View Full Version : Our 1138th Time Going Commando

Vash Knives
20 March 2004, 06:00 AM
*In a bar on Corusant, 5 men and an ewok are sitting in a enclosed booth mostly to themselves. At the entrance is a weather-beaten man with well-toned muscles (the Colonel). To his right is the ewok. Beside the ewok is some nutcase with spiky bright red hair (Pyro, demolitions). A blond man with a sniper rifle strapped to his back is beside the nutcase, the unit pilot is next and on the opposite side of the entrance from the colonel is an attratively aging man with two twi'lek waitresses on his lap. (no need for naming that one;) )*

22 March 2004, 10:48 AM
The aging man, dismissing each Twi'lek with a slap on the fanny, lurches to his feet and pulls a stained, beaten flask from his belt.
It is evident from the wear on his grey uniform that he's seen some action recently. The barely legible nametape the right side of his chest identifies him as 'Flembek'. Several patches are strewn about his uniform, along with what looks like several liquid stains. Aside from the numerous flasks clipped to his belt, a mean-looking cut-down blaster pistol resides comfortably on his right hip. Hanging from his belt is a familar looking cylindrical object, weather-stained, and with what looks like a number of beer nuts stuck to it. Apparently the beer nuts come from the same source as those stuck in his well-trimmed beard. The one stuck to his left eyebrow, however, defies explanation.
He takes a long slow drink, and then places the flask back into its holster. Reaching further around his belt, he pulls another, even more stained flask out, and takes another long pull from it. Replacing this flask, he reaches to his opposite side, and withdraws yet another flask...
This process continues for some time. Then, staggering to the bar, he begins to order a a few dozen rounds of drinks for himself.

Vash Knives
22 March 2004, 01:01 PM
Pyro: This is seriously boring. Nothing is exploding or even burning! At least the booze and women are good.
Thorin (the sniper) :Boozin' women? You mean like her?*points to an attractive woman drinking on the other side of the bar.*
Colonel: Shut up you two! We are on leave, but that doesn't mean we can abandon proper protocol.

22 March 2004, 01:46 PM
Squint Flembek (downing his 47th Corellian ale): Sir, I believe I am sufficiently *hic* intoxi-*hic*-cated to begin the mission! *Hic*....
umm...where are we?

Vash Knives
22 March 2004, 02:00 PM
Colonel: *just looks at Squint.* Currently, on leave. And it will stay that way untill we are ordered back to the Skywalker Ranch.

22 March 2004, 02:04 PM
Flembek: Under-*hic*-stood, Sir. Permission to continue *hic* drinking, Sir? *hic* (falls flat on his face, instantly snoring)

22 March 2004, 04:35 PM
The Ewok (Kizakh), wearing brightly colored (yet more-or-less complimentary) Hawaiian shirt hops up from his seat and starts toward the bar with an empty double Eriaduan rum daquiri glass.

Kizakh: With all due respect, Colonel, we never learned proper protocol. Well, I think Flembeck here did, but he probably drank it out of his system years ago.

He returns moments later with a full glass, complete with a little blue umbrella. He kicks the fallen Flembeck gently, but seeing no response returns to the bar with a second double Eriaduan rum daquiri and dumps it on Flembeck's head.

22 March 2004, 05:55 PM
Flembek, smelling the alcohol on his head, immediately springs to his feet, whipping out the lightsaber he's supposed to be keeping secret:

Flembek: I swear, she said the Jawa was legal and...What the hell? Hey, where'd all these beer nuts come from? Kizakh, how many times do I have to tell you!? Stop glueing beer nuts to my lightsaber! Yes, I know it makes it easier to grip but...uh, Colonel, how come everybody in the room is aiming a blaster at me?

22 March 2004, 06:41 PM
Kizakh: (rolls his eyes and takes a long swig of that daquiri) I don't know anything about the beer nuts on your lightsaber, you lush. I'm only responsible for the ones in your beard. Just be cool and maybe you won't get shot this time.

Kizakh cooly scans the room for hostile patrons as he calmly sets his blaster to "kill."

