View Full Version : 1001 Different Ways to Kill a Stormtrooper.

19 August 2005, 04:15 PM
There has GOT to be a better way-or wierder, more creative, funnier, or more devious-way to kill a stormtrooper than walk into the room and shoot him in the chest. And I think it might be interesting to list some of them. (And to have you wierd, funny, devious, creative citizens of the Holonet to increase the list.)

However, since the afformentioned works fine, it shalt be used as my first example. Ans shall be closely followed by 19 more to start this off.

1) Shoot it in the chest.
2) Have it play a game of dejarik with a Wookie.
3) Introduce it to a colone of Darth Maul
4) Cause it to displeas Lord Vader.
5) Deploy Ewok Horde.
6) Lock it in a room with hungry Rancors.
7) Barabels work too.
8) Space the thing.
9) Judicial application of heavy explosives.
10) Strafing.
11) Noghri.

The following are ways to cause it to commit suicide.

12) lock it in the smae room as soembody's mother-in-law
13) lock it in the same room as somebody's little sister
14)lock it in a room with an indestructible tape player playing the sounds of babies crying.
15) lock it...same room...nobody's invisible mosquito.
16) See above. Only with somebody's pressurized (leaking) can of lauging gas accompanied by some itching powder.
17) Tie it to a chair and make it watch soaps all day.
18) Chickflicks work, too.
19) Give it a perpetually messy room and a nagging mother.
20) Put it in a room with an unsealed, but unbreakble, dumpster.

19 August 2005, 04:24 PM
21) Knock him unconsious, wake him up and suddenly push him into Vader.

19 August 2005, 04:51 PM
22) Make it watch TPM for 5 days straight
23) Introduce him to Jar-Jar
24) Flip on his termal detonator from behind his back
25) Give him a one way ticket to Otha Gunga
26) Force Lightning him
27) Force Grip him
28) Force Summon Gungan him

19 August 2005, 05:16 PM
29) Tie him to a chair and make him watch those metal ball contraptions that just tap back and forth.

20 August 2005, 10:57 AM
30) Teras-kasi kicks to the head.

31) Sic Kyle Katarn on the poor fool.

32) Tell him that people sometimes throw money in the trash compactor.

33) Tell him that huge chasm in the Death Star is really an optical illusion like in Indiana Jones.

34) Boost his confidence. "That's right TK-441. You can beat that Wookie. I think he just insulted your mother. Are you going to take that?"

35) Tell it that Vader's meditation chamber is great to take a quick smoke break in during guard duty.

36) Shoot it in the back.

37) Shoot it in the head.

38) Shoot it in various other delicate members of the anatomy.

39) Replace the above with "Hack multiple times with a lightsaber"

40) Steal all of its uniforms on inspection day (the Empire is extremely intolerant of naked stormtroopers).

41) Tie him to a chair and make him watch poorly dubbed, low-budget foreign films. It shouldn't take more than a day for his brain to shut down in utter confusion.

20 August 2005, 02:18 PM
42) Strap it onto the outside of Anakin's starfighter.
43) Have it fail in the assassination of Senator Amidala.
44) Have it read this thread.
45) Feed him to the Sarlacc.
46) Put a bounty on him big enough to attract Boba Fett.
47) Cause it to be in close proximity to Xizor for an incredilby long time.
48) Appoint it personal commander of Vader's Star Destroyer.
49) Throw it off the roof of the Imperial Dominion Bank of Commerce headquarters on Coruscant.
50) Sell it as a slave dancer to a Hutt.
51) Appoint it as Imperial ambassador to the Fians.
52) Lock it in the Falcon's hold with C3PO

20 August 2005, 02:28 PM
53) Have a group of Force-users move object their trigger fingers
54) Rig lotsa blasters to have an OVERLY sensitive trigger (the slightest sense of touch makes it go off

20 August 2005, 05:24 PM
55)Tie him to a chair and make him watch re-runs of American Idol.
56)Get a chronic liar, go sky diving and say, "Of course I know how to pack a parachute."
57)Push him off a cliff.
58)Make a guy who has a gun and a nervous twitch mad at him.
59)Push him into the Mustafar lava pits.
60)Poison his beer.
61)Give him extra homework(suicide).
62)Lock him in a padded room with no gun and handcuffs nothing but a yappy lap dog that has bladder problems that isn't house trained.
63)Chain him to the ground before a herd of Banthas come there.

