View Full Version : Homecomings

Donovan Morningfire
11 September 2005, 03:00 PM
Meant to post this Friday, but quite simply forgot (was too busy prepping for a 300pt SW minis battle). Better late than never ;)

So without further ado, I present my latest work of fanfiction for your perusal, and possibly even enjoyment :D

Comments, as always, are welcome and encouraged.

11 September 2005, 03:48 PM
84 pages!!

hehe, oh well ... I'll prolly enjoy it! :p

Donovan Morningfire
12 September 2005, 04:46 PM
Originally posted by VixenofVenus
84 pages!!

hehe, oh well ... I'll prolly enjoy it! :p
Yeah, it is rather... robust. Guess I've pretty much left short stories behind and am now heading into novella territory ;)

14 September 2005, 05:24 AM
Dono, everything you've written since I've been doing your editing has been a novella! With the exception of a few stray scenarios for RPG's & minis. :D
And Unexpected Destiny is really a novel. I've read several SF/fantasy novels that started off as either a short story that was expanded later or a series of short stories with (possibly) some linking material. A fair amount of Anne MacCaffrey's early work is that type. In Dragonflight & other novels there are notes on the publications pages that "Portions were previously published in '_______' as '_______________.' " The Ship who Sang is constructed like UD, with most every incident originally a short story.

One of these fine days I'm gonna find myself proofing a Dono adventure the size of Half Blood Prince! And I'm sure I'll love it!

Donovan Morningfire
14 September 2005, 08:32 AM
Originally posted by Ris One of these fine days I'm gonna find myself proofing a Dono adventure the size of Half Blood Prince! And I'm sure I'll love it! [/B]
I'd be more worried if it were the size of Goblet of Fire or Order of the Phoenix (at least HBP moved quick, unlike OotP).

So any comments from folks?

14 September 2005, 04:27 PM
Well, I was thinking you might need to work up to the length of GoF & OotP

14 September 2005, 05:00 PM
I'm at page sixty seven, Times New Roman 12 edition.

I've read Unexpected Destiny and Cadences, but this is the first time I'm speaking up.

Homecomings is pretty good.

If you don't mind, I'm going to post some comments on your predominantly well written fanfics that aren't quite all perfects, so that I can honest.

I really liked Unexpected Destiny and have found it to be the best so far-there was realistic romance, and a realistic Jedi with something special. It was a treat to read.

Cadences I out and out didn't like, however. :( I honestly found that the Donovan in Cadences was completely different than in Unexpected Destiny, with little explanation. It seemed that parts of it were written at full speed, others carefully picked over-generally a sign of routine writer's block, something I am infinitely familiar with. The romance was rushed, hurrried, and slightly awkward. Your new characters were well doen, however, except that I found the villains unsatisfying and to easily beaten-I found that whole section fast. But that's just me.

Homecomings has a much more mature, well written fanfic, though I have lamented the lack of Darr Navia and Fallon so far. My one complaint is the wedding (not to spoil anything.) Those involved seemed out of character, and the collapse of the noble that led to it was sudden, but not very dramatic, IMO.

Anyways, that's my review of it, so far.
(If you wrote any other Donovan fanfics on the Holonet other than those afforementioned, I'd liek to know-might cause me to change my opinion for the better as I may see the missing stages of development inbetween Cadences and Unexpected Destiny. If not-I'll stick by my reviews until any revised version(s) are put out-I do recall a third edition of Unexpected Destiny promised, do I not?

With Regards,
PS: For those reading this, my upcoming fanfic will not appear on the Holonet for at least awhile, with two new campaigns and school on my plate.:()

Donovan Morningfire
14 September 2005, 05:28 PM
Firstly, thanks for the comments, the good and the bad. You bring up some very valid points that I find myself agreeing with.

The thing with Cadences that may well make Donovan seem "off" was that it takes place some years after Unexpected Destiny wrapped up, and there was about two and half game years that had Donovan "maturing." In retrospect, that is a pretty big jump to go from an unsure teenager to a semi-cocky Knight. It's on my list to at some point go back and "fill in" a few of the blanks. Cadences was also the first fic I'd written without an existing skeleton in the form of past game sessions to rely on, so I guess a bumpy road is to be expected. But as they say, live and learn.

