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Ravager_of_worlds
12 December 2004, 03:13 PM
... that when she drives you to school, she Force Grips the crossing guard.

... that when she bakes you cookies, that ain't no chocolate chips. That's where she touched the batter.

...that when she taught you how to talk, your first words were "Yes, my master."

...that when all the other mothers are going to PTA meetings, she's at the meeting only to pop tires in the parking lot.

...that when she sends you a care package, it's just a thermal detonator with a ribbon on top.



Note: Said in the spirit of being facetious. If your mother actually does all these things, I feel very sorry for you. If you don't feel offended, please add more.

Darth_Cassed
12 December 2004, 11:57 PM
.....she casts force-lightning nightly to make dinner.

.....she misses the vote to create another brother because her old boyfriend is trying to kill her.

.....when they played "ring around the rosie" in school, she popped the heads off of the surrounding Gungans.

......she named the family car the Executor, and the family van the Death Star.

.....your dog is named Vornskyr and your cat was killed after being accused of being a ysalamiri.

Ravager_of_worlds
13 December 2004, 01:23 PM
Darth Cassed- those are pretty good! Thanks for adding :)

... that your first name is Darth, at her command.

...that she tortures your significant other and doesn't even bother to ask him/her any questions.

...that when she wakes you up, it's with a taser.

...that she sends bounty hunters after you if you're not home for dinner before dark.


Additional Note- yes, these are rather tasteless, but aren't they fun?

REG
13 December 2004, 01:52 PM
... Your first toy she bought for you is a Choke-Me Elmo.

... When you got an F on your report card, she sent a Death Star to blow up the school.

... She attends the PTA meeting with an entourage of stormtroopers.

... She always force-grip the referees at all your soccer games.

... When getting the 2nd Prize ribbon at a bake sale, she sent out a bounty hunter to take out the 1st Prize winner.

... Her set of diningware includes lightsaber steak knives.

Darth Fierce
14 December 2004, 03:53 AM
...She froze her first boyfriend in carbonite as punishment for breaking up with her.

...She summons a Force Storm to get rid of all the junk you leave laying around your room.

...She plans a summer vacation to the "Korriban Family Fun Park."

...While all the other kids had cats and dogs when you were growing up, you had a Dark Side Dragon for a pet.

consequently

...There's a sign on the backyard fence reading "Beware of Hssiss!!!" Sadly, many careless power meter readers have not took note of this sign, and their equipment can be found scattered around the grounds.

Darth Fierce :vader:

linkstarwars
14 December 2004, 10:43 AM
Wow, these are cool. NOW PRESENTING THE NEWEST LINE OF YO MAMA JOKES, STAR WARS SPECIAL CHRISTMAS YO MAMA JOKES.




Courtesy of Ravager, REG, and Darth Fierce

Dr_Worm
14 December 2004, 12:36 PM
...that she keeps offing other mothers, and when you ask her why she glares at you and ominously says "Rule of Two, remember it..."

...you keep getting new daddies becuase the last one "failed her for the last time".

hisham
14 December 2004, 02:01 PM
... answers the phone wearing a dark hood and cloak, addressing everyone on the other end as a "stunted slime."

... you keep seeing red-haired green-eyed chicks in jumpsuits follow you about wherever you go.

Vanger Chevane
14 December 2004, 02:29 PM
...a simple stare ensures she never has to stand in line for the restroom, or at any post-holiday sale. :P

wolverine
14 December 2004, 11:30 PM
No one ever says they are sorry, as they fear that their "apology will be accepted"

She fears not the tax man.

Noes not have to worry about noisy or noesie neighbours.

Sithspawn
15 December 2004, 02:09 AM
...when you were born she force-choked the nurse!

...she finds your fighting skill "Impressive."

...she scares you into going to church, just in case she finds your lack of faith disturbing!

