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PsychoInfiltrator
30 March 2005, 04:42 PM
Think I'll take a stab at this writing thing.

__________________________________________________

Soemwhere in among the ruins; Morning after the First Conflict

He strode through the debris. Dead bodies littered the street. Mostly civilians. Protesters and rioters.

Adar Callon held his knife close to his side. He had pulled up the hood of his sweater. A PDC stood by watching him, BlasTech Espo in hand. His helmet, designed to stop the effects of biological and chemical weapons, stopped Adar from seeing the man's face. Adar's sweater hood prevented the hated Protest Disruption Commando from seeing him. Just as well. If the PDC saw the expression on Adar's face he'd be shot for rebellious intent.

Just a few more steps. He paused after having reached the pile of debris, courtesy of the exploded cafe.

_________
All for now. Ran out of time.

jspence2
30 March 2005, 07:46 PM
Just a few more steps. He paused after having reached the pile of debris, courtesy of the exploded cafe.

I think every story should begin like that...

I can't wait to see where you take this.

PsychoInfiltrator
1 April 2005, 03:49 PM
Somewhere in and among the runis; Morning after FC.

He silently slipped around the pile. The PDC was looking the other way. He readied his knife. Some exposed fabric, woven tight enough to stop gases from passin through sealed the helmet of the PDC to his suit. Their was an opening to this fabric at the back of the base of his neck.
His dagger flew, straight and true. The PDC crumpled, spinal cord severed.

Five-maybe six PDCs had died to insurgents today. He had killed for three. Unfortunately, he was out of knives. He strode off. He had left no loose ends. Or had he? The second PDC had had a partner, who had gone off to a makeshift latrine (a toilet bowl was all that remained from the sonic grenade's assault) before Adar had made his second kill. His partner was unnaccounted for. "Oh well," he thought." I shall never be-" silenced!

Adar did not even flinch as the disruptor bolt lanced through his sweater. His body atomized, his soul relesed to the Force.The partner PDC looked at his handiwork. Small recompense for the loss of his partner. Seven insurgents had died today. He had accounted for four.

Another freedom fighter watched. His 5'1" small frame was unimposing. Perhaps that's why the government troops had let him into the disaster area without even checking for weapons. It took three bolts from his DL-44. One to break through the helmet. One to kill the PDC. And one to distroy the homing-beacon equipped disruptor rifle.

Salar Calnoon, a Lorrdian, freedom fighter through and through holstered his pistol then fled. He was a survivalist almost as much as a freedom fighter, and he needed to be gone from here-two minutes ago.

____________________________
That's all for now. :bothan:

PsychoInfiltrator
1 April 2005, 04:52 PM
Deep within a rebel outpost: Midday, 1 day PFC.

Command Override 7.
Password: gt4h9g4

Access Denied

Command Override 7
Password: fl5g245

Access Denied

Command Override 7.
Password: igiveup

Verifying Password

Enabling Override

Control of Cantron Security System transferred to user

Secondary Password Required to view command codes

obloody****!!!

Password Accepted. Continue.

Ridar continued his hacking. His psychometric talents had shown him the passwords used by a previous technician. He hadn't believed that the Selonian's Basic curses would be of use, but apparently they were.

Ridar was a Kiffar. A Dangerous Kiffar. His psychometry aided much of what he did, and his perfect memory remembered all of what he did. It was as much a curse as a blessing. He could always remember passwords, but when he had accidently "read" an amulet belonging to a dying freedom fighter, he had become permanently scarred. And a permanent member in the United Rebel Union of Antro.

PsychoInfiltrator
16 April 2005, 04:35 PM
Deep within a Rebel outpost: Shortly after Midday, 1 day PFC.

Salar slipped into the cafe. He nodded to the bartender and strode calmly out the back entrance. Sceonds after the door shut, three PDCs ran into the cage, discharging knockout gas canisters, determined not to let the runner flee.

Half an hour later, Salar strode into Ridar's hidden outpost.

"Took you long enough."

"You're lucky I didn't get hit with the knockout gas a Rody's."

"I heard about that. Saboa said it made the news."

Salar glanced at the computer terminal. Ridar was reinputting the passwords. Now that he was away from the pulic NetCafe terminal at Felp's Computers, a favorite spot of a certain rebellious technician Ridar had been trailing for weeks, he could actually play around with the security systems at Sectar Vel, the local command base. As Salar continued watching, Ridar placed a time delay virus in the base's laundromat and viewed images rerouted from the holocams.

