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Darklighter
8 August 2005, 04:31 PM
Hi guys. I haven't written much in a while, but here's the opening fragment of a Star Wars story that has been rattling around in my head lately. It's just a starting bit. Let me know if it grabs you or not. Thanks!

**********

Lazy swirls of dust drifted low to the parched red earth, disturbed by a slow breeze that took them up a crude dirt road and past a house with a covered porch where an old man and a boy sat together in the shade. The old man sustained a wooden rocker in a slow and steady rhythm, the movement ancient to him. The boy sat cross-legged on the boards close by, and together they exchanged murmurs and stared out and beyond the burnt and abandoned house across the road to a distant acropolis reduced to a dark smudge by a distant dust storm. A low-hanging sun blurred the sky into oranges and reds so that the clouds seemed burning ships and the acropolis a volcano.

Their quiet conversation gave way to a demand.

“Tell me the story of the bounty hunter, grandpa!” urged the boy.

The old man cracked an indulgent grin, yellowed and crooked teeth a faded counterpoint to a dark leathery face deeply etched like the local landscape.

“That one again. Well, let’s see now.” The old man leaned back in his rocker to ponder a moment before looking once again at the boy.

“It was about two years ago now and there were bad folks in these parts, as always,” began the old man in long, sure dry tones. “But it was worse then. Lots of ‘em. Like bits of dust, sometimes they gather, and sometimes a wind takes them away.”

This was a common saying among the adults of this world, and the boy nodded in recognition, if not in understanding.

“A man named Marl Ternan was one of these bad folks; one of the worst, in fact."

**********

Well, that's it for now.

BRodgers
8 August 2005, 07:27 PM
It definitely grabbed my attention!

Nice work Sean , I really enojy the narrative and Im very interested in reading more!!!!!!

PsychoInfiltrator
10 August 2005, 03:48 PM
Sounds interesting...one more reason to keep visiting the Fanfic forum.

Darklighter
10 August 2005, 04:11 PM
Thanks guys. It was just a blurb, but one I think can go somewhere. I think I overused 'distant' in that first paragrpah though. :)

PsychoInfiltrator
11 August 2005, 11:02 AM
By my count you only used it once. The idea of distance and mostly 'abandonedness' was quite strong though.