22 March 2004, 07:29 PM
Flembek gives his emerald saber a twirl and notices the produce a fizzle.

Flembek: Oh crap. Guys, I think we're in trouble. My lightsaber's almost out of juice. Let's see...seven, eight, nine, I count 38 bad guys. I think I can take the first 20 or so, but after that...well I don't want to think about after that. Kizakh, Pyro, now would be a good time for a grenade or 12.

22 March 2004, 08:39 PM
Kizakh: Call me crazy...

Everyone in the bar: You're crazy!

Kizakh: ... but either you're seeing double - no surprise there - or I've forgotten how to count. Or else your definition of bad guy has expanded to include anyone imbibing something that you aren't drinking. I count nineteen.

The brightly clad Ewok take another long drink from his (nearly empty) daquiri, pulls out his blaster and grins as only a brightly clad Ewok can.

Kizakh: Let's get it on!

With an ear-splitting war cry, the Ewok lunges at the nearest mook, spraying crimson blaster bolts across the barroom.

23 March 2004, 06:12 AM
Flembek: Well, I suppose the band members don't count as bad guys. 19, huh? Well, if we must...hey, who's that over there?

And with that, Flembek uses his alcohol-empowered Force ability to completely freeze time. As he stares at the throng of bargoers, all frozen in their tracks, he takes a moment to position himself directly next to an attractive woman drinking a large glass of something orange. He then un-freezes time and deftly deflects blaster bolts one-handed, slipping an arm around the young ladies' waist.

Flembek: Hey sweetheart, after this ruckuss is finished, how would you like to buy me a dr...hold, on gotta stop that Nitko from killing my little Ewok friend. Be right back.

Flembek launches himself at the Nikto thug and gives a mightly cleave with his lightsaber. The Nikto, not even close to where Flembek landed, watches in amazement as Flembek proceeds to destroy all the sabaac tables in the vicinity.

23 March 2004, 06:29 AM
His hopes of taking Flembeck and the Nikto to the cleaners at sabacc sometime later gone, Kizakh aims for a pitcher or Reactor Cores on a table next to a school of vibroblade-wielding Quarren. The bolts hit their target and the Herculean-strength liquor explodes, shaking the bar.

The explosion sets two bowls of pretzels aloft, Kizakh deftly plucks one out of the air and, after enjoying a salty treat, turns towrd his newly singed Jedi friend.

Kizakh: Squint! Your taste in women seems to be improving - that blonde has a thermal detonator!

23 March 2004, 06:44 AM
Flembek: But a thermal detonator would kill all of us! Remember, I used to be a Jedi Knight. Sort of. At least until they kicked me out of the Order. Those lousy sons of bit...Um, where was I? Oh, yes, thermal detonators. Big explosion. Us dead. Not a good idea. Besides the Colonel and the others seem to be doing fine. Look, there's Pyro over there setting some charges...

23 March 2004, 06:54 AM
Kizakh: Pyro setting charges? Somehow I'm not exactly comforted...

The Ewok dives behind a table and shoots at an enraged Trandoshan swinging a Jawa for a club.

Kizakh: I've got a bad feeling about this.

He replaces and empty power pack and shoots out a nearby window. His eyes light up as he spies an unharmed double Eriaduan rum daquiri on an adjacent table. The Ewok goes for it, tumbling past a flying Jawa and rolling under a table. He notices he's right next to the lovely lady that Flembeck had tried to put the moves on.

Kizakh: Excuse me, but do you have a little Ewok in you?

Blonde: No.... why do you - HEY!

The girl slaps Kizakh so hard that the room stops still - chairs in mid swing, blaster bolts in midflight, Squint Flembeck in mid swing-and-a-miss, etc. All eyes are on her as she walks out of the bar with an angry (yet still very attractive) strut. As soon as the door slams shut behind her, the fight resumes.

Kizakh: Shot down again... now I know how that Jedi feels.

23 March 2004, 07:13 AM
Flembek, chuckling as Kizakh receives a slap on the muzzle, looks around for the rest of his outfit. Now the lttle Ewok knows how he feels.

