatter to it's home ship...

OOC: Hope that doesn't interfere with your evil bad guy Donovan. Figured it would be useful to him.

Ris
4 April 2005, 08:12 PM
Docking Bay 94, Mos Eisley
JEJVO:...Falcone, Milly M., 1300 Space Lane, Apt.YT, 800-555-1234
Fel, Soontir, 181 181st St., IMATRNCOAT
Fett, Jango, 111 Great Mandalore Place, 900-URSODED
Boba's phone, 900-ILLGROW
Clones' phone, 900-
Oopsy, I'm sorry, wrong job. Verizon liked my commercials so well, they hired me to read the phone book. Here we are: An Aethyrsprite daintily lands in this legendary bay. Dani pops the canopy & slides down the wing of his favored, if a bit outdated, vessel. He reads a vintage neon sign that proclaims, "Han & Chewie Docked Here--& Left Real Fast!"
"And I bartered a bottle of that whiskey for this?"
{Peanuts(R) teacher sound FX}
"No, you can't come, Petey. Even if they allowed droids in this place--you're hardwired into the ship. Remember? 'Hello, my good barkeep, I'd like a booth for 2 beings & a snub.' Yeah, right."

A familiar cantina
JEJVO: Unnoticed by the other patrons, a booth is suffused with a soft blue glow, courtesy of the Force-Ghosts sitting there.
Obi-Wan (played by Sir Alec Guiness): From a certain point of view, I had it tougher. there's no AC in the Jundland Wastes.
Z'Rissa: I though real mem didn't need AC? I don't know how many times I wished I was the hermet.
OWK: Every time Threepio seated you next to a boor at one of the Viceroy's state dinners?
Z: More like a table full of 'em!
OWK: Is that why Antilles decided to keep him on the Tantive?
Z: Something like that. So, you miss having a padawan?
OWK: Sometimes. You know, Anakin used to complain about you.
Z: There anything he didn't whine about? I don't doubt he whined to you that I wasn't about to let even the Chosen One whine in one of my saber classes!
OWK: {changing the subject a little} So why are you asking about padawans?
Z: I think I've found one, but I'm not sure if I can teach another--when I'm like this.
OWK:well, tell me more...Hold that thought, til our next little chat, m'dear. {Stands to greet Dani, who has just arrived} Good to see you, Healer.
Dani: Likewise. Glad you could be here to cheer us on. We'll meet you back here afterwards.
OWK: I'll be waiting. Though this place has gotten tamer the past few years. Haven't lopped off an arm in I don't know how long.
Z: You can't while you're a spirit--I've tried! Wish us luck! {Impulsively hugs Old Ben}

Mos Eisly Spaceport Limits
Dani stops his speeder (purchased from a dealer who claims it was only driven several times a week by a farmboy racing to hang out with his pals at Toshi Station). He reads the sign hammered into the sand.

"Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!"

Dani shakes his head. "Kids these days! Your old padawan could do better than that."
Z'Rissa, in midair, "taps" her foot impatiently. "Forget the literary illusions--we've got a Krayt Dragon to find!"
"Alright, beautiful. But I think the guy up ahead with the sword may have something to say about that."
"Lemme guess, it's a vorpal-blade?" Z'Rissa asks snidely.
Dark Knight: None shall pass!
Dani: Aw, C'mon, can't you see I'm in a hurry? {waves hand}
Dark Knight: None shall pass!
D: Sheesh! He doesn't have a mind!
Z: This is different how?
DK: You must defeat me in single combat! {Brandishes sword}
Z: You got it! {Activates saber & aims for his throat. The ghost-saber goes through the oblivious DK}
DK to Dani: C'mon you coward-get outta that horse & fight like a man, Sir Robin! Are you a man--or a toothless marsupial?
(Ghostly) Band of Minstrels: Brave, Sir Robin, ran away.
Z {turns on Band} how dare you insult my darling?! {elegantly hacks off a few assorted limbs & pierces a couple throats}
D {Dani leapt from the speeder, doffing his cloak as if he were about to dance, & activated his lightsaber} Oh, if you insist, my good man!
DK: How dare you insult me like that?! {Swings at Dani, who deftly parries the blow, then cuts off DK's sword arm}
Dani: You satisfied now?
DK: It's only a scratch!
D: I just severed your arm through the humerous, biceps, & triceps!
DK: I've had worse! {bends down to pick up sword with other arm} Are you gonna fight me, or just act like a poofdah?
Dani sighs & chops off his other arm. "Good thing Da Race GM won't give DSP's for disarming someone!"
DK looks down at his arms, yells "Coward!" & charges Dani, body checking him, yelling "Fight me! fight me!"
D: But I cut off both your arms!
DK: It's only a flesh wound!
Dani: Yeah, goes through flesh, blood & bone!"
DK{ still body-checking}: Are you gonna talk or you gonna fight, Sir Robin?
(Ghostly) Band of Minstrels: Brave, Sir Robin, ran away.
Z: AARRRGGH! {Decapitates Band's Bargain Counter-tenor}
Dani: The name's Dani, my good Knight.
DK: For that insult I will kick you to death! I am a Dark Night!
D: {Chops off leg extended to kick--at hip} Whaddya mean, it's half past noon
DK: I've cut myself worse shaving! {Hops towards Dani, who amputates other leg at hip}
D: Guess I'll have to surgically remove your lungs now! Betcha complain you just can't catch your breath!
DK: {Looks down at torso} Ok, we'll call it a draw!
D: Deal! No hard feelings?
Z'Rissa finishes making ghostly musical fricasse out of the Minstrel Band, as they finish playing Napoleon's Retreat. "I guess it wasn't a Vorpal-Blade after all. I didn't hear any snicker-snack, just snicker. Let's get a move on, before any more dorky knights show up!"

JEJVO: Our starcrossed hero & heroine approach a lonely fortress on the Dune Sea...
Z'Rissa: C'mon, Dani. The computer-map got sand & doesn't work. You gotta ask directions now! Look, there's a palace, we can ask the gate-warden...
clip-clop! clip-clop
Z: HarK! I hear Clip-clopping!
D: Dewbacks don't have hooves, Rissy.
clip-clop! clip-clop
D: Hey, Goodman! Could you--
Wall Guard#1: Hey, he's got a guy following him with a coco-fruit!
WG#2: He can't have a guy following him with a coco-fruit! A coco-fruit is from the Eastern Desert!
D: Excuse me...
WG#1: but if a spotted Jubjub bird were to carry it...
WG#2: But a Spotted Jbujub bird couldn't carry a coco-fruit...
WG#1: but if a striped Western Jubjub were to...
WG#2: Still not big enough!
Dani shrugs helplessly at Z'Rissa, who nods resignedly & they move on...

JEJVO: As they reach the Jundland Wastes, they are surprised by a group of cloaked beings.
Tall Leader: HALT!
Z: Not another delay!
D: Yeah, what is it now, Gentlebeings?
TL: We are the Knights...
Z: EEP! Don't tell me they're Dark Jedi!
TL:... of the Sacred Word NEAH! {Sound FX: musical Dun-dong-Dun!}
Short Follower: Neah?
D: O, Knights That Go 'NEAH!' We must pass on this our quest!
TL: You may pass...{Z'Rissa sighs in relief} when you have gotten us a shrubbery!
{Sound FX: musical Dun-dong-Dun!}
Rissy and Dani roll eyes & groan
SF: NEAH!
Z: What kind of blithering idiot looks for a shrubbery in the Universe's most infamous desert?!
D: Remember Heinlein's Law--Never underestimate the power of human stupidity!
Z: I wish I didn't! And these are human?
D: Well, according to my Healer's senses--yes. Just lacking brains.
Z: You don't need the Force to tell that!
Dani {reaches into pouch for a glitterlily seedling} Here, how about this?
All Neah Knights: EEEEEEPPPPPP!!!!!
D: What?
TL: We cannot stand the sound of that word!
D: Which word? Here, I was just handing...
All Neah Knights: EEEEEEPPPPPP!!!!!
JEJVO:Whilst the Knights Who Say NEAH! are yelping, the 2 Jedi head on their way--after leaving the seedling. And these 2 Jedi are no less Do-Gooders than their dear pal Dono "Oro?" Morningfire.
And so they move on to a deep desert chasm, over which the sand-laden winds howl. They come to an ancient, bearded, scruffy man and a rickety bridge.
Old Man: Halt! And answer my questions to cross!
{Z'Rissa frowns impatiently}
Old Man: Fairest Lady!
{Rissy blushes & smiles}
Old Man: What is your name? What is your Quest? What is you favorite color?
Z: Master Z'Rissa Organa. We seek the pearl of a Krayt dragon. Midnight-sky-blue.
Old Man: And you, Sir. What is your name? What is your Quest?
Dani: Healer Dantris Solomani. We seek the pearl of a Krayt dragon. Sunset...
Old Man: Nay! That's her pop-quiz! You tell me, good Healer, what is the speed of a coco-fruit-laden Jubjub bird?
Dani:{politely} Well, grandsire, is that a Spotted Eastern Jubjub Bird or a Striped Western Jubjub Bird?
Old Man: Why, I've no idea. SHRIEKKKKKKKKK!
{The old man is blown off down into the deep chasm.}
D: Poor guy! We'll if the other wasn't bothered by multiple amputations, I doubt the sudden stop at the bottom will hurt this one. Knew those med-school bio prereq's would be useful someday.
Z: Look! I see a Krayt Dragon den just the other side of this stark chasm!
D: Bout time. How can you tell? Oh, the neon "Warning" sign.

Krayt Dragon Lair
Dani & Ris move stealthily through the tunnel.
D: {whispers} Stop! I heard something!
Z: {whispers} Scales scraping over rock maybe? Like in The Hobbit?
D: No-oo. More like--
A huge "Ah-Choo!" blows Dani backwards, right through Z'Rissa.
Z: That's the weirdest feeling!
D: yes a sneeze. That's what I heard.
From down the tunnel come sniffling noises, followed by another giant sneeze. Dani manages to hold on. The pair procedes onwards--until they reach a large chamber. The nest of a magnificent krayt dragon. Well, she's magnificent, except for the red-rimmed watery eyes, the nostrils chapped from being blown too often, and the hives swelling under her scales.
Krystal the Krayt: Boo-hoo, I feel so miserable. And I suppose you fortune-hunters are gonna take advantage for an easy kill. Waah! AH! AH!
Z: Hold on, Dani!
But the Healer bravely darts up to the creature, laying on hands and concentrating as the hives fade.
D: There, there. How's that? Better, lovely lady?
Krystal: Ye-es! Oh! thank you! I feel so much better already.
Z: What's wrong?
D: Allergies. Hush, ladies. Lemme see what's what here. Ah-ha!
Krystal: Bet it's all this sand & dust blowing out there!
D: No--you're allergic to gems. My little healing won't last, unless we get them out.
Z: Surgery? On a Dragon? Out here?
D: Yes.
K: {crying} Oh, no! I'm scared! Please.
D: It's alright. I won't hurt you. Won't hurt you at all. No lasel scalpels or any thing like that. Rissy. Now, I need your help.
He explains his plan to the females.
Z & K: {Chorusing} You want me to go inside her? You want her inside me? EEEWWW! GROSS!
D: Yes. C'mon, ladies. I always give my good patients--and nurses--treats after the treatments. Sweets for the sweet! Chocolate! See? {pulls out a couple large M&M bags & does a double-take} I don't think I'll get DSP's over Sith-themed M&M's.
JEJVO: The bribe works on both Z'Rissa and Krystal. The 2 not-so-different females share the candy while Dani looks over the gems Ris reluctantly extracted from his fierce patient.
Dani: Wow! Lotsa pearls, plus other stones. Here's a beautiful star-sapphire! Z'Rissa's gem. How about we act as your agent & sell these, Krystal? I think there's someone on Jedi's Fire who might buy some of the pearls for earrings...
Krystal: Sounds like a plan, Doc. {nuzzles his head}
_________


Moi is once more refusing to protect the guilty:
Phone book readings.............those Verizon ads & the elderly church matrons who told me they'd pay to hear Mr. Jones read the phone book (true story!)
Bargain Counter-tenor.......PDQ Bach
"Real Men don't Need AC".......Flaming Arrow Boy Scout Reservation T-shirt
All the Monty Python skits......My wonderful hubby with the crazy sense of humor. Thanks! Plus Dono aiding & abetting by providing the DVD's that refreshed his memory
Heinlein's Law...........The Notebooks of Lazarus Long by Robert H. Heinlein

Donovan Morningfire
10 April 2005, 03:43 PM
OOC: I reviewed time elapsed since I posted, and dragonseye had her two weeks before Ris posted, so Slavan is now on the hot spot.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled nonsense :D

IC: Aboard the Jedi's Fire ...

We find one Donovan Morningfire, once a champion of the Jedi Order and a warrior-commander in the Clone Wars, now sitting in a darkened room. Having finally convinced Rei that Lina would look so much better in the frilly pink dress that she had been trying to fit onto him.

Rod Sterling (walking into scene): And having sensed that he can actually relax, Donovan is sitting cross-legged, floating half a meter above the ground, deep in mediatation, retracing the myriad paths that his life has taken since an ill-fated day ... but what for him might normally be an exercise in relaxation will be something much different. Here, in the Insanian Zone.

Lokar (barging onto camera): That has got to be the lamest intro to a flashback sequence I've ever heard. My thrice removed great aunt Evardra could come up with, if not a better, at least a more original flashback intro sequence!

Rod Sterling (eyebrow raised): If you think you can do better, then by all means, do so.

Lokar: Well ... I never said I was my thrice removed great aunt Evardra :o

JEJVO: If you two are done bickering, you'll notice that the Rurouni has left the room.

RS and Lokar turn to look where Donovan was floating/meditating a few moments before, only to see a note.

Lokar: Lemme see that *puts on reading glasses* says "Too noisy to properly meditate with the two of you arguing. So this one has gone to find someplace quiet."

Rod Sterling: You just had to barge in and ruin what could have been a fascinating, and maybe even funny, post with your comments.

Lokar: Stuff it, old timer. Besides, aren't you already dead?

JEJVO: That's not a very tactful thing to say. And since when have you worn glasses?

Lokar: I am not going to be told off by a disembodied voice. *storms off*

Rod Sterling: I thought he'd never leave.

JEJVO: Since you're here, Mr. Sterling, and the original subject of this post has left for parts unknown, would you mind if I asked a question?

Rod S: I suppose it wouldn't hurt.

JEJVO: So ... what's it like having passed on?

Rod S: I wouldn't know, as I have never died! *rips off mask to reveal ...*

Image fades to blac, with the words "To Be Continued..." materializing in white.

Donovan (popping head into picture): Don't you just hate when that happens?

Slavan K. Guiser
17 April 2005, 04:55 PM
Somewhere, high above the twin-sun scorched desert sands of Tatooine, a glint of white shines in the dual-sunlight as it effortlessly materializes slightly inside the planet's gravity well. On the bridge, the stoic, goatee-wearing figure of Compton Rage, Admiral, Adventurer, and Guitar-Wielding Badass, sits in repose, thinking about how long this race is taking, and how unfortunate it has been for the many that have dropped out or didn't manage to start. He also ponders on the current state of his position, after having been in the lead the last two stops, he is disturbed to find that his race rankings [and as such, his heavily-favored chances being broadcast across HBN2 (Hutt Bookie Network for all those not in the know) also having lowered]. He strokes his coatee and calls out to the white-headed operator sitting at the controls.*

"Ruri, can you pull up the list of items that need to be obtained on this race for me?" calls Compton.

"Yes, Captain," Ruri answers in her deadpan monotone, "Bringing up on Mainscreen."

The Screen blinks into life, displaying the race items being counted down by Donovan in a strikingly realistic rendition of the Jedi. Also, thanks to great camera angles, the screen plays back the various painful ways that Compton has managed to get ahold of the various items needed to be obtained upon the race. It is all there, from Byss to Endor and all two other stops in between. Needless to say, Compton is slightly embarassed. The list itself stops on the fifth destination, highlighting Tatooine and the desired object, a Krayt Dragon Pearl.

"Oh great," bemoans the Admiral, "A Krayt Dragon Pearl. This should be easy, if I stay in one piece. I swear, if not winning the race for Misato doesn't kill me, all that'll happen to me in the meantime probably will."

"Oh will it, Admiral Rage?" comes the voice of the ever-lovely Misato Katsuragi, dressed out in the perfect attire for a jaunt into the Dune Sea, including a very lovely sunskirt, a flattering white tanktop showing ample bust for the male crew members (All three of them) and a wide-brimmed hat to block out the sun.

"Misato! Glad to see you! You're looking as beautiful as ever," Compton responds, hoping to recoup against Misato hearing him complain about the strain the race is putting on him.

"Stow it, Compton. Get your stuff and let's get down to that planet. We're behind and I'm not quite all that happy about it. Ruri, Hold the ship in orbit while Compton and I go down to the planet," Misato announces.