...she has a double-ended lip gloss

Darth Fierce
15 December 2004, 03:45 AM
Originally posted by Sithspawn
[B...she has a double-ended lip gloss [/B]

Wait a sec, that actually sounds like my lady-friend. She's very skilled in its use too...:D ;)

You can never tell if she going to use the regular or sparkly lip-gloss, which makes her both dangerous and irresistable...8o :)

Darth Fierce :vader:

hisham
15 December 2004, 04:55 AM
... when Steve Irwin comes on TV, she thumbs her nose at him and growls, "Ambria. Lake Naath. Now those were crocodiles!"

Darth Fierce
15 December 2004, 11:52 AM
...She named your three sisters Aleema, Asajj, and Lumiya.

Darth Fierce :vader:

watanabe2k
15 December 2004, 01:53 PM
...she gives a whole new meaning to "family BBQ's"

sethor
15 December 2004, 08:22 PM
... you're an only child because your older brother refused to become her "powerful ally".

... that she rides a rancor around in the backyard.

... you've had no more people coming to your door for religious reasons since she showed one Jehovah Witness what she thought of his "lack of faith".

Ravager_of_worlds
18 December 2004, 09:10 AM
Haha- all excellent choices in the Yo Mama So Darkside series... here's a few more...

Yo Mama So Darkside that...

... when she makes meatloaf, you suspect it's really the mailman.
... when she helped you with your science project for school, your dark side tadpoles crushed the gymnasium.
... when she helped you with your halloween costume, she alchemically gave you real horns, real glowing red eyes and said "that's much better."
...when you brought your significant other home, it was the last time.... mainly because they refused to take your place and rule the galaxy as mother and son/daughter.
....when you watch thunderstorms she has to compete with the thunderheads, and wins.
...there's a crochet death star over the mantle... made with the braids of padawans!
....that when she was born her doctor said "the girl is dangerous, they all sense it, why can't you?"
...when you leave the car for your soccer game she says "Wipe them out- all of them!"

darth venomous
20 December 2004, 10:22 AM
...that the plates on the SUV say "AT-AT"
...she sent your father to kill hundreds of armed men only to take his bloody and broken body and turn him into an evil Mr. Roboto
...she gets loose, palid green skin and yellow blood shot eyes during menopause
...(edited by moderator)

I have no shame

Fingon
2 January 2005, 02:16 PM
.....she forces you and your schoold district to observe imperial standard time.

.....your nativity scene is the birth of Vader.

....She edits your copy of Star Wars, making the Empire win.

Terras Jadeonar & Raven
21 January 2005, 01:14 AM
... Whenever you bring over a new date home for supper, she looks her over carefully then says "she might be your sister..."

... the words spoken: Rebel, Rebelion, and Jedi are grounds for instant punishment for family members, and non members punishable by death.

... she's surrounded by red cloak & helmeted chaperones wherever she goes.

... The "Emporer's Theme" music plays whenever she speaks- err, commands.

... Her nightly snoring sounds like Vader's life support

... Her mid day naps sound like Vader's life support.

... She has a special "makeup & beauty" palor ala cocoon chamber in the basement of the house.

... the "Imperial March" plays whenever exits her vehicle and walks towards a building.

... She modified the family vehicles to sound like Tie Fighters

... She modified the family car's horn to sound like Tie Laser Canons

... She modified the family van's horn to sound like Turbolasers

... The house's laundry chutes & bin have been modified with Magnetically sealed doors, hydraulic walls.

... The bathrooms are SUPPOSED to be called or refered to as "Refreshers"

... The house's fireplace is now the "reactor core" and the chimney sports a large spherical dish

... The family basement recreational room contains wall hung stuffed hunting trophies of former victims.

... Lightsabers may accompany beneath many of the hung hunting trophies.

... The recreation room's centerpeice is a torture chair & hanging interogation droid in place of a pool table.

... your aunts ARE nightsisters.

... there's a trap floor installed in the living room.

... Rogue scoundrels & handsome Princes' have become endangered species.

... she established a training academy specially for the hired house maids, butlers, gardeners, chaufers and pool guys.

... There was once a family senate, but she disbanded them all.

... When your bad, besides punishing you, she threatens to replace you with another 'heir' to her empire.

... she always reminds you to "Do or die... There is no try..."

... The last person to accidently say / utter "sithspawn" or "sithspit!!" in your mother's pressence made choking sounds before collapsing to the ground.