Drendar Morevo
20 August 2005, 05:46 PM
56) Wait for it to get wounded then tell his buddy to 'make sure he's dead'
57) Tell him to play Warrior Kings and watch him get so frustrated by it he kills himself
58) Make him read Kevin J. Anderson.
59) Leave him in a room of angry togorians

21 August 2005, 05:23 AM
60) Introduce him to your pet wampa
61) Introduce him to your pet rancor
62) Introduce him to your pet Aklay
63) Introduce him to your pet Massif
64) Introduce him to your pet Nexu
65) Introduce him to all of them at once

21 August 2005, 06:49 AM
66) Get it on the bad side of a Hutt.
67) Have it fall in love with a H'nemthe.
68) Convince it to attack an Ashern encampment-on its own.
69) Have it camp out in the middle of a forest on Myrkr. Works best when the Stormie is FS.
70) Get in the way of Yoda in his route to the Emporer.

21 August 2005, 04:21 PM
71) Tell him, in front on a magnetically sealed door, to shoot at a target painted on the wall(make sure he doesn't know the door is magnetically sealed).
72) Give a new helmet that "supposedly" is able to keep him alive in outer space.
73) Introduce him to Twinkies so he'll get so fat from eating them that he'll explode.
74) Send him to tell Darth Vader that they failed an objective.
75) Tell him to wait in a room and release poisonous gas into the room.
76) Tell him that you'll give him a massage and while he lays down, snap his neck.
77) Shoot him in the privates and he'll have no reason to live.
78) Tell him he's good enough to do Houdini's Upside-down Chinese Torture tank escape trick.
79) Dare him to get in a barrel and go down Niagra Falls.
80) Tell him to go into India wearing a leather jacket and eating a cheeseburger.
81) Make him tell Vader that he quits the Empire.
82) Put a bomb in his TIE fighter so that once he goes over 100mph, the bomb will start, and if he goes, under 100mph, the bomb will explode(Speed reference).

21 August 2005, 05:26 PM
83) Introduce him to your 20th level wizard
84) Insert into a Halo game
85) Stormtrooper vs. any Star Wars main character
86) Cast him in a star wars fan film

22 August 2005, 07:55 AM
87) Two words: Rubix Cube

88) a) Put banana into dice bag. b) Monkey grabs banana spills dice. c) Gamer hears rolling dice and orders pizza. d) Pizza arrives and gamer realizes that his fridge is devoid of beer. e) Gamer heads to convenience store to buy beer, becomes drunk on the way home, and spots a Star Wars fan convention. f) Gamer drives over to meet Darth Vader but misjudges because of his drunken stupor and runs over the Stormtrooper fanboy instead. g) Mission Accomplished.

22 August 2005, 06:49 PM
89) Weld his helmet on
90) Weld all his armor together

23 August 2005, 02:51 PM
91) Proper application of Ewoks.
92) Apply laughing gas to it when it has an asthma attack.
93) Proper application of Wookies.
94) Load it into an X-wing's torpedo launcher.
95) Toss its paycheck down the reactor shaft. (Stormies almost never get paid. What would YOU do?)

23 August 2005, 05:06 PM
96) Hurling it bodily into another stormtrooper (works best if you're a wookiee).

24 August 2005, 05:01 AM
97) Construct the dreaded Neural Whip Noose.
98) Take it for an up close and personal visit with the Sarlacc.