"Yes, Captain Kitsuragi."
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On the planet below, a sweltering Compton Rage sits outside the rental agency for speeders in a still-seedy Mos Eisley. Without the Imperial Prescence, the Wretched Hive of Scum and Villainy has only gotten worse, as the stroll through the bars looking for a decent sport hunter has gone to show. After having his comlink, datapad, another newly purchased holo-comlink, 450 Republic Credits, 70 Imperial Credits, his underwear, a twenty-second span of his life he'll never get back, a third comlink, and his lucky pencil stolen, Compton sits grubbily unhappy, the khaki chafing his sensitive thighs. Misato, the self-titled "brains" of the operation has found a grubby, old hermit by the name "Old Ken" that seems willing to help lead them through the Dune Sea in search of a Krayt Dragon, for a reasonably large fee of course. Compton mainly hopes that he'll be good lunch fodder for the Krayt Dragon, rather than himself. As is, Compton really, really needs to find a decent place to find some undergarments. However, until Misato manages to finagle a somewhat decent speeder for the trip into the desert.

"What do you mean that's not enough to rent that pile of junk?" comes the shrill shriek of a seriously offended Misato, "Well, buddy, I would hope for your sake that you happen to rethink your prices!"

Compton, oblivious to the surroundings, becomes very intrigued at the sentence, and at the risk of losing more of his personal belongings, goes inside to search out what the very angry Misato is currently up to. Upon entering, he finds a furry little Bothan shopkeeper with a blaster pistol shoved so far up his left nostril that Compton could swear that the muzzle (of the blaster, not the Bothan) could be seen out of his right ear. Compton reacts quickly, pulling Misato (and the blaster consequently) back off of the Bothan. He manages to calm her down, mostly due to a large amount of kissing and soothing words, takes the blaster away from her, and then turns to the Bothan.

"Good Gentlebeing, I'm sorry about that. My friend here hasn't been herself quite lately since she lost the platinum and corusca gem necklace her father gave her when she was a child while out on the the Dune Sea a few weeks ago. Unfortunately, there could never be a replacement for it, and getting back out to where she suspects she lost it has proven very difficult," Compton soothes easily in the Bothan's direction, "However, we truly do need a landspeeder at the best price you can afford. I know that the market around here is cutthroat, but we'd be willing to take whatever you can give us."

The Bothan, wary of being fed yet another line of crap, cocks his head slightly, and makes a snorting sound, "Right, and I'm Princess Leia's Lost Uncle. Now, I told the woman what I'd give her for the speeder outside, and she better pay it or she just might find herself walking out into the Dune Sea."

"Fine, whatever, I'll pay you whatever you're asking and just a little bit more to keep quiet about this incident," Compton begrudgingly agrees, feeling like he's being stolen from yet again.
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Somewhere, in the Dune Sea, a busted up hunk of junk that makes Dragoneye's Vespa look safe, Misato Katsuragi scans the horizon for the tell-tale signs of a Krayt Dragon layer, having been abandoned several hours back by the crazy "Old Ken" for some excuse about not wanting to get caught by the Sand People after dark. Compton Rage, however, keeps on driving the junk speeder, hoping that Misato finds what she's looking for. Already several hours into the sweltering heat of the dual suns, Compton wishes that he had let Misato shoot the Bothan, so that at least this way they would have had some temperature control and an enclosed speeder, rather than this open-air, overheated deathtrap they are currently riding in. Oh well, thinks Compton, at least we'll get this pearl and be on our way, so that way this weather will stop caking out my skin. Ugh, I feel terrible.......
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Still several hours later and many more miles traversed across the Dune Sea, Compton leans back against their pitched therm-tent, the twins suns, sinking slowly below the horizon, cast their red light across the quickly cooling desert landscape. A small fire, fed from the thermal cubes Slavan packed with him, spreads warmth through the chill desert air. Misato, crouching near the fire, sighs wearily and looks at Compton, having spent hours searching for the mysterious Krayt Dragon's lair.

"Compton, we've got to find that pearl somewhere," Misato speaks softly, the weariness coming out in here voice, "Either that, or we're gonna become further behind in the race."

"Misato, I've got no idea where to find it. That old Ken gave us terrible directions. I mean, 'Turn at the rock shaped like a Goblin?' First, there's very, very few rocks out here. And those that are out here, ALL look like Goblins. Jeeze, Misato, haven't you ever heard that you should never trust an old man with a map in a bar?" Compton complains right back.

"Well, Compton, you didn't really have any brilliant ideas. Anyway, I'm really tired, so I'm going to go ahead and crash. By the way, there's a blanket over there so you can sleep outside tonight. I think it'll be safer if we have someone on lookout tonight. For the Sandpeople you know. Especially someone so strong and tough and handsome, like you."

Misato walks over to Compton, hands him the blanket, which is nicely woolen and feels very comfortable, kisses him gently on the cheek, and then crawls into the tent, leaving Compton to be the strong, brave, and (in Misato's Mind) gullible, guard for the evening. Compton wraps the blanket around himself and lies down on the ground, covering over his head in order to keep warm.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Soon, after about two hours, a troop of Sandpeople, wandering in the desert evenings, comes upon the camp of Misato and Compton. After looking at the speeder, deciding it and all the contents entirely worthless, a couple of the Sandpeople manage to find Compton laying there on the ground. Quietly, they call the others over and begin to converse about what to do with him.

{Hey, look, there's a silly human staying here!} says Sandperson # 1.

{Yes, yes there is. We should teach them a lesson and beat him up!} says a second. {Staying out in the Dune Sea without protection is just stupid.}

After a long chorus of agreeing grunts, the group of Sandpeople start to beat upon Compton, and with the loud screaming and Compton waking up, they mount there banthas and ride quickly away. Compton, in pain, struggles to open the tent, screaming.

"MISATO MISATO MISATO!" Compton yells, waking Misato up from her sleep.

"WHAT IS IT COMPTON?!" responds a very sleepy and disoriented Misato, her nightgown very sheer and revealing.

"A whole bunch of Sandpeople just rode up, beat me up, and then left! Can I please come sleep in the tent with you?" Compton pleads, looking Misato up and down over and over again.

"HENTAI!" Misato screams, and slaps Compton right back out of the tent. "You stay out there! I'm trying to sleep in here. Go to bed, there's no Sand People out there. I would've heard them!"

Compton whimpers a little bit, rubs his cheek where there's a red handprint, and then curls back up under the blanket, wary. He soon falls asleep.....
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Again, after about two or three hours, a certain troupe of Sandpeople wander back around the camp of Misato and Compton. They once again dismount, and still find that silly human outside.

{ can't believe it, that human's still sleeping outside, in pretty much the same place. What a stupid wad of pudu!} laughs Sandperson #2.

{Yeah, you'd think he'd have learned from the first time. Let's beat him up again and really teach him a lesson!}

They once again all agree and start beating Compton up. There's some kicking, some screaming, a flying elbow somewhere in there, some more screaming, and then the Sandpeople scrambling off to their banthas. Once again, Compton calls out for Misato.

"MISAAAAAAAAAAATOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! The Sandpeople attacked me again!" Compton yells.

This time, Misato first gets dressed, then stumbles outside to look at the beaten Compton. She sighs, and looks at him.

"You know, Compton, if you wanted to sleep inside the tent so badly, you didn't actually have to go and hurt yourself just to justify your silly story. There's not tracks out here, nobody out here to hurt you, and you complain of being attacked," Misato says, a very large amount of disgust and unbelief present in her voice.

"But, Misato, I swear to the Maker that I was attacked by Sandpeople. I didn't do this to myself! I swear!" Compton says, sounding a little bit more than whiney, "Can I please sleep in the tent so I don't get beat up again?"

"Sure, Compton, you go sleep in the tent, and I'll sleep out here. I'll prove to you that there's nothing to be worried about. Or to get beaten up by. You can be such a wuss some times, Compton!"

Misato gives in wearily, and trades places with Misato. Compton, in the tent quickly falls asleep. Misato, maybe somewhat believing Compton, falls asleep just a bit slower, but the warm and comfortable woolen blanket eventually persuades her to enter dreamland.
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Shortly before sunrise, the familiar group of Sandpeople ride back upon their banthas, really surprised to find that the campers on their turf are still out there in the Dune Sea, and still, the one is sleeping outside of the tent. They dismount and crowd around the sleeping form on the desert floor.

{Hey, this guy is still sleeping here! I can't believe he's so stupid. You would think he'd go change and sleep inside the tent instead. But no, he wouldn't sleep in there.} states Sandperson #464.

{You know, we should beat him up really, really bad this time. Give him a blanket party he'll soon never forget.} proposes a random Sandperson.

{No,} says the leader Sandperson #1, holding everyone back, {I bet the person inside the tent won't let him sleep in there. We should get him instead this time. This poor guy's had enough. I mean, he can't even sleep inside the tent and we've beaten upon him twice. We should leave him something, too.}

After again having a responding chorus of grunts and whoops, the Sandpeople descend with gaderfii upon the unsuspecting sleeper in the tent.......
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The first sun rises barely in front of the second, and so does Misato, feeling very well rested, the blanket giving her a wonderful night's sleep. She yawns and stretches, her light flannel pajamas glowing a goldenrod in the brightening Tatooine dual-rise. As she shifts she looks down beside her to find a mysterious bag of bantha leather sitting beside her in the sand. She bends and grabs it, looks inside, and screams.

"COMPTON! COMPTON! COMPTON!" she bursts into the tent, broken down somewhat from when she left it, to find a bruised and beaten Compton sleeping inside still. "COMPTON! WAKE UP!"

Compton sits up quickly, maybe a little bit too quickly, as he quickly bashes his head into one of the now broken tent poles. "MISATO! WHAT HAPPENED?!?! IS IT THE SAND PEOPLE AGAIN?!?!?!?"

Misato snorts in disgust. "No, you silly, it's not the Sandpeople. Jeez. I woke up this morning to find this next to me!"

She tosses Compton the bag, which he looks in. There, sitting nicely, is a single, whitish-yellow smooth stone. A quick second later, and Compton realizes that he's staring at a Dragon's Pearl. He grins, somewhat painfully from ear to ear, and looks back at Misato.

"Well, it looks we can pack up this tent and get back up to the ship. We've got our Krayt Dragon Pearl!" Compton says happily, eager to get back to the ship, and hopefully a comfortable night's sleep.

"Speaking of the tent, Compton" Misato begins to question, "do you always sleep so violently? It looks like it got beaten through with a gaderfii stick by a bunch of Sandpeople!"

Compton just moans......
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Back on the ship, and after resting for a while (with Misato, much to Compton's happiness), Admiral Rage finds himself out on the bridge. He's very happy, as only a very willing Misato who is one step closer to an Endless Mug could make him, and as such, he makes an announcement to the crew.

"Crew," Compton begins, "If we finish this race first, you'll soon find yourselves relaxing in a sea of Bubbly, the greatest known feeling of happiness in the universe, well, greatest after what I felt this morning. So, let's get on with this race and get as quickly as possible over to see one of the clan Chieftan's and get some dancing Twi'leks on Ryloth!"

As most of Compton's crew is female, his little inspiration speech results in one thing and one thing only: Baka Mallets.

Donovan Morningfire
3 May 2005, 03:12 PM
OOC: Terras' two weeks have come and gone. See OOC thread as well ...

IC: Elsewhere in space, a lone figure sits, the face shrouded in shadows. The scant light from the giant viewing monitor reveals an Imperial-styled uniform, the color a stark purple in contrast to the darkness around him. Curled on his lap is a neon green fuzzy creature that looks like the unwanted love child of a chinchilla and Steve Buscemi. The uniformed man is idly petting the strange creature, watching events unfold, courtesy of the black sphere that wormed its way into the bowels of the Jedi's Fire.

Mysterious Uniformed Man: The fools. They blather on, completely clueless as to the events that transpire against them. They waste their efforts on a frivolous race gathering trinkets, all at the whim of a relic from a past age.

Neon Green Fuzzy Creature: Mew?

M.U.M.: Indeed, my precious. Far sooner than those fools expect, I shall embark upon my great endeavor. And despite his foolish notion of independence from my goals, Darth Dogbert has done far more to further my machinations than his limited mind could ever dare to imagine.

Junior Officer: Sir? We have the latest data on the race. *profers a datacard*

M.U.M.: Excellent, Lt. Snivvely. That is all.

Junior Officer: Um, it's Lt. Sneval, sir.

M.U.M.: Precious, remind the lieutenant about how I feel regarding insolence!

NGFC: Raaawwrrr! *leaps from M.U.M.'s lap and starts ripping the ex-Lt. Sneval to pieces in a scene much like the vorpal bunny attacking the Knights of Camelot.*

M.U.M.: Ah, what delightful music, the screams of those that suffer. I believe I shall indulge myself in a menacing chuckle. *begins to chuckle menacingly.*

*** *** ***

Pretty Rei: See Miss Lina? You're so kawaii! Now please turn that frown upside down :D

Lina is sitting at a vanity, looking to a mirror as Pretty Rei proceeds to make her look like an extra from Rainbow Brite. And is scowling all the while.

Lina (grumbling under her breath): She had to try this during that time, didn't she?

KnightStalker
3 May 2005, 09:54 PM
OOC : Disclaimer - you'll all notice in the following post a customary appearance of an "Utinni" shouting Jawa, since it's Tatooine. Now, just for the sake of this post, consider this : Suppose that "Utinni" in Jawa Trade Language would translate into English as "Jesus" (or rather, "The Maker" for Star Wars), and despite having only one inflection in Jawa Trade Language, suppose that the inflection in the English translation would depend on the situation (ie, the Jawa at the TPM podrace shouting it out in excitement, as opposed to the aggressive inflection you'd get from the ANH Jawa that shoots Artoo, or the Jawa that shouts it out in surprise while soiling himself after nearly getting decapitated by a passing speederbike :P ).

Contributing editor for the following post : Vanger Chevane
Special thanks for the inspiration of this post goes to that comedic genius that we know and love, Doug Adams, you may have contradicted yourself in every version of your brilliant work, but you still can make us all laugh out loud with your humor. We'll all be looking forward to the new material you thought up for the movie, and we'll still miss you.

One last warning, please refrain from drinking anything while reading the following post, unless you want to risk finding yourselves wiping down your monitor and keyboard. :P Okay, on with the post....

As the Starbound Misfit II is dropping out of hyperspace at the edge of the Tatooine system, Criss and Lynnori are in the middle of doing a quick inventory of the ship's supplies.

Lynnori : "Since Tatooine is Hutt-controlled territory, they don't take Imperial Credits or even Old Republic Dataries, so we'll have to find something of extreme value that we can give up in exchange for a Krayt Dragon Pearl. Donovan sure did come up with a real challenge for this stopover."

Criss : "Well, we don't seem to have much in our cargo manifest that we can use for trade, we'll probably have to think of some other way of obtaining one."

Lynnori : "I suppose so. Maybe we can find a Sabacc game I can join in on to try and raise some local currency, or perhaps--"

Over the intercom, Misfit interrupts the conversation. "We've arrived at Tatooine and just dropped back to sublight, do you want to come up to the bridge to take the controls, or should I just take us in myself?"

Criss steps over to the ship's intercom and responds, "We'll be right up, Misfit, thanks."

Criss and Lynnori hurry up to the bridge, stopping briefly by the galley for Lynnori to grab a fresh cup of stimtea. As they enter the bridge, they take their seats and begin preparing to move into planetary orbit in order to request landing clearance. As the ship approaches orbit, they notice a lot of starships and starfighters in the system.

Lynnori : "Looks like the Hutts have a welcoming committee out for any visitors. I hope this won't be a problem for us. We're not exactly on their good side right now."

Criss : "I know, let's hope they won't pay us much attention, I'd like to get this done and be enroute to the next stop as quickly as possible."

Upon entering orbit, a pair of starfighters assume an intercept course and hail the Misfit II.

Hutt fighter #1 : "Corellian Cruiser, identify yourself and state your purpose here."

Lynnori turns to Criss, "Let me do the talking, I've dealt with the Hutts enough times before you and I met, so hopefully I can convince them we're simply freelance traders."

Criss : "Be my guest, honey. Let's hope those pilots aren't the 'shoot first, talk later type."

Lynnori opens a channel, "This is the Starbound Misfit II, we're freelance traders simply looking to do some business planetside. Know any honest traders we could possibly do business with?"

As Lynnori is responding to the fighter's hail, she continues to move the ship into a lower orbit to prepare for planetfall. Criss notices on one of the monitors that the fighters manuever into a tailing position and begin to follow the ship into low orbit.

Criss : "If they're intending to escort us down, they're doing a rotten job, they're too far back behind us."

The lead fighter's reply comes back sounding cold and emotionless, "Misfit II, our flight control tells us that you guys still owe Gardulla the Hutt for a cargo drop that went sour. Seems you're just not in the Hutt's good favor." With that, the fighter abruptly cuts off all communication, and both fighters manuever into an attack formation.