A door opened behind them. A male Selonian, slightly on the overweight side, walked in.

"Ah, Salar, you made it."

"Hmph. I must say, though, you make a good bartender."

"Thanks. The art of disguise is a necesary thing to learn when trying to escape from a warrren on Selonia."
Saboa had escaped Selonia at the start of puberty, when he decided he didn't want to be locked up all his life and treated like a prince behind bars.


________________________
More later.

PsychoInfiltrator
20 April 2005, 03:22 PM
Is it decent so far? horrible? Awesome? bad?

I need some feedback because I'm not going to go to all the trouble of thinking up more and writing it if nobody cares...it'd be an unjustifiable waste of time-and this one requires computer access.

Vice Man
28 April 2005, 03:34 PM
It is a good story so far. I would like to see more. Sorry i did not post earlier but i have not been to the holonet forums in awhile and was wondering around the forums when i saw this. As i said its good and would like to see where it goes.

Thanks for the time you have put into so far.

Hope to see a new part of the story,

Vice Man

PsychoInfiltrator
28 April 2005, 04:42 PM
Hmmm...

There are certain things I need to get across, but I know if I do haphazardly, it will ruin the whole thing, so I'm working on how to do it properly. But I can guarantee that once I get enough of it figured out, there will be at least one more, probably longer, update.

(Look for a pattern-one comment, one upcoming update...hmmm...)

Vice Man
28 April 2005, 09:15 PM
Well I will deffiently let you know what I think, i just have to remember to read the forums more often.

Till Later,

Vice Man

PsychoInfiltrator
16 April 2006, 04:57 PM
I know its been awhile...but oh well.

_______________________________________

PDC headquarters, Sector Krai: Midafternoon, 1 day PFC.

General Aben Sebennon was angry. He had looked long and hard for ap lanet the Empire had overlooked. Then he'd moved there, joined the Snune Party, and helped orchestrate a coup. It was supposed to be bloodless. But they fought. It was supposed to be thorough, disguised by tampering with the vote count. But someone escaped. Someone important. And whoever it was, they'd set up a rebellion against his rule.

The wider public knew nothing...but that was going to change. Was already changing.

The previous night, the Snune Security forces-the PDCs, riot troopers, Natsukommandoes, and some local 'peacekeepers'- ahd decended on a suburb in Wentar, an urbanized, industrialized, less-than-super-tech city. They had information that there were rebels hidden there. But not just any rebels. Insurgents. Off-world warriors and mercenaries who brought off-world technology, weaponry, information, and skill to the rebellion.

The assault force had evidently forgotten to take the weapons into account. Twenty or so insurgents, some armed with grenade launchers, some with light repeaters, some with slugthrowers, and a couple with blaster rifles, launched an effective counterattack on the Snune Party forces. They cordoned off a large area, but when other rebels hid in the milling crowds of civilians and started picking off security forces, it got real hot. PDCs used disruptors, supposedly illegal, to make holes out of walls. Riot troopers just plain ran around shooting people. The Natsukommandoes, bereft of quality Natsukommandors, used dart guns, sonic weapons, (including sonic grenades) and stun weaponry to subdue civilians and rebels alike. The 'peacekeepers, ' a Snune Party militia, dispersed around the cordoned area (about 10 square kilometers) and spread the battle zone to an area encompassing about 30 square kilometers when they chased fleeing rebels into more crowds, who were emptying out of bars and 24-hours shopping venues, as well as several just-ending holo-operas, to see what was going on. The casualty list was high, and the Snune Party needed more power to ensure their survival.

That's where General Sebennon came in. He dispatched a group of riot troopers, as well as the official local security forces, and the 'police' tactical team to take control of Antro's main media outlet: the Naromanic NewsNet.

And Sabaddon was especially angry because he had just received a report from a sergeant in the tactical squad. It seems that the NewsNet had somehow hired a Corellian security team-and they were good. They were holding their own against a force four times larger than they were. And they had already polished off the inadequately equipped riot troopers.

Sabaddon was fuming. He could see blood. And that meant that he was going to go spill some.