26 August 2005, 08:57 AM
99) When Vader passes by, trip him and point at the Stormtrooper saying "he did it"

29 August 2005, 02:32 AM
100) Drown him where the Gungans live on Naboo.
101) Get a fully-armed Mandalorian warrior mad at him.
102) Give him an H-Bomb and tell him it's a huge piece of candy!
103) Tie him down and tickle him until he laughs all his breathe out.
104) Inject him with truth serum so when he's on the elevator with Sidious and Vader and he farts, when he gets off he'll yell, "It was me!!" and Vader will kill him.

Mack Jace
29 August 2005, 01:31 PM
105) Land an X-Wing on him.
106) Have him deliver a bag of disguised bantha poodoo to Vader.
107) Have him become an ambassador to the Gungans.

31 August 2005, 04:18 PM
108) Put it in a protocol droid costume and lock it in a room with an Imperial Intelligence operative and The Complete History of Corvis Minor

Mack Jace
31 August 2005, 04:39 PM
109) Lock him in a room with C-3PO, who has been told to translate every word of every language in his vocabulary.

110) Parachute him into the bowels of Kashyyk.

111) Strap him to the superlaser of the Death Star.

Darth Mathieu
2 September 2005, 12:02 PM
(112) Stick him in a room with Vader when there are no Admirals left.

Mack Jace
2 September 2005, 12:07 PM
113) Lock him in a room with an unending pile of paperwork.

114) Lock him in a trash compactor.

115) While in full ST armor, blindfold him, put him in a room full of angry Ewoks and tell him it's a room full of candy.

3 September 2005, 05:32 PM
116) Bring on the Mistryl!

117) Any Dathomiri Dark-Side Force Witch sure has the experience.

118) Drop the Hutt.

Darth Mathieu
4 September 2005, 06:24 PM
(119) Cast Gary Busey in the next Star Wars movie and have them try to understand what the hell he is saying. Instant brain hemerage.

(120) Tell them they're on sponge bath duty for the Emperor, they would die from the stench.

The Old Master
12 September 2005, 02:15 PM
121) Paint "Shoot me!" at its back
122) Carefully move its bed out of the barracks and into the path of an AT-AT (make sure you calculated where the foot will land)
123) Wash his armor with some red clothing the night before Vader inspects the ranks.
124) Have the Stormtrooper hold your det. pack. while you "take a pee".
125) Leek false information to the Bothan Spy Net that the stormtrooper is unloyal to the emperor, the spy net contacts the rebels and a rebel spy contacts the Stormtrooper (note: This might get your spy killed). Then have Imperial Officer-in-charge learn that one of his troops are disloyal. The stormtrooper will be dead before you can count to ten.

13 September 2005, 02:00 PM
126) Give him orders to shave every known Wookie
127) Spray Paint "VADER SUCK THE EMPEROR OFF" on his back.
128) put a GO REBELS sign on his back
129) push him into Sidious' personal washroom while Sidious is having some ALONE time
130) Force him to seduce Vader
131) Force him to walk up to vader and say.."Have you Ever KIlled the Woman you love?"
132) Force him to walk up to vader and say.."I heard that Padmewas a slut."
133) Force him to walk up to vader and say.."Have you Ever deficated in Padme's grave?"
134) Force him to use Windows 95 (ouch)
135) Force him to use a MAC (I wouldn't even want him to do that)

FlipDog 2000
15 September 2005, 01:28 PM
Wow...those were mostly inappropriate. Although shaving a wookie is classic...

136 - Hit him in the head with a rock.
137 - Dump him out the airlock.
138 - Drop him on a planet full of lonely Twi-lek females.
139 - Trip him with rope
140 - Pay him...period.
141 - Drop an ATAT on top of him with the force. (Not joking I did that once in a campaign)

20 September 2005, 04:16 PM
OOC: Hey! I use Win 95 on a Pentium 1!!! It works fine. :hmph! Kindly edit your post on the behalf of my computer and the thread starter. (98, non-SE does fine-it crashes every five minutes. And DOS is nuts too.;))

142) Oh Stormie...we find a nice Jedi to kill...big raise...name's Yoda.
143) Do the 'traditional' Twi'lek bacta/electroshock 'therapy' and run out of bacta...
144) Convince him that Rukh is an assasin, not Thrawn's bodyguard.
145) Sell it to a Hutt.