Lynnori : "Aw, frak. I was afraid of that."

Misfit : "Oh great, so this is it, huh. We're gonna die. At least I won't have to be tolerating all this infinite nothingness of space much longer."

Lynnori quickly accelerates and begins evasive action and dives down into the atmosphere as the Hutt fighters fire a pair of concussion missiles. Criss quickly starts to power up the weapon systems as Misfit starts to panic. "Ohthemaker!Ohthemaker!Ohthemaker!We'redonefor,we'regonnadie,we'llbeacloudofdustp articlesinthesky!!!!!!"

Criss : "Misfit, shut the frell up with that kinda talk. Nobody's gonna die."

Lynnori : "Sithspit! Those are heat-seekers, I can't shake 'em. At the rate they're gaining, Misfit just might be right!"

Misfit : "GreatMaker!Iwasright,we'redonefor,we'rethrough,there'snotafrellingthingwecando!"

Quickly thinking, Criss starts to look at every control on the console for any sudden inspiration for a way out of this situation, when he notices something he had nearly forgotten all about.

Criss : "Waitaminute! We've still got that Infinite Improbabilty Drive that I had borrowed from Zaphod Beeblebrox a while back."

Lynnori : "The what!?! And what do you mean borrowed? When was this anyway?"

Criss : "It was a while back, we played a game of sabacc and he passed out without covering his bets, so I just took it as payment."

Lynnori : "Wait, you can play Sabacc?"

Criss : "Yeah, so I can play Sabacc, big deal. Anyway, it's still hooked up, I practically forgot that we have it. If I remember right, he told me something about it. If you trigger it without adjusting any settings first, nearly anything that's completely unpredicatble can and likely will happen."

Lynnori : "What!? You wanna try something that may be just as dangerous as the mess we're already in?"

Criss : "You got any better ideas, sweetheart?"

Lynnori : "You sure it's hooked up right?"

Criss : "It's an Infinite Improbability Drive, does it really matter?" Then adds, as he swipes her fresh cup of really hot Stimtea, "Almost forgot, it needs this."

With that, Criss quickly reaches over and dunks the IID's leads into the stimtea, flips the cover panel open and slaps his palm down on the big red button clearly labeled DO NOT PRESS WITHOUT EXACT SETTINGS.

Suddenly, a bright flash of light occurs that fills the entire viewport. When the light subsides, Lynnori glances at all the instruments with genuine surprise.

Lynnori : "What the frell!?! The Hutt fighters are gone, but what happened to those missiles?"

Misfit : "Your guess is as good as mine, but maybe that Ch'hala tree and Krayt Dragon that suddenly appeared and are now plummeting toward the ground might have something to say about that, if only they could speak."

Lynnori : "What the--where did those come from?"

Criss (impressed) : "Whaddaya know, Zaphod was right about that Infinite Improbability Drive, it does make the impossible happen. Apparently that tree & the Krayt Dragon were the missiles."

Lynnori : "You're kidding? The odds of that, they're astronomical! You may as well ask what's the answer to life, the universe and everything."

Criss replies "Easy, it's 42," then lets out a mild chuckle, "That's one lucky break for us, though. Hey wait, that's it!"

Lynnori : "What's it?"

Criss : "That's where we get our Krayt Dragon Pearl! We go down, find where that Dragon landed, and search its crash site. With luck, we'll find a Dragon Pearl."

Misfit : "What? You mean we're gonna go find the corpse of a dead Krayt Dragon and poke around it's innards for the Pearl? I think I'm gonna be sick."

Lynnori : "You can't be sick Misfit, you're just a machine, an AI. Just take us down, okay."

Misfit (in a suddenly whiny sounding tone) : "Oh all right, if I have to, but I'm not gonna enjoy it."

Smacking his forehead with his palm, Criss reacts, "Oh for the love of...Marvin, just shuddup!"

Misfit : "Who!?!"

Criss : "Misfit...I said Misfit!" Notices Lynnori staring at him in confusion. "What?"

As soon as the ship touches down, Criss and Lynnori disembark and head off toward where the Dragon hit the ground. Coming to the crater, Lynnori notices several chunks of a light yellow-tan colored substance, reaches down and picks one up.

Lynnori : "What's this?"

Criss (glances over) : "Dragon meat."

Lynnori quickly gags, nearly vomits and immediately drops the chunk of dead Krayt Dragon. "EEEWWWWW! I think I'm gonna be sick!"

As Lynnori looks for a clean dry rock to sit down on and collect her wits from realizing the extent of the ghastly scene, Criss starts to search the remains. At one point he stumbles upon a Jawa that apparently had a similar idea.

Criss : "Hey, you! Gimme that!"

Criss tries grabbing a Pearl from the Jawa, but the Jawa clutches it tightly to its chest as it pulls out a rather largish bath towel, which it quickly wraps the Pearl in as it scurries off like a spooked rat shouting "Utinni!". Angry at the uncooperative Jawa, Criss hollers "Lousy ungrateful Hitchhiking scum!" and fires off a couple of shots at it as it flees, adds "The Maker my butt, ya little religious http://www.rt-ma.org/forums/html/emoticons/censored.gif !", then resumes his search and a few minutes later he reaches down and picks something up. He then picks several more somethings up and then hurries over to Lynnori.

Criss : "Hey baby, check this out!"

Lynnori : "Eww god, please, no Criss, don't show me anymore of it, it's bad enough we're surrounded by splattered Dragon."

Criss : "Honey, it's okay, look. It's a Krayt Dragon Pearl, see? It's broken but we can fix that."

Criss hands over the broken Pearl to her, and as he places the pieces into her hands, Lynnori forgets all about the surrounding gore and realizes it would be the largest Dragon Pearl she's ever seen.

Lynnori : "Oh my, this thing would be huge, it's incredible. Did the IID cause this Pearl to be so big?'

Criss : "Apparently so, from what Zaphod told me about the Infinite Improbability Drive, it generates a field of infinite improbability which allows his ship, the Heart of Gold, to fly thru every point in space/time simultaneously, it also tends to make the more impossible things happen. The higher the level of improbability of something happening is, the more likely that it will indeed happen."

Lynnori : "I think I need a large stiff drink. Honey, can we get out of here now?"

Helping Lynnori up, Criss starts to lead her back to the ship. "Sure, baby, we'll get going. Once we're back on the ship, I'll pour us both some Jynnan Tonnyx and we can check to see what our next destination is."

After Criss and Lynnori have left the impact crater, an old man in long gray robes with long gray hair carefully climbs over the crater lip at the other end of the crash site and staggers his way down into the crater. Looking around in a dazed and confused state, the old man comments "This isn't Magrathea. Where am I?"

A few minutes later, once they get back to the ship, Criss hands the Pearl fragments to Misfit as Lynnori begins to head up the boarding ramp.

Criss : "Misfit, see if you can piece this back together with Ubergloo{tm} while we're enroute to the next stop."

As Lynnori heads to the bridge to make the preparations to lift off and make the jump to the next stop, Criss stops by the galley and grabs a couple of glasses and a bottle of Jynnan Tonnyx, then hurries up to the bridge.

Criss : "Here's your drink, darling." Criss sets the glasses down on the console and pours some of the Jynnan Tonnyx into both glasses.

Lynnori : "Thanks, honey, by the why, where'd you get this Ubergloo{tm} you told Misfit to use?"

Criss : "That box right over there."

Criss points to a box over on one of the auxilary control panels. Lynnori checks the shipping label on the box.

Lynnori (sweetly) : "Criss, darling, I'd avoid a certain moody Togorian who might be very unhappy with you for lifting his mail."

Criss (off-guard and somewhat embarrased) : "Ummm...yeah."

Criss and Lynnori finish their preflight checks then lift off and head for orbit. As they fly away from the surface, Lynnori starts to calculate the hyperspace jump to the next stop.

Lynnori : "Criss, honey....I love you."

Criss : "I know."

Donovan Morningfire
23 May 2005, 04:00 PM
Aboard the bridge fo the Jedi's Fire...

Malkarris: Hey T'real, what happened here? It feels like we were caught in some sort of time lag effect.

T'real: I thought sensing time distortion effects was Wileama's area of knowledge? Since when did you become an expert?

Malk: Since I finished the "Master of Time Quik Course" about three seconds ago :D

T'real: :rolleyes:

Malk: Okay, now that we got that cheesy joke out of the way, what's our status?

Bridge Bunny #2: It seems that two of the racers have been delayed and have yet to reach Tatooine.

Bridge Bunny #5: I received a com call from dragonseye about her towel being sick. And another one from Raven saying that Terras was quote-unquote indisposed.

Malk: Considering the bod on that Twi'lek he hangs around with, I'm sure he'll be *makes quotation marks with his fingers* indisposed for a while.

Bridge Bunny #5: Well, Raven was complaining about her stabilizers needing an overhaul.

T'real: That was way more than I ever wanted to know.

Malk: Agreed. What's our next stop?

T'real: According to the datapad Donovan left with us before he was chased off by Pretty Rei, we're headed to Ryloth.

Malk: And the objective?

T'real: It seems that he's looking for holovid footage of a clan chieftain's daughter performing an exotic dance.

Malk: Did he include any clarification on exotic? After all, the word exotic has a great many different meanings in just Basic alone...

T'real: If you start quoting the Intergalactic Dictionary, Unabridged Edition, I'm going to stuff this Star Destroyer right down your...

Malk (wincing): Say no more, I shall cease and desist. Bridge bunnies, make all possible speed for Ryloth and the Twi'lek hotties!

A loud ka-bong resounds through the ship as T'real wallops Malk with something really heavy.

*** *** ***

Elsewhere aboard the Jedi's Fire...

Donovan has finally found a place where he can meditate in peace, especially after the narrow escape from a Rod Sterling impersonator and Lokar, the antics of neither were contributing to a peaceful frame of mind.

Sitting cross-legged and floating about half a meter above the floor, Donovan's mind wanders to the past ...

*Image fade in: A stunningly gorgeous Twi'lek with skin the color of freshly polished bronze is taking a bubble bath while humming to herself and taking a good long time washing her long legs ...

Chibi Donovan (popping into view from the bottom of the screen): Excuse this one, but this is not something this one wishes to share with the general audience.

Narrator: And what if we disagree? What if the readers want to see more of this Twi'lek beauty that you're thinking about?

Chibi Donovan: Then this one will have to demonstrate this one's mastery of Ataro. (quick draws a lightsaber and draws to a combat stance with plenty of flourish to indicate that he is well-schooled in the use of the ever-glowing Jedi beat stick.)

Narrator (huge sweatdrop froms on the side of his head): Your point is quite valid...

Twi'lek Beauty: You're darn right he's got a valid point. The only person that gets to see me like this is my little Donny-kins *reaches out and grabs Chibi Donovan, hugging like a kid would hug a teddy bear, all while the soap suds remain strategically in place keeping the post at a PG rating.*

Chibi Donovan: There are worse fates, this one thinks. :D

Image fades out*

Donovan: Well, that was a curious trip down memory lane. :o

OOC: Okay, like T'real said, the next objective is to get holofootage of a Twi'lek clan chieftain's daughter performing an exotic dance.

The posting order is:
1st - Slavin (back in the top spot)
2nd - Ris (not far behind)
3rd - Knightstalker
4th - dragonseye
5th - Terras

Vash Knives
26 May 2005, 02:06 AM
WARNING: The following post contains scenes of violence, mature subject matter and Micheal Jackson-remember, you have been warned!
*On the dunes of Tatooine, a figure stands by what appear to be railroad tracks. The figure is dressed entirely in black from his wide brimmed hat to his military style boots. Dark sunglasses cover his eyes and his full length trechcoat swirls around him in the wind.*
Vash: Something about these tracks disturbs me.
Vipe: Lost your train of thought?
Vash: Shut up, I feel a great darkness on these tracks.
*Vash looks around and notices a train coming towards him. He hops backwards off the tracks, then jumps onto the top of the train. Slipping down between the engine and the first passenger car, Vash starts hearing voices in a car further back.*
Voice #1(slightly feminine): The Universe will be ours, we just have to deal with a few small problems.
Voice #2: Which problems would those be Master?
V#1: The Insanians-especially the Son-I will deal with him myself.
V#2: They are but meaningless insects, Master-easily crushed beneath our feet.
*At this, Vash walks in on the scene and finds not two people, but six-a five member sith boy band called N'Sith, and a being Vash wished never to see...*
Vash: WHAT IN THE UNHOLY NAME OF THE MOTHER OF THE SITH!!!!!
V#1: Yes, it is I, Darth Micheal Jackson.
*With a motion even Vash couldn't follow, DMJ came up beside Vash and slammed him through the wall of the car and across the sand into a large warehouse. Upon impact, the warehouse collapsed completely and the sand around it became soaked red.*
DMJ: He will bother us no longer-he is quite surely dead.
*As the long, black form of the train winds inself into the horizon, a hand, soaked red comes up out of the wreckage and soon brings the rest of the body of Vash, entirely soaked in red.*
Vash(smiling): Gotta love tomato juice-especially in cartons-they leak nicely when crushed.:P

Slavan K. Guiser
2 June 2005, 11:49 PM
*Somewhere, on Ryloth, a goatee-ed figure walks with a heavy load on his back, his well-built muscles shifting the mass back and forth as the wind blows the dusty sand across his bare skin in the dusky Twilight Zone. On his back is a large transparisteel plate, about the size of a large coffee table. The man stumbles, skinning the palms of his well-worn hands on the dry, rocky soil of the planet. He coughs deeply and collapses, the wind blowing and leaving him out of view. A few seconds pass, and still there is no movement from the figure, the transparisteel laying over him, not a scratch on it from the fall. A few more minutes pass and the figure still doesn't stir.*

"COMPTON! Get up!" a voice screams from somewhere in the distance. "Stop being so overdramatic."

*The figure lifts his head, and watches as a woman with purple hair strides out to him, a rare beauty, even on a planet known for their exotic women. Her long legs cover the distance from the back of the moving company's speeder to Compton in a sexily graceful stride. Her short skirt blows slightly in the wind as she stands over him, a bottle in her hands. She offers it to him.*

"You know," Misato says, "It's not like you can't get a drink of water and then go back to helping move the clan chieftan's mother into her new apartment. Honestly, you're so overdramatic sometimes.*

*Compton just sighs, and drinks the water.*
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*Fade back to two days earlier, after Compton has somehow managed to get to Ryloth, and not only that, but getting a meeting with a Clan Chieftan, especially on the third Tuesday night of the month. Every good being knows that they'd probably be busy playing Galactic Bingo down at the local Gonk Temple. However, Compton had managed to do so, and currently, he resides with Misato and the Clan Chieftan.*

"So, let me get this straight," says the Chieftan, clarifying things nicely for those just joining us in the post, "You want to video my daughter dancing because you are authorized Talent Scouts for the New Republic Navy and are looking for new touring acts to visit the troops?"

"Yes sir," Compton replies straight-faced, "We'd love to be able to see her perform. We've heard a very many great things about her from some of the troops stationed in the area, and we'd like to see her perform ourselves."

"Well, if you're talent scouts, why do you need to film it?" questions the Chieftan, "It sounds kinda perverted to me. You could be one of those conmen working for the Hutts and their Holonets sites."

Misato cuts in, quick to assure that the video wouldn't be used for any questionable material: "We need the video to send back to our Jedi associate. Oddly, they're ability to resist passion makes them excellent surveyors of true talent. If it would entertain a Jedi, the troops surely will be pleased with it. In fact, he should be in orbit in the Super Star Destroyer currently. We take our missions very seriously.

*The Clan Chieftan sits back and ponders the proposition. Compton noticeably shifts his hand in a familiar shape to almost any religious-affiliated being as a sign of a cross. Misato, on the other hand, just sits casually and tries to influence decision through the judicious use of a low-cut button up blouse and a nicely cut short skirt (And a Long Jacket....*Narrator hums for a bit* I wanna Girl with a Short Skirt and a Loonnnggggggggggggg, Longggg JACKET!...Uhm, anyway, where was I in this flashback...oh yeah.) The Clan Chieftan smiles.*

"Well, I can't make up my mind now, so here's what I say. For now, I will sit and think on it. You will have your answer in three days time," the Clan Chieftan continues, "However, my mother does need help moving from her current abode into a newly purchased condo just on the outskirts of the spaceport. In order to make sure you are sincere about your want to hire my daughter, you'll help her move, and at the end, you'll get your answer."

Compton starts to speak to say no, as it'll probably result in much pain for him along the way, but Misato beats him to it, "We'd be very honoured to your mother move. As representatives of the New Republic Navy, it is the least we can do to show our sincerity in wanting your daughter to perform for us."

*Misato closes the deal with the Chieftan and then she and Compton exit the air-conditioned niceness of the Twi'lek's office. In the elevator on the way down to their rented abode, Compton confronts Misato about the entire idea.*

"You know, Misato, I've got a bad feeling about this. I mean, how much stuff could there be to move? And why doesn't he just rent some droids and be over with it?"