BTW, most of the new characters (with the exception of Sakura) belong to Ris, and a lot of the scenes with them were written with a lot of her advisement, so she deserves much of the credit for how well they came across. The romance wasn't intended to be a full-blown romance, but more of two comrades-in-arms flirting with one another, but I can see how that wouldn't come across.

As far as UD, a revision/cleaning up is in order, but the overall story will remain unchanged.

I'm glad you like Homecomings so far. My endword sums up the simple fact that it had been a long, strange road in writing it. I look forward to your comments after you finish. Just curious, but what wedding are you refering to? AFAIK, no actual marriages took place in the story.

17 September 2005, 05:09 AM
I wasn't referring to a wedding, per se, just what usually happens shortly thereafter. And if that's not what is happening shortly before where I mentioned I got up to, then something in the story came off way wrong.

Still hesitant to give it away to those who have not read it,

Donovan Morningfire
13 December 2005, 08:25 AM

Anyone else have thoughts or comments?

13 December 2005, 11:26 AM
Just now getting it. Should have something later today or tomorow :D From the other feedback that has been givin so far, I expect it will be really good.

Jett Darkstar
18 December 2005, 09:29 AM
Awesome, Donovan! I thoroughly enjoyed Homecomings. Once I started reading, it was hard to put down (even when I had to go to bed last night).

I look forward to reading more about the further adventures of our favorite Jedi Rurouni (hopefully, there will be more). Especially once your campaign reaches the Battle of Geonosis and the Clone Wars.

Just out of curiosity, Donovan: gazing into the future, how do you picture your brave namesake: falling in battle as a brave victim of Order 66, or is it possible that Donovan Morningfire finds a way to survive the start of the Purge?

One more thing: with your permission, I've been contemplating the use of one of Donovan's friends (namely Varia the Zeltron Jedi) as a NPC for an upcoming campaign. I've started stats for her but if you have her already statted, it would be a big help. Thanks, man. :D

Donovan Morningfire
19 December 2005, 12:12 PM
As for Donovan and Order 66, I've pretty much have it planned out, but won't be saying just yet. I do have other stories planned, it's now just a matter of finding the time and energy to get them written.

As for Varia, one of the stories planned does involve her, and I do have some stats generated for her (I've found that plotting out battles is a lot easier when I know precisely who is capable of what).

Varia Aran
Female Zeltron Jedi Guardian 7/Jedi Ace 3; Init +5 (+4 Dex, +1 species); Defense 22 (+8 Class, +4 Dex) or 22 (w/ Lightsaber Defense); Speed 10m; VP/WP 96/14; Atk +14/+9 melee (3d8, crit 19-20, lightsaber*), +9/+4 melee (1d3, punch), +13 ranged (by weapon); SQ Deflect (Attack -4, Defense +1, Extended), Empathy, Familiarity +1, Pheromones, Starfigher Defense (+2), Starship Focus; SV Fort +9, Ref +12, Will +7; SZ M; FP 6, Rep +1; Str 11, Dex 18, Con 14, Int 14, Wis 12, Cha 20
Challenge Code E
Equipment: Lightsaber* (magenta), comlink, custom-tailored Jedi tunic, Jedi utility belt, flight suit, Whitecloak fighter, 1000 credits
*Varia has built her own lightsaber.
General Skills: Astrogate +6, Bluff +9, Computer Use +4, Craft (lightsaber) +4, Disguise +6, Entertain (dance) +10, Gather Information +5, Knowledge (Jedi lore) +4, Pilot +11, Spot +4, Tumble +9
Force Skills: Affect Mind +10, Enhance Ability +11, Force Strike +8, Friendship +12, Heal Self +10, Move Object +8, See Force +6, Telepathy +3
General Feats: Allure**, Dodge, Exotic Weapon Proficiency (lightsaber), Force-sensitive, Weapon Finesse (lightsaber), Weapon Group Proficiency (blaster pistols) (simple weapons)
Force Feats: Alter, Burst of Speed, Control, Lightsaber Defense, Sense
Force Techniques: Control Breathing**, Enrapture**, Extend Force, Healing Trance, Sense Surroundings, Velocity**

**These are from my House Rules file, which can be found in the d20 section, with v4.0 to be uploaded by year's end.

The above stat block represents Varia at the beginning of the Clone Wars. At around the time frame of Homecomings, she's got one less level of Jedi Guardian and Jedi Ace each, and by EpIII she's got two additional levels of Jedi Ace. As far as her temperment, by the time of the Clone Wars she's not quite the "party girl" she was back as a Padawan, but she is still very much a Zeltron, and not the least bit shy about flirting. She was created as a contrast to the movies' stance that Jedi were reserved, intellectual samurai-monks, in that she's outgoing and cheerful, and is not afraid of having a little fun.