2 October 2005, 06:01 AM
Originally posted by Drendar Morevo

58) Make him read Kevin J. Anderson.

I Love that one....as for the Win 95 person......i pity you.....i really really really do.

146) Order him to destroy Mara's ship (she is really protective of them)
147) Force him to try and figure out how the Falcon holds together
148) Force him to be a starfighter zero-point coordinator
149) Fly a Tie

2 October 2005, 06:19 AM
I Love that one....as for the Win 95 person......i pity you.....i really really really do.
Meh. Its been upgraded enough to run AoE and Battlegrounds, and I've got good Internet acess, so its not all bad.

150) Put it in the way of a Barabel.
151) Have it promoted to Prison Governor...on Dathomir.
152) To Kessel with ye! Don't come back unless you bring to me a glowspider, dead, for all the world to see.

14 October 2005, 09:18 AM
153: (Actually Done) Get a squad of Stormies to chase you into a lightless cave - then jam their IFF transponders and fire in the air.

5 November 2005, 03:02 PM
154) (Stolen from my portion of a fanfic in progress) Ionize a TIE i high atmosphere and have the bottom of its right wing just barely glance the top of the helmet of a stormtrooper on its way to blowing up a large building.

155) Have the resident uncivilized Barabel maniac find a temporary new white-armoured sheath for his Mastercrafted Vibroaxe.

156) Wake an adjacent Uk.

5 November 2005, 03:42 PM
What the hell: my submissions:

157) Lock him in a room with a toothpick, a pair of underwear and an indestructable stereo system playing tapes of 12-14 year old girls reading their 'romantic' Star Wars fanfic on full blast through a pair of unremovable headphones. He'll figure something out.
158) Have him as a character in aformentioned fanfic- walking in on a Vader/Palpy slash scene (shudder).
159) Vader sparring dummy replacement duty- the ultimate punishment
160) Lock in dark, shag-carpeted barracks with large numbers of candles. Release mongoose- watch fun with night-vision camera.
161) Assign as driver of lead convoy vehicle in wartorn urban setting. The vehicle in question is a Pinto... and the driver of second vehicle has a long history of being a lead foot.

5 November 2005, 04:01 PM
162) "Uh, Fred, those were timed microdetonators, not Aspirin."
163) Feed the artillery direction teams the wrong cooordinates.
164) Give the poor Nkik Jawa another powerpack.

13 November 2005, 07:48 AM
165) "Hey, Fred, press this big red button, I wanna see what happens."
166) Replacement pit droid duty for Ody Mandrell
167) Introduce Fred to Face and/or Kell.
168) "I wonder what that Droideca thing does. Fred, why don'tcha punch it and see what happnes?"
169) "Fred, Embrace of Pain. Embrace of Pain, meet Fred."

11 February 2006, 07:02 AM
170) Killiks. Fred...meet the Killiks. For a very long time, and do get in the way of the Ciss.

PS: Maybe I should have put this in a forum that gets more traffic.

Fandor Thamorrin
16 February 2006, 10:54 AM
171) "Hey, wanna go fishing? You can use this bait, sure it looks like a grenade...but it's not!" :D

172) Give the stormie a lesson in juggling knives.