Resuming his defensive posture after deflecting a missile stangely resembling a Jawa, Flembek decides that enough is enough. With his free hand he draws his final flask and drains it in a single gulp. Feeling energized, he makes his way to Kizakh and the other just as his lightsaber fizles out and dies. Drawing his blaster pistol, he fires random shots, none of which hit anything even remotely near where he aimed.

Flembek: Pyro, now would be a good time for those charges to go off. I'm beginning to feel...sober!

Vash Knives
23 March 2004, 03:27 PM
*Upon hearing that the blond has thermal detonator, Pyro quickly sets up lots of his preferred explosive (high explosive incenderairy)around the bar. Then He notices her leave.*
Pyro: This would have been interesting, but she has left-d*mn!
Squint: Pyro, now would be a good time for those charges to go off. I'm beginning to feel...sober!
Pyro: Okay. :D :D :D
Everyone else: :(
*Pyro suddenly lets off his charges while going after the blond. While half of the bar burns the blond turns back to see Pyro walking out of the bar with a charismatic smile overflowing with pride.*
Blond: Why do I have the strange feeling you did that?*pointing to the bar*
Pyro: I'm an interior/exterior decorator. ;)
Blond: And you do it well.
*At this, she comes close to Pyro, and they slowly kiss as Squint's slightly drunken form it sillouetted in the doorway with a stunned look on his face.*
Flembek: 8o How can he get the girl?
Brack: I think it may be time for us to leave. Pyro, get her name and address and get on the ship. Men, move out!
*The blond, while still kissing Pyro, slips a datacard into one of his pockets that isn't filled with grenades or charges, and then turns to go, never leting Pyro ask the information on the datacard. After watching her receeding back, and not noticing that Flembeck's mouth is gaping open, Pyro walks toward and onto the unit's ship, with the rest of the group shortly behind him.*

27 March 2004, 10:37 AM
Kizakh: What's the plan now, Colonel? Are we still on leave, or are we shipping out? Because if we're staying, I've got a lovely little Chadra-Fan's number to follow up on, if you catch my drift... (Kizakh elbows the Colonel suggestively)

Vash Knives
27 March 2004, 01:06 PM
Colonel: I believe we are still on-*his comlink beeps* Hello. Yes, Master Lucas, We're on it. *Puts away his comlink.* It would appear our leave has been posponed-again. we are to report to the Skywaler Ranch where Master Lucas will give us further orders. And don't elbow me. *Slams kizrakh into the floor.*

27 March 2004, 01:29 PM
Kizakh: (picks himself off of the floor and straightens out his brightly colored shirt) Sir, with all due respect, your tendency of overreaction has got to stop. It isn't right to knock me over in response to a jovial allusion, it wasn't right to shave off one of Flembeck's eyebrows because he made a drunken pass at you back on Ord Mantell, and it wasn't right when -

The Colonel smacks Kizakh across the back of the head, sending him flying into Flembeck's emergency keg with a KLANG.

Kizakh: Your point is well seen, sir. Anyone got some asprix?

27 March 2004, 02:27 PM
Flembek, replacing the duct tape on his lightsaber's power cell casing, gives his newly charged blade a quick snap-hiss. A lound klang grabs his attention.

Flembek: Hey, there she is! I wondered where my emergency keg went to? I'll bet Kizakh was washing his fur in it again. Bah, it'll take me a week to get all that hair out of my throat!

Still in the process of refilling his flasks, which takes an enromous amount of time, Flembek draws one and takes a large gulp. Feeling slightly refreshed, he looks around the rapidly spinning room, takes a deep breath and immediately goes into respiratory arrest.

Vash Knives
3 April 2004, 04:17 PM
*As kizakh and flembeck lay unconcious, the Screwu lifts of and departs for the Skywalker Ranch.*

8 April 2004, 11:12 AM
Kizakh wakes up, winces, and gets to his feet. Noticing his Hawaiian shirt has been dirtied, charred, and possibly soiled during the bar fight, he changes into another. It's primarily blue and green and looks pretty damn good on him.

Kizakh: (looking in the mirror at himself) Yep, that Chadra-Fan cook at the Skywalker Ranch is gonna be all over me this time, heh heh.

He finds the Colonel in the lounge.

Kizakh: What's our ETA, Colonel?