I should probably get around to creating a file with stat blocks for everyone else featured in Homecomings...

Jett Darkstar
26 December 2005, 04:47 PM
Thanks, Donovan. I appreciate the stats and description for Varia ; keep up the great storywriting. I anxiously await the next chapter in the adventures of everyone's favorite Jedi rurouni. :D

Iain Kysler, Jedi Apprentice
9 January 2006, 04:51 PM
I must say...very cool!

Definitely worth the wait! I've been remiss in visiting SWRPGNetwork of late due to the fact that real life is going to get exceptionally hectic. If all goes as planned, I'll be accepted for a Navy ROTC scholarship at a nearby school, and be going there in September.

And this was one hell of a welcome-back!

This is proven by the fact that I sat down and read it in two-and-a-half hours. Couldn't put it down. Masterful.

Everything in it blended flawlessly with Donovan's development as a character in the last two stories, along with bringing back some old friends...and more than friends...in an altogether incredible piece of writing. About the only gripe I have is...when is the marriage happening? If other Jedi can take that path (notably, Thracia Cho-Leem, Keiran Halcyon, Nejaa Halcyon), then shouldn't it be considered a bit more deeply?

Outstanding. Now, for the inevitable question (yes, you knew it was coming):

When's the next piece going to be ready? When? When?! WHEN?!!

Just an incredible piece of work, and I've read and written a lot of fiction.

Well done, and keep writing, please, for all of us who are now addicted to your stories.

Terras Jadeonar & Raven
18 February 2006, 12:40 AM

Its been much too long since i've meant to get around to reading this fic. After all, i've recommended others in other various threads to read your works Donovan ;)

But tonight is one of those specialy rare nights, in part i'm after for an exceptionally good read that'll whisk me away to a galaxy far, far away. (ok, so i've just finished watching in order Mask of Zoro, and Legend of Zoro. And theres rarely someone of caliber that could deliver in written format a story of same quality, for the mood that i'm in wanting more of it. :) )

My imagination's suitcase is packed and ready, i've my favorite Rylothian beverage cup of Spiced Cider Tea... So here we go... Off to the star-filled yonder... once again.

Terras Jadeonar & Raven
18 February 2006, 08:21 PM
... Half a night before going to sleep, and the better part of the following late afternoon into well past supper... I read this story slowly, savoring it, totally entranced by it.

I think I only caught one minor grammatical error, a word's pronounciation and meaning by the addition of one "e" at the end. (though even in bought published books from reknowned authors and editors, a slight error can slip under the radar.)

I thoroughly enjoyed this exceptionally well written peice of work. To say this story ranks with the best of the books that sit upon my bookshelf wouldn't be quit right. But to say, I think this story is in itself a cut above those on my bookshelf. Yes, in my opinion, I think its that good.

But that's not really saying anything about the actual story is it? Saying something is good, great, exceptional is nice, but little does it describe exactly what earned such merit.

I liked the begining intro. It was dark, brooding, mysterious. There was the clear hint that something was afoul, possibly planned or staged for a certain Jedi individual. While yet the details remained vague, like the conspirator's identities which were well kept hidden throughout the story. It made for some very surprise twists and curvballs - for just when you thought you had everything figured out. Surprise, after surprise, and very refreshing.

The story unfolding slowly made for an attantion keeper, in many parts an attention grabber. As clues were revealed, it led to more obscurity and further questions than answers. There was a proverbial carrot held dangling in the air, with some obvious clues and a plethora of questionable suspicions. I like how it was handled, from start to finish. I don't think there were any passages that were dull, as things never did stay very calm for long.

My favorite two characters - Donovan and Jasmine were featured equally this time around. While i like each of them individually, I like them both more as a whole. Their chemistry play off each other so well, each to their antics and devices. This is probably why I lliked Unexpected Destinies much more than Cadences where I felt this element was lacking.