Misato replies simply, "I have no idea, but I doubt she's got much stuff. I mean, really, how long could she have been living there anyway?"
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*Flash forward to the scene now, Compton, dusty, exhausted, and shirtless, guzzling water in the dim twilight as he moves the top of the caf table for the Clan Chieftan's Mother. On the third day, and still two moving trailers left to pack, his patience and energy has worn thing. He hopes that it'll be well worth the work, getting the first pick of the Chieftan's daughters to have dance for him, and if he's lucky, to maybe teach Misato a thing or two to make his nights with her just that much more pleasureable. He finishes the water, and stands back up, the transparisteel plate still strapped across his back.*

"You know," Compton says, "You'd think she could've at least packed up some of the stuff before we got there. Or at least had gotten rid of some of it. I couldn't believe the amount of crap she's got in that small of a house. I mean, we've taken four speeder full of stuff for the donations at the Gonk Temple, and we've still spent three days moving her! I've known Jawas with a smaller collection of junk!"

"COMPTON!" Misasto snaps, having done her fair share of work as well, "Be nice. She's at least a nice woman, and cooks well to boot. We're almost done, and that Clan Chieftan will certainly allow his daughter to dance for us. Now come on and let's get this finished."

*Compton continues trudging back and forth between the new condominium and the speeder trailers full of more stuff to be moved. Boxes, chairs, tables, lamps, Compton sees it all in the inexhorable march towards unloading and unpacking the Chieftan's Mother.*
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*An exhausted and battered Compton meets with the Clan Chieftan in his home. As Misato could care less about watching another woman dance, Compton gets the pleasure of going alone, hoping for being able to finally get the okay to record the dance for this segment of the great race.*

"Well, you're intent is good. You worked for the honor of being able to video my daughter in all her beauty and wonder dancing for you," congratulates the Chieftan, "My mother was very pleased with the speed and hours you worked to get her moved in. And I'm pleased with the money you've saved me in the process."

"Yeah, whatever," Compton brushes the compliment off, as well as the paw of the large chieftan from off of his shoulder. "Just show me the girl."

"Right this way. Enter here, and we'll send her in when she's ready."

*Compton obliges, and after a few moments the girl enters.*
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*On the Jedi's Fire, a red light blinks, signalling an incoming message. As usual, being somewhere where he shouldn't be, doing things he shouldn't be, the SuperInsanian Lokar pops by just as it comes in.*

"Well, what's this here? A message from the racers?" Lokar intently looks at something he probably shouldn't be, "Hmmm, Video of Clan Chieftan's Daughter, Ryloth stop? Oooo. It's from Compton and Misato to. This should be good. Downloading,....dooo dooo dooo......doo...She's Changing Her Name from Kitty to Karen......With a Short Skirt and a Long.....Jacket.....Ah, it's done! Play!"

*Lokar starts to watch the video of the dancer, and stares rather intently at the screen. Upon hearing music, especially Twi'lek dancing music, Malkarris tracks down the source to Lokar, who seems to be rather transfixedly watching the video screen.*

"Hey, Lokar, what are you watching so intently on the screen there, or listening to the music, who are you watching dance?" Malk questions, especially after noticing the rather pale and disturbed Lokar. He glances at the screen, takes a double take, and slowly turns around and walks out of the room, a look of utter horror on his face "I didn't know they made Twi'leks that large......"

Donovan Morningfire
19 June 2005, 02:02 PM
Flashback: The Clone Wars ...

A Techno Union supply station hangs in vast emptiness of space, serving as a staging ground for Separatist assaults on several worlds.

Inside the command center, the station captain, Mol Tar, is watching over the bridge crew of Battle Droids.

Mol Tar: Ah, the simple joys of watching well-tuned machinery at work.

Droid: Excuse me sir, we have an incoming signal!

Mol Tar (annoyed): Is it from that sniveling Neimodian General Nui Sance?

Droid: No sir, it's coming in on a Republic frequency.

Mol Tar (concerned): Really? What does it say?

Droid: Message says, "Prepare to be scrapped."

Mol Tar: They must be joking, the Republic wouldn't be crazy enough to attack this station. It is a veritable fortress! *starts to begin laughing maniacally, but then his vocabulator goes wonky, forcing him to abandon laughing and reset the device.*

Different Droid: Sir! We get signal!

Mol Tar: What?!

Original Droid: Someone set us up the bomb!

Mol Tar: But all their base are belong to us!

Outside, a Venator-class Republic Star Destroyer exits hyperspace, and immediately spews out a veritable horde of ARC-170 fighters, with a single red and white ETA-2 Actis Jedi Interceptor in the lead. The entire horde is barreling towards the TU station.

In the cockpit of the Jedi Interceptor, an older-looking Donovan is piloting his fighter, wearing his usual red and white Jedi tunic along with a headset. A devil-may-care glint is in his eye.

Clone Pilot Captain: Orders commander?

Donovan: Standard operating procedure captain.

CPC: Yes commander! Fighters, lock S-foils in attack position... and prepare to unleash hell!

Mol Tar (at seeing the oncoming rush of Republic fighters): You know, there are days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed.

****

Aboard the Jedi Fire, inside the officer's mess hall...

Donovan (present time, looking strangely younger): Well, this one did do his part to protect the Republic from the Separtist threat. Sadly, we were all blind to the real threat.

Lina: You know, I never would have figured you for a hot-dog starfighter ace... and why in blazes did she have to use so much glitter?! *tries to remove more of the glitter that PrettyRei used during her attempt to give Lina a kawaii makeover*

Donovan (drinking from a mug): Nobody is more aware of the Jedi Order's failure than this one.

Lina: If you don't mind my asking, just how did you survive that whole Jedi Purge? I'd heard that Emperess Prune-Lips was pretty through in killing the Jedi.

Donovan: Do you want the long story or the short version?

Lina: Short version. I know how long-winded you Jedi can be.

Donovan: Short version: This one didn't survive the Jedi Purge.

Lina: 8o *recovers* Okay, what's the long version?

Donovan: To long to be fit into this post.

*A loud clang sounds through the ship as Lina faceplants on the mess hall's metal floor*

OOC: Okay, Ris is a bit late (she tells me she's finishing up her post), so onto the next contestant, KnightStalker. Hope some humor can be found in the above, since I mostly just wanted to give a little insight into what exactly Donovan was up to during the Clone Wars.

Terras Jadeonar & Raven
21 June 2005, 12:44 PM
{Moby's "Find My Baby", song blaring loudly} The scene opens on a hot dry, dust-cloud-kicked Tatooine desert plains as the double suns beat down mercilessly. Amidst the music, theres an ominous rumble that could only be made by a large group of hundreds of busy things going somewheres...

Camera pans down shakily- waayyy down: A large herd of Dews pass by the camera, making good time. If stampeding Dews could be considered making good time.

Camera zooms out slightly and pans over. Several sets of long legged brown, white, black and speckled hooves are galloping to the beat of the song, kicking up a fair amount of dust & sand themselves.

Camera pans up a bit: Four dews galloping a powerful momemtumus stride. Heads bobing up and down, their body muscles pumped in slow graceful motion. One brown, one brown&white, two more one white and black steeds come into view.

Upon dewback, rocked rhythmicly by the dews stride. One gloved hand griped the reigns, whip in the other. All donning dust-caked cowboy hats, leather raw-hide pants, leather raw-hide trenchoats, and colored hankerchiefs for face masks. Terras rode the pure brown dew. Nileeta (with matching raw-hide lekku sleeves) on the white & brown speckled dew. Show-boating, standing crouched on either sadle of the remaining two black & white dews- Sivar... Behind Terras' dew, a rope fastned to the sadle and trailing far behing the camera lense.

Camera pans. Follows the rope of considerable length, and past the mile high dust cloud. The rope is shaking with friction. Panning to ground level to something black & brown. Midget storm trooper armor. Tumbling, rolling, ungraciously over the incredibly rough dessert hoofed rocky terrain. Mind you the occasional large rock or hardened sand spike in which the armor slams/crunches into; is flung into the air like a flailing raggedy-ann doll only to land and bounce down on end of the rope...

(inside the armor, unheard mumbled words of the occupant are being cursed over and over in over 16 billion known galactic languages that'd make a 3PO potocol jealous with envy: Frell you Terras and Sivar's Frelling Uber-Gloo...!!!!! and the occasional Oh Frak, another rock... this one's gonna hurt.......

{music still playing}

Above the music and rumbling herd, "Terras, Don't you think we shoulda turned left at the 'Big H' a few miles back?!?"

"Naw, why hon? I'm sure we were supposed to keep goin straight until large rocks!" Terras shouted back

Nileeta points a dust-caked-gloved hand ahead of them to several dark towering ominous oblong angled formations "I don't recal see'ing those on the map!"

"What map?!? The ranch hand dude said left at the rock formations, ya won't miss it!" Terras replied back

"Thats what I was talking about! I don't think those are rock formations up ahead! I think they're Jawa sand crawlers And we're headed straight for them!!"

"Naw, can't be! What they doin all in one area!? Excavating a crashed ImpStar or somethin?!? Hey, how do we steer these things?!?"

"These dews or the Dew Herd?!?"

"Both!!!"

In unison "Aww-freell!!!!" Taken by surprise with only mere nano-seconds to re-act: packup their camp and scurry to within the safety of their sand-crawlers. In mere moments, several hundred stampeding Dews rumble on through and over the anual Jawa's Trade Meet. Crushing tents, tables and any unlucky Jawa that was too greedy to leave their treasured tables. Which pretty meant just about all of them (those of which who werent in the sandcrawlers).

"Uh, sorry! makeway! pardon through!" Terras shouted as their dews gallopped on through, jumping over the debris like slalomn bars.

Moments later at the end of the rope, the sole occupant closed his eyes and said quick prayers for it all to end quick and painlessley. Mere moments before it was dragged through the sharp pointy jaggy and filthy debris field of broken poles, junk, tables, ripped tenting material and stinky retched jawaparts. Unfortunately, the mini-stormie armor remained unbroken and intact by the Uber-Gloo'd joints and seams.

Couple hours later, another incident. Sandpeople Village. The gutteral sandpeoples' wailing as gaderfi sticks flew into the air (igniting a secondary stampede of Banthas in a different dirrection).

All of a sudden the rope goes slack. Terras and Co. had galloped past the village, which had been consumed within the dust-clouds. The dews gallop on, without notice as the mini-trooper tumbles to a halt - dead center of the village. Several sand-people pick themselves up, staggering as if drunk on Juri juice or sugar-water. Wielding bent or broken gaffi sticks, they cautiosly aproach the mysterious intruder. Outraged, theior minds entertaining sadistic thoughts of cruelty for revenge.

The mini-suit stirs. Ever so slightly, moving its helmet around. Startled, the amassing sandpeople crouch, with staffs poised to strike. Then the closest one signals to halt. He sniffs the air, then collapses to the ground. Ontop of the mini-trooper. Several others rush in to help the fallen comrad. They too collapse in a slump, rather a heaping pile...

Inside the suit, the caked on pungantly rife jawa smell penetrates the mask filters. Now several unconscious stinking sandpeople were piled ontop. The occupant utters a few melmacian gutteral curses before passing out...

Out upon the rolling desert dunes, a lone elderly robed man trods his way to some destination at leisurely pace. Noticing the tell-tale signs of a sandstorm is stirring, he hobbles even faster now. Over the dune the stampeding Dews cross. The old man looks over his shoulder in dire surprise of fates much worse than tatooine's worst sandstorm. The Dews rapidly gain on him. In moments he's running amonsgt them middle of the herd, surpassing him easily. The old man thanks his lucky stars, narrowly avoided from being trampled on as the herd passes.

"Terras, look-ou-!" Nileeta desperatly shouts, as Terras' dew trampels down some old dude in robes and a staff.

"Sorry sir!" Terras uselessly shouts over his shoulders.

Face in the dirt, the old man barely is able to look up . With his good arm and half a staff, shakes it uselessly at the whippersnappers. Something dark and blurred hurls his way, slamming into the dirt barely missing him by one foot.

Seeing that Nileeta generously just tossed her water cantine over her shoulders for the old man, Terras unfastens his bed-roll & rations saddlebag and tosses it over his shoulder.

The old man barely climbs onto his feet when- THUNK!!! and is cloths-lined by the saddlebags, knocked back to the ground. The old man feebly tries to raised his stick in protest but gives up in defeat and exasperated groan.

Camera focuses one something thin and flimsy wafting through the air. A worn and tattered sunbaked id lands on the ground, printed side up. Barely readable and faded, a single name: "Slartibartfast".

Off again the trio was, galloping over the dessert dunes. The journey was timeless, epic, as the suns shifted overhead. Sunset was slowly upon them, dune seas becoming deep golden yellow. In the distance of a setting sun, a large silhouette apeared. Flat surfaces, curved lines, ninety-degree angles - the tell-tale sign of man made. The city of Bestine. The Dew herd seemed to head straight for it. At the last moment, forking into two colums narowly avoiding the city.

Sighs of releif came from the trailing trio on dewback. They brought the steeds from gallop to a leisurely trit-trot. The last of the Dews were just rounding the corners of either side of the city. As far as they were concerned, a great disaster had been avoided. In comparison to at least, the fact that they drove the herd entirely to the wrong city, was fairly minor.

"Hey Terras, you realize we're in the wrong city right? what are we going to tell the Krayat Ranch about losing their herd?" Nileeta asked as they directed their steeds towards a nearby water trough.

Thinking for a moment, "We'll tell them we took the wrong turn at Alberquerky!"

"Terras, there is no Alberquerky on Tatooine, and we completely missed the turn."

"Not if we claim we stopped to ask for directions at a Jawa trade meet, and they gave us a hokey map!"

Sivar amused, "Thahts one weh of putting it. Purfectly plausible, ahnd We did them a fevorr."

"Excatly! Not that we have to tell them about the favor part"

"Guys, Tatooine dosn't have maps period! Sandstorms reshape the desert on a weekly basis. And I don't call trampling a group of Jawas a favor."

Holding up a gloved dustcaked finger, "Fisrtly, there are Jawas on Tatooine which are greedy lying little folk. Secondly, a few less Jawas is a favor to everyone!"

"Oh, I see. And what of the sandpeople? I suppose we did a favor to the moisture farmers?"

"Yep. Look at what they did in the past, because of them we got Darth Vader to thank for!"

"Terras, just how are you supposed to know they did that?"

"Simple, the Star Wars Episode II Visual Dictionary, and the novelization in trade paperback!"

"Terras, I hate it when you talk Out of Character. It's like theres some omni-present dude inside of you using meta-game knowledge that we shouldn't have! And Terras, don't even joke about this as it if were this 'Star Wars', it's not funny."

"Sorry hon, must be those danged narrators messing with my head. Don't even ask me where I got that from. Besides, its not like trampling a few sandpeople hovels is gonna cause a cascade effect that'll like an alien invasion from outside the galaxy, right?"

"Alien invasion huh? This some sort of force vision?"

"Nope! I was just joking about it! C'mon, serriously, its not likely gonna ever happen that theres such a species that for say- uses organics like we use machines for technology. I mean, thats just totally whacked! Like something right out of a Holo-vid 'B' Movie"

Nileeta shakes her head in disbeleif, "Serriously Terras, I think the sun and heat has gotten to you. Perhaps we should find a cantina and get you a tall cool glass of blue milk. Then we can decide what to do about those Dews and more importantly finding a krayat pearl."

"Hey, c'mon, how was I supposed to know that Krayat Dragon Ranch was a actually a Dew ranch? I thought it was like one of them tourist game hunting things like them other planets have!"

Nileeta gives him a dubios look. Terras shrugs in defense, "Not that I was thinking of going on a game hunt. I just figured they'd have a gift or souvenir shop with y'know, pearls we could buy..."

They dismounted from their dews, at the water troughs drinking thirstily. Reigns tied at the post, the horses were secure and probably quite content. Terras and Co. strode down the street, in search for a cantina. The city now washed in orange light by the setting sun. Beige sandstone buildings now radiant bright in fiery copper-tone, sharp in contrast below the deep electric blue clouding sky. Indeed, dark clouds were forming, the scent of ozone in the air signifying a storm bulding. Sandstorm. Not just ordinary sandstorm either, Electrical Sandstorm. Charged particles in abundance in the dry static charged atmosphere. The result: lightning bolts and thunderclaps, with strong downwinds and sand sheet like rain that hails down from the sky.

Bestine's occupants hurried about, finishing their buisiness. To take shelter, before the storm arrived. The trio walked down the unfamiliar street, idly chatting, looking for a cantina. Turning the corner, a lone man stood center of the street, smoking a ciggara. Black as soot trench coat & cowboy's hat, wide buckled twin pistol holsters tucked beneath. His eyes set grim, a week's worth of stubble framed his sunbaked weathered complexion. He parted his coat in a gunman's stance, revealing twin DL-44's. He gruffly spoke.

