View Full Version : A work in progress...

4 August 2004, 06:13 PM
Okay, this is the very beginning of something I've been toying with in my head since Episode II came out...I like the basic storyline a lot, and I know exactly how it's going to flow through to the end, but I'm not sure about the era and/or situation of the main character...this was just my first idea, so I ran with it, but I've also thought of a couple different scenarios I could build up around him that wouldn't change the dynamic of the plot all that much (if at all)...I will warn any potential readers that it is quite long (almost 20 full pages, single-spaced, 12-point font), but my feeling is that if you start reading it and don't feel like finishing, then it's not very good and definitely needs to be reworked...so, all that said, if you get a chance to check it out let me know what you think, and be honest, brutally if necessary, because I've come to a point where I either need to drive forward as is, change the era/situation completely, or just dump the whole idea and go back to the drawing board...

18 August 2004, 01:21 PM
Cool story. I like the plot. There are some areas that could use a little work but all-in-all, really cool.

18 August 2004, 01:50 PM
Care to elaborate?

18 August 2004, 04:06 PM
I thought it was great. I do think that Tokks "revelation" should have occured over a longer period of time. He seemed to become sentient and aware instantly, but you could eaily chalk that up to having to endure his restraining device for so long that he was finally able to "be himself", as it were. Still, a good job all in all.

18 August 2004, 04:14 PM
He does go from A to B in seemingly no time...I've actually toyed with that first meeting several tmes...I'll be sure to revisit it again and see what I can do...thanks for the compliments by the way, both of you...and I really appreciate the specificness (I don't think that's a word, but you know what I'm driving at) of your comments Johnny...that's what I'm really looking for...the this doesn't work so well, or this is good, but needs more, etc. I'd really like to know what you think needs work Pirateking89...be harsh if you have to, I can take it...:D