The relationship become romance between them - I liked how it developed and turned out. It seemed natural (with all the situational awkwardnesses), and nicely balanced for two lonely souls who both harboured attractions but had kept to a bait and hold-back routine. It wasn't richly overdone to the point of mush & sappiness that alot of soaps tend to be at every possible scene. Nor was it too quick/dry and forced in formula that which many hollywood films overuse to the point where the main star always has to get the girl for no other apparent reason that that (and for skin & flesh scenes for the sake of having these scenes). IMHO, as gradual as it was, it was in a long time coming. The ballroom dancefloor, their dancing and bit of conversing leading to the perfect moment was classic if not timeless. After that point, not everything was said and done in that one evening. It was only an important step that could lead to further. Even the playful teasing continued as usual. The telepathy sharing bit was also an added sweet touch.

quick question - was there a particular musical peice you used or was listning to (or imagined) while writing up the ballroom dance? A song was selected for Cadences. Hence i was slightly curious.

Amusingly on a side note: having just watch both recent zorro movies in order back to back, some of the musical band, orchestral & overture selections did play in my mind while reading the scene, it didn't fit too badly at all. ;) Hmmm, Mexicanish styled music for a sw ballroom peice for Dono & Jasmine's dance... :)

I liked how the character Donovan was able to keep objectivity and cool when handling the bit of delima, trap and confrontation. It was a refreshing change from the over emotional (unbalanced? lustful? lovestruck?) Anakin Skywalker.

The story was wrapped up nicely, covering all the loose ends, while leaving it open and ready for another adventure to take place.

Though it does leave me curious now, considering certain events finally did happen, key details now established. What will there be in store for the next story?

Especially if it'll be regarding "order 66". This is regarding mostly to Dono and Jasmine. It opens up quite a few ending possibilities - both surviving, one surviving, or neither. Theres quite a bit of potential for another great and possibly very emotionally moving story, nomatter the ending. This includes the dreaded feeling in the pit of my stomach coming from the saying 'All good things must come to an end' (even though i'm really hoping it wont become that.).

Whats a review without a bit of critique or nitpicking? (ok, i really hate to nitpick or critique anything, and simply prefer to just enjoy the story for what it is). I think the details could've been bumped up a tad from PG to PG13 rating. (I know, to keep in compliance with the holonet's PG rles) Could've gone just a bit more in that area - tad more detail here and there before the curtaincall 'fade to black'. Of course, as it is, it's still skillfully worded to let the imagination figure out what did go on that wasn't written.

Before this comments and review becomes a mini novel in length itself, i'll wrap it up by saying this:

Donovan, what makes these stories great are not just a great cast of characters, but also your unbridled creativity and imagination, and effort into writing them. And you've some excellent helpers on your writing team too. Keep up the writing habit, but don't force yourself on it. Let the stories come to you, and they'll write themselves ;)

Donovan Morningfire
20 February 2006, 03:16 PM
All in can say in response to your "review" Terras is... :o

As for the typo, considering how riddled Unexpected Destiny was with them, if I've only made one in the entire piece, I'd get the Pope on speed-dial and tell him you may have a bona-fide miracle on your hands :D

Oddly enough, I was listening to the Mask of Zorro soundtrack when I originally wrote the party/dancing sequence at the Damask estate.

Like I said in my afterthoughts, the Dono/Jasmine romance was tricky for me to write, and was one of the big things that took me so long to get this story finished. Though as Ris can vouch, there were initially a few bits that left PG, or even PG-13, back at the starting gates.

Interesting comparison between Dono and Anakin in how they handled a terse-situation. Makes me wonder how the Star Wars saga might have played out if Donovan were "The Chosen One" instead Anakin :D

In other fan-fic news, I'm currently in the midst of re-visiting and fine-tuning Unexpected Destiny, with Chapters 1 thru 3 finished so far, and about 1/3rd of the way through Chapter 4, which that and parts of 5 are getting the biggest change in terms of story specifics, mostly because after a recent read-through I was ashamed of myself for doing such a close parallel of Episode I, especialy for Chapter 5.

23 March 2006, 01:23 PM
so are you going to continue don's(and jasmine's) story after you finish finetuning unexpected destiny

Donovan Morningfire
26 March 2006, 01:16 PM
Originally posted by tauchiss
so are you going to continue don's(and jasmine's) story after you finish finetuning unexpected destiny
That's the eventual game plan, though I might jump the time frame up to just after the start of the Clone Wars. Not sure yet as real life, most notably the job, has kept me too busy to really work on the UD rewrites, much less plan out my next fic.

Though Ris does keep hinting about co-authoring a story...

26 March 2006, 03:57 PM
darn, they're excellent stories