"You of Jadeonar tribe?"

"Uhh, yeah, by the way, you know a good watering hole around here?" Terras repied, asked in turn.

"Gooood. By decree of Cheif Neit-Neit of the Trader's Republi-clan, i'm here to collect your hide for the sum of Twenty Thousand Trugats." A grim toothy grin etched his face savoring the moment, as his hands slowly slid to his hips.

"Hold dem barreles! They're mine Clint Fiijisiwood!" An other trenchcoated person stepped out onto the street from behind the building, pistols already drawn.

"Sez who, J'se James?" Clint replied.

"Naw. He's got yer melon in his sights wid his longblasta. While eyes collect on 'em bounty ya soo kindly 'rounded'em up."

SNICK! SNICK! In a smooth move, Clint had drawn his two DLs. One pointed at each gunman. "Now lets be reasonable fellas. Three bounties, three of us, three of them. Think about it."

"You right Clint! fair split, three ways!" One of the gunmen shouts

Cooly, "Exactly. 90 for me, 5 each for you. My final offer. Take it or leave it." Clint propositioned.

"Now wait a minute Clint, there two us, one you. 40 us, 20 you." The unnamed gunman countered, as both closed in on Clint, forming a lazy 3 point circle.

Oo-oo-wee-oo,... wah-wah-wah came from a creaky rusted old droid that was proped up side of one building. Most apropiately for a 3-way show-down. But before another note could be sounded, all 3 turned in unison. Four pistols, 1 long-rifle drawn and fired, hitting the mark squarley. Exploding the droid in a shower of sparks and shredded metal. The three men circled, step over step, five weapons drawn.

Observing, Nileeta whispered "Uhh Terras, maybe this is our que to make like the wind and vamoosh?"

Whispering back, "Good idea. Lets go before they notice us." Watching carefuly, Terras waited for the right time. And then it came. The 3 men, off-angle so neither was facing their bounty without breaking eye-contact. Terras and Nileeta bolted to the right, Sivar erronously to the left. Each towards the corners opposite. Sliding to a halt, Terras and Nileeta looked back, across the street at Sivar. There was nothing that could be done, it was too late now. At any moment, the gunslingers would realize their own mistake.

Ever the quick thinker, Sivar pulls a comlink from his belt. Nileeta's sharp eyes catches the cylindrical device. Sivar's ears perk forward for a moment, then waves the signal to spilt. Seconds later, three angered shouts are heard.

Running like no tomorow, two blocks down, one left, next right. Sliding to a halt, Terras and Nileeta's backsides to a wall, panting inbetween breaths "Think we lost them?"

Catching her own breath, "Think so. Smell that?"

"What? B.O?"

Wrinkling her nostrils, "Sharp scent of dry ozone. Its getting stronger. Winds starting to pickup also. Probably dispersed our dust tracks." Unlike the soft sweet scented ozone precursor to a rain storm, this was dry, acrid, that stung the nostrils like sulphur.

As if by Nileeta's words, a swift cool downdraft howled from around the corner. A small dust-devil spun to life then dispersed to nothingness. Sheilding her eyes, she looked upwards at the sky. The clouds had darkened overheard to a churning mass, flickers of light flashed within. Fient snap-cracks like distant twigs and branches echoed high above. Momentary Silence. Suddenly, ominous Crash-BOOOOM! of thunderclaps rolled in, like sweeping tidal waves.

"Terras... I don't like the looks of this." Nileeta commented worriedly, still looking skywards.

"You got that right, you ready for another run?"

"For shelter, yeah."

"Not just for shelter, but from them!" Terras exclaimed, pointing infront of him.

A sizable crowd had ammassed within a under few minutes . It was a 4-way street, 3 seperate crowds from 3 seperate corners. Jawas from the left, Sandpeople from the right, humanoid moisture-farmer folk from straight on. Each group somewhat wrapped and bandaged, all clutching broken paraphenelia.

"Terras, we're effectively caught between a Electrical Sandstorm and a lynch mob. I was afraid something would happen like this. And there's no way Raven's going to be able to fly us out of this one..." Nileeta spoke softly, reaching for Terras's hand, finding and clasping it, trying to prepare herself for the worst.

Not one to give up, not now or ever, "You forgot the open street! I say we run for it!"

"No I didn't. Want to know why? Being between tall buildings in an open space is exactly where you don't want to be in this sort of storm. Sand and lightning, remember?" Nileeta lectured, cringing at what Terras was suggesting.

"Well, who's more stupider- the fool or those chasing the fool? C'mon!" Terras exclaimed, then yanked Nileeta along, making a break down the street. The 3-pronged lunch mob hastily converging, begun chasing after them.

Strong winds kicked up loose sand and dust, swirling it about. Lightning crackled above the building rooftops. Brief white energy lances striked down at random. Several lashed at the ground, exploding instant craters on contact. Myraids of screams and shrieks from the lynch-mobs peirced the fierce howling winds.

The duo both ran like fools running for their lives. Wern't the situation so dire, it'd be laughable to say that Terras had just pulled a 'Corellian' on the lynch mob. A 'Corellian' meaning exactly what their typically known for- complete disregard for the odds in the face of danger, resulting in a totally fool-hardy stunt. Genius if they survive, nukvunts if they don't.

Up ahead, through the blowing sand & dust, a dark mass with glowing lines apeared. It became slightly visible with each gait. Nileeta's keen eyes squinting, "Look, I think theres a building up ahead, the Dragon's Pearl!"

"The Dragon's what?!?" Terras shouted

"Dragon's Pearl!"

"Dragon's Peril?!? what sort of place is that?!? We're in enough Peril as it is?!?"

"Not that Peril. P-E-A-R-L! As in valuable stones!!!"

"Great, a jewler's shop! Five Peal necklace, probably 5 times the cost of Raven!"

"I never said it was a jewlers shop!"

As they ran, closing the distance, a huge pink neon lit Dragon is perched above the building's entrance. Smaller neon tubing highligted the dungeon-esq entrance doors. Terras whooped in exclamation, "This ain't no Jewlry shop, its a Dive!"

In Nileeta's mind, the single word 'Duh' echoed unspoken. Sometimes She just had to bit her tongue. She glanced back, thick dust nipped at their heels. She was certain they wern't followed. That meant they'd be safe. Or so Nileeta hoped with the unknown nature of Dives. Terras had already opened the door, pulling her in.

The interior was dimly lit by small inset floor lamps. Refreshing coolnees greeted them, with only the lightest traces of cigara smoke. Two green humanoids gaurded the doorway looking sturdier and uglier than Gamoreans. Imediately to their left, a large long bar occupied the backwall. Hanging racks of glasses from above, back counter shelfs crammed with liquor bottles of every color of the spectrum. A humanoid vaguely resembling something between a Nikto and a Weequay in casual dress busied himself behind the bar. Directly opposite, the far wall was a red satin curtained well lit stage. The backside silhouetes of patrons of all shapes and sizes and forms occupied the majority of the table seating inbetween. All was transfixed on the sole being on the center stage. Sittting atop a high bar stool before a microphone, in a bright burgandy suit with skyblue shirt and tie. A green skinned humanoid with red Devaronian horns & matching eyes was struming away on a guitaro. His voice velvety masculine, somberal in tone, belting out heartfelt lyrics to a sad beautiful song,

Pretty girl on every corner
Sunshine turns the sky to gold
Warm warm, it's always warm here
And I can't take the cold

Streets littered with diamonds
Everyone is glistening
This whole world shines so brightly
I can't see a thing...

Terras starred at the awkward sight, and commented to Nileeta, "This Dive is a freakshow..."

In which she simply muttered as her gaze was transfixed on the same being, "Wow... what a set of pipes...."

"Is everyone here drunk? C'mon hon, I'd rather take my chances back out in the sandstorm." Terras points a thumb back to the doorway, heading for it. Terras barely made it a step past the bar, the two door burly guards blocked his path. One grunted something gutteral, the other growled. The barkeep was quick to the rescue from behind the counter, cheerfuly stated "My good gent! It's happy hour! When its happy hour you may come but you can't leave- that is not without singing one tune. Tis the price of admission here!"

"Well, when's happy hour over?" Irritated, Terras asked over the singing


She is pretty as a picture
She is like a golden ring
Circles me with love and laughter
I can't feel a thing

"At Dragon's Pearl, every hour is happy hour! So whadya say? Can I offer something to wet your whistle, while you wait your que?"

"First I can't leave since happy hour is every hour. Can't leave without singing one tune. And now for frell's sake theres a que? Just how long is this going to be?!?"

"Careful there bud. We don't want to upset the big guys moods. Come now, to the bar. Shall we?" The barkeep guestures to an open seat. Grumbling to himself Terras walks over, past Nileeta to the stool between more unrecognizable humanoids or aliens for that matter. Nileeta seemed pre-occupied with the entertainment for the moment anyways, as the lyrics poured on,


"So, what'll it be? Gin Tonic, Martini? shooter of the hour?" The barkeep inquired, chirpy as ever

"What'll it be?!? I asked you first- how long will it be?!?" Terras protested

With a bemused grin on his face that spoke of added profits, "Well lets see now. We've a hundred patrons, each song is a minimum of 3minutes, our host fills in for every other song... Oh i'd say you're going to be here for a while my friend! So drink up!" The barkeep replied, as he slid over a glass of purplish liquid to the patron to Terras's right. His eyes followed the glass to where it stopped- to a delicate lady's hand. Tracing the hand up the arm, an equisite shapely well toned body wrapped in fishnet under lace & leather two peice that revealed more than it covered. Past the shoulders and met the most exotic pair of eyes Terras ever laid eyes on. Framed by an equisite face, full lips and shoulder length whispy obsidian hair. Only a moment of realization snapped him out of his staring as the head and shoulders were framed by a pair of folded wings. Terras blinked then shot his gaze back to the backwall counter in dazed disbeleif. Extending his hand, "Barkeep! Some of your strongest stuff please!" Terras orderd.

Barely two heartbeats went by, before a soft smooth womanly voice purred to him, "Hi, you must be new here. First time isn't it?"

Terras kept his gaze forward, asking apprehensively, "Who, me?"


Sky is gonna open
People gonna pray and sing
I can't feel - a thing

She purred, "Ohh, you're a stiff one arn't you? Definately the shy and nervouse type." A hand and glass slid over within his view, "Here, you can have a sip of mine. Careful, its pretty powerful stuff." She offered kindly. Terras didnt even make a move for it to accept or refuse. "Or maybe your just playing hard to get hmmmm?" She teased.

Terras nearly jumped off the stool, he could've sworn a live wire just brushed his right thigh. Risking a glance down- slightly over, a shapely leg parked next to his. In addition to a set of five fine digits with red painted nails upon his. Raising his glance, rewarded him with another view, ending with an inviting smile. She was close enough he could smell both the aromatic spiced elixer on her breath and dainty perfume. "That wasn't so bad was it now? I'll bet Your not so much shy as you are stiff. Say, how about we go to the change room and loosen you up a little? We could practice a few tunes together. I just know you and I could make some beautiful music. What better way to wait for our numbers to be up right?"

The woman, she, or whatever it was- was intoxicating in a hot goddess sort of way. Terras was having trouble thinking straight. It took a fair bit of will to order his hand to pickup the offered glass to his mouth. Tipping it back, downed it in two swift gulps. Hit him like a brick wall, took a moment to shake it off. The shock regained some of his senses. "Uh, look Ms., no offense- your stunning and all but I really can't. I've not a faintest clue who or what you are, or anyone else in this establishment..." Terras fumbled the first word or two but managed the rest somehow.

Unfased nor rebouked, "Well, please forgive my forgetfullness in the pressence of a stud like yourself. My name's Candi, my measurements are 36-24-34, six foot four if you count my tips. I'm a lonely Sucubi from the fifth temporal plane. And i'm entrapped here." The last part she gave a sad sigh of despair, letting her shoulders slump a bit.


"Your a what? and entrapped here?" Terras asked, his curiousity peaked as well as his heart feeling suddenly sorry for her despite the constant play for him.

"Sucubi. Sucubus? You've never heard? We're Winged ladies of pleasure and desire to fill your every last whim and then some? Our needs are mutually benificial- fullfilment is sustenance we both need to survive..."

"And entrapment you said?"

"Ahh yes, we're both cagged creatures of this den too. You can't leave til you're number is up- I know, bad pun but true. My number's been well past up but still I remain- that hanging orb overthere inprisons me here, prolonged stay without nourishment further weakens me. Help me help you. Nourishment for escape, we need each other don't you see?" The female pleaded, desperately, as she was now stradling his knee, arms wrapped around him, begging...


She is pretty as a picture
She is like a golden ring
Circles me with love and laughter
I can't feel a thing

Terras directed his gaze from her to the hanging orb- large as a grav-ball, shiny like a....Krayat Dragon Pearl!!! Terras was in a sort of a conundrum when- ~C~R~U~N~C~H! Something hard cracked him over the head, near instant concusion inducing, causing him to nearly fall off the stool with the female on him weren't it for a stiff grip on his jacket collar yanking him backwards. It appeared someone had snapped out of their spell.

Fuming mad, "I take my eyes of you for one second and you allow some winged bimbo on your lap who was all but getting it on with you?!?"

Exclaiming in self defense, pointing at his watch "One second?!? try five minutes! and by the way, when I spoke to you, you were glued to Tom Green over there who still happens to be droning on that same song..."

"He's got a great set of pipes!"

"Right, whatever. Incase you hadn't noticed, this kind lady is offering to help us out- we're all trapped here if not by an endless que then by that frellin huge krayat pearl for a disco ball on the cieling... And she has a plan!"

Well, Nileeta couldn't think of a better way out... And that darned song wasn't helping any. With a huff, "Oh alright, this ought to be good..."

Helping the winged lady up from the floor, onto the stool, she laid out her plan- She uses up her que ticket to perform a tune on stage- with the help of her two new accomplices. Terras & Nileeta first need to enter the que and get changed. Mid tune she hits the high note, shatters the lights, they make a grab for the pearl and out the air-shaft in the dress room.

Minutes later, Terras and Nileeta in the dressing change room- filled with mens suits from a time before the old republic, with frills and suede in all color combinations possible. On the ladie's rack hung only a single garment- if you could call it that- a metal 2-peice bikini... As Nileeta quiped - 'one size fits all' before swearing as she finally put it on much to her distaste and discomfort. A quick glance down spoke volumes why she detested the costume.

Minutes later the trio was on stage, singing some cheesy song... All was fine for Terras until the whole world seemed to pause around him, save for the winged female who gave him a ferral lustfull grin. huh?, she said nothing about this...

Minutes later the trio was on stage, singing some cheesy song... All was fine, Nileeta grudgingly did her part with the dance number, praying to all mighty the stupid thing holds together let alone fall off- it was both few sizes too large and few sizes too small. Without warning, a near ear-spliiting high-note followed by instantaneous pop-crinkle sounds of shattering glass. And all was dark. Confusion was amis, as her low-light gifted vision afforded her the luxury. She sprang into action, lasooed the dragon pearl, with a good yank it tore free from the ceiling and sprang to the dressing room. A quick look back, the two were right behind her, but strangely the woman seemed charged and Terras looked wasted and was being helped by the woman.

The trio made it to the lit change room, where the woman wasted no time, yanked open the grill vent, climbed in. Terras motioned to Nileeta to go ahead. Moment's hesitation then she did. Couple feet into the vent- a metalic shriek and she could nolonger move forward... or backwards out for that matter... one dreaded cussed word came to mind: stuck. Of all frellin things, and the blasted metal bikini. Further more, now for the really embarasing part, "Uhh, Terras? I need a hand. I'm frellin stuck!"

"Whoa!" Exclaimed Terras, Nileeta loathed to ask what. She needn't, "You can see from south Florida all the way up to Canada from down here!" :D

"Terras! Just help me and pull will you?!?" A pair of hands grabbed her ankles, and tugged. Several tries, and she was free of the air vent- and of a covering top as it went clanking to the floor faster than her feet reached it. And the frellin door was open to boot.

Surprised, "Nileeta, you pick a stupid time for modesty dont'cha think?!?" As he bent down to pickup the broken bikini top peice.

"Terras, you nerf for brains- left the door open and we have an audience..." Nileeta spoke in a funny higher pitched voice of genuine embarassment, while the expresssion on her was was of 'if looks could kill'. Thankfully Terras was speedily enough to not debate and handed her his suede ruffle jacket. She wasted no time scuffing back into the air vent, knowing Terras was right behind her for a few reasons and a stupid metal clanking gave him away. The nerf for brains was taking the bikini top with him.

Few twists and turns later, they were outside, standing on the 2nd floor balcony behind the building that served more of a ground to roof mantenance ladderwell than anything else. The three of them stood there as the dust and wind howeled around them. Buildings in the distance begining to shape, the storm was already in its last throws and dying down. All three just stood there, relishing the dusty freedom for a few moments. Nileeta busied herself looking around for a direction.