... She replaced your schooling with a set of sith holocrons.

... Your homework includes practicing your sith hierogliphics and language

... you get black hooded robes & capes from relatives for birthdays & christmases when other kids get new pairs of briefs and socks.

... The furnace in your basement is just no other ordinary furnace...

... She sends you on regular errands which include trying to find the Rebel's hidden base.

... She's mistaken visiting door-to-door funds-raising students from the other neighborhood schools as rebel spies and blown up their houses as examples.

... She always chases & pulls over other white & red striped vehicles, claiming they're the Tantis V corvette, then searches them for the missing / stolen datafiles.

... instead of saying "go to your room", she says "goto prisoner cell block #...."

... she says "you'd better not fail me next time' when your bad.

... she refers to you as her "favorite little apprentice" when your good.

...lightning arcs shoot, spark, and crackle between her fingers when she's mad...

... Your household goes through servants at an alarming rate.

... sithsword & lightsaber practice are mandatory afterschool activities.

... she referes to blocks not by avenues or streets but as systems and sectors.

... the oven, fridge, pantry, microwave & kitchen sink is simply refered to as the "auto-chef"

... she condensed your science, biology, physics and chemistry classes simply into sith alchemy.

... she never pays her parking & speeding tickets.

... The sharp cutlery in your house makes humming noises when used, and emit sparks with clashing sounds when colided.

... Family night consists of watching the ''Starwars christmas special' on the living room's 'holovid' screen

... Family night also consists of lightsaber & force duels.

... she dosn't throw tantrums when p.o'd.... she force throws loose objects!!!

... when drunk, she force floats around in drunken stupor...

... to prevent others trampling across the yard, she laced the lawn borders with laser guided trip mines.

... she trims the hedges with her lightsaber.

... trips to the mall or supermarket is synonumous with 'force push'

... bargain day discounts & specials when shopping is synonynous with 'affect mind'.

... bargain day discounts is anytime she goes shopping.

... on the way home from work, she often stops at the local cantina for a lomin ale.

... you can always tell when she had a bad day at work - it always makes the cover story on the 6'oclock news.

... using force lightning to frying someone is a form of theraputic stress releif.

... at christmas time, santa always had blue skin and glowing red eyes.

... when you were young, you always feared there were noghri asassins hiding under your bed.

... she substitutes thermal detonators for tennis balls when at tennis practice

... for the anual school science fairs, your fellow students WERE your science project subjects

... the garage actually has a tie fighter launch rack.

... your postal adress is simply listed as The Executor.

... sending cards & invitations to your family was easy - simply remember which star destroyer name matched to which relation

... she removed the central air conditioning unit in fear of terrorist torpedo jockeys roaming around.

... haloween wasn't about going out and getting candy. it was about going out and getting back at anyone & everyone who dared cross her path- and lived (escaped wrath/death, etc...)

Darth Fierce
21 January 2005, 04:18 AM
Gee Terras...this thread been on your mind lately? ;)

Darth Fierce :vader:

Mr. Fett
21 January 2005, 05:14 AM
Wow8o Terras that took me forever to read. How long did it take to come up with all of that? They're really good.:D

Terras Jadeonar & Raven
21 January 2005, 10:14 AM
Thx!

had a couple of hours to literrally kill, and was bored...

long as you emjoyed them, it was worth it :)

neolink111
25 January 2005, 07:48 AM
lol. omg rotflmao!!!

Yo mamma so dark side...

she has used the force to prevent me from thinking of anything! lol

JediJester
30 January 2005, 12:16 PM
Terras, you must have been really bored :D. Of course, I'm bored right now too, so here's my attempts...

Yo mama so dark side...

... she cooks the Thanksgiving turkey with Force Lightning.

... you didn't have to worry about the belt when you were in trouble, it was the Force Spanking that really hurt.

... the devil looks to her for ideas on punishments in Hell.

neolink111
16 February 2005, 04:24 PM
... the devil looks to her for ideas on punishments in Hell.

HAHAHA. i think that is the best one so far. LMAO