8 April 2004, 12:51 PM
Flembek awakens on the floor of his chambers. Rising unsteadily to his feet, he withdraws a flask and takes a deep pull from it. Feeling revitalized, he opens up the bathroom door and heads in for a quick shower.

Feeling clean, and finally getting those beer nuts out his beard, he opens his closet and lays out his finest Jedi robes. A trip to the Skywalker Ranch meant that Flembek no longer had to conceal his Jedi status. Plus if he was caught not wearing his robes, George would make Flembek pay for his own drinks. And last time he checked, only about 3 people in the galaxy had that many credits.

He selected his finest maroon and violet boots. Next came his best dress trousers, the bright green ones, with the red and blue checkered knee pads. For his tunic he chose a lightweight gold and silver Krayt dragon pearl-studded shirt, made from the finest Ronto skin. Buckling on a matching teal utility belt, he donned his bright orange, custom-tailored Jedi robes. Attaching his lightsaber to his belt, he made his way towards the lounge, and nodded towards the rest of the crew. The crew had no choice but to recognize the finest-looking, most dashing and debonair Jedi Master the galaxy had ever seen. Except for one problem.

Flembek: Good evening my friends. Hey, does anyone know what happened to my left eyebrow? It seems to have been removed somehow.

8 April 2004, 10:18 PM
Kizakh: Looks like someone's aiming for free drinks on Uncle George. Last place I remember seeing your eyebrow was on Ord Mantell. Isn't that right, Colonel? If you want, I can spot you some hair...

9 April 2004, 07:22 AM
Flembek: *coughing up a furball* Looks like you already did. I knew I should've cleaned out that emergency keg first. I know beer makes your coat shine better, but why can't you just shower with water like the rest of us?

9 April 2004, 11:48 AM
Kizakh: Give me that! That's not my fur, you lush.I may be primitive by birth, but I still understand the concept of proper hygeine. Besides, light beer makes my coat shiny, not the extra strength grog you drink. If you'd pay more attention to the girls you bring back to the ship, these thing wouldn't happen. Let me see that... (swipes the hairball from Flembeck and gives it a big sniff). I'd say this came from a Gotal... probably the strangely masculine one you pledged your never-ending love to back on Tanaab. (Winces in recollection of that particular bar fly, squeezed into a too-tight sequin dress and eating pickled crooba eggs by the handfull while seducing the party's Jedi). You need help, pal.

Vash Knives
10 April 2004, 04:09 AM
*While keeping a straight face, the Colonel looks right into Flembek's eyes.*
Colonel: Your eyebrow will grow back.
*He then turned to the door of his room and noticed Pyro in his room reading his datapad with a avid fasination he usually reserved for watching things explode.*
Colonel: May I ask what you are up to?
Pyro: Yes sir, just looking over this datacard I found in my pocket after the barfight-it appears to be from the women that kissed me. She must have slipped it there while i wasn't paying attention.
Colonel: What does this datacard consist of?
Pyro: Her bio, address, various pics Squint would like, and her explosives inventory:D
Colonel: You know by regulations I have to have a copy of the datacard.
Pyro: I, unlike Squint and Kizakh, know that sir. By the way, how goes the slicing of flembeck's datacard?
Colonel: Far enough that I know what it is.
*At that the Colonel turned away and continued to his quaters.(OOC: I have been a little busy with school and a family gathering. you don't need to flatter me to get me to post-but it is still good to be on my good side when things go down-I can be very nice or very cruel.)

10 April 2004, 01:23 PM
Kizakh: So, does anybody know what our ETA is? I'm thinking about taking a nap, but not if we're really close by now. Anybody?

10 April 2004, 07:51 PM
Flembek: You may as well get some rest now, Kizakh. Everytime we visit the Ranch Master Lucas give us some assignment somewhere full of nasty critters and nastier people. Plus you should save your energy for that little Chadra-Fan cook wose always giving you the eye. If you want I can mind trick her for you. It worked well with those midget Zeltrons on Bespin! *gives Kizakh a wink and a nod*

I know I'm gonna be all over that Lorrdian maid in the east wing. The things she can do with that feather duster....