Which gave the winged lady a moment or two extra: once again, all time stopped, dust frozen / suspended. "Oh not again...." Terras pleaded, "How long did we- and will she know?" but this time she put a finger to his lips and smiled.

"Well, I did need to charge up you know how. And those things can take quite a while you know. How long? Thats a secret. She only knows what she saw which was nada. But this is for certain- we're free, i'm eternal grateful for it."

A moment of relevation, "Wait, what happened back there- had nothing to do with the Krayat perl did it?"

A slight pout, "Ok, a slight fib." with a wink "I'll never forget this. Thankyou." She turned away and a gust of sandy wind suddenly forced Terras to sheild his eyes.

"Terras! what are you looking at and where'd she go?"

"Huh? Beats me. That gust of sand and poof, gone! Least we got the pearl right?"

Looking half dubios, "If you say so. We still gotta find Sivar and get out of this mess!"

In the distance, a massed mob was milling about, then a dark figure on an equally dark rearing steed- still hazy in the dusty wind began driving away the crowd. "Nileeta, look!"

"What, Sivar?!? I don't see nothing!

"Right there, see?!?" Terras pointed, to now what was a few dust devils, was about to exclaim then gave up. "Never mind..."

"Terras, look!" Nileeta pointed in the opposite direction to a small sandstorm in the distance, followed by the distant rumble of hooved thunder. A large unidentifiable sand-colored shape headed striaght for them. "Sivar!!!" Nileeta shouted with releif.

"Hopf Onn!" Sivar shouted back, voice cracked and harsh from the sandstorm, as he rode two steeds, one foot on each. It was fairly each to climb down with Sivar's reach standing on steed. Moments later they were galloping full speed out of the city and into the second sunset, 3 beings on 2 horsebacks, Sivar doing the usual show-boating on the two horses...

From up above, the all too familiar whine of finely tuned hotrod engines descended upon them, lowering it's landing ramp in mid flight so each could carefully climb aboard with Sivar's help. And the YT-2400 climbed into the crimson red sky, bright blue enginewash trailed behind it. Climbing for the stars, bits of peices of conversation went on inside before it hit hyperspace:

"Revhan, did the Uberr glueh arrive yeht?"

"No Sivar. Nothing came. I inquired to the port master and they said it must've gotten lost in the shipment."

"Terras, one question- whats with the 'totally spent' deal?"

"Nileeta- never ever try the house special in a Dive. Thats why."

"Terras- what frellin took you this long. While you went on a dune-sea romp, do you realize we're almost a month behind the race?!? I tried contacting you over comlink. Was yours shut off again or did you forget to grab a fresh one? And By the way, about time we're leaving this dustball. I've got sand stuck in all my-"

"Raven, will you can it for once?!?"

"Why dont you listen for once ya Nerfwit!"

"Raven!!!"

{Moby's "Find My Baby", song blaring loudly, fade to black}

KnightStalker
22 June 2005, 10:24 PM
Having arrived at Ryloth, Criss and Lynnori arrive at the village of one of Ryloth's more elite clans with heavy ties in the Intergalactic Arts and Entertainment industry.

Upon meeting with the clan chieftain, Criss learns that the chieftain has a few favors to be done prior to arranging a dance number perfomed by his daughter.

Criss : "So what exactly are these tasks you expect us to deal with, Chief Bayt'yun?"

Clan Cheiftain Stombayt'yun : "My cousin, a well known Twi'lek actor, has recently returned to our village after an extended gig performing at the opera house on Coruscant. I'd like you and your lovely partner to accompany him and act as bodyguards for him as he travels around our quickly-growing village visiting the places he spent his childhood."

Criss : "So we'd simply follow him where he goes and ensure his safety? No problem."

Clan Chieftain : "Excellent, upon your return here, I'll introduce you to my daughter and arrange a private performance for you. My cousin should be arriving here shortly."

Criss : "Thank you, Chieftain, your hospitality is most kind."

Criss politely bows to the Chieftain as the Twi'lek turns and walks over to his seat and settles into place.

Lynnori leans toward Criss and whispers in his ear. "This may sound easy, but I'm waiting for the other shoe to fall. How often do jobs like this turn out to be Ryshcate walks?"

A moment later, there's a knock on the door and the Chieftain's personal guard checks to see who's seeking entry. Bowing politely after opening the door, the guard steps aside and allows the new arrival to enter.

Ducking down to pass thru the doorway is the largest Twi'lek Criss has ever seen. Standing at 2.25 meters, a large powerful-looking Twi'lek enters and walks over to the Chieftain as he rises from his chair.

Briefly hugging the large Twi', the Chieftain then turns to Criss and Lynnori.

Chieftain : "I'd like to introduce you to my cousin, the famous actor Riccer'depcar." The Cheiftain then says to his cousin, "Ric, these are the two gentlebeings I've arranged to accompany you and to see to your safety during your stay."

The large Twi'lek turns to Criss and Lynnori. "Greeting's gentles. It is a pleasure to be under your careful watch during my visit. If all goes well, when we return here, if you'd like an autograph, I'd be most pleased to provide you with one."

The Twi'lek profers his hand to Criss in greeting, and surprises Criss with how firm his handshake is. Criss estimates Ric's strength to be phenomenal and wonders why such a large and powerful Twi'lek would have a need for such protection when he'd make an extraordinary warrior in his own right.

After finishing the handshake, Ric then takes Lynnori's hand and kisses the back of her hand in a most formal fashion. Criss can't help but notice the impression made on Lynnori as she eagerly grins and practically gushes over the Twi'lek actor.

Taking Lynnori's arm in his, Criss addresses Ric. "Thank you, my wife and I greatly appreciate your offer. Shall we be going?"

With that, the 3 beings take their leave of the Cheiftain and depart. Criss and Lynnori spend the next several hours accompanying the Twi'lek celebrity around the growing village and the outlying regions, with Lynnori practically fawning over Ric and Criss slowly starting to detect a hint of jealousy toward the large alien.

At one point, the trio come to a duet being performed by a pair of humanoids, a male and female (and much to Criss' surprise, both in female wardrobe), and their band, calling themselves Mohley-Bradser and the RK Projects. Taking a seat, the trio spends some time listening to the performance.

Another winter day, another gray reminder
that what used to be, has gone away.
It's really hard to say, how long we have to live with our insanity.

We have to pay for all we use.
We never think before we light the fuse.
Look up, look up, look up, the sky is falling.
Look up, there's something that you have to do.
Before you try to go outside, to take in the view,
Look up, because the sky could fall on you.

Another restless night,
The wind is howling thru the empty streets outside,
We have to hide.
We dare not go outside,
We must not walk into the darkness of the night.

We have to pay for all we use.
We never think before we light the fuse.
Look up, look up, look up, the sky is falling.
Look up, there's something that you have to do.
Before you try to go outside, to take in the view,
Look up, because the sky could fall on you.

We have to pay for all we use.
We never think before we light the fuse.
Look up, look up, look up, the sky is falling.
Look up, there's something that you have to do.
Before you try to go outside, to take in the view,
Look up, because the sky could fall on you.

Look up, look up, look up, the sky is falling.
Look up, there's something that you have to do.
Before you try to go outside, to take in the view,
Look up, because the sky could fall on you.

Look up, look up, look up, the sky is falling.
Look up, there's something that you have to do.
Before you try to go outside, to take in the view,
Look up, because the sky could fall on you.


After returning to the village, and a return to the Chieftain, Criss and Lynnori are granted a private performance by the Chieftain's daughter, including permission to have Misfit present to record it using his built in holorecorder.

During the performance, Criss discreetly whispers to Lynnori. "Jeez, dear, you sure seemed taken by the Chief's cousin. You used to look at me the same way when we first got together. Is our relationship starting to stagnate, or are we just that comfortable with each other now?"

Lynnori briefly looks at Criss then returns her gaze to the performance. "Oh, come on sweetheart, don't tell me you're feeling jealous. I'm still in love with you, and no, our marriage isn't getting stagnant, it's just that with the race, and all the other things going on, we haven't had the time to just be alone together for any extended lengths of time. Once we get this race out of the way, I promise we'll find the time to improve our relationship."

Criss (letting out a slight sigh in agreement) : "Yeah, you're right, we really need to make more time to just be alone. I guess it's just all this activity is starting to get to me. I feel like we've been going nearly non-stop with little time to relax. I'm sorry."

Lynnori : "Don't be sorry, look at it this way, we're now past the halfway point in this race, with luck the rest of these stops will go quickly and smoothly."

Criss : "I certainly hope so, but I'm not about to lay any odds on how the rest of the race will go."

With that, Criss and Lynnori finish watching the rest of the performance in silence. Once the Chief's daughter finishes her dance and excuses herself, Criss, Lynnori and Misfit stop by to see the Chieftain one last time before departing the planet.

Chieftain Stombayt'yun : "I hope you both enjoyed your stay on Ryloth. Was my daughter's perfomance to your liking?"

Criss : "You daughter is an exceptional dancer, Chieftain, a knack for the performing arts clearly runs in your clan."

Riccer'depcar : "Such noble praise isn't necessary, my newfound friends. As thanks for your accompanying me, I arranged to have a couple of souviners left for you at your ship, holovids of my best two performances. I look forward to meeting you two gentlebeings again someday."

Lynnori : "Thank you, your gifts will be greatly appreciated."

Criss : "With that, we'll take our leave of you now and be on our way. We've got to go through our preflight checks and get underway before any of your planet's heat storms can delay us. Good day, gentles."

Criss and Lynnori politely bow and head back to the ship with Misfit following behind.

Misfit : "What do you want me to do with this horrid recording that would only appeal to you organics?"

Criss : "Shuddup with that talk Misfit. Once we're back onboard and underway, transmit it off to the Jedi's Fire to prove that we've completed this part of the race. Then confirm our next destination, set in a course and jump to hyperspace."

Lynnori : "If you're gonna have Misfit do all that, what will we be doing?"

Criss glances to Lynnori, removes his Mandalorian helmet and flashes her a brief and suggestive grin. "My dear, isn't that obvious?" :D

Donovan Morningfire
15 July 2005, 05:43 PM
OOC: Terras, you're up. Deadline is the 30th.

Ris
3 August 2005, 07:04 PM
At the Bar
Baron Fel *nursing his 5th Pan-Galactic Gargle-Blaster, generously spiked with Bubbly* But I liked the colors. I liked my snubbie. And it's gone! Gone! Gone!
Snide Patron #29 1/2: I thought you were supposed to cry into beer?
*Fel wads up an empty Gummy-Gungan bag and throws it at Snide Patron 29 1/2*

*Rotary phone rings & is picked up by Slightly Tipsy Patron#1 (STP1)*
JEJVO: Yes, you read right--she's only been here 2 nanoseconds. Even Bubbly takes some miniscule time to get a body roaring drunk.
STP1 *increasingly slurred voice*: Hello. Surrre, I'll tell him. You too, honey. *Hey! Uh, you. Bar-Rum Fel-sshh. That was--I forrrget who. Anish-waysh, it sud that CorShec's Angel Unish was comin' in 10 hoursh. Or somethin' *STP1 slumps under the table, phone handset dangling from cord*
JEJVO: See? Told you she would succumb to the effects.
(Ghostly) Band of Minstrels: *now recovered from Z'Rissa's cutting critique (see previous chapter, "Tattooine Vacation-NOT!!!!") Brave Brave Sir Ro--oopsy! Wrong piece! HAL-Lay-Lu-Ya! HAL-Lay-Lu-Ya! Hallelujah!...

JEJVO: A few moments later, a lambda shuttle from the Alliance SSD Voldemort touches down just outside the bar. Debarking are a baker's dozen of CorSec's finest. Finest-looking anyhow.
(Trivia of the Day: The Voldemort was so re-christened after Capt. I. D. Iot reported to Fleet Command that it wasn't going to be named because the mixed Imp & Rebel crew couldn't agree on a name.)

Sexy Agent (SA): Baron Fel? We received a Grand Theft Starship report from you. Can you provide ownership data?
Cute Bothan Slicer(CBS): I've got it here! Also, I sliced your ParsecTimer-datapad & put myself down for 2 dates a week for the next year!
Cute, Scantily Clad Agents (CSCA) 1-3, 6-10 and 13: So Not-Fair!
Busty Vice Investigator#11 (BVI): You Furry-bottomed faithless Girl-friend, I let you have my Cinique Gift Bag to put me in for dates too.
Baron F: But, I'm married... *goes unheard*
CSCA #2, 7 & 10: You told me I was the only one! I gave you Manolo shoes! 2 Versachi gowns...
SA: Let's shave her--see if she can show her muzzle at the Spynet then!
*Violent catfight with anklebracelets, fishnet stockings, Bikini-tops, and epithets being hurled out of a chocolate-syrup pond. BBBLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPP! Censor-Monkeys have forbade describing this in any more detail.
Token Male Agent (TMA) *wonders--again--what he did to PO CorSec Head Honcho enough to deserve this assignment.*
Baron F: But, but, what about my treasured snub? :(
TMA*soothingly--but in a masculine way*: I'm sorry, Your Bloodyness, I'll try to help. Gals just don't understand the masculine attachment to machines. Let's go to the other end of the bar where it's quiet enough to think, & I'll get your statement & start questioning witnesses.
*CSCA's 1-3, 6-10 & 13; SA; CBS; & BVI continue the cat fight. Censor monkeys wade in to break it up (Their respective clauses are "See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil." Nothing about "Feel No Evil.")*

*********
JEJVO: Meanwhilst, Dani spends a lonely hyperspace jump worrying about his fave Force-ghost. For some reason, she isn't thrilled about this leg of the race, & so has elected to try once more to get some answers out of their old friend Dono.
Dani *somberly*: Yeah, that's it, Mr Jones. The Race legs. Blue legs, red legs, & green legs. Not to mention blue, green & red hips, waists, busts & probably lekku too. All female & none of 'em wearing enough clothing to cover a midichlorian.
JEJVO: Well...I could go in your place.
Dani: Wouldn't be honorable.
JEJVO: From the way the CorSec Cuties looked after you "bargained" for that Whiskey--she'll come around, once you've got her solid.
*Dani blushes* IF I get the Bubbly. Danged Hyperspace error.
Ryloth, Home of Chief Ti'Mee Upp
Chief: Welcome, Healer. What brings you to my abode?
Dani: Thank you for your kind welcome. I have a rather delicate mission. I, ah, require footage of a lovely daughter of the house dancing. It will be very tasteful of course. And my word of honor that it will never fall into the hands of Hutts.
Chief: That's an audacious guarantee, even for you.
Dani: Not for space-operatic science, however. I've finally put the biochemistry I learned to good use & have designed holo-recording-media that dissolves messily when exposed to even 1 molecule of Hutt-slime. Tested it on Nar Shadaa when I took that unexpected detour courtesy of a flaky hyperdrive motivator. Then had to make a stopover on Bespin to get the hyperdrive fixed & make more of the blank Hutt-resistant holos. Otherwise, I'd've been here a month ago at least.
Chief: OK, I've got a whole bunch of daughters, all good looking. What kind do you want to have dance? Biological, adopted, step, legitimate or not? Daughters-in-law? Scratch that, can't risk annoying my warrior sons. In vitro, carried by surrogate or by stork?
Dani: Any or all, Ti. *Thinks "I might as well have her sulky over me oogling a dozen as over one."*

Speaking of sulky Jedi, on the Jedi's Fire,
JEJVO: We now join Z'Rissa as she seeks out Donovan Morningfire. It doesn't take long to find his distinctively bright beacon of goodness in the Force. Then, in the manner of Force-ghosts, she follows it. A good thing she doesn't have to stalk through the whole Fire as cabbits, Sailor Scouts, Insanians, Bridge Bunnies, and bubble-clad Twi'leks--especially the latter, oh very especially the latter--would not likely improve this Jedi Master's mood.
Rissy: That's for sure! I should file a gender- & orientation-bias suit against this race. Caters to guys with the hots for females. HMPH!
JEJVO: I sense someone in need of a chocolate overdose. Don't worry, I'm sure there's plenty in the mess.
Rissy: There'd better be.
JEJVO: My treat, beautiful.
*Rissy slips through the wall into the Officers' Mess*
*Simultaneously, Dono looks around worriedly*
Dono: I sense a disturbance in the Force. Oh no!
*Rissy, a fluffy, purple-black cloud above her head, plops on the seat next to Dono--and falls through. Indignantly, she gets up & brushes crumbs off her elegant posterior. A large slice of chocolate cake, also surrounded by a Force-halo appears in front of her & she begins eating*
Dono: Greetings, milady Jedi. *produces a large bouquet of glitterlilies, waves mess hall lighting down so that the lilies sparkle and gleam to best advantage.* Just matches the purple in your cloud, lovely one.
Rissy: OK, what'd Dani give you to sweet-talk me into tolerating this race-lap?
Dono: You know Dani cares for no other woman but you. He's desperate to see you solid, to peer into your blue eyes, not through them.
Rissy: You could read a better quality of bad literature, couldn't you?
*Dono shrugs & flashes boyish grin*
Rissy: Save that smirk for your bubble-bath fantasy-gals.
Dono: Let's not discuss that...
Rissy: OK, you can tell me how all this came about.