16 February 2006, 05:18 PM
173) Or lightsabers.
174) Plain old torches might work.

kyrat dragon
18 February 2006, 01:16 PM
175) lock him in a room with a invicible yet mal×××tioning R2 unit that just beeps consatly.
176)tell him to shoot at he rock that looks like a kyrat dragon.
178)stick him in a room with 1 rebel a e-web blaster.
179)force push him into the lava pits of mustafar.
180)force push him into the scarlac pit.
181)Inroduce him to the entire rebel alliance(he won't survive 5 seconds).
183)introduce him to general greveious(clonestroopers and stormtroopers look almost the same).
184)inroduce him to the entire droid army.(he wont last even 3 seconds).
184) strap him to the front of the rebels ion cannon on hoth.
185)shove him off the tallest building on corasant and have him survie by landing on vader.
186)stick a shiny object at the bottom of the exercise pool.(it must wheigh atleast 130 lbs.)
187)have a star destroyer crash on him.

kyrat dragon
18 February 2006, 01:32 PM
I messsed up on 175. here it is
175) lock him in a room with a invincible yet malfunctioning R2 unit that just beeps constantly

kyrat dragon
18 February 2006, 02:01 PM
188) have an at-at step on him.
189)have an at-at colapse on him.
190) have him march into the fungus feilds of fellucia.(he will most likey die by the beasts that live in their eitier that or hunger)
191) toilet paper the emperors private chambers. then leave note saying he did it.
192)prank call the emperor(before prank call inject him with truth serum.so he tells the emperor who he is and where he is).
193) Inroduce him to a acklay
194)tell him martha stewart is his mother.(ouch big time)
195)bleach vaders capes then leave a note saying he did it.
196)put sticky notes all over vaders personal quarters telling him of things he needs to do.(all must be yellow, one must be blue to stick out)
the blue sticky note says hope this remides you (then sign the name of the stormtrooper you want dead)

22 February 2006, 06:28 PM
Oh good, New Life. Thanks for the additions, all-mighty Krayyt Dragon.

197) Appoint him as Covell's personal aide, shortly before his visit to Mount Tantiss.
198) Hey Vader! Didja know Fred here is Captain Needa's first cousin's husband twice removed?
199) Tell him Karrde needs to be assassinated.
200) Fred, you've just been named as one of the few Stormies to be in the first wave for our next invasion of Kashyyk!

Gee...200. Never thought it owuld get this far. Well, actualy, I did-that's why it says '1001 Ways,' instead of '199 Ways.'

Well, it's onward and upward-Let's kill more Stormies!

Fandor Thamorrin
24 February 2006, 07:16 AM
201) Fred, push this button for me, will ya? :D

202) Have said Fred pull off Vader's mask - "he's an imposter, Officer, and a bloody Rebel!"

24 February 2006, 05:18 PM
203) Replace the Chimaera's tractor-beam training manual with the words saying: "If somebody breaks a lock, do nothing." (More for standard Imperial personnel)
204) "Fred, see that Noghri over there? His name is Rukh and he's a traitor to Thrawn."
205) "Hey C'Baoth, Fred here designed the ysalimari nutrient-frame."

Rodney Preyar
21 April 2006, 01:16 PM
206) Let the Stormtrooper fight against a HERO.
(It doesn't matter how bad a hero can handle weapons. He will always win against a Stormtrooper or even against a squad. He, the hero, is much more importent for the storyline. That is why the Stormtroopers ran away from Han Solo in Ep4. These Stormtroopers knew that fact.)

21 April 2006, 03:18 PM
207) "Hey Fred, would you mind going into that live-firing range to check out the blast radius of that reconditioned AT-AT?"
208) "Activate Order 66. Eliminate the Jedi."-three days to late.

21 April 2006, 04:43 PM
I Take huge offence to this comment. I have a Mac and it is Incredible. Your probably just Jelous
135) Force him to use a MAC (I wouldn't even want him to do that)

209) At the bottom of an elevator shaft, force push him in than call the elavator (did that to Sith on JK:JA)
210) Open a turbolift door with a lift thats 3333ft (1km) below you and say, "you first"
211)Tell him he has 2 hours to learn SWrpg, and if he fails he will be xicuted
212)Tell the Officer he is an alien in disguise
213) Tell the colonel that the trooper in question "had fun" with the colonel's mom
214)Force him to pe on a replica of Vader. Send Vader the holorecording
215)Have him fight a battle against a chiss
216)Have him fight a battle against a tau
217)Force him to go through Ocarina of Time's shadow temple
218)Have him "push vaders Buttons"

22 April 2006, 05:31 AM
219) Force him to read several really long speeches with atrocious spelling and grammar.
220) Force him to use Win98, First Edition.

