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Lieutenant Paladine
8 June 2007, 04:49 AM
Project: Invincible:

This is the story of the most effective Imperial experiment in the multiverse's history.

(Entry one coming soon. This is just a prelude. I will write the real thing soon.)

Lieutenant Paladine
10 June 2007, 01:02 AM
Entry 1A:

Datrax's Journal

It started out as routine tests in cloning and genetic manipulation. There were one hundred of us, loyal human Guinee pigs. What happenned there at that station was unforseen.

Who was to know that one of the test subjects was a Sith? I myself was force sensetive, but how was I to know that this project would rob both of us of our powers?

We were in suspended animation when it happenned. The machines sucked both of our bodies clean of mediclorians. I almost died. The Sith wasn't as lucky. He was consumed in one of the Force-storms that ravage the sector, powerful and volatile.

In the midst of all that chaos, no one remembered to check the other test subjects. They had changed, and were able to do strange and terrible things.

They were what people call Cyborgs, exept they weren't missing anything. They were beings that can control metal, become metal. Their minds were immensely improved, smarter, faster, and their bodies could become any metal they desired. They could build starships in seconds, and invent things that no one could even imagine.

I am one of them. In the last instant of that storm, I felt the change, and I found I could think faster than before, do many things fatser then before.

And we don't like the Empire, for many of our comrades did not survive the tests and ensuing storm.

End of journal

End of Entry 1A

Lieutenant Paladine
11 June 2007, 04:27 AM
Entry 2B:

Real time

Datrax looks up from his journal, prepared for almost anything. Almost anything. What he sees out his ships view screen is not what he expected to see. What he sees is three ISDs attacking one small Corellian YT-1300 freighter.

Datrax powers up his ship's one cannon, waiting for the Imps to notice him.

They hailed him. *Unidentified vehicle, this is the ISD Tarkin's Fist pusueing a rebel vessel. Vacate this sector or risk being fired apon. *

Datrax starts laughing. His partner, Tanan, rushes to the cocpit, and slaps Datrax in the shoulder.
"Get a hold on yourself."
He turns to adress the frowning ISD Captain.

"Captain, we regret to inform you that it is you who should be leaving the sector. We shall destroy you if you do not leave."

This time it was the captain's turn to laugh.

Then the two fired.

On the ISD

And the captain staggered amazed that they had hit him without seeming to fire.
"Damage report!" He commanded.
"Shield, engines, and weapons offline. Hull integrety breached. They appear to have fired a missile at us at the speed of light." Said the panicked officer.
The captain blanched. But that wasn't the end.
"They seem to have fired through our other vessels."

Then the unidentified ship leaped into hyperspace.

End of Entry 2A

Uron Teff
12 June 2007, 04:58 AM
The story seems a bit confuse, but I like the idea of the Imperial experiments. Furhtermore, you should try to spell check your posts here, before submitting them. And there are some time mistakes, but these are only minor ones.

Lieutenant Paladine
13 June 2007, 05:04 AM
time mistakes?
What? Where?
I think I should work with someone, just so it appeals to everyone.

Any ideas who I should try to team up with?

Are you offering yourself as my partner?
If so, what shall we write about and when should it be situated?

We could have a flurried PM passing session, and exchange notes.
Are you prepared?

Uron Teff
13 June 2007, 05:29 AM
Originally posted by Lieutenant Paladine
Are you offering yourself as my partner?
If so, what shall we write about and when should it be situated? Are you prepared?

No, I have not offered you my help to write your fan-fiction. If I want to write a fan-fiction I am able to post it by myself.

Jedi_Shadow
13 June 2007, 08:07 AM
I'd suggest building the background and point of view of your first person narrator (I'm assuming his name is Datrax). How does he feel about the Empire now that he's a metal-man? How have the other 99 reacted (or those who survived)? What were some side effects to the change?

Lieutenant Paladine
14 June 2007, 12:01 AM
Well, Datrax was a loyal civilian, but he is now neutral, because of seeing so many of his freinds die in front of him.

The survivers have formed their own government in deep space, somewhere near Kamino.
In a gigantic cloaked space station of course.

You see, they can now make weapons beyond the knowledge of Imperial scientists, and can interface with any computer.

The have invented:
1) A gun that fires proton torpedoes at lightspeed
2) Cloaked missiles
3) A missile that hacks into enemy computers
4) A gun that fires through Hyperspace
and 5) A Space/time WarpGate that is faster than a Hyperdrive.

Anything else you want to know?

Jedi_Shadow
14 June 2007, 12:21 AM
That's all well and good, but it doesn't develop their characters.

What I want to see is story. You piqued my interest with your beginning, but didn't deliver with the part that I'm supposed to care about. Are they three-dimensional characters with thoughts and dreams and fears that are complex and involving, or are they just another group of mindless uber-borgs who I'll never end up caring about?

So write more to your story. Show me the things you've just explained, and don't just tell me, or this isn't much of a fanfic.

Lieutenant Paladine
14 June 2007, 12:45 AM
Ermm... I'll need a few days or so to turn in something good.

I'm thinking of something.

Jedi_Shadow
14 June 2007, 08:38 AM
Good. That's the response I need.

Lieutenant Paladine
17 June 2007, 12:04 AM
Article #3972 Tanan's Story
I'm here to tell you my story, I am Tanan. Nobody calls me by my first name, because the people I hang out with are differrent.
We're Cyborgs. Not your common barrack variety either.
We can do things no one else can. I personnally have hacked into the Imperial palace to send the Emperor a black birthday cake filled with Dinko droppings.

My first experience with "The Project" was signing up for a posotion at a research facility. It turns out that I signed up to be a test subject. They conducted a series of painful tests that were suppossed to make us invincible. They succeeded. We became more powerful than they ever imagined, and they feared us. They tried to destroy us.

I won't try to describe the Firestorm that ensued. It was all too fast and deadly for me to follow. We destroyed everything.

I was changed in ways that I can't explane even now. I can sense metal and control it.

This is only a fragment of our stories, and some of them ended in that facility. My sister was one that died. She was trying to stop the fighting, but they took a monomolecular stiletto to her, and she died. That was the catalyst. My sister death made us hate and loath the Empire. We now are our own government, freeing people and bringing them to our cities in the stars.

We will have revenge, but only on all the Emperor's researchers. We will show no mercy.