Ti'Mee Upp's palace dance studio
Dani, now garbed in the robes of a noble-caste Twi'lek scholar, reclines on septsilk pillows & sips pale purple Alderaanian champagne. "To my Z'Rissa," he reminds himself silently, taking another sip. Nearby, serving women, in transparent jumpsuits with strategically-placed opaque lace trim, hover waiting to refill his champagne flute and offer yet more sweet or savory treats. With an awesome amount of self-control, Dani had mind-tricked them into not joining him on the pillows. The Healer was also quite sober, thanks to his talent.
Upon the stage yet another scantily clad Chief's Daughter was performing. He'd already seen Daughters in scanty attire of all varieties--lace, pony beads, velvet, body paint, leather. One even wore orange shorts & an over-tight, midriff-baring Hooters--Nar Shadaa tee-shirt. The last dancer was wearing the old classic--or was it cliche'?--a chain-mail bikini. "Y'know," Dani mused to himself, "I didn't know there were so many different ways to cover just the essentials."
As he started to arise, already trying to decide which of the luscious lekku'd beauties Z'Rissa would vote "Least Likely To Be Dantris' Type," he hears an argument from an adjacent stage.
Male Twi'lek: Lilo, you're all wet...
Lilo: But I had to feed the fish!
Male Twi'lek: Huh? Why? Wait, there aren't oceans on Ryloth.
little Twi'lek girls: She's weird! I slipped in her drips! ARGH! It bit me!
Male Twi'lek: Lilo...perhaps you should go home today...I'll call your sisters.
Lilo: But I want to dance! And I practiced...

Dani realizes that this will solve his dilemma--and anyways, he can't have such a charming-sounding little girl sent to her room in disgrace over the complaints of other charming little girls. He steps around the curtain, a wide smile on his face, one hand poised to wave if needed. "Ladies..."

a home-away-from-home theatre on the Jedi's Fire
In full ILM glory, a holo of a small bronze-skinned Twi'lek clad in lei and grass skirt swings her hips, struts forward, all the while moving her arms, hands & lekku in complex gestures. Squating nearby, a blue fuzzy alien plays the ukelele for her.

Z'Rissa *charmed*: That is so sweet, Dani. She's quite graceful. You must have searched every clan on Ryloth to find her.
Dani: well, yeah. This should be the best dance too. You don't get more exotic than a dance that's not only from a far, far away galaxy--but the future to boot.

The holo fades away as Dani softly sings a Presley tune to his beloved. "Love me tender, Love me sweet..."

No, I haven't forgotten the Bar
JEJVO: We bring you to the latest late-breaking scandal at the NNTBS Bar & Grill...The Censor Monkeys--those self-appointed Guardians of Decency & Purity--appear, like so many other Paragons of Virtue, to have feet of clay up to their armpits.
*Image appears of 3 monkeys, each sporting either blindfold, earmuffs, or gag.*
JEJVO: The Monkeys were arrested by CorSec on charges of Groping & Feeling On-Duty Law-enforcement Agents. According to witnesses, they jumped into an "impromptu unarmed combat practice training exercise" and began to touch the participating CorSec Agents. Naturally, the Monkeys got the worst of it.
*Image appears of the 3 Monkeys, all of them sporting badly-shaven heads & bodies and assorted bruises. One's earmuffs are tied around his hands. The second's gag has been turned into a tourniquet around a nearly-ripped-off leg. The third's blindfold has been pulled down so that his 2 spectacular black eyes are visible.*
JEJVO: And Don't worry men, the CorSec Cuties are fine.
*Image of Cuties. Their spiffy ultra-micro-mini-skirt black suits are strategically torn, but their hair and makeup are perfect. Their expressions could vaporize non-human primates*
JEJVO: Will the Monkeys be able to wiggle out of this scandal on the grounds that their contract has no "Feel No Evil" clauses?
Narrator: %^&&*# they won't! Monkeys--YOUR FIRED. for Hypocritcal & Immoral Conduct. We've gotta set some standards and keep 'em. You're held to a higher standard! *Boots each Monkey in turn over a Flooper Bowl Full-sized Souvenier Goal Post*
Narrator: And the most important Grounds for Dismissal--I've been wanting to do that for so long! And it's made me feel--Fantastic!

Why Shouldst Moi Protect the Guilty? Part Deux
Pan-Galactic Gargle-blaster...........Hitchhiker's Guide..., The Novel
Tatooine Vacation--NOT!..............Quadrant: Tetrad's Umbra
Your Bloodyness......................My Hubby thought it was a good title for him
Hallelujah Chorus....................J. S. Bach
ASSD Voldemort................J. K. Rowling
Crazy IC Excuses for Post Delays.....Moi
Lilo & Stitch........................Dedicated to My Kids

Malkarris
13 August 2005, 12:33 PM
OOC: And while we wait for the next race post…

IC:
On board the Jedi’s Fire, we find her captain, Malk, sporting a large bandage around his head and mask, knocking on T’real’s door. “Come on, I said I was sorry.”

“I don’t care,” comes T’real’s voice through the door. There is the sound of a bell ringing inside her quarters.

“What are you doing in there?”

“Cooking.”

“Cooking?”

“It calms me down, alright?”

Malk sighs and sits down against the door. “I’m sorry for saying hotties.”

“No you’re not. You like them more than you like me.”

“No I don’t.”

“Prove it.”

“Well, I’m not hanging around Ryloth, am I? I’m traveling the galaxy with you.”

“What about the Bridge Bunnies?”

“I don’t date people under my command.”

“Then what about me?”

“Well, I’m at your command, so that’s alright.”

T’real opens the door and Malk falls backwards into her quarters. “That was cheesy, but sweet.”

“I try.” Malk sits up. “So, do you forgive me? I promise I didn’t mean it.”

T’real thinks, hand under her chin. “Well, alright. If you do one thing for me.”

“Anything.”

T’real gestures towards the kitchen. “I have a new recipe that needs testing out. It’s from Kubindi.”

Malk pauses. “Don’t they eat bugs on Kubindi?”

“Yes,” says T’real, tapping her foot.

“Things I do for love,” mutters Malk, marching into the kitchen.

Several hours later…

Malk walked onto the bridge, looking slightly green but fairly happy. Bridge Bunny #2 look up at him. “Sir, engineering reports that we picked up a couple of Rylothian Sand Beetles. They’ve clogging up the maneuvering vanes.”

Malk looks at her, and his eye twitches. “Did you say bugs?”

“Yes sir, what are you orders? Shall we keep some for study?”

Malk draws the hood of his cloak up over his head as he sits back in his chair. “Wipe them out,” he growls. “All of them. There’ll be no more ingredients this time.”

OOC: Hopefully funny enough.

Donovan Morningfire
14 August 2005, 04:21 PM
Elsewhere in the galaxy...

A mysterious unknown man sits in a large throne facing a dozen monitors, each monitor showing different events, but most of them featuring the patrons/racers of the No Need to Be Sober Bar & Grill...

Lawyer: Ahem, excuse me.

Narrator: Who are you? And why are you interupting my setting of the scene?

Lawyer: Our records show that you have not paid the necessary fees to use the licensed name of the establishment you just referenced.

Narrator: Fees? I've never had to pay any fees when talking about anyone or anyplace.

Lawyer: Actually, that brings us also to the usage of trademarked properties belonging to one LucusFilm Limited and its associated subsidiaries. To speed the process up, if you would be so kind as to make payment to this accout for the listed sum on this document, the matter will be considered settled until such time as you are remiss in your payment of the appropriate licensing fees?

Narrator *pulls out reading glasses and peruses said document, then jaw hits the floor*: 100 billion Republic Dataries!!! That's an outrage!!

Lawyer: Do you really wish to incur the wrath of Darth Lucas?

Narrator *grumbles not-so-polite things as he reaches for his wallet*: Do you take credit cards?

*** *** ***

Mysterious Unknown Man: The poor, pathetic fools. They have no idea what lies in wait for them. They've all been bumbling around the galaxy while my agents have made ready my grand scheme! And now that the final piece has been set into place aboard that fool Compton's ship, I can no enact my grand scheme! None shall be able to stop the return of... *que dramatic drum beat as the figure stands up, turning to face the camera* Doctor Evil! *puts pinky next to mouth*

Fraur: HERR DOCTOR!!!!

Dr. Evil *after jumping 10 feet*: Blast it, Fraur! How many times have I told you not to interrupt me when I'm monologing!!

Fraur: My apologies, Herr Doctor. But we just got an update from your minion aboard the SSD Jedi's Fire, and that he is prepared to execute your orders as you ordered.

Dr. Evil *pauses a moment to process that last bit*: Excellent. You are dismissed Fraur. Agent Unibrow, put Agent Darth Dogbert on the primary holocomm.

Agent Unibrow: Right away!

Meanwhile, back at stately Wayne Manor...

Robin: Wholly screwed up segways, Batman!

Batman: Too true Robin. You see what happens when an author of a message board post hasn't gotten enough sleep over the past few days.

*Ahem* Meanwhile, back aboard the Jedi's Fire...

Donovan has been conscripted to help clean out any more bugs that might be lingering aboard the ship. Though reluctant at first, he quickly changed his mind after hearing that T'real was looking forward to making a large meal for the entire crew and passangers using the new cookbook she got from Kubindi. Knowing when he was beaten, the Jedi wanderer-turned-bar-owner-turned-race-master (whew, that's a lot of hyphens) has decided that pitching in would be a good thing, especially after Malk threatened to tell T'real that Donovan was looking forward to such a "sumptious feast."

Donovan (internal monologue): Amazing how far I've fallen. I've gone from being a celebrated Jedi Knight and hero of the Clone Wars to a glorified exterminator. *pauses briefly to quick draw his lightsaber and ginsu a pair of oversized insectoids in about 1/100th the amount of time it's taking to type this sentence* It was nice to see Ris, though still not used to seeing *thru* her. She wasn't thrilled when I told her that R.I.G.H.T.'s resources regarding back-up clones were kaputz after that financial diseaster. I told them they never should have listened to Paris Hilton when it came to fiscal planning. But noooo, what does a Jedi know of such things? After all, he's been cooped up in a temple for most of his life. Guess they forgot to look up the part of my hanging around with a very successful smuggler, as well as my stint as noble. I may not be known for my common sense, but even I know enough not to trust some spoiled, bubbleheaded stick figure, especially when her idea of a solid investment portofolio is a shoe company. Too bad we had to foot the bill on that one. *stops and groans at the realization of the awful pun he made*.

But as he stops, Donovan overhears a someone talking. And it's a voice he doesn't recognize. Sneaking as quietly as possible to the source of the voice, he realizes it's coming from an unoccupied room. Peering inside, he sees a white dog wearing a black cloak with matching boots and gloves, and a pair of black glasses. Talking into a hand-held vidcomm.

Darth Dogbert: Everything is in readiness. I expect my 401K to be quite well padded after the risks I took putting everything in place for you. *pauses* But we can continue this conversation after I eviscerate a very nosy Jedi. *ignites a red lightsaber as he spins to face Donovan* You really shouldn't be trying to make Hide or Move Silently checks unskilled.

Donovan: And here I thought my high Dexterity bonus would compensate for that.

Darth Dogbert: Sadly for you, I took several ranks in both Spot and Listen. I heard you long before you reached the door.

Donovan: So why did you keep talking to whoever it is you're working for?

Darth Dogbert: So that you would know of the impending doom that aways all your friends! But you needn't worry, because I'm going to make sure you can't interfere in my employer's plans every again! *charges forward*

Donovan: Much as I should be ashamed to admit it, I've been looking forward to a lightsaber duel. *whips out his lightsaber and charges at Darth Dogbert*

***Back at the location of Dr. Evil's hidden base***

Dr. Evil: Blast it! Why did that furry mongrel have to let that all-around do-gooder become aware of my plan! But no matter, Dr. Evil is prepared for any and all contigincies. Number Two, are the remote switches primed?

Number Two: Indeed they are Doctor. Though again I must protest the cost of this operation. The books are starting to run deeply into the red.

Dr. Evil: Do not bother me with your petty concerns! Initiate Operation: Clean Sweep!

Fraur: INITIATE OPERATION!!!!!

Across the galaxy, as the NNtBS racers speed on their way, and as Donovan Morningfire is locked in an epic lightsaber battle with the fiscally-convienent evil Darth Dogbert, tiny devices planted on each and every single one of the racers' ships, even those that have fallen behind, are activated. But as usual, a tiny flaw has emerged. Being the graybeard that he is, Dr. Evil did not count on the Sanity/Insanity Matrix of each of the vessels being set at almost pure Insanity, while his devices were powered by almost pure, unrelenting, uncaring Sanity. But unlike chocolate and peanut butter, mass quanities of Sanity being forcibly exposed to even larger quanties of Insanity does not react well.

There was a sudden loud bang.

And then...

Malk (aboard the bridge of the Jedi's Fire): Um, does anyone know what just happened? Everything went dim for a moment, and I have the odd feeling I just missed a major plot point.

Donovan (also standing on the bridge): This one also senses something is amiss, but cannot put his finger on it. Though this one also could have sworn he was engaged in an epic lightsaber battle that would have bankrupted most any film company to produce.

Malk: Do you Jedi ever get involved in any lightsaber battles that aren't epic?

Donovan: It would appear that of late, no.

Malk: Right *looks are reported handed to him by Bridge Bunny #4*: Well, since it looks like everything checks out, what say we continue with this crazy race of yours?

Donovan: Full speed ahead, captain.

OOC: Okay, this is now the official race thread. Posting order for this next stop is as follows:

1st: Slavan (maintaining his lead)
2nd: KnightStalker (a very close second)
3rd: Ris
4th: Dragonseye
5th: Terras

Next stop: Dagobah, to get a knick-knack from Yoda's swamp hut.

The stop after this is the The Hapes Cluster. For those that need some extra insight on what to find, look no further than here. (http://www.wizards.com/default.asp?x=starwars/article/sw20040506hapesmain)

KnightStalker
25 August 2005, 07:07 PM
OOC : I know there's an OOC for this stuff, but Donovan, before we jump to the next destination, I think we should give both Dragonseye and Terras their chances to get their Ryloth posts in, since they're the only ones who are still lagging behind at the moment due to IRL issues.

As for the spin-off thread, that is for totally random non-race related zaniness, right? Will it get it's own OOC thread, or should we dump all NNTBS OOC stuff in the current OOC thread?

Slavan K. Guiser
9 September 2005, 02:31 PM
*Somewhere, deep in the Hapes Cluster, not near any worlds or Hapan Battle Dragons, there floats a ship. But not just any ship, it's the Great Battleship Nadesico, captained by the one and only Captain Misato Kisaragi. With her shapely thighs tucked up underneath the central console, she stares at the race order previewing the next stop. A world floats before her, dressed down like a member of Zion out of the Matrix, a thousand different weapons bristling from a thousand different ships, all armed and ready to blow anything that shows even the tiniest bit of aggression. Which could be just coming into the system. She sighs deeply, not quite sure how to penetrate the tight defenses of the Queen Mother of Hapes. It looks as if there is no good solution to the problem, no easy way in, even for a beautiful woman like herself. Suddenly, there's a voice at her shoulder, causing her to jump rather spastically, not something she usually does.*

"Ummm, Misato, what are you looking at?" comes the question from Compton, Misato's arguably not-so-better half. At least to the guys anyway. Some of the ladies (usually the Gamorrean and Wookie ones) find him the better half. Either way, he's Misato's second in command, and in general, gopher lackey.

"I'm looking at how to get in past the Queen's large defenses, so we can get what we need and get on with the race," answers Misato, straight and to the point, her thoughts churning more solutions.

"Wait, we're in the Hapes Cluster currently? That could be a BIG problem Misato. I know they don't take kindly to outsiders," comments Compton.

"Exactly why I'm worried about how to get in. I mean, with myself, I'm definitely beautiful enough to pass as one of the Hapans, if not be worshipped by them as it is. But you, Compton, you're just not quite right to fit in, darling," says Misato, obviously kidding with her beau.

"Well, yes, that may be true, but I'm even more worried about what this will do to our position in the race? I mean, aren't we supposed to stop by Dagobah and get a knick-knack from Yoda's hut?"

"A knick-knack from Yoda's hut? Are you quite sure? I thought we were going to Hapes...." *Quickly, Misato checks her race list, and find, much to her dismay, that Compton was completely and utterly accurate for once.* "Oh, FRELLIN PUDU FROM A BANTHA! We're supposed to be in DAGOBAH!"