11 April 2004, 08:40 AM
Kizakh: I guess there's a first time for everything - good point, Squint. If anyone needs me, I'll be in my cabin.

The Ewok heads back to his quarters and takes a nap.

Kizakh: (in his sleep) Zzzzzz... mmm... haaammm... zzzzzz...

13 April 2004, 11:29 AM
Everything being apparantly calm, Flembek heads back to his cabin to meditate on the nature of the Force. And to drink a few gallons of Corellian brandy. Not in that order.

Through the Force, Flembek encounters a vision....coming into focus...getting blurry again...ah, there it is....nope, lost it again...wait, maybe...nah, can't tell what that is....jeez, that's weird....well I hope that doesn't happen!...wait, getting clearer...no...no...it can't be...yes, it is...I must...no wait, its changing...it's...it's...hey, now that might not be that bad....something else...what's going on?...please no!...whew, thank goodness its not...oh, my...what now?...that looks like it'll hurt...not sure what the blue thing is....wow...okay what gives?....strange...hey, get back here!...much better...I....well fine, be that way....curious....I didn't think that was even possible!....fifteen...now that's a big tall sexy female...losing it here...wait a minute...ah, now that makes sense....ew, that's just plain disgusting...losing my focus...getting tunnel vision of some sort...of course not!....now look you....sweet little....I've had just about enough of....OK, lil' 'better....swirling...foam....bubbles...wooden plank....getting very sleepy....

And with that, Flembek promptly passes out. Whatever vision he was experiencing was...wait...hey, who are you?...elbows....get out of my sentence!...strange use for blue milk...gizka...well, that's a relief, I thought....not sure how I feel about that.............................

Vash Knives
17 April 2004, 03:39 AM
*As flembek passes out, the Screwu exits hyperspace and makes the approach on the Skywalker Ranch, entering the massive ship through the main hanger. When the ship lands Colonel Brack Daheil steps out and salutes to the Flannel guards standing at ready. Brack then locks the unit in the Screwu so that they don't get into...trouble. With that done, the Flannel Guards lead him to the throne room of the lord, George Lucas.*

17 April 2004, 06:41 AM
Kizakh: (wakes up as the ship docks) I'll bet we're here. I just hope the Colonel doens't lock us in the ship again. Geez, Flembeck borrows a vintage C-3P0 glass from Burger King because he can't find anything else to put his beer in one time two years ago and they never let it go. (sees that the Colonel did indeed lock them in the ship... again) Aw, for the love of....

17 April 2004, 07:17 AM
Hearing a rumble as the ship docks, Flembek immediately awakens, springs to his feet, ignites his lightsaber, and cleaves his nightstand in two, all in one smooth motion.

Flembek: Take that, you villanous....oops.

Kizakh: (over the ship's intercom) Get up you silly lush, we're at the Ranch. The Colonel....Chupa! We're locked in again. Never mind Flembek, just go back to...well, whatever it is you do in there.

Flembek eyes his neatly cloven nightstand with a sigh. Powering down his lightsaber, he leaves his room and heads for the galley.

Vash Knives
24 April 2004, 04:10 AM
*After passing the Flannel guards, the Colonel walked through the door the throne room of his master, Lord George Lucas. As he approaches the majestic throne, it turns around to reveal the flanneled form of Lord Lucas.*
Lucas: Sit. * Daheil sits in the chair opposite the throne.* Now, there is a mission of the upmost importance that your team most complete as soon as possible.*
Daheil: You mean there are other kinds of missions for us?
Lucas: More to the point, an imperial base is starting to develope nanoweapons-I cannot allow such a pivotal developement happen, so you are to destroy it. It is in the outer rim, so few would give it any thought, allowing highly secretive projects to be out of the public eye. Your team will be equipped thoroughly with a large amount of thermite incase of attack from the miniture weapons.
Daheil: Pyro's going to love this.
Lucas: Pyro is pivotal to this mission, as due to his explosives experience. He will be given a terran GMG for this mission. The grenades will be thermite grenades, so they will damage many things we expect to be there. He will also be given this. *Holds up a squarish device about 6x1x1cm.* It it a highly powerful explosive device which is to be planted on the main reactor of the base. It is designed to be activated by pressing this end *presses on the one end.* and deactivated by pressing hte other end. It is coded so only Pyro can do this. The timer is set for 20min so you have plenty of time to get out of the 10km blast radius.
Daheil: Pyro is going to like watching that go off. He likes big booms and fire.
Lucas: The equipement for this mission is in this bag.*hands Daheil a sports bag* The gear has tags on it to tell you who to give it to.
*Daheil takes the bag and makes his way to the Screwu. Once there he walks in.*
Daheil: Hey boys! We got more toys to play with for this mission! And like at Christmas, your names are on the tags!