EDIT: Spelling nad readability. Overall quality, really.

tauchiss
21 April 2006, 06:05 PM
this is great:D

PsychoInfiltrator
27 May 2006, 08:43 AM
NewsNet headquarters, jsut in front of the main entrance; 3:10, 1 day PFC.

Coron stepped behind the durasteel column. It had been emant for ornamentation, but it worked nicely as cover.

Several blaster bolts flew past him, striking the reinforced transparisteel doors. He glanced up at the large, duracrete/durasteel construct that was the headquarters of the NewsNet. A blaster bolt came from one of the windows, and Coron heard somebody drop dead with a gurgle.

The web of 'ornamental' columns, duracrete troughs (with flowers,) and hedges that made up the expansive grounds in front of the Newnet was alive with bursts of blasterfire, slugthrowers, and small explosives.

Coron was one of the msot junior members of CorNatSec, a 60 strong 'security force' which happened to have a pro-democracy leader. Major Valen, Rance Valen. According to the com traffic, he was inside supervising the repairs to an anti-vehicular cannon.

Coron stuch his gun around the column, and barely got off 3 shots before a blaster bolt nearly tore the highly-modified carbine in two.

Less than a second later, a frag canister detonated, and the column absorbed the effect of an anti-vehicular canister.

Hopefully, Davos's team would be in position soon. But int he mean time:

Coron clipped the carbine to his blast armor, and rolled forward, towards the doors. When he got to the brief point in time where he could see back wrads, he whipped the two grenades that he was now holding at a trio of three heavily armored troopers, while the other went sailing over a hedge and hit the side of a personnel carrier.

Unexpectedly, the door infornt of him opened as he rolled towards it, so he rolled thorugh it, and it closed behind him. He stood up and looked back, appreciated the view from the safe side of 2 feet thick worth of heavily einforced transparisteel.

The twin detoantions had each been at least somewhat effective-the troopers were down, and the carrier's repulsor had cut out, but there was plenty left to kill.

Ubiqtorate
4 June 2006, 05:53 PM
Just picked this up, Psych. Good work. I'm not really used to the serial format, so it's a little tricky to keep all of the characters straight, but I'm managing. Hope there will be another update soon.

PsychoInfiltrator
5 June 2006, 02:46 PM
this is great

Thanks tauchiss! Didn't notice it earlier. oops...


Just picked this up, Psych. Good work. I'm not really used to the serial format, so it's a little tricky to keep all of the characters straight, but I'm managing. Hope there will be another update soon.


It's not such much a planned serial as format-constrained by time to type and writer's block. :)

Tiem is the constraint now-I want to write but I gotta go...:(

PsychoInfiltrator
4 July 2006, 05:35 PM
Main street terminus, in front of NewsNet headquarters; 3:12 1 day PFC.

About 30 meters away from the doors, a modified SPHAT, left over from the Clone Wars, took careful aim.

Meanwhile, on the second floor, a Corellian shield operator watched through a hidden security camera.

A memeber of the police tactical team unloaded a crate full of grenades from the speeder truck. His partner was busy carrying another crate of rockets into the apartment building, which faced out towards the NewsNet headquarters. Tactical squad snipers were getting into postion up above, ready to fire the first volley of rockets and grenades at the exposed Corellian defenders, hailing death from above.

The speedertruck accelerated away.

The shield operator flicked a switch.

The SPHAT gunner pressed the trigger.

The magnetic shielding came into place, protecting the transparisteel doors.

The SPHAT fired.

The beam deflect off the shielding, back towards the apartment building.

The gunner looked at the doors, not believing his eyes.

The beam sheared through the doorway to the apartment building, killing the tactical officer with the rockets.

His partner stared on in horror.

The beam sliced through the pile of explosives in the lobby.

The sniper commander started the count down to fire. "3...2-"

The crates started to blow.

The gunner released the trigger.

An explosion blew apart the first level of the apartment. Shrapnel hit the SPHAT, but bounced off its reinforced armour.

Shrapnel hit the frozen tactical officer, and sheared right through his armour.

The partment building dropped one floor. Then another.

The gunner put his head in his hands.

The remainder of the 9 floors collaped, one after another, muffled explosions going off as misfired rockets detonated. 41 men died.

The gunner sobbed.

The shield operator switched to a different camera.

Coron shook his head.

That's not a good way to die.

Terras Jadeonar & Raven
5 July 2006, 12:11 AM
Interesting..... ;) Its different than what i'm usually used to read, the format and all... but it works.