Vanger Chevane
22 April 2006, 07:14 PM
Originally posted by PsychoInfiltrator 220) Force him to use Win98, First Edition.
221: If you're feeling really Sithly, change 220 to Windon't ME (commonly known to techs as Mauled Edition) :P

23 April 2006, 08:35 AM
222) Force him to use any windows, or dos computer

23 April 2006, 05:37 PM
222) Force him to use any windows, or dos computer

Need I say anything? Commence the lynching.

12 May 2006, 02:27 AM
My personal favorite is the Weapons Test from the Behind the Magic CD.

Take your pick of thermal detonator, Ewok rocks, lightsaber, superlaser, or my favorite, the dancing stormtrooper blaster revue.

24 May 2006, 12:46 PM
223) Get on the wrong side of Psych's Lynching Gang :D
224) Lock him in a room with your little sister :D
225)Burn his skin off, then put him in a giant pool of lemon juice, eventually, he'll faint and drown from the pain

26 May 2006, 03:43 PM
224) Lock him in a room with your little sister

I don't have a little sister. what about
226) the neighbourhood Doberman?
227) Get him involved in a SW continuity argument.

27 May 2006, 02:09 AM
228) Ask him to prove "the pen is mightier than the sword", using a demonstration

27 May 2006, 05:10 AM
229) Pens also happen to be mightier than E-webs, Deathstars, E-11s...

2 June 2006, 10:56 AM
replace his heart with a baked potato.

2 June 2006, 11:02 AM
get him to look down the blaster barrel of a rebel.
get a Jedi to mind trick him into beliving a grenade is food.
get him drunk and convince him to say obscenities towards Darth Vader.

2 June 2006, 11:03 AM
lock him in a room with Jar Jar Binks.

2 June 2006, 12:50 PM
Get him to be part of the new cast on Lost.
Tell him he has to give Jabba's Rancor a bath.
send him into battle.
Force him to replace the toilet paper in the Emperor's bathroom with sandpaper.
Force him to learn everything about Shakespeare's plays in detail.

2 June 2006, 06:00 PM
lock him in a room with Jar Jar Binks.

One would think that that had been sent already.

Force him to learn everything about Shakespeare's plays in detail.

I resent the implication that English teachers are murderers. I'm gonna be one, eventually...

240) Trap him in a forum where nobody understands the rules of etiquette in regards to double posting
241) and spamming.

3 June 2006, 05:11 AM
Originally posted by PsychoInfiltrator

I resent the implication that English teachers are murderers. I'm gonna be one, eventually...

my apologies about the Shakespeare comment, and a looked through the rest of the 'ways to kill a stormtrooper' and no one had come up with the locked in a room with Jar Jar idea.

Teach him every possible Nogari insult and send him to Wayland.
On top of a skyscraper, get a Jedi to mind trick him into thinking he can fly.
Force him to fight every Star Wars Character at once.

3 June 2006, 08:08 AM
Teach him every possible Nogari insult and send him to Wayland.


245) Teach him every serious get-into-a-fight-about insult known to the Noghri as polite greetings, and send him to Honoghr.
246) Hey Fred, remember how wil you did on the Tantive IV? I'm posting you to be extra security for the detention block on the Death Star with that Alderaanian princess in it.

3 June 2006, 09:13 AM
cut out his eyes and fill them with salt.
force him to contiuously watch re-runs of lost.
get him to take Vader's TIE advanced for a joy ride.
Put a sighn on his back saying: I AM A JEDI!

4 June 2006, 12:27 PM
251) force him to read john Steinbeck's entire works, after a fit of screaming he will probably blow his head off.
252) Tell Vader that it was him that let the death star plans be stolen.
253) Make him the next house mate in big brother.
254) Assign him to Endor.