*Misato jumps up from her console, looking down over it to the trio of three below that consists of the helmsgirl, the communications officer (also female) and the logistics officer (again, a woman), and proceeds to give them quite clear instructions that she wants to be in the Dagobah system as of roughly 24 standard hours ago. Although not quite understandable to most people, the trio all laugh at the phrase only an Earthling would use. Compton, being from the Sol System originally thousands of years before, also laughs.*

"Yes, Captain, we'll get there as fast as we can. It'd be helpful if Compton would go ahead and Boson jump for us. It'll be quicker than using the Manual Drives," comments the blue-haired Helmsgirl, Ruri. However, under her breath, like usual when anything less than intelligent happens on the bridge (a more common occurance than Misato would like to admit) she says her trademark phrase, "Baka."

*Misato looks at Compton. Compton looks back at her, much like a cow stares at an oncoming train. Misato motions for Compton to do his Boson Jumping. Compton stares back at her, like a Binary Load Lifter looks at a Moisture Vaporator. Misato looks at him again, motioning franticly and much more exaggerated. Compton, once more, just watches her, as if he were a stormtrooper caught in lasersights.*

"Double Baka," says Ruri, making it a little more audible this time. The two other officers below giggle a little uncontrollably at Compton and Misato.

"OH COMPTON! BOSON JUMP YOU DOOFUS!" screams an exasperated Misato.

"Oh, so that's what you wanted. Your baseball signals need some work," Compton deadpans, smiling a smile that's not quite idiotic, but very much sarcastic, " You know, you could have just asked nicely."

"COMPTON!!!!!!!!"
******************************************************************************** *
*Down on the misty, swamp-covered planet of Dagobah, Compton swings in on a vine, sweat pouring from his forehead. On his back sits a large-ish backpack, holding Misato.*

"Mmmm, yes, want a knick-knack you do, Compton," Misato says, speaking more oddly than normal. About this time, Compton decides it's time for Misato to walk on her own and unceremoniously dumps her on the not-quite-dry ground.

"Yeah, I know I need to get a knick-knack, but how do you think the best way to get it is? I mean, it's not like I'm going to walk around this tree and run into one of the most incredible Jedi to ever sit on the council....." meanders Compton while walking

"Jedi, you say?" comes a voice from out of nowhere.

"Misato,knock off the impression of Yoda. It's really not all that suiting to you. I like your soft sweet voice better," continues Compton while walking around the large plant in front of him.

"Misato, it is not, Compton!" says the voice as Compton (as foreshadowed earlier) runs into Yoda behind the tree. As usual, the little green humanoid is in the right place at the right time. Laughing, he stares up at Compton.Compton, not quite realizing who he just ran into, screams at a pitch that even Misato couldn't reach. Consequently, the wizened Jedi chortles even more at the high-pitched, scared Compton.

"Well, what do you know, Compton," Misato says as she wanders over beside him, brushing swamp gunk of her rear as she does so, "Apparently, you CAN walk around the tree and run into him. Now that he's here, we might as well see if we can get what we came for."

"Seek you something, I sense. Something from Yoda, yesssss......" suggests Yoda.

"Of course, Master Yoda, we seek a small trinket from your hut, in order to complete the scavenger hunt for the Great No Need to Be Sober Race. If we don't get it, we can't get the ever-full mug of Bubbly," explains Compton, his voice having returned to a closer to normal pitch.

"See I now, why you have come. Give you a knick-knack I will..."

"THAT'S GREAT!" interrupts Compton.

"...But not Until Shrubbery I have!" finishes Yoda after using a bit of Force to make sure Compton didn't interrupt again.

"A shrubbery? Where are we going to find one of those on this planet?" questions Misato.

"Care I not, just a shrubbery for my home I desire. Trade you I will." And with that, the wizened Jedi disappears towards his hut.
******************************************************************************** **
*Somewhere, deep in the Dagobah Swamp, Compton Rage is busily assembling a hedge-like object from all the materials he could scavenge from the planet and from the Nadesico. With some help from the kitchen crew providing him plenty of plant matter and a nicely welded metal trellis (looking too much like a small mecha) from the Engineering Staff, Compton arranges the various pieces as best as he can. Sadly, his talents lie elsewhere other than flower-arranging, and so he must consult the womanly instincts of Misato to complete it.*

"Hey, Misato, what do you think of the shrubbery?"

"Looks good, but do you see that pink flower there?"

"This one?"

"Yeah, that one. It should be changed with that purple leaf above and to the right."

*Compton switches the two, and holds his hands out in question. Misato looks at it again, moves from one side to the other, glancing at it. She opens her mouth to say something, stops, and then looks at it again some more. She put her chin on her fist, admiring Compton's work, steps closer, steps back again, and then stops.*

"Naw, never mind. Try putting them back. It didn't work," obviously changing her mind.

"What? I just moved them!"

"I know. Move them back. And while you're at it, trim a little bit off of the right side to make it look symmetrical."

"Okay......you're the woman with womanly instincts."

*Compton does so, putting the flowers back where they belong and using his vibroshiv to trim a slight bit off the right side. Again, he looks questioningly at Misato.*

"You didn't take enough off. Just a little bit more and then it'll be perfect," suggest Misato.

*Compton cuts some more.*

"A little more."

*Again some trimming.*

"Still some more."

*Again, just a tiny bit of trimming.*

"ARGH! COMPTON! You took too much off. Now do some on the other side. And move the purple leaf with the red freckle pattern down closer to the ground. And take the yellow flower and exchange it places with the blue flower which needs to change positions with the orange blossom right above the pink one you moved earlier which really should have been traded with the original purple blossom like I thought, but now it should hopefully look okay if you take some off the top also and rearrange the vines a little more to the left......."

**************************************************************************
*A few hours later, and a lot less patience left, Compton steps out from behind the shrubbery, absolutely exhausted and ready to throttle Misato. The shrubbery has undergone a total transformation, one which Compton really doubts actually looks all that great. Of course, in the process he's been attacked by multiple bugs, sharp sides on the trellising, and the ever present thorny bits on the Dagobah plant matter.*

"How does it look now, Misato?" questions the weary Compton.

"Perfect. Absolutely perfect. Let's take it to Yoda now."

"Thank Heavens," sighs Compton, lifting the shrubbery to take to the Jedi master.
*****************************************************************************
*Compton and Misato arrive to find a waiting Yoda, meditating and playing with the knick-knack (which looks strangely like a certain Mechanical Robot with a TV for a head) in the air, showing off his incredible prowess with the Force. Compton coughs a bit, and the Jedi opens his eyes.*

"Brought me a shrubbery you have?" questiond Yoda.

"Yes, Master Yoda, we have," says Compton, showing Yoda the shrubbery sitting behind him.

"A Deal have I made, and now give you what you want I will," agrees the Jedi, relinquishing the knick-knack to Compton by floating it over to him. Compton snatches it from the air, stuffs it in his pocket and turns to leave.

"C'mon Misato let's get out..."

"A moment more with you I wish, Compton," calls out the little master.

"What do you want?"

"Pleases me, this shrubbery does, but a small problem there is."

"And what is that," asks Compton.

"This pink flower and that purple leaf. Out of place, they are."
**************************************************************
*Up back on the Nadesico, Compton proceeds to take out his frustrations in the combat training simulator for the Aestivalus mechs that are kept on the ship. He's in there for probably seven or eight hours before a one Misato Katsuragi opens the hatch to the trainer. Compton looks up surprised, sweat pouring down his face from the intensity of the combat missions he's been running in order to blow up enough things to keep from seriously wounding the little Jedi Master who pushed the last button to get Compton to explode. He starts to say something, but Misato gently puts a finger to his lips to silence him, and slowly shuts the hatch to the training sim with her inside of it as well as Compton.*

*Elsewhere on the ship, a knick-knack from Dagobah glows an eery purple.......*

KnightStalker
22 September 2005, 10:09 PM
The Misfit II is enroute to Dagobah when Criss and co. receive an incoming signal (see here (http://holonet.swrpgnetwork.com/showthread.php?postid=232321#post232321)). A short while later they drop out of hyperspace at the edge of the Dagobah system.

Criss : "Man, of all the stops for Donovan to choose, he would have to select such an uncharted backwater dump. 'Collect a knick knack from Yoda's hut.' Yeah, right. Yoda just up and disappeared from the Galaxy when the Jedi Purge brought about the end of the Clone Wars. How can Donovan be so sure Yoda's on this unknown hunk of rock?"

Lynnori : "Well, Donovan is a Jedi, and he survived the Purge, why couldn't Yoda have done so. This would be a perfect planet to pull a disappearing act on."

Criss : "I suppose so, but still, it's Yoda. How are we supposed to even get anywhere near his hut. I don't think he'd have a welcome mat out for us, after all, some of my own people were recruited to train the Old Republic's elite commandos. I'd imagine Yoda would feel a grudge towards us Mandalorians for how the Wars came to their end."

Lynnori : "Those wars were a long time ago, I'm sure he'd have gotten over it by now."

Criss : "I dunno, I guess we'll find out. Misfit, set us on an approach course for the planet so we can make planetfall. Try to scan the planet surface and see if you can get a bead on his hut. The closer to it we can make planetfall, the sooner we'll get this stop wrapped up and get moving onto the next destination."

Misfit : "I'm way ahead of you, I've already scanned the planet and done some digging into the Holonet about this place. Forget it, I'm not landing down there! It's a swamp world, I'm not about to go and get myself stuck in a lake of water, sludge, muck and whatever else is down there. My paint job's too fresh to go mucking it up with all that grunge."

Criss : "The frak you say! We're landing and we're gonna get that trinket so we can get on with the race. Do I have to take a hydrospanner to your CPU?!? Set the course."

Lynnori : "Criss, calm down. Misfit, we do need to get planetside. Do it for us, do it for me."

Misfit : "No way, I don't want my circuits getting all rusty. However, I will modify the ship's detachable pod for you."

Criss : "Fine, but you'd better mod it quick, since we're already in-system."

Misfit : "Already on it, I've got my ASP body down there making the modifications now. It should be ready in a short while."

Lynnori : "Good, set the course and take us into orbit, while we go get ready to make planetfall."

Criss and Lynnori leave the bridge and head for their quarters to gear up and round up whatever equipment and weapons they may need while on the planet surface. By the time they finish, the ship is locked in a geosynchronous orbit and Misfit has the ship's pod ready to go.

Just before taking their seats at the pod's controls, Criss and Lynnori check out the modifications Misfit made and decide it should be safe enough to proceed.

Detaching the pod from the ship, they begin the descent into Dagobah's atmosphere and begin to look for a large enough clearing to set down in. After landing, they collect their gear and set out on foot to find a path through the dense foliage to search for Yoda's hut.

Lynnori (pushing aside a thick branch) : "I wish we could have found a clearing much closer to Yoda's hut, this is gonna be a tricky hike thru all this underbrush."

Criss : "I know, but for some reason, I get the feeling we're being watched."

Lynnori : "That's just your imagination. Ignore it."

As Criss and Lynnori wander throught the swamp looking for Yoda's hut, Yoda is hiding among the underbrush, watching them with a disgruntled look on his face.

Find my home, will you not, Hunter, Yoda thinks to himself, recalling events from a few decades back and placing Force barricades along the path to his hut. Away you will stay, or blenderize you I will.

A short while later, as Criss is climbing over the rotting stump of a tree, several small rocks and dirt begins to bounce off his armor.

What the frell? Criss thinks to himself. "Lynnori, stop throwing pebbles & dirt at me, it's not funny."

Lynnori : "Huh? I didn't throw anything."

A few minutes later and a snake comes dropping from a tree high overhead onto Criss, who immediately pulls it off and tosses it away. "Lynnori, did you see that?"

Turning around to glance at Criss, Lynnori fails to see the snake. "See what? You look fine to me." Lynnori then resumes following the muddy trail.

A short while later, Lynnori finishes crossing a log laying across a large pool of water. Criss gets about halfway across before the log suddenly twists and dumps him right into the water.

Criss : "Frakin' hell! Just my luck!"

Lynnori (supressing an outburst of laughter) : "Are you okay, honey? I thought I told you to be careful, that the log wasn't very stable."

Criss (climbing out of the pool of water, covering his armor with a layer of muck in the process) : "Yes, you did, and I was being careful. The frickin' log just shifted all of a sudden. Let's go!" :mad:

Lynnori : "That's the wrong way, Yoda's hut is in this direction."

Criss : "Yeah, but this way leads to Misfit's pod, you know, with the shields and engines, modified specifically to get us the frak off this planet!"

Yoda, still hiding from sight, can barely restrain a chuckle himself. Give up quick, you did. Heh heh heh. Yoda then crawls off to head for his hut, convinced they're returning to their ship.

Lynnori : "Oh, come on, honey. Don't give up now, look how far we've come. Besides, what else could happen?"

Criss : "Fine." He then angrily takes the lead heading off along the trail, followed by Lynnori.

By the time they find Yoda's hut, Criss has suffered having a bug's nest fall on him, stumbling over vegetation, more rocks suddenly hurled from nowhere, and other minor annoyances. Lynnori, having missed witnessing most of it, can barely keep herself from laughing at his string of misfortune.

Criss : "Rocks, dirt, mud, pools of water, snakes, bugs, wild vegetation, I'll be so frakin' glad to get off this planet!!!"

Crawling inside, they come face to face with Yoda, not surprised to discover that they didn't leave after all.

Yoda : "My home this is, just waltz in you cannot!"

Lynnori : "Master Yoda, please, just allow us a few moments of your time."

Yoda : "Very well, a few moments for you, I shall grant. What is it you wish of me?"

Criss : "We need to obtain something from you, if you don't mind."

Yoda : "You Mandalorians, I do mind. Trainers of our betrayors, your kind are. Yes."

Criss (to Lynnori) : "See, I told you so. He has a grudge against my people." (to Yoda) "We need to obtain a knick knack from your hut, for a race we're competing in."

Yoda : "A knick knack, you say? Such as what, for instance?"

Criss briefly glances around the room. "How about that glowrod there?"

Yoda : "Your own glowrod, you should get! Cheap they are."

Criss : "Then why are you so upset about this one?"

Yoda : "See a SpeedyMart in the swamp, did you?"

Lynnori gestures for Criss to stay put for a moment, then moves over to Yoda. "Let me explain this, see we're in this race that was started by Donovan Morningfire, and it's a combination race/scavenger hunt. Dagobah happens to be one of the race's stops, and the goal here is to get a knick knack from your hut. I understand you're not fond of Mandalorians, but my husband had nothing to do with those events from the past."

Yoda : "Not possible this is, for Donovan to be behind this race. All but extinct the Jedi are."

Lynnori : "Well believe me, it's true, Donovan is very much alive and well, and rather attractive looking still, I might add. I don't know how he survived the Purge, but he did. Please, allow us to have the glowrod. Once we finish the race, I'll ask Donovan to bring it back to you. Okay?"

Yoda : "Well then, to see Donovan again, I'll let you take it."

Lynnori : "Thank you." (glances at Criss) "Trust me, he may be Mandalorian by birth, but he's a decent person, and I care about him deeply."

After departing from Yoda's hut, with the glowrod in hand, Criss and Lynnori make it back to Misfit's salon pod without incident. As Lynnori pilots the pod back up to the Misfit II in orbit, Criss sheds the suit of armor and spends the majority of the flight out from Dagobah cleaning the armor and checking it over for any minor damage while Lynnori fills in Misfit on the events that occured planetside.

Misfit : "Now I wish you had convinced me to make the landing and go with you."

Lynnori : "That's what happens when you get into an argument with Criss, but please don't let him know I told you about everything that went on down there. He's gonna be in a foul mood over it for a while. Let's just concentrate on making the remaining stops of this race. What's the next destination, anyway?"

Misfit : "The Hapes Cluster."

Lynnori (suddenly excited) : "Hapes? Great! I should be able to find the latest fashions at all the bazaars. I'm already looking forward to it."

Criss walks onto the bridge at that moment. "Hapan fashion? Oh great, and here I was hoping we'd get our debts caught up. By the way, Misfit, what's with the accent? You're not turning gay or anything, huh? You know what that'd do to our reputation?"

Misfit : "No! I'm just not feeling so well. I think it's something from the last time I refueled."

Lynnori : "Oh come on Criss, it'll be fun. You'll see."

Criss : "Yeah, right...." :rolleyes:

OOC : Credit goes to Vanger for helping work out the banter between Criss and Yoda, as well as Yoda's thoughts.

Vash Knives
5 October 2005, 02:58 AM
*Wandering through the deserts of Tatooine, a single figure ambles along carrying what appears to be a heavy machine gun in their right hand. The figure approaches a rock by a cliff and kicks the rock.The rock doesn't move.*
Rock: The bantha crows at dawn.
Vash: Krayt hits the snooze button.
*Suddenly the cliff opens up into a hanger and Vash walks in.*