24 April 2004, 10:33 AM
Kizakh: (only somewhat sarcastically) Goody gumdrops, sir. What'd we get? (takes a look) Explosives for Pyro... explosives for Pyro... explosives for Pyro... geez, is it his birthday or something? (to the Colonel) We're still getting medical, right? (Digs some more and looks at Flembeck) Sorry, Squint - no booze this time. Lucas must have learned his lesson... (rummages some more) Okay, very funny. Why is there a pointy stick with my name on it? Is this some sort of joke? Okay, this is more like it.

(KIzakh pulls his gear out of the bag and lets Flembeck rummage)

By the way, Colonel, if you take a look in the lounge, you'll see what Flembeck and I were up to while you've been out. Incidentally, if anything on the ship is missing parts, I know absolutely nothing.

24 April 2004, 12:49 PM
Flembek removes his welding mask and begins to search through the bag.

Flembek: Hmm, Let's see what we've got here. Synthetic rope coil, glow rod, power packs, grappling spike launcher, reinforced durasteel liquor flasks, ...hey, now this is nice. A new combat suit! And it still has my lieutenant bars on it! That's a relief. Looks like he's finally let that Burger King glass incident go. Whats this? There's a note in the pocket:

"Master Jedi Flembek,

Don't think I've forgotten about the Burger King glass. The colonel and I are letting you keep the lieutenant bars on one condition. Do not, I repeat, do not let me catch you using your Jedi Mind Tricks on my serving staff ever again. I don't know how we are going to get all that peanut butter off the walls of my editing room. The cleaning bill will be deducted from your paycheck.


Lord Lucas"

Flembek: Man, that guy can sure hold a grudge. What did you get Kizakh?

25 April 2004, 09:29 AM
R3-D6 wheels up towards the bag, looks in and says

"cool, new stuff, where's mine?"

((OOC: Yes, he CAN speak basic))

Vash Knives
1 May 2004, 03:47 AM
Pyro: hmmm, thermite, grenade machine gun, that thing the colonel just pocketed, it must be good-and important for the mission ahead as there seems to be only one, another rifle for Snipes...*throws Thorin Snipes a massive sniper rifle.*
Snipes: It would appear it fires grenades, and at least it is silenced, granted the silencer is frelling long as h3||!*straps the rifle to his back and puts the silencer in his case.*

Vash Knives
8 May 2004, 03:48 AM
*The Colonel looks where Kizakh pointed and finds an unusually accurate statue of Master Lucas done with spare metal.*

8 May 2004, 06:55 AM
Flembek draws a flask from his belt and takes a long pull.

"So Colonel, what's the word from the boss? Oh, and what do you think of our (points at Kizakh) handiwork? I must say, Kizakh can work wonders with a plasma torch."

Flembek leans against the anatomically correct statue of Lucas and places a glass of beer on...well you can probably guess where he places it. Surprisingly, it stays well balanced there.

10 May 2004, 06:51 AM
Kizakh: Thanks, Flembeck. Maybe you can learn something here, eh? (to the Colonel) What are we doing, chief? I'm getting antsier than that Herglic Burger we were at on Terris IV!

Vash Knives
15 May 2004, 03:36 AM
*The Colonel looks at Kizakh and thinks for a second.*
Dahiel: I guess we should get going then...
*With that the Screwu lifts off from the hanger floor and exits the ship.*

Vash Knives
24 September 2004, 03:52 AM
*The colonel walks into the cockpit frowning, looks at the speed gauge and finds that they're going at warp 2. He promptly "points this out" to the pilot and they drop out of warp and engage hyperdrive.*