Since your writing this peice by peice as you have time, the serialized format does seem to work here ;)

The only real suggestion I could make is perhaps at the begining of each post, try to establish some sort of date/time or location. It would help give structure as to which segment is happening where.

PsychoInfiltrator
5 July 2006, 04:30 AM
Interesting..... ;) Its different than what i'm usually used to read, the format and all... but it works.

:)


The only real suggestion I could make is perhaps at the begining of each post, try to establish some sort of date/time or location. It would help give structure as to which segment is happening where.

Good idea. You know what, I think I'll go do that now. :)

EDIT: Time and location information posted. I hope that the time scheme is easy to understand. (BTW, PFC stands for 'Post-First Conflict, if you didn't get that..)

Terras Jadeonar & Raven
5 July 2006, 06:11 PM
There ya go. It makes a difference, at least we know where each peice starts now. The more segments you add as you go, the bigger picture gets revealed. And you can add more segments from different angles or views as you choose in this fashion.

In a similar idea, its done in comic books, where there's a story to be told but pages being at a premium, it has to be condensed, cut up and told in a choice number of cells and written dialogue.

Also in movies where it's done alot more with ease - since theres a whole slew of visual details and clues to help us discern 'what & where', as the scene cuts from one place to another. And often to help us viewers through when its less obvious, theres the little place & time tags that apear onscreen usually in the lower left screen area.

PsychoInfiltrator
9 July 2006, 06:56 PM
In high orbit; 3:15 1 day PFC.

The Corellian Corvette Corellian Skyfire, holding orbit high above Antro, suddenly fire its maneuvering thrusters. It's tip started to point downwards, and the Skyfire headed for low orbit. The shields went. The ventral dual heavy turbolaser cannon shifted its aim, focusing on the NewsNet building.

The side mounted laser cannons powered up, and prepared to repel attackers. The weapon banks on the Corvette had been heavily modified, and it no longer fit Imperial regulations. Whcih was fine, becuase the owners had never bothered to register it with the Imperials. Each bank, upper and lower, port and starboard, now possessed three double-barrel laser cannons.

A pair of modified Snune cloakshapes crossed from overhead port to starboard, a welcome sight to the crew. One of them fired off a close-range tightbeam transmission to the Skyfire. A fraction of a second later, the cloaks recieved their response.

The topside starboard laser cannon swiveled around to aim at the Cloak shapes. The center gun got off the first burst, hitting the rightmost cloak and shearing off the right wing. A moment later, the left gun caught the left cloak's fuselage in a burst, and the right gun put a burst into the right cloak's fuselage, even as the centre gun liquified the cockpit of the leftmost cloak. The right gun fired another burst, catching the leftmost cloak and splitting it in two. Meanwhile, the left gun hit the right Cloak, and it finally exploding, explosive decompression blowing the flash-frosen pilot's upper half through his view port.

Captain Darros Rendarro, Dar to his friends, watched the fireworks on a holographic display on the bridge.

That was too easy.

As if on cue, the ship shuddered as the port shields were hit by the bombs. Six augmented proton bombs, to be exact. Three from each Cloak, dropped in series before the Cloaks had pulled up slightly to fly over the Skyfire. The shields looked like a trampline ofr a moment, but they held. Military grad-specifically, Nebulon-B-class shield generators paid for themselves then and there.

Capt Rendarro ordered a readjustment of the shields, and sent a highly erncrypted tight-beam tot he NewsNet building, requesting firing solutions, and a report on how the battle was going.

Meanwhile, the gunners prepared to be swamped by incoming Snune fighters.

Ronin
22 September 2006, 10:46 AM
Psych, I'm not sure how I missed this (admittedly I didn't really check the FanFic forum until recently) and for that I apologise.
This is really good stuff! :)

Please write more!

PsychoInfiltrator
22 September 2006, 05:46 PM
Psych, I'm not sure how I missed this (admittedly I didn't really check the FanFic forum until recently) and for that I apologise.

Apology accepted, Prince Admiral Ne-Ronin. (;))


This is really good stuff! :)

Seriously, I am just glad you like it.


Please write more!

It is on my to-do list, right up there with the Kiffex write-up and the first chapter of Radan's story. Sadly, it may be awhile - on the other hand, when I get a flash of inspiration it does not take to to long to write...